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Oh. Goodie.

hungover weasel

So I stayed up too late and drank too much last night in an orgy of weaselly exuberance. Yeah, I know…not exactly “stop the presses” stuff. But then I remembered I have my annual performance evaluation this morning.

Swell.

Eh. We’re talking “job” not “career” at this point. And my boss is pretty cool. I think it’ll go okay. I’ve been practicing:

How’m I…am I…doing good? Am I doing good? How’m I doing, good? You okay? We okay? You okay with me? Okay? Good. I’m good. Really good.

Yeah. This’ll go fine.

Pray for me.

sock it to me

Comments


Comment from lauraw
Time: September 25, 2007, 9:12 am

Tremble violently and act terrified through the whole thing. Don’t forget to cringe.

 


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: September 25, 2007, 9:31 am

Pray? ‘Dear baby Jesus – please look after Weasel. Thankyou Jesus. I love you Jesus! Write soon!’? Fuck that.
I will, however say this: Do not panic. Do not kill your boss. You kill once and you have to kill again to cover your tracks. Soon, after the bodies have piled up, you begin to wish that you’d answered, ‘Yes, very good thankyou,’ when asked ‘How are you today?’ rather than dashing his skull with a paperweight. Trust me.

 


Comment from lizardbrain
Time: September 25, 2007, 9:51 am

Ah, the weasel unconscious. Not so different from others.

“Let’s see how I perform in a stressful situation when I sabotage myself aforehand.”

Aforepaw?

Good luck. I’ll add you to the long list of others I pray for. And with me praying for you, you’ll need even more luck.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 25, 2007, 9:55 am

I was thinking along the lines of sacrificing a goat to Ba’al, but I’m not fussy.

Right. Showtime.

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: September 25, 2007, 10:28 am

I HATE performance reviews. I love the part where you get to hear about all the good stuff you are doing, but they always have to throw in the stuff that needs improvement. I can tell you better than anyone what needs improvement, so leave me alone, k! I work for the family business with my hubby. It’s always awkward.

 


Comment from Cuffy Meigs
Time: September 25, 2007, 10:31 am

Reminds me of the classic interview question, “what’s your greatest weakness?” and the automatic answer “I just work too dang hard sometimes,” when the real answer is “smack.”

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 25, 2007, 11:45 am

Ha! I love my boss. We talked about real estate and vacation spots and riffed on my co-workers for their execrable table manners. I doubt we spent a minute talking about my performance.

He has his disadvantages, but corporate bullshit isn’t one of them.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: September 25, 2007, 11:58 am

Performance reviews are the Progressive way to waste productive employees’ time while avoiding telling the few useless employees plain-out that their work sucks and they’re fired. Buncha sissies, corporate toadies are.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 25, 2007, 12:19 pm

Used to be a pretty straightforward business meeting, where we talked about what happened in the previous year and made plans for the upcoming year. Then a woman was put in charge of our division. Ugh. Now we have to talk about personal goals and growth opportunities.

Look, I make widgets. The company needs widgets. How’s about I continue to make widgets for you…how’s that for a personal goal?

Women have had an appalling influence on the workplace.

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: September 25, 2007, 12:35 pm

I gotchur growth opportunity–gindando!

 


Comment from jwpaine
Time: September 25, 2007, 1:01 pm

Not your growth opportunity, Weez. I’m suggesting a response to the chick in charge of “personal goals, etc.”

 


Comment from Dawn
Time: September 25, 2007, 1:19 pm

My MIL has a philosophy of sandwiching shortcomings in between statements of appreciation. They always go something like this.
Dawn. We love you.
Random Problem…
We love you and we think you are a wonderful person.

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 25, 2007, 5:38 pm

Oh, hey, I got to yell “stop the presses!” once. I still feel bad about it. I designed our company’s flagship magazine (our “house organ” as it were — I love that expression) and the designer and editor generally hung out at the printer’s until everything looks good (a “press check”) .

Getting a four-color magazine just right takes time — a little more of this ink, a little less of that ink. Meanwhile, MILES of paper is going through the press. You fill dumpstersful of paper before real magazines even begin to come out the other end.

So after a couple of hours of tinkering, somehow I spotted — I am so not making this up — a period missing at the end of a footnote. The editor was so anal retentive, she stopped the presses and had a new plate made. No error too small!

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 25, 2007, 5:51 pm

That’s the kind of editor that can drive a publication right into the ground.

Heh. House organ. Like its something everyone would share (after washing).

Weasel: Off-topic, but I really, really like that weasel sketch above. It makes the weasel look sleek, slim n’ trim, and healthy. Athletic, almost. Forgive me, but so many of them seem to depict the weasel as a bit bottom-heavy – almost pear-shaped.

Our weasel would not look that way – no siree!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 25, 2007, 6:03 pm

Heh. Uncle B complains about my weaselbottoms. But they are cartoon weasels, and weasels do kind of “puddle up” at the bottom:

weasel bottom

I, personally, am a little too bottomless. Lacks back. Ne pas de nethers.

 


Comment from mesablue
Time: September 25, 2007, 8:13 pm

I was thinking along the lines of sacrificing a goat to Ba’al

Which one?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 25, 2007, 8:44 pm

I didn’t want to come off all wrong or critical.

That one drawing just really appealed to me.

…and I wouldn’t worry if you lack a bit of extra bottom, Weas. Its easier to grow one or fake one than to get rid of one. Ask 75% of all women.

 


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: September 25, 2007, 9:20 pm

Dude, I mean lady, you are so right about women’s influence on the workplace. I could rant about that forever, but I have a math exam tomorrow for which I am woefully unprepared, so I need to study. There’re only seven students in the class, so he can’t fail me, right? He can’t fail 14% of the class, can he?

Can he?

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 25, 2007, 9:45 pm

What math Mrs. Peel, if I may inquire?

And – yes – he could fail 14% of the class. If he has integrity he’ll fail every blessed one of ya in a split instant – if you earn it.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: September 26, 2007, 2:08 am

Says Weasel:

Women have had an appalling influence on the workplace.

My first “real” job was as an orderly in hospital, back in the days when the women outnumbered us on average of 1764 to 1. The sexual harrassment was constant, and endless.

I loved every moment of it.

I don’t know if it was that early experience or what, but I have always since preferred women as supervisors: I so liked the woman who owned the last company I worked for for permission to leave to take a job with a university laboratory. If she would have said no rather than yes, I would have stayed.

 


Comment from EW1(SG)
Time: September 26, 2007, 2:12 am

I could have sworn …

Well anyway:

I so liked the woman who owned the last company I worked for, that I asked for permission to leave to take a job with a university laboratory.

 


Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: September 26, 2007, 11:22 pm

McGoo, sorry I missed your comment – I really did get offline and study. It’s numerical analysis. I’m working on my master’s in EE (while still working full-time, because I am a sucker for punishment).

The prof is pretty lenient, so I don’t think it’ll be too bad. Also, I’m not the only one who is a little lost. So we shall see.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: September 27, 2007, 2:37 am

I enjoyed approximation techniques. Perturbation technniques and method of moments were always facinating.

Savvy Greens (Greenes?) Functions? I spent hours deriving G-functions for my grad prof in Fields, but was NEVER required to actually solve a single one of ’em. Haven’t to this day.)

I, too, am MSEE (retired) – but my MS was probably got before you were born. But the physics hasn’t changed!

(Oh – there was a really big bang a while back, but other than a few elementary constants of the universe stretching out to size and then wiggling around a little bit everything settled down just fine.)

The prof should probably kiss you-all’s butt for signing up – or he wouldn’t have gotten to teach it. I assume 5 is minimum enrollment for a course. It was at my alma mater.

 


Comment from kenny
Time: October 8, 2007, 2:27 pm

shut up! im gonna beat on u like a drum! wut sun wut!

 


Comment from kenny
Time: October 8, 2007, 2:29 pm

no. but i agree with the one who said fuck that. weasels are so full of shit

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 8, 2007, 2:36 pm

<stares at kenny and blinks, twice>

 


Comment from kenny
Time: October 8, 2007, 3:00 pm

now im serious love weasels. they are so… going to go to hell. no. i’ve liked weasels since i was 38. im 13. see ya!

 


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 8, 2007, 3:01 pm

Great. Somebody left the window open and the Schizophrenia Fairy flew in again.

 


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 8, 2007, 4:23 pm

I think I saw a video of kenny on youtube. He was fighting ghost opponents in a parking lot, and yelling at bushes. I think the ghosts won.

 


Comment from kenny
Time: October 9, 2007, 3:09 pm

who da schnizo wahtevera again?

 


Comment from kenny
Time: October 9, 2007, 3:10 pm

good. thats awesome. hehehehhe

 


Comment from kenny
Time: October 9, 2007, 3:12 pm

so steamboat where u frum?

 


Comment from kenny
Time: October 10, 2007, 3:22 pm

i know. but i did.

 

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