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They’re after my blood

So hungry. No food.

An hour. Maybe two.

Yeah, tomorrow morning is my annual blood letting, so I’ve got me a fourteen-hour fast going. That part is mandatory. Before that, I was packing down oatmeal and icewater, trying to game my cholesterol numbers.

I don’t really give a shit about my cholesterol numbers, but I don’t want to go on a statin and I don’t want a confrontation with my doctor.

Four blood samples now (including my last one in the States), the doctor has given me that I’d-really-like-to-put-you-on-a-statin look.

In fact, I think the very last phone call I took in the United States was from my doctor’s office, calling me back to talk about my blood numbers.

Imagine that — my last memory of America is, “wait! Come back! Staaaaatinnnnn…!”

Ugh. I’m so hungry right now, I could eat a rottweiler.


Remember – tomorrow, 6pm sharp WBT (aka GMT) – Dead Pool Round 27. See ya!

Comments


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 19, 2012, 9:36 pm

Actually, the very last familiar face I saw was in the International terminal of Logan Airport, on my way outta Dodge. It was my boss’ boss, a woman I locked horns with for two decades. She was off to spend Thanksgiving in Germany (go figger).

Life’s funny, ain’t it?


Comment from orabidoo
Time: April 19, 2012, 9:37 pm

Confrontation with weasel vet? At NHS?!?!
We are not that gullible.

I do believe you could devour a rottweiler and a Grand Pyrenee. You may yet prove to be presidential timber, Dame Stoat.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 19, 2012, 9:45 pm

Latest Romney scandal? He was rude about some cookies. New York mag calls it “Shockingly Elitist.” Jesus, really?

The attempt by Obama’s people to paint Romney as weird, different and “not like us” strikes me as an incredibly dangerous way to go when your client is a mixed race Ivy League academic raised in Indonesia and Hawaii.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: April 19, 2012, 9:50 pm

I thought bleeding as a medical remedy went out in the 19th century…


Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:09 pm

Round 27? Gee, we’ve offed 26 people.


Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:09 pm

Feh, doctors. I’ll see ‘em when I say I need to see ‘em, and not before. It’s your body, not theirs. If you don’t want to take a statin, don’t.

Live your life your way till it’s over so you can be satisfied with what you did, and your obit reads as cantankerously awesome as this man’s:

Michael ‘Flathead’ Blanchard

“… Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.”

Hell yeah.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:10 pm

When it comes to cookies, Obama recess-appointed (bypassing congress) National Labor Relations Board has ruled that if you allow Girl Scouts on your property to sell cookies, you have to allow union organizers, even if they tell people not to shop at your store because it’s not unionized.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/jan/12/union-fight-pits-rights-of-free-speech-private-lan/?page=all

Note the comments.


Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:10 pm

And good luck on the blood test. I just ignore my doc and don’t fill the statin thing.


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:15 pm

I’m kinda the opposite. My doc has me on Fish Oil and more trying to get my Cholesterol numbers UP.. My HDL, at least.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:21 pm

My HDL is freakishly high (as is my father’s). When I die, they’re going to have to cut out my heart, beat it to death with a ball peen hammer and bury it at the crossroads with a chainsaw through it. That’s why I’m not on a statin YET. But then they look at the total cholesterol number and shake their heads and suck in their cheeks…

Speaking of burying at the crossroads, did you see Jonathan Frid has died? Barnabas Collins from Dark Shadows.

I’ve been searching for clips all evening, but mostly I’m turning up bits from the stupid Johnny Depp/Tim Burton version they’re about to release.


Comment from Monotone The Elderish
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:28 pm

“The attempt by Obama’s people to paint Romney as weird, different and “not like us” strikes me as an incredibly dangerous way to go when your client is a mixed race Ivy League academic raised in Indonesia and Hawaii.”

And Kenya! Don’t forget Kenya!


Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:40 pm

Ugh. I’m so hungry right now, I could eat a rottweiler.

Yeah, Stoaty, you might have to fight Duh Won for that Rottie, I’m afraid. I think he prolly likes eating working dogs.

On a lighter note, the illo you put up is hilarious. You gots some skillz. You might consider doing freelance work over da net. My hippie dippie neighbor does it and he’s nowhere near as talented as you seem to be. He’s closer to Oceania in the talent dept.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:47 pm

Only in Kenya. Though, of course, there are not REALLY tigers in Kenya.


Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:48 pm

Here’re some Barnabus photos for ya, Stoaty. Still looking for clips.

http://photobucket.com/images/Barnabas%20Collins/

Depp’s version? *spit*


Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:52 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKGrG-Hwm4w

The Many Lubs of Barnabus Collins.


Comment from sandman says nothing to see here
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:53 pm

And here’s some classic Barnabus for ya…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWyF-KVPrO0&feature=related


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: April 19, 2012, 10:58 pm

Red Wine, Stoatie. Gallons and Gallons of Red Wine.


Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:03 pm

“A tiger? In Africa??”
-Monty Python’s Life of Brian


Comment from Armybrat
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:13 pm

I quit taking my statin last Nov because I couldn’t stand the myalgias and joint pain any longer. My HDL is also very high, so high that my HDL/LDL ratio is below normal ( total cholesterol 320!). I’m tryin a fibrate now, but told the doc any pains and I’m done. He actually agreed because my ratio is normal.


Comment from Gromulin
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:14 pm

I get the oatmeal (and I’m down wit the gallons of red wine too!) but what’s the icewater supposed to do to game the blood tests? I’m becoming interested in these things myself…had a note threatening statins after last blood-letting.


Comment from Redd
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:14 pm

I refuse to be jerked around by doctors. I signed up with my old HMO last summer and was immediately bombarded with phone calls and letters informing me I had all these procedures and tests scheduled. Then there were the freaking robocalls. I yelled at them a few times and they eased up but now they are back to annoying me.


Comment from Redd
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:16 pm

You’re all adults. No one can force you to take a drug you don’t want to take.


Comment from AliceH
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:22 pm

I’ve never had my cholesterol tested. Not being stubborn – just incurious. That, and (I think I’ve mentioned before) the mandatory 4-visits-before-doctors-start-listening thing. It takes too much patience to be a patient.


Comment from Oceania
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:30 pm

What’s your resting heart rate, and full load rate, along with L&H BP points?


Comment from Armybrat
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:41 pm

Oh, and dinner tonight was fried eggs and the latest delivery from the bacon of the month club that I bought hubby for his birthday. We’re living’ dangerously in this house…but I’ll die happy!


Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:50 pm

Can I get that on a velvet background, say 30×36, with a gold painted rococo frame? ;)

I’m in that same weirdly shaped vessel as rest of you lot, crazy high HDL and slightly high LDL, but I think that was because I developed a 2 Gallon a week raw whole milk habit. Oddest thing in the world, since hated milk for the other 39yrs or so of my life. And since I’ve never had a cholesterol problem prior to that, I am pretty certain that I should be ok*.

*ignoring the other myriad mental and physical problems that make me the chirpy imp of joy that I am.


Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: April 19, 2012, 11:59 pm

Make that chirpy Self-absorbed imp of joy.

Stoaty,

If your numbers are still bad, then just insist that you want to go the naturopathy route, and use more olive oil, eat more garlic, etc.
Your body is a temple…a hedonistic pagan chicken-worshiping temple, and no one can make you violate it!
So say we all!


Comment from Sporadic Small Arms Fire
Time: April 20, 2012, 12:03 am

If there is any benefit to relocating to United Skanseny Kingdom and becoming a subject of the House of Windsor it is the peat bogs.
Instead of elaborate and utterly fake ritual SWeasel just described – do a head dive into peat bog.
In year 6,072 they will unearth the Weasel Woman and marvel at the short extremities, long neck. Her last meal was a bunny and 2 voles.
Multiple hedgehog spikes embedded in the palate.
The paw tips hardened by decades of keyboard pounding and other mysterious abuse possibly involving metal wire. Never had a litter. Nipples in showroom condition.
Teeth enamel radioisotope analysis inconclusive. Maybe cross-contamination with the US eastern seaboard.
Age at death: 68% probability 59-140
95% probability 89-117.
Skull, collarbones, peritoneal lining, C1…33 vertebrae, pelvic bones, scapulae, humerus in intact condition.
Liver in early cirrhosis stages.
Tail fur gnawed in possible indication of neurosis and anxiety.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 20, 2012, 12:28 am

Statins!

And this from the doctor that was so lazy, ignorant, incompetent, bored (delete where applicable) that Her Stoatliness has had a cough for five months with just a grudging chest x-ray , no serious attempt at treatment and – the most startling of all – no test to see if she had whooping cough (which I learned this week the Chinese call the ’100 day cough’).

There’s precious little medicine in GP surgeries these days, IMNSHO. Lots of box ticking to fulfil the diktats of the current fashion for ‘evidence based medicine’ (ha!) puffed-up by bogus ‘peer reviewed’ research in dodgy drug-company fuelled comics and quack epidemiological ‘meta studies’.

I suppose I needn’t add that Her Grace and I don’t entirely agree about modern medicine ;)


Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: April 20, 2012, 12:58 am

Ah well, if you don’t believe in modern medicine try the old stuff. I’ve been relying on my acupuncturist more and more lately. Especially when a couple of weeks ago I couldn’t walk from tendonitis. I casually mentioned it to her got all pinned up and voila, I was walking normal the next day. I swear the stuff works!


Comment from Redd
Time: April 20, 2012, 1:14 am

I believe in modern medicine but too ften the treatments/procedures are worse than what ails you. While I want to be in optimum health, I know I won’t, nor do I wish to, live forever. Everything already hurts. What’s it going to be like in another 10-15-20 years? No thanks.


Comment from PatAZ
Time: April 20, 2012, 1:29 am

I didn’t have cholesterol problems, but triglycerides. I upped my dose of Omega 3 capsules to 4 per day and started taking (1) Red yeast rice capsule per day on advice of my PA. Triglycerides went from 250 to 130 in 6 months. And good went up 2 points, bad went down 2 points. It worked for me, but who really knows. Everyone is different.


Comment from Redd
Time: April 20, 2012, 1:54 am

Every time I look at the photo of the Puppy Pate I can feel my cholesterol go up.


Comment from Pablo
Time: April 20, 2012, 2:19 am

Well, there goes my brilliant plan to pick Levon Helm tomorrow. Stupid Rule Zero!

That’s OK, I really couldn’t have enjoyed that dick anyway. RIP, Levon, and thanks for the music.


Comment from Mysterion
Time: April 20, 2012, 3:51 am

I’ve never had my cholesterol tested. But, I take Omega-3, plant sterols, niacin, aspirin, and green tea extract pills everyday because of family history.


Comment from Oceania
Time: April 20, 2012, 4:43 am

I’ve just finished a huge Asian wok stir fry and finished off a bacon and egg pie … :)


Comment from Nina
Time: April 20, 2012, 6:02 am

I’ve been fighting this dang demon fer so long I’ve mostly forgotten the other ailments we of middle age are prone to. You can only manage so much emotional energy, I guess. But then all my various labs were fine the last time I had them done, and Kaiser is pretty good about checking on the sly when your head is turned. I go in for my usual 3 month check of the demon and see the doc has ordered assorted labs to be done next time I just happen to drop by. She’s sneaky like that.

Good luck, Stoaty!


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 20, 2012, 6:09 am

Seven in the morning? Wow. Haven’t seen YOU in a while!

The icewater doesn’t do anything to lower cholesterol, as far as I know, it’s just an acceptable stomach filler during a fast.

I don’t want to go on a tear about socialized medicine and all that but they do actually get literal bonuses from ticking boxes. As in, “another patient on statins? Cha-ching!” Okay, I don’t know if statins are one, but there are targets and they get moneys for hitting them. Which sometimes makes them do obscene things like put a pacemaker in my 100-year-old dying grandfather-in-law.

So. I actually heard a doctor here say statins are so good for you and so benign, they ought to be put the stuff the water. They talked about making them over-the-counter. And yet, I know four people (not counting armybrat above) who got VERY serious side effects from taking them.

I don’t think they have any idea what cholesterol does, anyway. It wasn’t that long ago they didn’t know there was good cholesterol and bad cholesterol. In fact, there’s a chance serum cholesterol is a symptom, not a disease (in other words, heart attacks make cholesterol spill into your blood, not the other way around).

Feh.


Comment from Stacy
Time: April 20, 2012, 12:18 pm

Not sure of this dude’s credentials but found this the other day when googling for statin side effects BECAUSE MY FREAKING HAIR IS GETTING THINNER.

http://www.spacedoc.com/cholesterol_scam.html

I’m a chick, y’all. There’s no hair thinning allowed.


Comment from Pupster
Time: April 20, 2012, 12:30 pm

Not to get all black helicoptery, but is there any unpleasant side effects to not following your government appointed doctors advice and remedies? Can they drop you off the plan and turn you over to the bring-out-your-dead wheelbarrow if you refuse to take their pills?


Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 20, 2012, 12:50 pm

Well, there goes my brilliant plan to pick Levon Helm tomorrow. Stupid Rule Zero!

That’s OK, I really couldn’t have enjoyed that dick anyway. RIP, Levon, and thanks for the music.

You were going to have to fight me for that one, Pablo. And no one is more disappointed with the invocation of Rule Zero than I am.


Comment from Becca
Time: April 20, 2012, 1:46 pm

Armybrat: “..and dinner tonight was fried eggs and the latest delivery from the bacon of the month club…”

Th-th-there’s a bacon club? Must. Find. Out. More. *drool*


Comment from mojo
Time: April 20, 2012, 2:36 pm

Number 3:
http://www.torontosun.com/2012/04/19/men-at-work-star-found-dead


Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: April 20, 2012, 3:01 pm

NO NO AND NO!!!! Statins are very very bad for you. Just google and see all the crap. My acupuncturist says it’s one of the worst drugs on the market. For years YEARS I complained about how much I hurt all over to the point I just didn’t want to move any more. As a lark I went off all my meds. Lo and behold my pain went away. I now take a thyroid and anti-depressant (super low dose to keep me from killing the family cause of the nasty menopaws)

Stacy, now I see why my hair was falling out.

Ms Weazel, if you take it and no sides, good for you, but just be aware of what could be happening and stop it the minute you see anything. Seriously, I was gonna ask for demoral to stop the pain it was so bad.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: April 20, 2012, 3:32 pm

Similar tale with my brother, Mrs Compton.

Never mind, maybe in another 30 years or so perhaps they’ll admit how many people they crippled with it. About the time they admit to the numbers killed by paracetamol (Tylenol etc).

Grrrr……


Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 20, 2012, 4:00 pm

Last time I had my blood work done, I was straight down the board OK, including cholesterol of 170 and glycosylated haemoglobin A1C of 5.2 (which is excellent for a diabetic.) I’m reasonably fit, although a touch overweight (1-15 lbs or so). Trouble is, I feel like hammered shit the whole time. Joint pains, stiffness, muscle cramps, the works. Doctors haven’t got a clue. Not one.

And I think if my father had just quit taking his diabetes medication instead of switching from Metformin to Glyclaside there’s a fair chance he’d still be alive.


Comment from Redd
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:03 pm

It’s 6:02 pm! Somebody forgot something!


Comment from Allen
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:04 pm

This is kind of a strange thread for me, because, I have almost the exact opposite thing going on. Some years ago I suddenly became allergic to many things including most medications. My body goes ape when I take damn near anything. I can still take antibiotics thank heaven.

Consequently, my primary physician doesn’t even suggest anything, except, “oh well it will have to run it’s course.” As for my general health, my doctor says I’m somewhat of an outlier, in that I don’t fit within the norms. But, he does kind of look at me strangely, so I’m not sure exactly what that means.

I’ll probably be like my grandfathers, cruising along never having any real medical problems and bam! 94 for them both.


Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:09 pm

Taps foot.


Comment from AltBBrown
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:10 pm

For round 27, sticking w/ Stephen Hawnking!


Comment from AltBBrown
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:11 pm

Eh, make that Hawking!


Comment from Fawn
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:12 pm

Jerry Lewis, again!


Comment from Redd
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:18 pm

I thought you had to post in the thread? CHEATERS!!!!!

Fidel!


Comment from Anonymous
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:20 pm

@ Redd (and AltBBrown, and Fawn)

The clock time that is followed is Weasel Blog Time….

As it turns out, GMT (or “Universal Standard Time”, as it is often referred to) has, by international compact, been standardized so that it is coincident with (or, more properly, “follows”) Weasel Blog Time.

Redd, you managed to post nearly an hour early, according to the WBT time stamp.

And, properly, all Death Pool entries belong in the death pool post, which, by tradition, is posted at 6:00 WBT (more or less, depending upon vaguarities of internet servers, and whatever vats of intoxitants the head weasel what’s in charge may have tumbled into recently).


Comment from AltBBrown
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:23 pm

Glad you weren’t chained in the Tower from following up on your Rottweiler yen!


Comment from Noelegy
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:25 pm

The “pitystoaty” picture is about the freaking cutest thing I’ve seen today.


Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:38 pm

Wait a min, my world clock app said it was 6 in your country!!!


Comment from Becca
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:44 pm

Mrs. Compton: “Stacy, now I see why my hair was falling out.”

If you’re taking a thyroid replacement hormone such as Synthroid, it can cause hair thinning/loss. (Speakin’ from experience on this one.)

Wellbutrin has the potential as well, if that’s the antidepressant you’re on.


Comment from mojo
Time: April 20, 2012, 5:45 pm

I suspect Daylight Saving Time is to blame. Another Ben Franklin brainstorm gone bad, just like the USPS.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: April 20, 2012, 6:07 pm

This whole statin thing is very interesting to me. I’m on them cause my doctor said I should after my mother died from a stroke some years ago. My cholestorol was around 200 when I started them….now it’s 110 and on occasion 120. However my blood sugar has gone up; and my joints in my hands and hips have begun to hurt since I was forced to a generic. No mention of statins and blood sugar from my doc – I had to cut down on bread and (gasp!) BEER. The joint pains were put down to oncoming arthritis… Damn. I do Tai Chi… I have great joints -smokin’ joints.

Well, as of Monday I’ll be travelling for a month and I’ve decided, without the statins. We shall see what we shall see.


Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: April 20, 2012, 6:18 pm

Oh, and apologies… this whole statin rant made me forget to ask how your blood letting went, Wease….

And somehow I keep thinking that Weasel’s blood is necessary for certain ancient and powerful Druid rituals. Should we be expecting dramatic from 10 Downing Street in the near future? Perhaps Cameron telling Obama to mind his own Falklands business and shut up about the Malvinas Maldive islands?


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 20, 2012, 6:53 pm

Joint pain does seem to be the most common side effect. One of my neighbors developed a hand tremor. One got a little more senile and forgetful than usual. And yet, doctors will swear it’s all bullshit and statins are safe as mother’s milk. I’m not usually in the anti-Western-medicine camp, but this stinks.

Oh, it was no big, Some Veg. I don’t get the results yet, they just pulled some blood. And I bleed real good.

I used to be a regular blood donor until some stupid protein turned up in my blood that mimics hepatitis. I got a letter from the president of the Rhode Island Blood Center telling me there’s nothing wrong with me, but they can’t put up with that false positive.

p.s. Anonymous is correct. GMT (Greenwich Mean Time) != BST (British Summer Time). When the clocks go forward, WBT stands still.


Comment from Deborah
Time: April 20, 2012, 8:15 pm

Husband has been on a statin for six months, ever since he had a stent installed. He was on the event horizon edge of the Big Widow-Maker. It’s time for his check-up. He’s moderated his diet considerably, so he hopes the cardiologist will agree to a six month trial without the statin and see if there is a significant difference.


Comment from Rebecca Yubettacare
Time: April 20, 2012, 8:50 pm

S
There are ways to heal the disease that causes high cholesterol.I can talk to you about it. These methods do work. They involve looking deeper at the cause, something that modern medicine trains us not to do. Causes: s


Comment from Nina
Time: April 20, 2012, 8:52 pm

I’ll have you know I was sneaking out of my classroom to get signal on my iPhone so I could get Hugo in the Dead Pool.

Cuz I’m just all competitive like that n stuff.


Comment from Rebecca Yubettacare
Time: April 20, 2012, 8:54 pm

Dear S
You can lower your cholesterol without destructive drugs. It is not hard, but it is life-changing. Determining cause is foremost. Examples: vascular inflamation, streptococcus, and more. Contact me if you wish more info. Love the blog. You are a cleva gel.
Rebex


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 20, 2012, 9:21 pm

Thanks Rebecca. I’m actually not fussed about my cholesterol, I’m just trying to avoid an awkwardness with my doc.

Who, frankly, could not more plainly signal he does not give a shit about anything or anyone. Not a popular man, my doctor.


Comment from Pablo
Time: April 20, 2012, 11:25 pm

The RI Blood Center won’t take mine because I lived in Europe for more than 6 months. It’s like they think you people are filthy or something.


Comment from Oceania
Time: April 21, 2012, 3:18 am

That’s because they are. Prions.
http://www.mad-cow.org


Comment from Armybrat
Time: April 22, 2012, 3:07 am

My total cholesterol has been high ( well over 300) since I was in my late 20′s. That would be when it was first tested. I was skinny as a rail then ( 6′ tall and 110#). I started taking fish oil and niacin then on the recommendation of my MD because I refused a statin then. I am now “managed” by the lipid clinic at BU. they take only “genetic profiles” and you have to sign a consent for research. I took statins for 5 years, but the last year was pure misery. I’m now on a fibrate, but plan to give that up in the next month or so as my joints are once again hurting. Not as bad as with the statin, I’m a shade less miserable, but I’m tired of hurting. My HDL/LDL ratio without intervention is well within normal and the cardiologists at the lipid clinic agree that my risk stratus is minuscule as I have no family history of heart disease ( genetics! ).


Comment from Armybrat
Time: April 22, 2012, 3:09 am

Oh, Becca! http://Www.thepignextdoor.com for the bacon of the month club!


Comment from Oceania
Time: April 22, 2012, 9:09 am

Some Vegetable

OA or RA? We’re doing some work on that at the moment …


Comment from Oh Hell
Time: April 25, 2012, 4:20 am

I have never had my cholesterol tested because I don’t give a $%9#. After having my Veterinarian (!!) tell me that two of the drugs the ‘Doctor” had me on for some hellaish respiratory crap should NEVER be taken together, I haven’t had a lot of faith in them. They seem to do OK on trauma but on the other stuff…not so much.

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