SPOILER: Normans win
Friday was the 950th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, which was actually in Battle. (Maybe. No artefacts have ever turned up in the field next to Battle Abbey, where It supposedly took place).
And what was Battle called before the Battle? Senlac. It was called the Battle of Senlac Hill for a while. True story.
Is it my imagination, or have the Saxons chubbed up a bit in the last 950 years? Eh.
There were, of course, all sorts of celebrations ’round our area, all of which we successfully avoided. Uncle B and I once went looking for fish and chips in Battle on October the 14th without remembering our history and wondered why the town was stuffed full of Normans and Saxons and whether we’d slipped through a time gate or some shit. Once is enough.
I noticed in some of the FaceBook pictures there were ladies in chain mail on the battle field. Weasel does not approve. This is the re-enactment equivalent of breaking the fourth wall.
First person who says Boadicea, I shall gut thee with mine trusty seax. She was a one-off and that was a thousand years earlier.
Yes, there was plenty of handwringing about whether the Conquest was a good thing. These people can sure hold a grudge. A good old Anglo-Saxon value, that.
October 17, 2016 — 7:49 pm
Comments: 18
Almost news
This story keeps coming over my threshold, and it’s not even a story yet (but it’s probably worth following). The Cochno Stone was discovered by Rev James Harvey on his property in West Dunbartonshire, Scotland in 1887. It’s got 90 perfectly preserved cup-and-ring carvings, making it the best example of its kind anywhere.
The ‘anywhere’ is significant because they’ve found these things all over Europe and as far afield as Mexico, Brazil and India. Nobody knows what they mean. They might be star charts, or deeds to property or symbols of immortality. They tend to turn up carved into stones near burials or scenic spots.
I have a feeling if we saw the tool they’re made with, we’d understand the appeal of the shape. The significance might be nothing more than leaving a permanent mark on an ancient stone.
Anyway, after fifty years of the light of day, the Cochno Stone was showing significant vandalism. So in the Sixties, they buried it again. It’s been sitting there between a private garden and a housing estate covered in several feet of earth, troubling the dreams of archaeologists. There has been significant lobbying to dig it up again.
To be fair, we have the technology to do a cracking 3D model and surface study. I hope it happens. The local Council has said it’s willing. It’s just not set to happen…yet.
Here’s a good article from Ancient Origins, if you don’t mind a source with a little oogida-boogida. And here’s one from the Scotsman, if you’re an uptight conservative-pants.
I’ll keep you posted.
September 28, 2016 — 5:46 pm
Comments: 6
Holy cow!
You’ve probably seen this, but I hadn’t (from my bed of pain): they’ve found a skeleton near where they found the Antikythera mechanism. They think they might be able to extract DNA from it.
I’m excited. The Antikythera mechanism is one of my favorite fantastic objects that is indisputably real.
I’m up briefly, waiting for my latest dose of Nyquil to kick in. I was resting pretty comfortably, but my lungs were making the most appalling squeaky noises. And not like squeak-squeak, either. More like several excitable chipmunks having a lively conversation in my body cavity. Eventually, Jack came over and investigated. That’s when I knew I needed drugs.
Things you may (or may not) need to know some day: Nyquil is called Nite Nurse in the UK. Same lethal green goo, though.
September 20, 2016 — 10:07 pm
Comments: 7
Who burnt the cheese?
This is a fun one. Archaeologists in Denmark dug up a completely intact bronze age pot. It had been flung, whole, into what was a garbage pit in the street. Finding a whole pot was unusual enough, but there was a substance clinging to the bottom they couldn’t quite identify.
After spectrometry, they have decided it’s cheese. Burnt cheese. Somebody accidentally burned a batch of cheese and threw the whole mess away. Probably.
The writer of the article has fun speculating about the possible bronze age family drama that ensued, or perhaps Cheese Burner was trying to hide the act by getting rid of the pot?
Phun phart phact: Britons do not use the expression “cut the cheese.” This matters because my employers like to host little wine and cheese get-togethers and there’s always much discussion of who’s going to cut the cheese and who cut the cheese last time and whether the cheese was cut fine or coarse. I swear I’m going to lose it some day.
Like when my mother in law exclaims, “blow me!”
September 15, 2016 — 10:13 pm
Comments: 10
Thou sank’st my longboat!
There’s a paper out by Mark Hall of Perth Museum exploring the 36 ancient Northern European burials that have included board games. Two of the game burials were in the Orkneys, which were under Norwegian rule until Tudor times. I tried (and failed) to find the source paper online, not least because the article about it in the Scotsman was behaving oddly in my browser. Fair warning.
Two reasons, they speculate (I remind myself that any discussion of the reasons our pre-literate ancestors did things is always speculation). First, there was such a thing as gamer cred. Prowess at strategy games was regarded as a warrior skill.
Secondly, they wanted to keep the ghost entertained so he wouldn’t come back and mess with the living.
Eh. Who knows? The delightful chess pieces in the picture are real, by the way. They’re called the Lewis chessmen because they were found on a beach in Lewis, Scotland in 1831. Late 12th, early 13th C., carved from walrus ivory. There were 93 pieces found. It’s well worth following the link to read more and see them up close.
And with that, I’m off to play the vidya!
July 27, 2016 — 7:21 pm
Comments: 14
Happy Sussex Day!
Don’t worry. Nobody here ever heard of it, either. I’ve had a good time today wishing people a Happy Sussex Day and getting that ‘dog hears hypersonic whistle’ look.
Well, the Sussex Police did post a lovely video, though I have no idea why they chose All Things Bright and Beautiful instead of the unofficial county song, Sussex by the Sea.
Go on, give it a listen. It’s a cheery march and a catchy tune. Brass bands play it at some of the fêtes and festivals (the ones that have brass bands).
I heard it played at a funeral once.
Sussex Day was invented in 2007 to celebrate the awesomness that is Sussex. Among the suggested celebrations, reading aloud the Sussex charter:
For all the people of the ancient kingdom of Sussex!
Let it be known: the 16 June of each and every year shall be known as Sussex Day.
Sussex day shall be celebrated according to the rites and traditions of Sussex.
Let it be known all the people of Sussex shall be responsible for the maintenance of those boundaries that join to those of our neighbours.
Let it be known all the people of Sussex shall be responsible for all the environs within those boundaries.
Let it be known, the people of Sussex shall recognise the inshore waters that lie inside a line drawn from Beachy Head, and extending to Selsey Bill as being, the Bay of Sussex.
Let it be known, the people of Sussex will undertake responsibility for the general well being of our neighbours.
Let it be known the people of Sussex shall be guardians of our wildlife.
Let it be known the people of Sussex will, through custom support all local business.
Finally, let it be known, as guardians of Sussex, we all know Sussex is Sussex … and Sussex won’t be druv!
In God we trust.
God Save the Queen!
We Wunt Be Druv — I love that — is the unoffical motto of Sussex. It doesn’t appear in print until the early 20th C, though it was described as a favorite motto. It probably originates in the Weald of Sussex, where also originated the two major revolts of the Middle Ages: Peasants’ Revolt of 1381, under Wat Tyler, and 1450 under Jack Cade.
The county flower is the round-headed rampion. I have never seen one; it’s a weird-looking thing. I think Dr Seuss had a hand in the design.
The crest and flag of the county feature six martlets, which is the heraldic version of either a swallow or a house martin. Ehhh…technically, it’s an emblem, not a coat of arms, as arms can only be granted to an administrative body (not a whole county) and Sussex hasn’t had a united one since the Domesday Book.
The martlet also appears on the arms of the fourth son of a noble family, as the martlet has no feet (only feathers) and so cannot land, and the fourth son hasn’t any land either. That doesn’t have anything to do with Sussex, I just thought it was a fun heraldic pun.
The 16th of June was chosen because it is the feast of Richard of Chichester (1197–1253), patron saint of Sussex. His shrine was once regarded as a place of miracles, almost as popular as the shrine of Thomas Becket at Canterbury, but mad King Henry VIII ordered it plundered.
We’re going to celebrate Sussex Day by playing a boules match against those rotten stinking foreign bastards, The Next Village Over. See you tomorrow.
June 16, 2016 — 8:00 pm
Comments: 12
Bad bunnies
This article came across my threshold today. It was part of a thread discussing why rabbit archers feature on the tile floor of Bangor Cathedral. Yes, there is a Bangor, UK. Who knew?
Hares. They’re probably hares. Anyway, the author starts talking about the “rabbit’s revenge” and the world turned upside-down, but his ultimate conclusion seems to be “because Medieval scribes loved shit like that.”
Thought you might enjoy it.
Also, I enjoyed the heck out of this site (sorry to send you to Tumblr. Hope you don’t catch anything). It’s jokes submitted by kids to a UK kids’ joke site that have been rejected because they are stupid kid jokes that make no goddamned sense at all. My favorite so far: “What did the chicken say to the pilot? Can I have a ride to chicken island.”
Site also has a Twitter and a Facebook.
MOAR CHIKKEN HOMEWORK!
May 24, 2016 — 9:34 pm
Comments: 11
How historians troll…
This is a nice architectural detail I ran across. It’s from the roof of the Abbey Church of Saint Foy in Conques, France. It might mean God is always listening, or it might just be a bit of fun. Them Medieval types did a surprising amount of the latter.
Speaking of which, do you know how historians troll their underlings? They do things like call out, “Weasel, will you do an images search of ‘sheela na gig’ for me, please?” *quiet snickering heard in the background*
Go on. Hit the button. You know you want to.
April 4, 2016 — 8:30 pm
Comments: 10
Thundercats, HO!
This is de Löwenmensch, the Lion Man. He’s about a foot tall, carved out of a single mammoth tusk (which explains his pose, to some extent). The head is a cave lion, a creature from before the last Ice Age. Actually, Löwenmensch translates more to “lion person” — there’s some dispute whether the figure is male or female.
He was found in a cave in Germany in 1939 and, owing to some little distractions in the country at the time, forgotten for thirty years. More bits (including the head) were found in the same cave in the Nineties and a thorough restoration was undertaken in 2012/13.
Dude is forty thousand years old, the oldest undisputed representational sculpture found to date. If he looks stylistically familiar, he was made (probably) by the same people who did some of the better cave paintings found in France. The known territory of his makers — the Aurignacian culture — extends right through Europe into Asia.
More pics. He’s in a museum in Ulm and his official page is here (Google translate does a surprisingly good job with these pages).
Yeah, that’s right. I’m doing neolithic pinups now.
March 31, 2016 — 9:12 pm
Comments: 16
I want to decide who lives and who dies
I have no idea where I saw this, but today is National I Am In Control Day. It’s said to date from the day Reagan was shot, before Bush was sworn in, and Sec’y of State Al Haig declared, “As of now, I am in control here in the White House.”
Then they go on to ruin it by suggesting we celebrate by making lists and using a daily planner.
Pff! Please.
I want the ability to administer small, painful, non-lethal electric shocks with my mind. So when my boss says, “I suppose next time you’ll remember to order a backup printer cartridge,” the next thing she says is, “oh, OW! Wow, what the…?”
I want to be able to reverse the energy coming out of a car stereo, so the signal bounces back and blows it up. In proportion to the strength of the sound, so that guy with the thumping bass lit’rally sees his stereo explode in a shower of metal and sparks all over the inside of his hoopty.
I want prescription drugs legalized, so I can do my own research, decide what (for example) blood pressure meds I should try and prescribe them for myself. And if I screw it up…well, I’m a grownup. I’ll take responsibility. (Okay, this one’s boring, but I really want it).
I want a lot of other things I can’t say out loud. Anything mentionable on your wish list?
March 30, 2016 — 8:47 pm
Comments: 18