And the winner is…
Election night, we had a little contest: guess the makeup of the 112th Congress. Contestants guessed the final number of GOP in the House and the Senate as separate numbers, the difference between the two added up would be the final score. The prize was dick, of course. It’s always dick.
I was going to post everybody’s guesses so y’all could see I really did do my homework and tot them all up (and so’s you could check if I missed anything), but then I realized that our outsized exuberance on that evening might be a little sad, seen growing smaller in the rearview mirror. So, ummm…figures released upon request.
The final tally is: 242 Pubbies in the House, 47 in the Senate (I’m counting Murky red).
Without further blah-blah-blah, the winner is: Some Vegetable! With a pick of 240/47 and, therefore, a score of 2. Monotone The Elderish matched that score with a guess of 243/48, but lost the timestamp. Some Veg was the very first guess, and the closest.
Congratulations, Veg! You know what to do if you want your dick.
Thanks for playing, folks, and have a great weekend.
December 10, 2010 — 11:35 pm
Comments: 18
As happy as a moron with two dicks…
Damn, I’d love to be there for this election night, but I’ll be tucked up in my weaselly bed dreaming my weaselly dreams by the time the polls close and the results trickle in.
But I want to be a part, so let’s have ourselves a Guess-The-Magnitude contest. The winner gets a double dose of Aunty’s Spotted Dick!
1. I want two numbers from you: the number of Republicans you think will be in the House, and the number of Republicans you think will be in the Senate when the dust settles. The difference between your choice and the reality, added together, is your final score. Lowest number wins.
2. Several different House/Senate combinations could result in the same ultimate score. If that happens, the earliest timestamp gets the dicks (and the others will get a cheaper-to-mail consolation prize that I will pull out of my ass as necessary).
3. Check the thread yourself if you want to avoid having an exact duplicate of someone else’s pick. I’m far too lazy to do it for you.
4. Contest stays open until we have a firm preliminary count. I’ll say when. In the event of contested races, we could be here for quite a spell before the absolute, final numbers and a winner is declared.
5. If you want your prize, you’ll have to entrust me with a snail-mail address. Dicks travel by slow boat and take months to arrive.
Some reminders: all 435 seats in the House are up for renewal, but the guesstimate I’ve read for the absolute maximum that could change hands is 100. Currently, there are 178 Republicans, so the min/max is 178/278. [Update: in the comments, RedHatRob says he thinks the upper limit is WAY over 100. He’s tracking 151 D seats]
In the Senate, 36 are up for re-election, but only 10 are really in play. Number of Republicans in the Senate: 41. Min/max is 41/51. [APOSEC72 sees 52 in play]
I’m sure I’ll amend this post several times as people point out flaws in my methods or my math. I’ve never run this kind of pool before.
Good luck, AND FOR GOD’S SAKE VOTE OR I’LL CHEW OPEN A VEIN. Preferably yours.
Time! No more entries, please. As soon as I beat back this hangover, I’ll assess the state of play.
November 2, 2010 — 12:00 pm
Comments: 80
And now a public service announcement…
Ah. I knew this imagery reminded me of something.
October 6, 2010 — 9:13 pm
Comments: 47
MWAH!!
Some time in the last couple of weeks, this blog finally hit half a million visitors. I was going to make a big deal when that happened, but somehow I missed it. I was probably high.
Some blogs break half a million before breakfast, but they by-god don’t do it peddling a steady fare of chicken blogging, spotted dick and hastily constructed obscene political Photoshops.
It’s hard work flogging this crap.
SRSLY? If there’s a reason to follow this blog, it’s you guys. I have the smartest, funniest and most interesting commenters on the internet. Y’all blow me away sometimes. (Where the hell did you come from? I know I poached some readers from Ace, but you didn’t have to hang around and entertain me).
A favor? I know the blogosphere is a restless place, but when you guys wander off, would you occasionally check back in? There are a few names I haven’t seen in a while, and I worry.
You know how it is.
p.s. Wait until midnight. Go outside. Look up. It will be over a decade before Jupiter is this close to earth again.
September 20, 2010 — 9:18 pm
Comments: 86
There. Done. Everybody shut up and go home now.
So fifty knuckleheads in Florida vow to do something small, dumb and pointless, and the next thing you got the pope and the president and the prime minister and the general in charge of the war and everybody all up in there screaming and flapping and turning a small moment of private stupid into a HUGE INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.
If a Koran burns in the forest and AP doesn’t report it, do thousands rally in Afghanistan?
Oh, retaliation? Really? You mean they haven’t really hated the West all that much, but NOW they’re serious? Instead of being mad at us, now they’re extra super mad?
What comes after that? Double extra super times-infinity-plus-one mad?
Seriously. Everybody shut up. Go home. Stop embarrassing me.
September 10, 2010 — 1:30 pm
Comments: 32
My mother smelled of what, now?
Eh. Sorry, about the lameness, peeps…I got all jammed up today and if I don’t go take a bath RIGHT NOW, Uncle B is going to leave me for the slop bucket.
I harvested the elderberries today and started a gallon of wine. Fiddly little bastards, aren’t they? And it won’t be drinkable for a year.
Oh, also, I made mushroom, leek and cucumber soup (because that’s what I had to get rid of). I’m thinking of calling it “cream of beige.”
September 9, 2010 — 11:14 pm
Comments: 22
At midnight, my brain turned into a pumpkin
Yes! This could be my lamest Photoshop EVARRR!
What happened was, I spent the evening working on a P’shop, and it just never really gelled. And midnight rolled around and there I was, stuck.
Doesn’t happen to me very often. Usually, I celebrate my crappiest work right up there with my…somewhat less crappy work.
Hey, recognize that brain? It’s the same brain from yesterday. It turns up at the bottom of the first page of hits on a Google image search of “brain.” It’s sort of my go-to brain for P’shops: nice big three-quarter view set against an easily maskable black background.
Oh, lord…I have a favorite internet brain photo. Somebody pour me a gin and tonic.
September 2, 2010 — 11:30 pm
Comments: 11
Quantum of stupid
I don’t know why Cindy Sheehan popped into my head this afternoon (her presence somehow made it emptier up there). Turns out, she’s got a radio show. And, while I’m sure it’s full of all kinds of comedic gems, I got as far as Tommy Chong and my brain exploded.
Cindy Sheehan interviews Tommy Chong.
BANG!
I kind of hate myself for posting this. I feel more than a little sorry for both these characters — two fundamentally damaged people who were badly and very publicly used (if not quite in the way they believe they were).
On the other hand — Cindy Sheehan interviews Tommy Chong.
BANG!
Transcript here. Or listen here (skip ten minutes in; the first lady has a voice — no shit — even more annoying than Cindy’s).
Or — you know what? Don’t. I don’t want a bunch of nukular cerebrums on my conscience.
September 1, 2010 — 10:07 pm
Comments: 20
It’s a fifty-foot cyborg Scalia. Why?
The reader formerly known as Skeptic wrote to tell me that Frank J. over at IMAO had posted about a fifty foot cyborg Scalia and he — the reader formerly known as Skeptic — could not rest until he had seen a P’shop representation of this wondrous machine.
Now, I generally don’t do requests — not because y’all don’t come up with some corking ideas, but because I’m lousy at visualizing somebody else’s pictures. This is why I gave up on freelance illustration after a couple of angry, drunken years.
But a fifty-foot rampaging cyborg Antonin Scalia? Well, who doesn’t fantasize about that?
Click the picture to embiggen and becolor.
August 9, 2010 — 11:41 pm
Comments: 27
Not exactly Superman…
Faster than a speeding runnybabbit…
More powerful than a really strong runnybabbit…
Able to leap tall runnybabbits in a single bound…
Look, under that hedge! It’s — A WEASEL!
Yeah. Heh. My nephew bought a weasel shirt.
It’s the first I’ve seen one of my own products in person, on account of I am FAR too cheap to pay trans-Atlantic postage. I’m relieved to observe that the print quality and color fidelity looked good.
Okay, y’all — you know the drill. Show up tomorrow at 6pm Weasel Blog Time to make your pick in the Tenth Celebrity Dead Pool.
And if steve wins it a third time in a row, for god’s sake nobody sit next to him.
July 1, 2010 — 10:34 pm
Comments: 18