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Ow! I think I broke my ethnicity.

crumpets and gravycrumpets

What is this? I’m glad you asked! It’s fried chicken with crumpets and gravy.

Dear sweet fancy Moses.

I didn’t have any biscuits ready made, okay? I hadn’t planned on making gravy but when I was done frying I couldn’t bear to throw out all the lovely chicken grease and crispy bits.

I only had this packet of crumpets because I wanted to show Uncle B. (Look Uncle B! Crumpets! And they were actually made in the bakery at my local Stop & Shop!)

Wasn’t bad, okay?

If you think a crumpet looks like an English muffin cut in half, you would be correct. That is what they taste like. Which is presumably why we call English muffins English muffins. The English don’t call them that, on account of they mostly know where they are.

A crumpet is cooked on a griddle and an English muffin in an oven, which accounts for why the former has a bottom and a top and the latter has an outside and an inside.

Heh. Y’all didn’t think I could talk about politics four days in a row, did you?

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from Lemur King
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:48 am

Great googley-moogley, I ran, I hid, I howled, I yowled. But I just learned something in spite of myself. I learned the difference betwixt the crumpet and the muffin. Conservation of brain storage(and FIFO) dictates that I must dump some other bit of knowledge – at capacity, don’tcha know? – It might be something important. Won’t know for a bit, I’m sure.

What kind of gravy? Does it have lots of pork fat?

 


Comment from Kowboy
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:53 am

What?!?! No breasteses?

What kind of chicken pr0n is that?

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:04 pm

Dark meat fries better using this technique <shrug>

It’s all chicken fat. After you get done frying it up (for a couple of hours, s-l-o-w-l-y, in an iron skillet), there’s a layer of grease and crispy bits in the bottom of the pan. You make a roux out of this by adding flour and pepper and salt and stirring it until it lightly browns. Then add a cup of milk, all at once, and cook that until it thickens.

MMmmmmMMm. It’s like wet, greasy bread. Kind of.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:11 pm

That’s the part I always screw up – the roo’ing part. I get so scared I’m gonna burn it that I undercook it (every effing time!) and it ends up tasting like flour paste. Rats.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:14 pm

I’ve apparently packed all my wooden spoons. I had to make gravy with a metal spoon, which was just…icky.

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:14 pm

You know, that’s how my mom used to do it and it was GOOD.

McGoo… equal parts flour/fat, put it on medium and keeping moving, if it isn’t bubbling as you cook it, bump it up but keep it moving.

Too bad I’m on a no-wheat diet. Kill me now. (but gimme a bite of that chicken first)

Did you really see a difference between wooden spoon and metal? I’ve always used a whisk. Is that a no-no?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:28 pm

LK – I’m gonna print out your instructions and follow them to the letter next time. Then, if it comes out tasting like shit, I will have….um, me…to blame! Rats.

FYI: You didn’t ask me, but Mom used either a wooden spoon or whisk with equally perfect results every time. Sis uses a whisk.

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:37 pm

Uh-oh. No pressure, eh McGoo.

Just remember, for gravy you’re making a bechamel sauce, not a gumbo roux (chocolate or brick roux). As soon as it starts to change color one could argue you’ve gone too far. Get it bubbling and back off on the heat a bit but keep it bubbling. A few minutes is good enough, and make sure the milk is COLD. Pour in a bit, stir like all get out. Repeat until incorporated. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:42 pm

No, I doubt there was a real difference with a metal spoon. I just don’t like the idea of rubbing stainless against iron for five minutes. It just feels wrong.

Hm. I don’t know if I own a whisk now. In fact, I have no idea what the hell I own. 80% of my stuff is in boxes in the garage.

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:55 pm

Man, talk about having your life in stasis. It’s like you have to unpack plates just to eat!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 12:58 pm

I have a plate. And a bowl. I have lots of knives and forks and spoons, though.

And drinking glasses. Because I have a whole set that I hate and I’m leaving behind.

I’m meeting the real estate agent in a couple of hours to show her the progress I’ve made. Wish me luck!

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:18 pm

Oh yeah, livin’ in limbo, great fun Good luck, hope you see returns on the hard work!

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:23 pm

I hope the real estate lady likes Weasel Acres – The Revenge! so much she buys it herself!

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:48 pm

What is in that bowl or mug to the side of the plate?

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:58 pm

Y’all didn’t think I could talk about politics four days in a row, did you?

Nah, but I just came across the following and would really like to hear what you (since you think you are moving to a place called ‘England’), Uncle B, and Gibby think of it. Seems the EU wiped ya’ll off the map. Crumpets are next.

http://tinyurl.com/5b26cc

 


Comment from Pupster
Time: April 24, 2008, 1:59 pm

That’s the gravy PnB. I like my homemade gravy like that too, you don’t pour it, you spoon it by the dollop.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:00 pm

That’s the gravy. Ummm…I like mine pretty…thick.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:02 pm

Great googley-moogley

Thank God for Frank Zappa references.

Yeah, you have to really cook that roux. Otherwise it smells and tastes like raw dough which is enough to make me gag every time.

We usually toast crumpets over the fire. But now that I think of it, we burn coal on the fire, so the crumpets would probably make a Geiger-Müller counter go apeshit. But anyway, it’s like my grandfather used to say, ‘Bit of radiation never did anyone any harm boy! Get it down your neck.’

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:03 pm

Hmm…I might have fallen in the filter. If I did, not sure as my computer has been flaking out all morning, just pull out one submission.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:06 pm

That’s the gravy

OHHH…on my computer it looks like the legs are sitting in gravy. I was visualizing the creamy whitish gravy you usually see poured over biscuits. D’oh!

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:08 pm

By the way, that chicken looks good. It’s a Herculean effort to remain Nonmeateatist sometimes.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:08 pm

Yeah, you feel in the filter HARD. You went in the “spam” slot, not the “maybe” slot.

Yeah, that is the creamy whitish gravy you pour over biskits…just, not quite so creamy.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:14 pm

for gravy you’re making a bechamel sauce, not a gumbo roux

Let’s not overly complicate things…it’s just gravy after all.

McGoo: A trick to keep from burning the flour~ As LK said, proportion wise ought to be about equal parts fat and flour. Before you add the flour to the hot fat, mix the flour with an equal part of cold water (a fork works gooder than a whisk for this). Then add the slurry to the fat and brown bits (I call ’em boocarumungas, but the Fwench and the Swiss call ’em fond. Talk about over complicatin’ things.)

There are two advantages: fewer lumps, and you just about can’t burn the flour (at least, not on purpose). Then do as LK said, although you don’t have to reduce the heat as much.

And I can stand using the fork in the cast iron, but the whisk just sounds wrong (but wood is definitely the way to go if you have somebody to wash dishes). Then

you spoon it by the dollop glop.

on anything handy…cardboard, Presto-Logs, crumpets…

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:16 pm

Thanks weasel. Looks like I fell in again responding to EW on the thread below.
I better go have some lunch myself while I reboot.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:29 pm

You did. I don’t know why. It was just one link.

I think Akismet is lonely without Lokki to kick around.

 


Comment from Lemur King
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:33 pm

Remind me to post my mom’s recipe for Shit on a Shingle:Part Roux. A really freaking tasty variant on something you’d have thought should have been strangled with it’s own umbilical cord.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to leave work and go find a quiet dark room to die in.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:18 pm

I think only the elite in Britain actually cares about the EU.

Mark Steyn’s fantabulous speech had to do with the fact that Brits think they’re British, not European, while the barbarian folkses on the mainland are European. This division still persists, I believe, in the minds of the people as much as the elite wants to jump into bed with the rest of the EU.

Hope I’m right, in any case.

 


Comment from iamfelix\’s brother. Really.
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:35 pm

Some years ago, a crumpet tried to take me home after a band gig.

Oh, wait, that was a strumpet.

Never mind.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:44 pm

Speaking of England, did everybody follow this link from Ace’s? The one about the Office of Government Commerce logo?

I ’bout died laughing.

OH, and Uncle B sent me this one — adorable lion cubs. (No, really. It’s adorable lion cubs, not a surpise link to something horrible).

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:58 pm

Re the logo: Is he giving the finger? Sorry, I’m clueless.

Re the cubs: Awwwwwwwwwwwwww! Such cuties wuties!

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 3:59 pm

Looks closer. *blush* Oh, my.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 4:14 pm

The quote on my British daily trivia calendar is:

I like the weather, when it is not rainy,
That is, I like two months of every year.

Lord Byron (1788-1824)

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 4:17 pm

Remind me to post my mom’s recipe for Shit on a Shingle:Part Roux

I loved SOS when I was a kid. You will definitely have to post the recipe. I have a couple around here somewhere but can’t seem to find them.
Why do you want to die in a dark room? Got a migraine? Those suck. When I get one, it lasts 3 days.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 4:20 pm

OGC = chicken chokers

Is that an appropo description of said agency? It certainly fits in the thread topic.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 4:34 pm

I think they were going for “wankers”. Quite apt, perhaps.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 5:33 pm

Someone should write a song about chokin’ chickens. And SOS, too. The music-video imagery could be really vivid, too!

I kept expecting those lion cubs to suddenly rip someone’s eye out or sumpin. Sorry, but after having the colon blown clean out of me multiple times by those start-innocently and then sneak-up-on-’em-and-scream videos on Youtube, I am suspicious of everything.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 24, 2008, 5:57 pm

I still have snark envy over Ace’s lovely phrase “Corncob-Smokin’, Banjo-Strokin’ Chicken-Chokin’ Cousin-Pokin’ Inbred Hillbilly Racist Morons.”

Those…those are my people!

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 5:59 pm

Home..home..and enraged
In their basements the lefties decay
Where seldom is heard
a coherent sane word
So the ‘bats choke their chickens all day.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 6:40 pm

*sniff* that brought tears to my eyes, PnB.

Ace has a way with words. And chickens, too! No, really, his variation on the epic poem “Kubla Khan” many months ago had me laughing so hard, so long, that my chest muscles cramped up and I thought “this is the big one” for several minutes. I *literally* thought I was dying. Ace has a way of sneaking up on you and then offending the crap out of you in five words or less. He just *slams* you with abrupt and disgusting imagery.

And – yes – I’m envious, too.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 7:17 pm

PnB – I’m tryin’ to match yer beautimous pome – but the Muse just isn’t with me right now.

 


Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2008, 8:18 pm

Push McGoo, push! Brace yourself and squeeze real hard. I’m sure you will come up with something much better as you always do.
Speaking of muses, where is our Lokki?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 8:29 pm

PnB – I wrote this for Lokki a long time ago – when he was getting Filtered a lot – and never finished it.

Lokki

-with apologies to Don Robertson & Hal Blair: ASCAP

He lay face down in the Filter’s sand
Clutching a rhyme-book in his hand.
Mooned from behind, and then kicked in the crotch
He was all but deceased – nearly totally scotched.
But we tickled his toes, and we called up his wife
And she tied him in bed……which…uh…aroused…signs of life?……in Lokki?

Lo-ow-kki….Lokki?

We fed him saki, beer and gin
He mended fast (he was always thin)
And then he babbled – day and night
The haiku good – the counts were right

… that as far as I got.

I need to find the L’maze Book of Poetry. “Plopping it out in five stanzas or less!”

 


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: April 24, 2008, 9:49 pm

I liked the part toward the end, when the family was taking a picture with the lion cub, and the kid was eying* it like “I’m not so sure about this.”

*The vast majority of the English-speaking world rejects the spelling “eyeing.” Just FYI.

 


Comment from Gregory the First
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:13 pm

Man, I’m never gonna live this one down, am i? 🙂

Bugger choking chickens. Much more fun to cut their heads off and watch ’em run around. Not that I ever did that, really.

And then, you have this.

Hmm. Maybe choking chickens isn’t that bad after all.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 10:33 pm

Speaking of furriners, you guys have to check this out. It’s hilarious!

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:00 pm

Well, it’s like Engrish (same site) but some of the stuff outside of Japan is funnier.

And I put this in the wrong thread.

Tonight, I suck.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:01 pm

Hole in one, PnB. A three day long migraine as of today. I hope to wake up feeling human in the morning.

It’s not the worst. I’ve had pain much worse than this, but it’s sure hanging on for longevity’s sake.

 


Comment from Muslihoon
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:04 pm

LK: I blame Bush. The president, not the shrubbery. I blame the shrubbery for my allergies.

 


Comment from Steamboat \”Goo-Boy\” McGoo
Time: April 24, 2008, 11:13 pm

Those are good, Musli! I’ve seen some somewhere else – the “Engrish” site? Oh! That was the Engrish site. Duh.

LK – you have my sincere sympathy.

I suffered multiple migraines every day for several months (years ago) for no apparent reason.

I would not wish one on anyone. I would have given anything for it to stop. I could not function. I wanted to die. It was the worst thing I have ever suffered through in my whole life.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: April 25, 2008, 12:12 am

I agree w/ you Steamboat, but the worst has been this thing with my neck… several times now the whole downward spiral – neckache, headache – fed back on itself to the point I put a 2′ x 1′ hole in the wall (fury/agony), my wife drove me to the hospital, and it took IV meds to stop me from writhing and sobbing. I’ve had a compound fracture, and I’d take that over those visits any day. The migraine hurts, but it’s an order of magnitude better than those other visits – just wish it would last a more reasonable amount of time, y’know?

Multiple migraines for months – that will wear you down to the nub in no time – good grief, what was triggering them for you? Me, I imagine if I quit huffing paint thinner and “cheesing” I’d be better off. 🙂

(gotta lighten the mood)

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: April 25, 2008, 1:42 am

Don’t have a clue, LK. They started suddenly one day, lasted about 2 months, then faded away. I spent a pile of money on tests and got a big zero back for a cause. Tell you what though – I still stop EVERYTHING when I (rarely) feel that particular pre-headache that signals a possible onset.

 


Comment from LemurKing
Time: April 25, 2008, 2:08 am

Gonna post a work in progress on that visual for how I picture a migraine… the riderless black horse, with it’s hooves, thudding into the ground… tell me if it doesn’t strike a chord…:)

 


Comment from Sean M.
Time: April 25, 2008, 2:56 am

What, you didn’t have any waffles?

 

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