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Honey! The ewes are ready!

W00t! They moved the ewes into the field behind our house, and they look like they’re ’bout ready to pop. That means in a day or so, we can stand in the back yard sipping coffee and watching lambs being bornded.

Which will put you off breakfast, honestly.

Some flocks started weeks ago, so there are lots of tiny, unsteady laa-bams about. As far as I know, there isn’t any Schmallenberg in our area, but reporting the disease isn’t mandatory, so we don’t really know. Doesn’t matter. Infected or not, the gross-out factor is putting people off eating lamb.

But never mind! We aren’t sheep farmers and we hate lamb, so it’s all win for us. This is my favorite time of year, the white season. Little lambs, big swans and the hawthorn hedges blossoming white.


Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: April 5, 2012, 11:25 pm


What’s the difference between Oceania’s “Girlfriend” and a sheep?

The “Girlfriend” doesn’t get sheared.

*any Kiwis molesting that flock?*

Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: April 5, 2012, 11:26 pm

You sure that isn’t the ex pat Kiwis having their own take on a Sadie Hawkins dance there? looks like prime Oceania sheep stalking country.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 5, 2012, 11:35 pm

They import Aussies to do the sheering. Does that count?

They’ve sheered a whole pen of rams across the road. Which is unlucky for them; it’s supposed to get down to 34 tonight. Little cold snap.

Comment from Redd
Time: April 5, 2012, 11:37 pm

Does the Queen really own all the swans in the land? If not, have you ever eaten swan?

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: April 5, 2012, 11:58 pm

One of my friends has had 13 sets of triplets this year (well, not HIM personally, his ewes have….)

Comment from Deborah
Time: April 6, 2012, 12:41 am

My one and only trip to the UK was in early spring, and I was enchanted by the snowy lambs bouncing around the deep green fields wearing their little black knee socks. I saw a shepherd carrying a tiny lamb across his shoulders and nearly burst into tears. Stoaty, I made myself a copy of the picture of the ewe and lamb sunning, that you drew/showed us a few years ago. It rotates through on my desktop and always makes me smile.

You could put it up again, for your new readers. 🙂

Comment from Oceania
Time: April 6, 2012, 1:26 am

Just going over our recent UK monitoring stations data logs … some of us are working over Easter.
Well … it looks like there is a Plume of stuff floating around East Malling. Significant radiation heading towards London and the Channel.
It appears that you are having reactor leaks or releases. Curiously – your governments ‘independent monitoring’ stations have been shut off!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 6, 2012, 1:53 am


Comment from Oceania
Time: April 6, 2012, 3:48 am

Talking about Porn Scube – you still loitering on that Kiddie Porn site?

Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 6, 2012, 5:28 am

I bet Oceania’s lair in his parents’ basement looks like the supervillain’s HQ in a James Bond movie (if James Bond supervillains sat around eating Cheetos with one hand and furtively rubbing themselves with the other.)

Comment from harbqll
Time: April 6, 2012, 6:19 am

Hate…lamb. I don’t quite get what you mean here. Do you mean you hate when there’s none left to eat? Or you hate when it’s overcooked?

I don’t get it. This is like the time a cow-orker of mine said bacon was gross. I think she meant grossly under-served, or grossly over-priced, or something.

Please explain…

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 6, 2012, 8:13 am

Aww, Flashy…. Did I sink your battleship? LOL……

As y’all can see, Flashy/Oceania gets nasty when you score a direct hit….. 😉

It’s what got him kicked off the Cornfield…….

Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 6, 2012, 8:24 am

Aargh, anon up there being rude about the delusional Oafiana was me. Just got a new lappie and the autofill hasn’t had time to be populated yet. I hate anonymous posting (pseudonymous is obviously OK.)

There’s actually a series of children’s books about “a lonely troll who lives in New Zealand” although the troll’s name is Olaf, not Walter Mitty.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 6, 2012, 11:01 am

Sure ’nuff, the field is full of lambs this morning. Beautiful sunny day for their welcome to the neighborhood.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 6, 2012, 11:16 am

What did you get, DG? My crappy Thinkpad (thanks for nothing Lenovo/IBM) will be taking flying lessons before much longer… I need inspiration.

Just don’t say the ‘M’ word 😉

Comment from Laughing Buddha
Time: April 6, 2012, 11:47 am

UB – Dell Latitudes are great for the money. I have two of them now.

Comment from sandman says : I friggin miss Earl already…
Time: April 6, 2012, 11:56 am

I just wanted to chime in on the lap top thing: I have had a couple Toshiba Satellites over the last 5 years or so, still have the newest one, and they are bullet proof for the most part. I really like mine.
That said, I do believe Oceania’s Lair is, in fact, the family chicken coop. First, he’s fond of livestock, but dates only mature sheep, and second, his nocturnal fapping activites scare away coyotes and chicken raiders.

Comment from sandman says : I friggin miss Earl already…
Time: April 6, 2012, 12:01 pm

Oceania’s New Zealand:

Where men are men, and the sheep sleep very lightly.

Sheep Shagger, Lamb-baster, Goat groper, Cow cuddler.

Why does Oceania wear a robe to bed? Cause the family sheep can hear a zipper a mile away…

Comment from sandman says : I friggin miss Earl already…
Time: April 6, 2012, 2:58 pm



Comment from kilroy182
Time: April 6, 2012, 3:33 pm

forgive me, “Dr. Lecter, paging Dr. Lecter.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 6, 2012, 3:36 pm

Uncle B, I got an HP Pavilion dv2000 with 4GB of RAM and a 320GB hard drive (for £220.00) but I have a heterogeneous network chez moi. I’m agnostic about OSs and use the best tool for the task. I do all my serious software development and design work on my Mac, and under Linux at work – Windows just doesn’t really work well for that. I’m getting a new Linux box for home pretty soon. I haven’t had too many problems with the HP apart from weirdness with the sound which I fixed by reinstalling the audio drivers. I also have a Compaq CQ62 which I am pretty happy with although it is very battered after having taken the plunge off my coffee table onto a tile floor and having the screen replaced.

I don’t generally go for the latest and greatest. I’m not a gamer. As an IT professional I am always wary of new stuff. The main thing if you’re running Windows is to make sure to keep your AV and spyware stuff up-to-date. Don’t be promiscuous about installing stuff, especially toolbars.

Comment from kilroy182
Time: April 6, 2012, 3:37 pm

oooh, has anyone ever done a ‘zombie’ Hannibal Lecter.

some fava beans a nice chianti, and Braaiiiins.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 6, 2012, 4:24 pm

Thanks for the laptop comments, folks.

A few years ago I bit the bullet and paid through the nose (as only we stoopid Brits can) for what was supposed to be the dog’s dangly bits Thinkpad – a Z61m. It’s been a dog and needs to be shot. Slowly and painfully.

Trouble is I’m walking destruction to keyboards and all the keyboards I’ve tried this week (Samsung, HP, Lenovo, Fujitsu and Toshiba) feel like they’re made out of polyfragilechloride embedded in pudding. Spotted dick, most probably.

Maybe I’ll stick with the TP. I’m inventing lots of lovely new swear words.

Comment from orabidoo
Time: April 6, 2012, 4:31 pm

Kia ora, Oceania.

Quite a Renaissance man of mystery. Monitoring radiation plumes worldwide. Effortlessly twisting and weaving complex DNA strands building superbugs and viri.
Only modesty and lack of space prevent him from describing the potent jenkem he ferments in his grandma’s trailer.

Upon seeing the lambing ewes, an urgent dilemma arises: consume the afterbirth or impregnate the weakened and lubricated sheep?
The gelatinous placenta will not run off but a dingo or a rook may get to it first. An ewe’s inviting purple canal will soon be coated with crusty scab and dropping dingleberries.
Oh what to do… i suppose he can always contribute to some online communities, where nobody knows he is just a wanksta.

For the record, New Zealand did not elect to have Oceania ties. As soon as the opportunity arose, he was off to America.
We take every piece of buoyant flotsam.

Comment from orabidoo
Time: April 6, 2012, 4:40 pm

Uncle Badger,

Consumption of worms while internet browsing tends to deposit lumps of abrasive grit on the keyboard.
And if your defensive claws rip off a few keys while attempting to locate a space bar you may indeed wish to rely on one of these Dr. Hawking talky thingies.

“Search for mongoose”
“Vontsira teens”
“Eisenia foetida”
“Canadian nightcrawler farm”
“Ferret cams”
“Carrot growing bowler hats”
“Courtney Dicknose”
“Hedgerow hazards”
“Kent entomology”
“Weasel chow and treats”

These will get you started.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: April 6, 2012, 4:51 pm

Uncle Badger:

My wife’s been damned delighted with her StinkPad x120e. First thing we did was stick Linux on it. Second was buy 8G of RAM, cos by the time you need it it’ll be too expensive.

Microsloth still hasn’t sent us our money back for that infernal glob they left on the hard-drive.

Comment from mojo
Time: April 6, 2012, 5:05 pm

Dye one black.

Comment from Stark Dickflüssig
Time: April 6, 2012, 5:17 pm

Dye one black.

I can’t get over how brilliant this is.

Comment from Deborah
Time: April 6, 2012, 7:27 pm

re: new swear words. I learned some new ones reading Richard Marcinko’s books. Made my eyes water and my ears ache. Of course I can’t actually say them out loud.

Comment from sandman says : I friggin miss Earl already…
Time: April 6, 2012, 7:31 pm

needs a huge sheepdog and wile e. coyote…

Comment from Ric Locke
Time: April 6, 2012, 10:07 pm

Both my laptops are ancient, so I’ve no direct advice on the gadget itself.

BUT if you use it a lot, say as a desktop replacement in order to save space, get a full-size USB keyboard and use that when you aren’t actually off in the wildenwooly[*]. They’re available from disposable Wal*Mart/Tesco Specials (going price here: $12) up to and including bulletproofs that cost more than the laptop. Personally, I’m a great fan of the cheap ones; when they die, off to the tip and get another. In any case, it will save both frustration from trying to use the crammed-together laptop keyboard and service costs to replace same.

I just got a Toshiba all-in-one, which is a laptop with delusions of grandeur (and a MUCH larger screen). The battery-powered remote keyboard that came with it is simply the laptop keyboard in its own case. I haven’t replaced it yet because I haven’t had an excuse to drive to the Big City for something better than Wal*Mart, but I will.

[*]Both elements are required. However woolly your present environment, it isn’t wild enough to qualify.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 7, 2012, 11:29 am

Thanks, RL – interestingly, Her Stoatliness has made a similar suggestion in the past. The problem is the way I prefer to sit…. nothing so civilised as a desk, you see 😉

I may have a look into it again, though.

Comment from Oceania
Time: April 9, 2012, 6:43 am

I downgraded to a Toshiba Portege 🙂
Simple, clean, dual processors, and got rid of 7 and put on XP.
What more could a Sheep Shagger ask for?

Re-runs of A Dogs Show just purrrr although the hostesses on the long trans-Pacific flights are curious and watch occasionally.


Comment from Oceania
Time: April 9, 2012, 6:55 am

Hey Sweasel!
That’s a negative single strand RNA virus? You want to be careful with those. The conformal defects you see are the viroid proteins and the virus upsetting Wnt and Shh development pathways.
It is also an immortaliser of certain cell types, depending upon residence and uptake.
It can also be crystalised with a suitable polyanionic sugar and weaponised.
Gloves, masks and bleach …

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