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Snow day!

snow day

Okay, as snowstorms go, it’s not too impressive…but, as employees go, I’m a complete waste of human skin. So here I am, at home making pizza.

Hey! Want my pizza recipe? I believe I have already mentioned I was once a pizza professional. Yeah. Is there no end to my accomplishments? We made an award-winning, very deep dish Sicilian pie, and here’s how:

Start with raw white bread dough. That bagged stuff you get at the supermarket is fine. One of those (a pound) will make about two pizza doughs. You want to spread this in the bottom of a pie dish. Eight inches, eleven…whatever you’ve got. Press it into the bottom until you have a thin layer in the middle, and a thicker lip all around the edge. Try not to tear it.

The pie plate needs to be very slightly greasy, or the cooked pizza will stick. But too greasy, and it will pull away from the edges before it’s done. At the pizza joint, we simply wiped out the pans and left them unwashed; the accumulated pizza goodness did the trick. Wiping the pan with a very small amount of oil works, too, Mister Germophobe.

Now bake the dough, all by itself, in a 400° to 450° oven for about ten minutes, until the outer lip just starts to brown. This keeps the bottom of the pizza from going all wet and ‘orrible later on. First thing in the morning, we’d bake the whole day’s crusts and store ‘em in the refrigerator until called for. You can too, just like a pizza professional!

When you’re ready, smear a layer of sauce on the crust (I use spaghetti sauce, for simplicity’s sake), then your desired ingredients, THEN your shredded cheese. Toppings under cheese — innovations you can really use. The shop used cheddar and mozarella. I like to use muenster. Whatever. Give this about ten minutes in the same 400° to 450° oven, and viola!

Let the pie sit a few minutes to firm up a little, then run your biggest knife underneath, all the way around, to make sure it’s totally unstuck. Leave the knife under the pie, hover over the cutting board, and pull the pan away from the pizza.

There you have it! Two years of my life in a nutshell.

Comments


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 1:58 pm

Pizza! Ugh!

On the nights Weasel eats that, I shall dine on steak and kidney pudding.

Now that’s real food!


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 2:15 pm

What is your cat doing outside?


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 2:17 pm

Pizza is divine. Absolutely divine. Don’t they have a Pizza Hut or Domino’s in The Sceptered Isle? Your Grace: you should export some pizza to England for Uncle B. Show him how it’s really done.

(For the record, we (my family and I) are not big fans of Italian-style pizza (the way Italians make it in Italy). We like the corrupted American version, thankyouverymuch.)


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 22, 2008, 2:23 pm

I’ve tried, Musli, I’ve tried. And, yes, they have all the usual pizza chains in the UK. Uncle B will eat pizza if I stand over him waving a board with a nail in it, but he just won’t warm to the stuff. Even when I explain it’s basically white bread, cooked tomato and toasted cheese. What’s not to love?

The cats are semi-outside beasts. They like to go out in weather. Even rain.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 22, 2008, 2:42 pm

Even from a distance you can tell that your cat is thinking, “I didn’t order this. Who is responsible for this crap?”

I see our weather has arrived there. That’s OK – we were done with it anyway. Keep it.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 2:58 pm

At least you tried, Your Grace. You have interesting cats. My dog loves the weather but he stays for some time outside now only when we put his shoes on him. I suppose his feet get cold. *shrug* Incidently, he hops and jumps like a rabbit in deep snow. And since he’s white, without his jacket sometimes all we see are three black buttons: his eyes and nose.

Today’s fact from my British daily calendar is entitled: “-GRY”

It is often claimed that only three English words end in ‘-gry’, but there are more:
Begry – obscure form of beggary
Aggry – ancient African glass beads of various shapes and colours
Angry – wrathful, enraged, combative
Conyngry – various of conyger – a rabbit-warren
Gry – to roar; also a unit of measurement in a system proposed by Locke
Hungry – suffering from the want of food
Iggry – an imperative meaning ‘hurry up!’
Meagry – appearing meagre in appearance
Menagry – obscure variation of menagerie
Nangry – obscure spelling of angry
Podagry – affected by gout
Skugry – obscure variation of scuggery – secrecy or concealment
Unangry – the opposite of angry

Today’s quote: “It is so much worse to be a mediocre artist than to be a mediocre post office clerk.” (Rudolf Bing 1902-1997)

The quotes are often amusing.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 2:59 pm

What the difference between a pizza and a pizza pie?


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:01 pm

Well, when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. Other than that, I don’t think there’s a difference.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:07 pm

Technically – doesn’t pizza pie translate into “pie pie”?


Comment from Lokki
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:11 pm

The problem Uncle Badger has with pizza can be put down to a few simple factors which you may be able to rectify using simple devices that any woman who has raised a stubborn child should certainly have readily available in her bag of tricks.

Problem 1. Pizza is obviously a foreign-sounding name for a food, and it rings strangely in the educated Briton’s ear.

Problem 2. The name is not only foreign, but it’s boring.

Solutions*:
(*if he is as easily tricked as most 6 year-olds)

Problem 1 – Don’t call it Pizza when you serve it: Give it a clever slangy obscure name like Toad-on-a-pan or spotted-plague-plate (NB only use for pepperoni pizza).

Problem 2 – Give a really fancy and obscure foreign name like Jalfreizi or Makhni. Tell him that this is a food that the Tommy’s brought back from the dessert while defeating the Italians in North Africa.

Alternatives to use if desparate –
*Put anchovies on the pizza and call it a ‘Kipper Pie’.
*Call it ‘Yorkshire Pie’ (noting that Yorkshire pudding isn’t really a pudding as American’s know a pudding, either).
* Use ‘the American gambit’ which is more cheese and more cheese and more cheese. Perhaps you could use Stilton for that little extra English twang in the taste….

Weasel – I know that you two don’t have kids but tricking a cat into eating something he doesn’t like is much harder than a mere male.


Comment from Lokki
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:11 pm

Am I banned yet?


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:27 pm

Oh, yes. The British love Indian-sounding dishes (and Indian dishes themselves). Call it a paneer timaatar naan (cheese [and] tomato naan). Or Amreekee khula kulcha (American er, open kulcha).


Comment from Lokki
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:38 pm

There you go! Weasel – it’s paneer timaatar naan for dinner!

(Actually I really like Indian food myself, and paneer timaatar naan sounds great.)

If we can make it through the snow, can we all come over for dinner tonight?

We’ll even keep the Guiness inside the car with us instead of in the trunk so it doesn’t get too cold!


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:47 pm

Home made pizza is better than sex.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:49 pm

Yeah, what Lokki and musli said and instead of pepperonis, use black fruit cake and kidneys.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 3:53 pm

Ackshly, on the subject of vile-tasting filth masquerading as food, I double dared The Weasel to taste some the liver I was eating, one day (you would, of course, never invite a weasel to ‘taste my liver’ – it would).

She looked like she’d just bitten into a shit sandwich.

That was a laugh.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 22, 2008, 4:07 pm

Oh! OH! LIVER! I almost taught that sucker to fly!

It didn’t taste like food. It didn’t taste like something intended to be eaten. It was like some weird industrial latex plumbing caulk or something. GOD, that was awful!

How a man whose dietary repertoire is so very limited somehow bends to eat fried liver, I shall never fathom…


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 4:18 pm

Mmmmm…liver. Growing up, my mother and I were the only ones who would eat it. GAK on the onions though. While I did enjoy it back then, I have never prepared it as an adult for two reasons..1. the sight of raw liver makes me lightheaded…2. My neurotic self worries about neurological bugs concentrating more in organ meats.

I still think eating kidneys is worse. What do they taste like btw?


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 4:28 pm

Kidneys? Glorious! Especially in a pudding or pie.

Look… you do realise that one of a badger’s favourite treats is a wasps’ nest, don’t you?

Pizza! Huh! ;)


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 4:50 pm

Hmm…woulda thought ‘piss’.

Speaking of body parts, I was at the local grocer and noticed they are now selling ‘pig snouts’. WTF? I was used to pig knuckles and pig feet and that nasty ‘tripe’ that made me taste bile just looking at it, but snouts? GAHH I was looking at an eyeless face!


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 4:51 pm

Um…I meant I woulda thought kidneys tasted like piss…not your favorite treat.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 4:56 pm

I must admit, even a badger won’t eat tripe.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 22, 2008, 5:57 pm

Tripe? Cows stomach lining, isn’t it? Gak.


Comment from pajama momma
Time: February 22, 2008, 5:59 pm

One of my sisters in law (my brothers marry a LOT)was from Guadalajara and for her birthday she cooked us dinner. The first entre was soup. I lifted up my spoon pig snout. Next bit hoof. Eff that. I didn’t eat one single bite I thought I was going to vomit on the table.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 6:12 pm

Uncle B: Have you ever had Indian-style liver? We call it kaleji and it is really delicious. It’s very popular at my home and we’ve liked it even as kids. You should check it out. It doesn’t even look like liver.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 6:19 pm

If you want to know how to make kaleji at home, let me know and I’ll get the recipe from Mom. I see there are a number of recipes online but I can’t tell which type Mom makes. The type Mom makes is excellent. (Her recipe is what her mother used to make.) If it helps any, it’s more of a Pakistani dish than Indian necessarily.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 6:20 pm

Oooh, that sounds interesting, Muslihoon. The liver of which animal and how is it cooked?

Ah! I see you’ve followed-up. Without going to any trouble, just generally, what is it?


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 6:37 pm

Goat liver. Chopped up. In spices and all that.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 6:45 pm

One of my sisters in law (my brothers marry a LOT)was from Guadalajara

My husband said after, I told him of the atrocity (snout) I saw pressed tight against the plastic wrap, that the stores are starting to cater more and more to our illegal neighbors no longer living to the south. Err…if I start seeing guinea pig nuggets in the meat aisle, I will have to start picketing somewhere. I don’t mind people being proud of their culture and all, but some shit you need to keep back where you came from.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 6:52 pm

Hmm… goat… Not sure about goats. I might need to be drunk to try it ;)


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:04 pm

Ah. I love goat-meat the best. But it does seem that except for lamb, most “white” people are not terribly fond of goat-meat.

Interestingly, in Urdu (and, I suppose, in Hindi), the same word is used for goat-meat and cow-meat (namely, gosht). Chicken is chikan or murghi. Fish is machhli (not very common in Pakistani dishes). But beef and, er, mutton (?) are used the most.

Is that what you call goat-meat, mutton?


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:06 pm

I think you can make it with chicken liver too. Dunno.

Besides…by the time you’re done with the spices and cooking, you wouldn’t be able to tell which animal the thing came from. That’s why such odd stuff is palatable in our cuisine: we smothering everything with spices.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:08 pm

But puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee avoid all recipes involving heeng (also written hing), which is asafoetida. Pakistani cuisine never uses it. (We don’t have any of it at home.) Indian cuisine uses it copiously. It has a very strong smell and will smell up (stink up) your house if you use it.

I can immediately tell if someone is Indian by the smell of heeng. I know, I know, not PC.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:09 pm

I believe mutton is sheep.

Besides…by the time you’re done with the spices and cooking, you wouldn’t be able to tell which animal the thing came from.

In that case, you can use regular ol’ beef liver, badger.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:12 pm

This white girl won’t eat mutton or goat because she is allergic to sheep and goats have eyes of the devil (and they are cousins to sheep, not gonna risk hives).


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:12 pm

Ah, yes! I forgot cows have livers too.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:13 pm

Well, to be fair, goat does taste different. I happen to like the taste, but I have heard that people not used to it but used to beef, for example, do not take to it immediately. Or ever.

Whatever. More for me!


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:16 pm

There should be a “z” after the many e’s. Sorry!


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:20 pm

Whatever. More for me!

We share a philosophy, Musli.

Cow livers and chicken livers taste similar (to me), but goat has a slight “tangy” taste that sets it apart – again, to me.


Comment from iamfelix
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:25 pm

What I need to know is: Is that Damien or Charlotte out in the howling blizzard? :-)

I saved your recipe as a file named “Weasel Pizza.” When I serve it, that’s what I shall call it. All this talk is making me hungry, and all I have here at work is a TV dinner. We don’t have a cafeteria any more on 2nd shift – some (dayshift-working) genius whacked it as a cost-cutting measure. I would love some liver. Mmmmmm … liver ….


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:36 pm

Damien. Charlotte is a wanderer, too…but less so, and she likes her warmth in Winter. It’s a girl thing. Also, she’s several years older.

I’d take goat over mutton (which is adult sheep, as opposed to lamb). Goat has a sour tang, sheep tastes like beef that has gone rancid (to me, anyway). Not wild about either.

That was my first thought when you said that, PnB: we’re getting this exotic stuff in to feed the influx. Weird ass vegetables, too.

Oh! And whenever you see a PETA expose about the horrors of the abbatoir? That’s almost certainly illegal aliens doing the animal abusing. Home grown Americans have gotten too squeamish to man the slaughterhouse, so they import Mexicans…who have an entirely different view about the correct treatment of animals.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:46 pm

That was my first thought when you said that, PnB: we’re getting this exotic stuff in to feed the influx. Weird ass vegetables, too

Never gonna be ‘Merican if you think you need to keep eating the cuisine of poverty and lack of refrigeration. Horse steaks, dog stew, rat kabobs, and pig faces have no place on the dinner table in the land of plenty and cuddly pets.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 22, 2008, 7:47 pm

And that really ought to be weird-ass vegetables. Weird ass-vegetables is a thought not worth entertaining.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 22, 2008, 8:09 pm

Incidentally, making a pizza like that doesn’t take much longer than cooking a frozen one, and it’s cheaper and a zillion times better. I keep a couple of bags of dough in the freezer, along with frozen grated cheese. Then all I have to come up with is some sauce, and toppings…if required.

Today’s was country sausage and onion. Woooeeee!


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 8:27 pm

Weird ass-vegetables

Reminds me of when my dog is trying to poop string he swallowed from a toy or even a small branch he swallowed.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 8:31 pm

We’ve been suffering from the ethnic cuisine fad here in the UK, too. The most amusing symptom has been since the UK was invaded by Poland a few years ago.

And before anyone says anything, Uncle Badger likes Poles and respects their astonishing bravery in fighting the Nazis. So I don’t mind our supermarket shelves being stocked with food labelled in anagrams with too many Zs in them.

Where it gets horrible is with what is euphemistically called ‘bushmeat’. That’s chimpanzee, gorilla, elephant and (for all I know) python, to the likes of you and me.

Every now and then Customs busts someone on a flight from Nigeria or Ghana or somesuch fun place, trying to smuggle in a cardboard suitcase full of rotting primate.

Leaving aside the question of whether eating a chimp is a leetle too much like eating your sister-in-law, apparently we are teetering on the brink of a major outbreak of A Very Bad Disease on account of this.

Can you imagine what Uncle Badger’s solution to this problem might be, class?


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 22, 2008, 8:32 pm

Tinsel. Tinsel is the best.

My old cat Andrew walked around the house for a week once trailing Christmas cheer. Every time I saw him, I collapsed with laughter, which offended his dignity mightly. But, dude, you have a long sparkly string trailing out of your anus.

Every time I gave it a yank, he made the police siren sound, so we just waited for nature to take its course.


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 22, 2008, 8:40 pm

Bushmeat! Ugh!

Good way to catch – everything really bad. There are some really bad brain diseases associated with that stuff. Spongiform Encephalitis is one, I think.

Musli – just think – your dog grew his own leash!


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 9:04 pm

Y’know, we South Asians are brave with food but not that brave.

Sometimes I am grateful for the rules of halaal meat which makes most of these exotic animals forbidden (I think). I don’t observe halaal but at least it means I won’t be exposed to such meat or expected to eat it.

Polish has way too many Zs indeed. And the other half is just as unpronounceable.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 22, 2008, 9:05 pm

Hah! Those’re nice ones, Your Grace and McGoo.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 9:26 pm

Yes, weasels are Haram, ISTR.

Then again… weasel meat?

All together now: ‘Eeeeewwwwww!’


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 10:36 pm

Uncle Badger likes Poles and respects their astonishing bravery in fighting the Nazis

Leaving aside the question of whether eating a chimp is a leetle too much like eating your sister-in-law, apparently we are teetering on the brink of a major outbreak of A Very Bad Disease on account of this.

Hmm…didn’t AIDS come from a monkey? You would think these dumbasses would learn

Can you imagine what Uncle Badger’s solution to this problem might be, class?

Stop all immigration from African and middle east shitholes for starters. Heavily fine, then deport anyone carrying or buying bushmeat. Then find out who did the poaching and poach their butts over a 6 foot hole.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 22, 2008, 10:50 pm

Awww….badger’s momma.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwXbGc-t2qg


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 22, 2008, 10:52 pm

porknbean – are we related? You read my thoughts uncannily :)


Comment from Lokki
Time: February 22, 2008, 11:52 pm

Thank God there are still some edible(sic) things that America only exports and which aren’t likely to show up in our Kroger frozen foods sections soon. Although, if pig snouts are showing up in the soup, these can’t be far behind…..


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 23, 2008, 12:01 am

Could be, as I see red and want to rip the face off of these retarded throwbacks poaching the great apes, elephants, and our way of life. They only understand one thing and it isn’t limp wristed hugs and ‘dialogue’, as the pols have handicapped us with.
Progessives/marxists need to be defeated, then peace through crushing firepower, my brother.


Comment from Lokki
Time: February 23, 2008, 12:12 am

Sigh – Akismet gets lonely on Friday nights.

Try this link:

http://www.kwmu.org/Programs/Commentaries/commentary.php?cid=316


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: February 23, 2008, 12:36 am

Weas, remember the XKCD in which the guy says he has a hobby of moving the hyphen over one letter whenever anyone refers to a “[adjective]-ass [noun]“? I think the example he used was a sweet ass-car. hehe. XKCD is pretty good.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 23, 2008, 2:18 am

Chicken paws. A friend of mine tells me that she grew up on a farm and they would fight over the chicken feet at dinner. Nothing goes to waste on a farm when you are poor.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: February 23, 2008, 7:45 am

Ah, that’s our N.American relatives, porknbean.

We don’t look quite the same :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwnCD25teko&feature=related


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 23, 2008, 9:59 am

Ummmm…this is probably the thread to confess…I didn’t have enough shredded cheese. Then I remembered I had a new packet of muenster slices, which I figured would work fine, laid over the top.

When the pizza came out, the cheese had turned into the most peculiar thin, crispy patches over the top of the pie. I finished about half of it before I realized there had been little squares of waxed paper between the cheese slices.

Roughage. That’s what I calls it.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 23, 2008, 2:07 pm

We don’t look quite the same

Awww…but you are as playful as pups. Heh.

Roughage. That’s what I calls it.

Sorry, but that there is funny.


Comment from Gnus
Time: February 23, 2008, 7:15 pm

Sweasel, back in TN (or anywhere for that matter) did you ever hear of hanging an “asafoetida” bag around one’s neck as a remedy for a cold? An old mountain remedy.

As Musli says, it smells. I believe the theory was that the smell ran the cold germs off.

Never had to try it, but I remember having Vicks Vaporub slathered on my chest at night to get rid of a cold. Yuck!


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: February 23, 2008, 8:03 pm

Mom used to do that – rub Vick’s all over my li’l chest when I was a kid and had a cold.

Didn’t do jack shit except make me permanently hate the smell of Vicks. What a crock….


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 23, 2008, 8:39 pm

I certainly remember asafoetida, Gnus. The bell rang when Musli mentioned it. But I don’t remember why.

Doesn’t it have that ancient gym sock smell, like valerian?

Friend of mine in college was into herbs. Her room smelled like valerian. Jesus, what a stench.


Comment from Gnus
Time: February 23, 2008, 9:30 pm

I dunno, Sweasel. I was never unlucky enough to actually smell the stuff. I remember Mom and my Grandmother threatening me with it, with comments as to the horrific smell, but as to actual experience, Nope. Seems as if my Gran had been subjected to it, with appropriate bad memories.

I’m with you, McGoo. Vicks stinks. I do seem to remember feeling better tho. Probably because I didn’t want to go through that again, so I willed myself better. Heh.


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: February 24, 2008, 12:10 am

Galeh me(n) kichhkichh, galeh me(n) kichhkichh, kya karu(n)?

Vicks ki goli le(n), kichhkichh dur kare(n)

“There’s an itch in the throat, there’s an itch in the throat, what should I do? Take a Vicks pill and drive away the itch.”

When Vicks first came out with their cough drops in Pakistan, teens went crazy. They’d down many, many of them. Rumor had it that the cough drops contained alcohol, and they would eat copious amounts in an effort to get drunk.

The jingle in Urdu that I put – it’s seared in my brain. I heard it countless time when the cough drops were introduced.

By the way, “goli” is a catch-all word for orally-ingested solid pill-like medicines.


Comment from porknbean
Time: February 24, 2008, 12:31 am

I believe the theory was that the smell ran the cold germs off.

Nah..it made you stink so that the germy ones wouldn’t get close enough to infect you.


Comment from Jesus
Time: February 24, 2008, 12:52 am

Hath someone calléd Me?

Yea, verily, I say unto thee, just because I hath made it, it doth not mean it is for thy use.

So lay off the stinky plants already!


Comment from Maxx48
Time: October 22, 2009, 6:47 pm

Sarah Palin is a schizophrenic or bipolar. ,


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 22, 2009, 7:03 pm

Thank you, Maxx. That was short and retarded.

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