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Balls, cried the queen!

Bull testicle pie. For Valentine’s. Not kidding. Would I kid? I would not.

Because nothing says romance like cow balls in pastry.

It’s a bit of a send-up, this. Oh, it’s from Charlie Bigham‘s, which is a mainstream food supplier. Offered exclusively through Ocado, which is our best grocery home delivery service. But they’re warning of “very limited availability.”

Read: cheap publicity before Valentine’s.

No, I’m sorry. You’re just going to have to make the Aunty’s Spotted Dick jokes for yourself.


Comment from Oceania
Time: February 8, 2012, 11:37 pm

Thank you Negroid!
Now play it backwards

Comment from Oceania
Time: February 9, 2012, 1:00 am

Is everyone out buying Geiger Counters and taking their Iodine?

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: February 9, 2012, 2:58 am

Gawd. I should paypal you some money to send me some of that. I want to sneak it into my brothers birthday party….. 😉

Comment from JeffS
Time: February 9, 2012, 5:30 am

Because nothing says romance like cow balls in pastry.

In a burst of pedantic fueled enthusiasm, I must point out that cows don’t have balls — cows are female cattle. Bulls have balls. Besides, “bull balls in pastry” rolls off the tongue better………

/pedantic fit

I like the package labeling! “2 Cock & Bull Pies”! I can just imagine bringing that into my office, run by a pair of politically correct and utterly non-humorous mentally retarded, overpaid gits.

The shock alone would have all the Rocky Mountain Oyster yahoos seriously yucking it up in the break area. Add in Spotted Dick for desert, and we wouldn’t get any work done for a week.

Comment from Laughing Buddha
Time: February 9, 2012, 12:18 pm

I got spotted dick for my office and it was a huge success, people were making jokes for weeks. If I can find local cock and bull pie, I might get some and try for a repeat.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: February 9, 2012, 3:41 pm

I’m confused. Why is it called “cock & bull” pie, when it contains testicle meat? What is the British slang for male reproductive organs, if neither cock nor dick is defined in that fashion?

I recall “swinging cod” being used as a descriptor of the aforementioned appendage, but otherwise can’t recall any other euphemistic terms.

Comment from mojo
Time: February 9, 2012, 4:36 pm

Cock and Bull pies?

They musta offed the rooster, too. Those bastards.

Comment from sandman says:nothing to see here…
Time: February 9, 2012, 5:30 pm

I have never heard of spotted dick, except herewithin, but would imagine it to apply to folks with skin conditions like vitiligo. Or would that be mottled dick? Not realy all that curious actually about the answer to that.

The other side is that the above could rightfully be called a “cock and bull” story. So it seems.

Other than that, I avoid any testicles which are not original equipment on yours truly. Race, species and genus aside, I just say stay away from nuts, in general.

Those who eat nuts, pig nuts around my area, known here as ‘mountain oysters’, are themselves nuts. And since when did nuts qualify as oysters, a slimy product of the ocean? That one defies rational explanation to me.

Sandman, saying I got nothin here. thanks.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: February 9, 2012, 6:16 pm

Never eaten pig’s knackers, nor bull’s either – if you’re going to eat things that have been hanging off an animal’s genitourinary system, stick to kidneys. Steak and Kidney Pie is Very Very Good Eats.

Comment from Deborah
Time: February 9, 2012, 6:38 pm

Also called “calf fries,” in my part of the country.

Comment from mojo
Time: February 9, 2012, 6:42 pm

“Rocky Mountain Oysters”

Comment from mojo
Time: February 9, 2012, 6:44 pm

You don’t chew them, just slide ’em down. Hence the comparison to sea oysters.

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: February 9, 2012, 6:47 pm

Linked etymologically to “a cock-and-bull story”?

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: February 9, 2012, 8:17 pm


Comment from Nina
Time: February 9, 2012, 10:18 pm


It ought to be a crime to make something so ick look so tasty, though.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: February 9, 2012, 10:47 pm

Dear JeffS,

In a burst of pedantic-fuelled enthusiasms, I must point out that bulls still have their balls. If it’s in a pastry shell it’s probably a steer’s balls.

Comment from Nieta de Bob
Time: February 9, 2012, 11:02 pm

eeew, I am so glad that the Gunton isn’t even going to suggest this. In fact, when I asked him about it, he said it was a fallacious story and when I told him that it was an actual pie and eaten during Valentine’s day he went, ew.

We are, however, having a full and proper English breakfast including but not limited to: fried tomato, mushrooms and beans on toast. He’s eating the fried stuff and while I won’t eat my beans on the toast, I will have beans and toast. And for dinner I’m making lasagna. Yummy. 🙂

The only pie we eat (because it’s the only one I’ve perfected) is Steak & Ale pie.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: February 9, 2012, 11:05 pm

Dear Jeff and Stark,

Shouldn’t it really be “pedantry-fuelled”?

Neener, neener

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: February 9, 2012, 11:15 pm

Sweas: well, it could be “pedantic fuel(l)ed enthusiasm” (number of l’s depending on which side of the Atlantic you are on), which would mean fueled enthusiasm that was pedantic. Now, just what “fueled enthusiasm” might be is beyond me.

With the hyphen, however, is a different story. Not much scope for creative reinterpretation there.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: February 9, 2012, 11:36 pm

Dear Weasel,

It didn’t actually make sense when I typed it, but now that I think about it, it makes even less sense.


Comment from JeffS
Time: February 10, 2012, 2:30 am

Shouldn’t it really be “pedantry-fuelled”?

😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯

Comment from Davem123
Time: February 10, 2012, 6:00 am

I’d rather you people wouldn’t make jokes about “Rockie Mountain Oysters.” My uncle died eating them.

Pig dragged him under a fence…

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: February 11, 2012, 2:16 am

Rocky Mountain oysters!!! YUMM!!!
Oh, by the way, I GOT MY DICK!!!
(Hey Bossman, Do I get a raise? ) inquires I at my workplace…..

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: February 11, 2012, 6:35 pm

Well, a day late (or more) and definitely a dollar short, I offer this bit of funny to go with the thread’s theme:

Two Lumps: BALLS!!!

Pingback from Mmmm….Yum! | Daily Pundit
Time: February 14, 2012, 7:30 am

[…] Mmmm….Yum! Posted on February 13, 2012 11:30 pm by Bill Quick S. Weasel […]

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