sweasel.com

Tremble violently and act terrified through the whole thing. Don’t forget to cringe.

Pray? ‘Dear baby Jesus – please look after Weasel. Thankyou Jesus. I love you Jesus! Write soon!’? Fuck that.
I will, however say this: Do not panic. Do not kill your boss. You kill once and you have to kill again to cover your tracks. Soon, after the bodies have piled up, you begin to wish that you’d answered, ‘Yes, very good thankyou,’ when asked ‘How are you today?’ rather than dashing his skull with a paperweight. Trust me.

Ah, the weasel unconscious. Not so different from others.

“Let’s see how I perform in a stressful situation when I sabotage myself aforehand.”

Aforepaw?

Good luck. I’ll add you to the long list of others I pray for. And with me praying for you, you’ll need even more luck.

I was thinking along the lines of sacrificing a goat to Ba’al, but I’m not fussy.

Right. Showtime.

I HATE performance reviews. I love the part where you get to hear about all the good stuff you are doing, but they always have to throw in the stuff that needs improvement. I can tell you better than anyone what needs improvement, so leave me alone, k! I work for the family business with my hubby. It’s always awkward.

Reminds me of the classic interview question, “what’s your greatest weakness?” and the automatic answer “I just work too dang hard sometimes,” when the real answer is “smack.”

Ha! I love my boss. We talked about real estate and vacation spots and riffed on my co-workers for their execrable table manners. I doubt we spent a minute talking about my performance.

He has his disadvantages, but corporate bullshit isn’t one of them.

Performance reviews are the Progressive way to waste productive employees’ time while avoiding telling the few useless employees plain-out that their work sucks and they’re fired. Buncha sissies, corporate toadies are.

Used to be a pretty straightforward business meeting, where we talked about what happened in the previous year and made plans for the upcoming year. Then a woman was put in charge of our division. Ugh. Now we have to talk about personal goals and growth opportunities.

Look, I make widgets. The company needs widgets. How’s about I continue to make widgets for you…how’s that for a personal goal?

Women have had an appalling influence on the workplace.

I gotchur growth opportunity–gindando!

Not your growth opportunity, Weez. I’m suggesting a response to the chick in charge of “personal goals, etc.”

My MIL has a philosophy of sandwiching shortcomings in between statements of appreciation. They always go something like this.
Dawn. We love you.
Random Problem…
We love you and we think you are a wonderful person.

Oh, hey, I got to yell “stop the presses!” once. I still feel bad about it. I designed our company’s flagship magazine (our “house organ” as it were — I love that expression) and the designer and editor generally hung out at the printer’s until everything looks good (a “press check”) .

Getting a four-color magazine just right takes time — a little more of this ink, a little less of that ink. Meanwhile, MILES of paper is going through the press. You fill dumpstersful of paper before real magazines even begin to come out the other end.

So after a couple of hours of tinkering, somehow I spotted — I am so not making this up — a period missing at the end of a footnote. The editor was so anal retentive, she stopped the presses and had a new plate made. No error too small!

That’s the kind of editor that can drive a publication right into the ground.

Heh. House organ. Like its something everyone would share (after washing).

Weasel: Off-topic, but I really, really like that weasel sketch above. It makes the weasel look sleek, slim n’ trim, and healthy. Athletic, almost. Forgive me, but so many of them seem to depict the weasel as a bit bottom-heavy – almost pear-shaped.

Our weasel would not look that way – no siree!

Heh. Uncle B complains about my weaselbottoms. But they are cartoon weasels, and weasels do kind of “puddle up” at the bottom:

I, personally, am a little too bottomless. Lacks back. Ne pas de nethers.

I was thinking along the lines of sacrificing a goat to Ba’al

Which one?

I didn’t want to come off all wrong or critical.

That one drawing just really appealed to me.

…and I wouldn’t worry if you lack a bit of extra bottom, Weas. Its easier to grow one or fake one than to get rid of one. Ask 75% of all women.

Dude, I mean lady, you are so right about women’s influence on the workplace. I could rant about that forever, but I have a math exam tomorrow for which I am woefully unprepared, so I need to study. There’re only seven students in the class, so he can’t fail me, right? He can’t fail 14% of the class, can he?

Can he?

What math Mrs. Peel, if I may inquire?

And – yes – he could fail 14% of the class. If he has integrity he’ll fail every blessed one of ya in a split instant – if you earn it.

Says Weasel:

Women have had an appalling influence on the workplace.

My first “real” job was as an orderly in hospital, back in the days when the women outnumbered us on average of 1764 to 1. The sexual harrassment was constant, and endless.

I loved every moment of it.

I don’t know if it was that early experience or what, but I have always since preferred women as supervisors: I so liked the woman who owned the last company I worked for for permission to leave to take a job with a university laboratory. If she would have said no rather than yes, I would have stayed.

I could have sworn …

Well anyway:

I so liked the woman who owned the last company I worked for, that I asked for permission to leave to take a job with a university laboratory.

McGoo, sorry I missed your comment – I really did get offline and study. It’s numerical analysis. I’m working on my master’s in EE (while still working full-time, because I am a sucker for punishment).

The prof is pretty lenient, so I don’t think it’ll be too bad. Also, I’m not the only one who is a little lost. So we shall see.

I enjoyed approximation techniques. Perturbation technniques and method of moments were always facinating.

Savvy Greens (Greenes?) Functions? I spent hours deriving G-functions for my grad prof in Fields, but was NEVER required to actually solve a single one of ’em. Haven’t to this day.)

I, too, am MSEE (retired) – but my MS was probably got before you were born. But the physics hasn’t changed!

(Oh – there was a really big bang a while back, but other than a few elementary constants of the universe stretching out to size and then wiggling around a little bit everything settled down just fine.)

The prof should probably kiss you-all’s butt for signing up – or he wouldn’t have gotten to teach it. I assume 5 is minimum enrollment for a course. It was at my alma mater.

shut up! im gonna beat on u like a drum! wut sun wut!

no. but i agree with the one who said fuck that. weasels are so full of shit

<stares at kenny and blinks, twice>

now im serious love weasels. they are so… going to go to hell. no. i’ve liked weasels since i was 38. im 13. see ya!

Great. Somebody left the window open and the Schizophrenia Fairy flew in again.

I think I saw a video of kenny on youtube. He was fighting ghost opponents in a parking lot, and yelling at bushes. I think the ghosts won.

who da schnizo wahtevera again?

good. thats awesome. hehehehhe

so steamboat where u frum?

i know. but i did.