Goodbye, Mister Clean
In an effort to help McGoo scrub Barney Frank off his eyeballs before his manly bits run away from home, I give you — House Peters, Jr. Peters died in the night. He was 92.
He starred in a fair bit of movie and TV between 1930-something and 1960-something, but he will be forever remembered as the original Mr. Clean.
Was he the one that came whooshing out of the bottle when you opened it, like a big, bald genie? Must be; how else would you explain a dude with an earring in 1958? Or am I confusing him with the White Tornado…?
The world of unconvincing early advertising mascots reels from another blow. First Mrs Olson, then the Maytag repairman, then Madge, then Mr Whipple. Now this. I may never buy stupid household shit for no good reason again.
October 2, 2008 — 3:01 pm
Comments: 36
Not just any bozo…
Hey, kids! Bozo is dead!
Did y’all see this? Larry Harmon died in his home on the third of this month. He was 83.
He wasn’t Bozo’s creator (that would be Alan Livingston of Capitol Records), nor was he the first Bozo (that would be Pinto Colvig, the voice for Disney’s Goofy), but Harmon bought rights to the character in the Fifties and flogged that clown for a zillion bucks. Harmon trained and licensed over 200 Bozos to perform in local cities across the US.
I knew somebody who claimed to know the Nashville Bozo. Said he a pervert. I bet they say that about all the adult men who opt to dress up and play with children for a living. I was told this guy paid $30 grand to become a licensed Bozo.
According to Wikipedia’s list, there wasn’t a Nashville Bozo, so I’ve probably been had. Kids waited years for tickets to go on the program. My big brother was on once, but I don’t even know where. <insert funny anecdote and/or recollection here>
Many local Bozos went on to become local bozos. Weather men. That guy who used to introduced the afternoon movie on TV. Like that.
In 2004, controversy swirled when the International Clown Hall of Fame took down Harmon’s plaque, claiming that he had misrepresented his role in the Bozo legend. Geez. He carried that fool thing for fifty years. Give the man his plaque.
Snopes has some doubts about whether a child ever told Bozo to “cram it” live on-air. However, they did go out live, so I’m sure plenty of unsavory things snuck through. My mother said she saw an episode where some kids sitting in the bleachers got the giggles. When none of them would tell Bozo what was so funny, he asked one of them to whisper it to him while he stuck the microphone by his ear. “Jimmy farted.”
Yeah. Weasel’s back.
July 25, 2008 — 1:11 pm
Comments: 32
Tuesday is the new Monday
Oh-kay. I have just watched the entire run of Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show — and you can, too, in less than an hour.
First impression: they’re trying too hard. But I snorted a few times. If you liked Pee Wee’s Playhouse, you’ll probably snort a few times, too. The hostess, Kiko — played by creator Kim Evey, a South Korean raised in America — cracks me up completely. The rest of the format…meh.
Per Wikipedia, this thing got started strictly as a YouTube self-upload a year or so ago and quickly went viral. Eventually, Sony picked it up for their C-Spot website, which they launched a couple of months ago. I gather the purpose is to scoop up these viral turds and put a bit of polish on ’em. Budgets balloon from, like, nothing to as much as ten grand an episode.
Mmmm…cheese!
May 27, 2008 — 12:13 pm
Comments: 48
Creepy Monday
So I had this dream about Mike Huckabee, and the punchline was, “not David and Goliath, Davey and Goliath,” which I woke up thinking was the funniest joke evarrrrr. Then my eyes adjusted and saw that I was lying on a mattress on the floor covered in cats and dustbunnies.
Monday. So very, very Monday.
Anyhow, Davey and Goliath — for all you philthy pherriners — was a stop-action TV program of the ’60s, brought you by the Lutheran church and Art Clokey (of Gumby fame). Yes, it was every bit as fun as it sounds. It ran Sunday mornings, and you watched because…what the hell else you going to watch Sunday morning? Davey and Goliath has to be in my top five Programs I Wouldn’t Want to Watch after Dropping the Brown Acid.
I didn’t realize until I Wiki’d it this morning that the sweet, stupid Davey of the Sixties turned into a major dick in the Seventies: cheating, contaminating a well and “telling a handicapped child to shoot himself for being so ‘dumb’.” I’d love to know how Goliath handled that one.
It’s still running on some religious stations, minus certain episodes. Violence, racial issues…that sort of thing. Yes, we have lived to see the day that Davey and Goliath is too edgy for children.
And speaking of edgy and creepy…a doctor in Australia is under investigation for mutilating and abusing hundreds of women.
Carolyn Dewaegeneire, a patient who broke her silence on a national TV news program last week, was admitted to Pambula Hospital on August 2002 to have a minor lesion removed from her labia.
Before she lost consciousness to a general anesthetic, she said Reeves leaned over and whispered in her ear: “I’m going to take your clitoris, too.”
After the operation she discovered all her external genitalia had been cut off her body. It is alleged Reeves later boasted of removing “all the fun bits” — and said she wouldn’t need them as her husband had died.
He wasn’t struck off for that. He was merely ordered not to practice as an obstetrician. He was struck off for disobeying and working as an obstetrician anyway.
Note to self: swing by the liquor store on the way home.
February 25, 2008 — 3:14 pm
Comments: 39
Vampira: really, REALLY dead this time
Behold, Maila Nurmi (1921-2008) — Vampira — who died last week in her Hollywood home of unknown causes. She was 87, so there’s a possible cause right there. You may know her from…well, probably just Plan 9 from Outer Space, unless you grew up in California. Her main gig was hostess of several TV creature features on the West coast.
I’m surprised she lasted as long as she did; I don’t think she could squeeze a sardine past that corset.
Maila was born in Finland, but moved to the dark, old world atmosphere of Ashtabula, Ohio when she was two. She arrived in Hollywood in 1938, where she did a lot of modeling and, probably, ‘modeling’ as well. She wore a gown inspired by Charles Addams to a costume ball in 1953, where she was spotted by a television producer. And the rest, as they say, is footnote.
In addition to Plan 9, she also had roles in other premium Hollywood productions, such as I Passed for White, Night of the Ghouls and Sex Kittens Go to College.
Fare thee well, Vampira! Let us hope — just once before she died — she had the strength to open her eyes, bolt upright in bed and scream, “psych!”
January 18, 2008 — 8:21 am
Comments: 13
Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Hazel Frederick, that’s who. She’s the lady in the picture with the scarf and the scowl. When they filmed this shot for the title sequence of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, the crew kept the camera as concealed as possible so that bystanders would behave naturally. So there’s Hazel doing what comes natural when a grinning nutcase stands in the middle of a busy downtown intersection and flings her hat in the air. Probably hopped up on goofballs.
I must say, I’ve had a few happy moments in my life, but I’ve never experienced such a general feeling of well-being that I was overcome with the overwhelming compulsion to fling my stuff in the air while crossing a city street. I can’t help feeling I’ve missed out. Note to self: buy more goofballs.
In an ironic juxtaposition, TV Land paid to erect this large bronze statue near the spot. It’s a chilling interpretation of the Mouth of Hell from Dante’s Inferno. Abandon hope…I know I did!
I’ve just bought the first two seasons of MTM on DVD. I still think of it as “the new thing that lady from the Dick van Dyke Show is doing.” It holds up very well, actually.
I cribbed most of this from Wikipedia, natch. According to the article, the people who owned the house used in the exterior shots of Mary’s apartment got so irritated with the attention, they hung an “impeach Nixon” sign outside to discourage picture takers. This was the reason she moves to a high-rise in the fifth season: they couldn’t take any more exterior shots of the house. Which sort of implies they never had a contractual arrangement with the owners and just banged around Minneapolis taking pictures of cozy houses.
In conclusion: happy Columbus Day!
October 8, 2007 — 2:33 pm
Comments: 40
A Tale of Two T-Shirts
Once upon a time, I wore blue jeans and grubby sneakers and t-shirts with colorful slogans to work, like a proper artist/programmer. Then my company merged with our parent company and we took a turn for the corporate tight-ass. Black jeans replaced blue jeans, plain t-shirts replaced colorful slogans. I still wear grubby sneakers. Fuck ’em if they can’t appreciate a weasel in uniform.
So here are two relics of a bygone age. On the right, a t-shirt I picked up at my local Army surplus store. It says CORONER in official-looking script. This pleased me. Then I was walking across the parking lot of a restaurant with an early bird special — a magnet for wrinklies. A worried old lady tottered over to me, put a hand on my arm and quavered, “you’re not really from the coroner’s office, are you?”
Haven’t worn it since.
The one on the left is my cherished Lost in Space 30th Anniversary Cast Reunion t-shirt. Yes, I was there. Yes, I’m a fan. I liked the first season when it was serious-ish and science fiction-y and I liked the third season, which was cheap and silly and camp as a row of pink Judy Garlands. I was five when LiS first aired and that was four years before the moon landing.
Guy Williams — dad — died of an aneurysm (or a heart attack, I’ve read both) five years before, but the whole rest of the cast got together in December of 1995, in Boston. It takes some serious mojo to get a weasel into Boston, but you don’t say no to the call of history.
I didn’t pay to go through the autograph line, but I managed to stand on the sidelines and watch people go through and chat with the actors. I must say, they were all extremely gracious and managed to look genuinely pleased to be there. Huh. Maybe they actually were.
The whole cast held up very well. Bill Mumy is no bigger’n a fried fart. Mark Goddard had been teaching High School in Western Massachusetts for years. June Lockhart is still America’s mom. She wore white gloves the whole time. Arthritis, or a touch of the Howard Hughses? No matter, she shook all offered hands.
Jonathan Harris was older than god, but still had seven years worth of cartoon voice-overs left in him, in that distinctive faux-limey accent. I always thought that made him a peculiar choice to play an American military man (albeit a traitorous one). His obit said when someone asked him if he were English, he said, “Affected, my dear. Merely affected.” He was from Brooklyn and had a proper New York “dese and dose” accent, which he tried to fix by spending all his free time watching British films. What he ended up with isn’t really British at all except to American ears.
Heaven help me, I’m developing a touch of the Dr Smith accent myself. I’m fighting hard, but it’s apparently the tragic consequence of fraternizing with Brits. Oh, the pain!
So! The Robinson Family blasted off to Alpha Centauri…when? Care to guess what year Irwin Allen thought a plausible date for Americans to begin colonizing the stars?
August 15, 2007 — 5:10 am
Comments: 28