Give us your nerds, your geeks, your poindexters
The head of our Research division gave a talk the other day. He’s having a hard time getting our labs fully staffed because of a shortage of H-1B visas. That’s the one they call the “highly qualified” visa, though that isn’t exactly accurate; it’s technically a “specialty occupations” visa. Congress has recently throttled back on them, from a cap of 190K down to 65K.
To which I can only say — you have GOT to be fucking KIDDING me! They’re trying to jam twenty million sullen agripeasants down our throats but can’t be arsed to poach a hundred thousand of the world’s smartest people?
Our laboratories are like the U-freaking-N up in there; I assume it’s that way in research labs across the country. Lots of Indians and Chinese, but we’ve nicked a fair number of Europeans and other exotics, too. I’ve worked with dozens of them over the years. I don’t care where they come from, these people make fantastic Americans! They’re smart, enthused and grateful.
I know, I know…IT types scream bloody murder about H-1B visas. Screw ’em. Apologies if any of you are corporate IT types, but in my two-decades-and-a-bit driving a desk, I never met one that wasn’t grossly overpaid and underperforming. And arrogant about it. Bill Gates is not proof God wants half-assed incompetent computer geeks to rule the world, okay?
Brain drain on the rest of the world? Fucking A! That’s the beauty of it! Continued American hegemony by absorption. We build a country smart people want to live in and then invite them to come live in it.
So what say we propose no cap on H-1B visas. None. Send them all — we’ll take them! And make it a path to citizenship (the current visa is six years and you’re out). I think it’s a winning antidote to the racism charge that got hung ’round our necks after that stupid immigration bill fiasco. Shoot, send in the Mexican PhDs, too!
Slogans? How about, “we judge no man by the color of his skin, but of the quality of his resume”? Hm.
We’re elitists, not bigots. Hm.
Not racists — snobs!
September 27, 2007 — 9:44 am
Comments: 20
See the happy Nazis
Did y’all see this? A new photo album has turned up showing the staff of Auschwitz at play. There are few other pictures of Auschwitz before it was liberated, most notably the so-called Auschwitz Album which shows the death camp side of the death camp. The contrast is contrasty.
Included are eight new photos of Joseph Mengele, my own personal choice for Evillest Nazi. Hitler may have run the show, but he was pretty squeamish about getting his hands dirty. Mengele, on the other hand, just loved his work. Kids really responded to him, too…right up to the moment he dripped acid in their little eyes, trying to turn brown eyes blue.
The whole album is online at the Holocaust Museum.
Kind of a downer of a post, sorry. It is Monday. So very, very Monday.
September 24, 2007 — 12:15 pm
Comments: 82
Shiver me timbers! It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Ahoy, landlubbers! Sure an’ it be Talk Like a Pirate Day again. Sneaks up on on a weasel every year! Them Limey knaves be doin’ it, too! Yarrr!
So talk like a pirate this day, ye scurvy dogs, or ye’ll be walkin’ the plank!
Or, you know, be doin’ it for a while and then be quittin’. Because if I have to listen to it all day long, it’s really going to get on my tits after a while, you know?
September 19, 2007 — 9:03 am
Comments: 24
“If I’m still alive tomorrow morning, we’ll eat my balls.”
Remember Armin Meiwes, the “Cannibal of Rotenburg”? No? He’s the German computer technician who advertised on the internet for a willing human sacrifice and found kindred spirit Bernd Brandes, another computer geek, in 2002.
Manfred Risse, the forensic scientist called in to identify the various neatly-packaged frozen parcels of meat in Meiwes’ freezer, has just written a book about it — “Last Supper of the Murderers,” due to go on sale in Germany September 20. No word yet on an English translation.
Risse (and the court) had to watch all four and a half hours of video of the death and subsequent butchery of Brandes, who actually gasped out that mind-twisty aspiration about his own balls while already horrifically (and fatally) injured.
Alas! He didn’t make it to breakfast. No balls-on-toast for you!
Germans. Foiled again by meticulous record-keeping.
— 6:19 am
Comments: 6
You know what’s enigmatic? How people can be such BONEHEADS
Augh! Some days I think the world exist to make a maniac outta me! So Deutche Welle does this little video feature about analzying Mona Lisa’s smile using computer programs designed to read human emotions. You know, in order to figure out what she was thinking while she was sitting for her portrait.
Hey, I can tell you what Mona Lisa was thinking. She was thinking, “Shit! That doesn’t look a thing like me! How much are we paying this old geezer?”
See, folks, Leonardo only knew how to draw one lady mouth, and you’re looking at it. Thirteen times. I went to the Artchive and grabbed every single smiling woman’s mouth drawn by LdV that I could find, and here they are.
As sure as the Simpsons are yellow…
September 18, 2007 — 1:22 pm
Comments: 18
Hieronymous Bosch Action Figures!
Cough. Right. Apologies. I didn’t mean to leave that ‘weasel in a farty prock’ thing hanging at the top of the page all day, sucking up attention. First thing this morning, I’m staring blearily at the Drudge Report and it suddenly comes back to me: I was handed a rush job last Friday that absolutely had to be done by Monday afternoon. So I’ve been doing that.
It involved faking up stupid marketing slogans on billboards, so my first stop was a Google images search for highway photos. Don’t ask me what the connection is, but these neato action figures turned up on some French site a few pages in. These things are almost as creepy as Pokémon. I find some of the strangest things through image searches.
When I tried to right click and save the images right off the browser, a dialogue box popped up that said “ATTENTION ! Tout contenu de ce site est soumis aux directives concernant let droits d’auteurs. Reproduction interdite.” This is français for “I’m a socialist Eurotard who doesn’t understand the first thing about marketing or I would realize spreading pictures
of my crap would probably help me sell it.”
So I did a screen capture.
I love Bosch. Ship of Fools and Death of a Miser are in the National Gallery in Washington and they were part of my regular tour, back when I hit the Smithsonian once a year. There really is something deeply spooky about his stuff.
A friend of mine tried to ruin Bosch for me by pointing out that these weren’t just fever dreams; all of these objects were specific religious symbols. Maybe. But, outside Breughel the Elder (who was a conscious imitator), nobody has ever painted anything REMOTELY like this stuff. So how universal could these symbols have been?
September 17, 2007 — 2:06 pm
Comments: 43
Hmmm…
Osama Bin Laden’s widely publicized video address to the American people has a peculiarity that casts serious doubt on its authenticity: the video freezes at about 1 minute and
3658 seconds, and motion only resumes again at 12:30. The video then freezes again at 14:02 remains frozen until the end. All references to current events, such as the 62nd anniversary of the U.S. atomic bombing of Japan, and Sarkozy and Brown being the leaders of France and the UK, respectively, occur when the video is frozen! The words spoken when the video is in motion contain no references to contemporary events and could have been (and likely were) made before the U.S. invasion of Iraq.The audio track does appear to be in the voice of a single speaker. What I suspect was done is that an older, unreleased video was dubbed over for this release, with the video frozen when the audio track departed from that of the original video.
Emphasis in the original. That’s the observation of a lefty blogger, by the way, but credit where credit is due…assuming it’s due. It would be a pretty amazing thing for the supposed armies of analysts to have missed, wouldn’t it?
Anybody sat through the actual tape? Is it true? I just read the transcript and I can’t do video from work. Excuse my obsession with this dirtbag. The British half of Team Weasel is in London at the moment and I don’t like it one bit.
September 10, 2007 — 12:51 pm
Comments: 8
Complete transcript of Osama bin Laden’s September 7, 2007 message
This is just a straight up transcript. I didn’t know how many places would run the full thing without excerpting, so I figured I would, long and windy as it is. I found it fascinating.
“All praise is due to Allah, who built the heavens and earth in justice, and created man as a favour and grace from Him. And from His ways is that the days rotate between the people, and from His Law is retaliation in kind: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and the killer is killed. And all praise is due to Allah, who awakened His slaves’ desire for the Garden, and all of them will enter it except those who refuse. And whoever obeys Him alone in all of his affairs will enter the Garden, and whoever disobeys Him will have refused.
“As for what comes after: Peace be upon he who follows the Guidance. People of America: I shall be speaking to you on important topics which concern you, so lend me your ears. I begin by discussing the war which is between us and some of its repercussions for us and you.
“To preface, I say: despite America being the greatest economic power and possessing the most powerful and up-to-date military arsenal as well; and despite it spending on this war and is army more than the entire world spends on its armies; and despite it being the being the major state influencing the policies of the world, as if it has a monopoly on the unjust right of veto; despite all of this, 19 young men were able – by the grace of Allah, the Most High – to change the direction of its compass. And in fact, the subject of the Mujahedeen has become an inseparable part of the speech of your leader, and the effects and signs of that are not hidden.
“Since the 11th, many of America’s policies have come under the influence of the Mujahedeen, and that is by the grace of Allah, the Most High. And as a result, the people discovered the truth about it, its reputation worsened, its prestige was broken globally and it was bled dry economically, even if our interests overlap with the interests of the major corporations and also with those of the neoconservatives, despite the differing intentions.
“And for your information media, during the first years of the war, lost its credibility and manifested itself as a tool of the colonialist empires, and its condition has often been worse than the condition of the media of the dictatorial regimes which march in the caravan of the single leader.
“Then Bush talks about his working with al-Maliki and his government to spread freedom in Iraq, but he in fact is working with the leaders of one sect against another sect, in the belief that this will quickly decide the war in his favor.
“And thus, what is called the civil war came into being and matters worsened at his hands before getting out of his control and him becoming like the one who plows and sows the sea: he harvests nothing but failure.
“So these are some of the results of the freedom about whose spreading he is talking to you. And then the backtracking of Bush on his insistence on not giving the United Nations expanded jurisdiction in Iraq is an implicit admission of his loss and defeat there.
“The fact is that the Americans have no option but to continue the war. This tone is in fact an echoing of the words of neoconservatives like Cheney, Rumsfeld and Richard Pearle, the latter having said previously that the Americans have no choice in front of them other than to continue the war or face a holocaust.
“I say, refuting this unjust statement, that the morality and culture of the holocaust is your culture, not our culture. In fact, burning living beings is forbidden in our religion, even if they be small like the ant, so what of man?!
“The holocaust of the Jews was carried out by your brethren in the middle of Europe, but had it been closer to our countries, most of the Jews would have been saved by taking refuge with us. And my proof for that is in what your brothers, the Spanish, did when they set up the horrible courts of the Inquisition to try Muslims and Jews, when the Jews only found safe shelter by taking refuge in our countries. And that is why the Jewish community in Morocco today is one of the largest communities in the world. They are alive with us and we have not incinerated them, but we are a people who don’t sleep under oppression and reject humiliation and disgrace, and we take revenge on the people of tyranny and aggression, and the blood of the Muslims will not be spilled with impunity, and the morrow is nigh for he who awaits.
“Also, your Christian brothers have been living among us for 14 centuries: in Egypt alone, there are millions of Christians whom we have not incinerated and shall not incinerate. But the fact is, there is a continuing and biased campaign being waged against us for a long time now by your politicians and many of your writers by way of your media, especially Hollywood, for the purpose of misrepresenting Islam and its adherents to drive you away from the true religion. The genocide of peoples and their holocausts took place at your hands: only a few specimens of Red Indians were spared, and just a few days ago, the Japanese observed the 62nd anniversary of the annihilation of Hiroshima and Nagasaki by your nuclear weapons.
“And among the things which catch the eye of the one who considers the repercussions of your unjust war against Iraq is the failure of your democratic system, despite it raising of the slogans of justice, liberty, equality and humanitarianism. It has not only failed to achieve these things, it has actually destroyed these and other concepts with its weapons – especially in Iraq and Afghanistan – in a brazen fashion, to replace them with fear, destruction, killing, hunger, illness, displacement and more than a million orphans in Baghdad alone, not to mention hundreds of thousands of widows.
“Americans statistics speak of the killing of more than 650,000 of the people of Iraq as a result of the war and its repercussions.
“People of America: the world is following your news in regards to your invasion of Iraq, for people have recently come to know that, after several years of the tragedies of this war, the vast majority of you want it stopped. Thus, you elected the Democratic Party for this purpose, but the Democrats haven’t made a move worth mentioning. On the contrary, they continue to agree to the spending of tens of billions to continue the killing and war there, which has led to the vast majority of you being afflicted with disappointment.
“And here is the gist of the matter, so one should pause, think and reflect: why have the Democrats failed to stop this war, despite them being the majority?
“I will come back to reply to this question after raising another question, which is: Why are the leaders of the White House keen to start wars and wage them around the world, and make use of every possible opportunity through which they can reach this purpose, occasionally even creating justifications based on deception and blatant lies, as you saw Iraq?
“In the Vietnam War, the leaders of the White House claimed at the time that it was a necessary and crucial war, and during it, Rumsfeld and his aides murdered two million villagers. And when Kennedy took over the presidency and deviated from the general line of policy drawn up for the White House and wanted to stop this unjust war, that angered the owners of the major corporations who were benefiting from its continuation.
“And so Kennedy was killed, and Al-Qaeda wasn’t present at that time, but rather, those corporations were the primary beneficiary from his killing. And the war continued after that for approximately one decade. But after it became clear to you that it was an unjust and unnecessary war, you made one of your greatest mistakes, in that you neither brought to account nor punished those who waged this war, not even the most violent of its murderers, Rumsfeld. And even more incredible than that is that Bush picked him as secretary of defence in his first term after picking Cheney as his vice president, Powell as secretary of state and Armitage as Powell’s deputy, despite their horrific and blood history of murdering humans. So that was clear signal that his administration – the administration of the generals – didn’t have as its main concern the serving of humanity, but rather, was interested in bringing about new massacres. Yet in spite of that, you permitted Bush to complete his first term, and stranger still, chose him for a second term, which gave him a clear mandate from you – with your full knowledge and consent- to continue to murder our people in Iraq and Afghanistan.
“Then you claim to be innocent! This innocence of yours is like my innocence of the blood of your sons on the 11th – were I to claim such a thing. But it is impossible for me to humour any of you in the arrogance and indifference you show for the lives of humans outside America, or for me to humour your leaders in their lying, as the entire world knows they have the lion’s share of that.
“These morals aren’t our morals. What I want to emphasise here is that not taking past war criminals to account led to them repeating that crime of killing humanity without right and waging this unjust war in Mesopotamia, and as a result, here are the oppressed ones today continuing to take their right from you.
“This war was entirely unnecessary, as testified to by your own reports. And among the most capable of those from your own side who speak to you on this topic and on the manufacturing of public opinion is Noam Chomsky, who spoke sober words of advice prior to the war, but the leader of Texas doesn’t like those who give advice. The entire world came out in unprecedented demonstrations to warn against waging the war and describe its true nature in eloquent terms like “no to spilling red blood for black oil,” yet he paid them no heed. It is time for humankind to know that talk of the rights of man and freedom are lies produced by the White House and its allies in Europe to deceive humans, take control of their destinies and subjugate them.
“So in answer to the question about the causes of the Democrats’ failure to stop the war, I say: they are the same reasons which led to the failure of former president Kennedy to stop the Vietnam war.
“Those with real power and influence are those with the most capital. And since the democratic system permits major corporations to back candidates, be they presidential or congressional, there shouldn’t be any cause for astonishment – and there isn’t any – in the Democrats’ failure to stop the war. And you’re the ones who have the saying which goes, “Money talks.” And I tell you: after the failure of your representatives in the Democratic Party to implement your desire to stop the war, you can still carry anti-war placards and spread out in the streets of major cities, then go back to your homes, but that will be of no use and will lead to the prolonging of the war.
“However, there are two solutions for stopping it. The first is from our side, and it is to continue to escalate the killing and fighting against you. This is our duty, and our brothers are carrying it out, and I ask Allah to grant them resolve and victory. And the second solution is from your side. It has now become clear to you and the entire world the impotence of the democratic system and how it plays with the interests of the peoples and their blood by sacrificing soldiers and populations to achieve the interests of the major corporations.
“And with that, it has become clear to all that they are the real tyrannical terrorists. In fact, the life of all of mankind is in danger because of the global warming resulting to a large degree from the emissions of the factories of the major corporations, yet despite that, the representative of these corporations in the White House insists on not observing the Kyoto accord, with the knowledge that the statistic speaks of the death and displacement of the millions of human beings because of that, especially in Africa. This greatest of plagues and most dangerous of threats to the lives of humans is taking place in an accelerating fashion as the world is being dominated by the democratic system, which confirms its massive failure to protect humans and their interests from the greed and avarice of the major corporations and their representatives.
“And despite this brazen attack on the people, the leaders of the West – especially Bush, Blair, Sarkozy and Brown – still talk about freedom and human rights with a flagrant disregard for the intellects of human beings. So is there a form of terrorism stronger, clearer and more dangerous than this? This is why I tell you: as you liberated yourselves before from the slavery of monks, kings, and feudalism, you should liberate yourselves from the deception, shackles and attrition of the capitalist system.
“If you were to ponder it well, you would find that in the end, it is a system harsher and fiercer than your systems in the Middle Ages. The capitalist system seeks to turn the entire world into a fiefdom of the major corporations under the label of “globalisation” in order to protect democracy.
“And Iraq and Afghanistan and their tragedies; and the reeling of many of you under the burden of interest-related debts, insane taxes and real estate mortgages; global warming and its woes; and the abject poverty and tragic hunger in Africa: all of this is but one side of the grim face of this global system.
“So it is imperative that you free yourselves from all of that and search for an alternative, upright methodology in which it is not the business of any class of humanity to lay down its own laws to its own advantage at the expense of the other classes as is the case with you, since the essence of man-made positive laws is that they serve the interests of those with the capital and thus make the rich richer and the poor poorer.
“The infallible methodology is the methodology of Allah, the Most High, who created the heavens and earth and created the Creation and is the Most Kind and All-Informed and the Knower of the souls of His slaves and the methodology that best suits them.
“You believe with absolute certainty that you believe in Allah, and you are full of conviction of this belief, so much so that you have written this belief of yours on your dollar.
“But the truth is that you are mistaken in this belief of yours. The impartial judge knows that belief in Allah requires straightness in the following of His methodology, and accordingly, total obedience must be to the orders and prohibitions of Allah alone in all aspects of life.
“So how about you when you associate others with Him in your beliefs and separate state from religion, then claim that you are believers?!
“What you have done is clear loss and manifest polytheism, And I will give you a parable of polytheism, as parables summarize and clarify speech. I tell you: its parable is the parable of a man who owns a shop and hires a worker and tells him, “Sell and give me the money,” but he makes sales and give the money to someone other than the owner. So who of you would approve of that?
“You believe that Allah is your Lord and your Creator and the Creator of this earth and that it is His property, then you work on His earth and property without His orders and without obeying Him, and you legislate in contradiction to His Law and methodology.
“This work of yours is the greatest form of polytheism and is rebellion against obedience to Allah with which the believer becomes an unbeliever, even if he obeys Allah in some of His other orders. Allah, the Most High, sent down His orders in His Sacred Books like the Torah and Evangel and sent with them the Messengers (Allah’s prayers and peace be upon them) as bearers of good news to the people.
“And our holding firm to this magnificent Book is the secret of our strength and winning of the war against you despite the fewness of our numbers and materiel. And if you would like to get to know some of the reasons for your losing of your war against us, then read the book of Michael Scheuer in this regard.
“Don’t be turned away from Islam by the terrible situation of the Muslims today, for our rulers in general abandoned Islam many decades ago, but our forefathers were the leaders and pioneers of the world for many centuries, when they held firmly to Islam.
“And before concluding, I tell you: there has been an increase in the thinkers who study events and happenings, and on the basis of their study, they have declared the approach of the collapse of the American Empire.
“Among them is the European thinker who anticipated the fall of the Soviet Union, which indeed fell. And it would benefit you to read what he wrote about what comes after the empire in regard to the United States of America. I also want to bring your attention that among the greatest reasons for the collapse of the Soviet Union was their being afflicted with their leader Brezhnev, who was overtaken by pride and arrogance and refused to look at the facts on the ground. From the first year of the Afghanistan invasion, reports indicated that the Russians were losing the war, but he refused to acknowledge this, lest it go down in his personal history as a defeat, even though refusal to acknowledge defeat not only doesn’t do anything to change the facts for thinking people, but also exacerbates the problem and increases the losses. And how similar is your position today to their position approximately two decades ago. The mistakes of Brezhnev are being repeated by Bush, who – when asked about the date of his withdrawing of forces from Iraq – said in effect that the withdrawal will not be during his reign, but rather, during the reign of the one who succeeds him.
“And the significance of these words is not hidden.
“And here I say: it would benefit you to listen to the poignant messages of your soldiers in Iraq, who are paying – with their blood, nerves and scattered limbs – the price for these sorts of irresponsible statements. Among them is the eloquent message of Joshua which he sent by way of the media, in which he wipes the tears from his eyes and describes American politicians in harsh terms and invites them to join him there for a few days. Perhaps his message will find in you an attentive ear so you can rescue him and more than 150,000 of your sons there who are tasting the two bitterest things:
“If they leave their barracks, the mines devour them, and if they refuse to leave, rulings are passed against them. Thus, the only options left in front of them are to commit suicide or cry, both of which are from the severest of afflictions. So is there anything more men can do after crying and killing themselves to make you respond to them? They are doing that out of the severity of the humiliation, fear and terror which they are suffering. It is severer than what the slaves used to suffer at your hands centuries ago, and it is as if some of them have gone from one slavery to another slavery more severe and harmful, even if it be in the fancy dress of the Defense Department’s financial enticements.
“So do you feel the greatness of their sufferings?
“There is a message for you in the Mujahedeen: the entire world is in pursuit of them, yet their hearts, by the grace of Allah, are satisfied and tranquil. The true religion also puts peoples’ lives in order with its laws; protects their needs and interests; refines their morals; protects them from evils; and guarantees for them entrance into Paradise in the hereafter through their obedience to Allah and sincere worship of Him Alone.
“And it will also achieve your desire to stop the war as a consequence, because as soon as the warmongering owners of the major corporations realise that you have lost confidence in your democratic system and begun to search for an alternative, and that this alternative is Islam, they will run after you to please you and achieve what you want to steer you away from Islam. So your true compliance with Islam will deprive them of the opportunity to defraud the peoples and take their money under numberous pretexts, like arms deals and so on.
“There are no taxes in Islam, but rather there is a limited Zakaat (alms) totaling only 2.5 percent. So beware of the deception of those with the capital. And with your earnest reading about Islam from its pristine sources, you will arrive at an important truth, which is that the religion of all of the Prophets (peace and blessings of Allah be upon them) is one, and that its essence is submission to the orders of Allah Alone in all aspects of life, even if their Shariah (laws) differ.
“And did you know that the name of the Prophet of Allah Jesus and his mother (peace and blessings of Allah be on them both) are mentioned in the Noble Koran dozens of times, and that in the Koran there is a chapter whose name is “Maryam,” i.e. Mary, daughter of ‘Imran and mother of Jesus (peace and blessings of Allah be upon them both)? It tells the story of her becoming pregnant with the Prophet of Allah Jesus (peace and blessings of Allah be upon them both), and in its confirmation of her chastity and purity, in contrast to the fabrications of the Jews against her. Whoever wishes to find that out for himself must listen to the verse of this magnificent chapter: one of the just kings of the Christians – the Negus – listened to some of its verses and his eyes welled up with tears and he said something which should be reflected on for a long time by those sincere in their search for the truth.
“He said, “verily, this and what Jesus brought come from one lantern”: i.e., that the magnificent Koran and the Evangel are both from Allah, the Most High; and every just and intelligent one of you who reflects on the Koran will definitely arrive at this truth. It also must be noted that Allah has preserved the Koran from the alterations of men. And reading in order to become acquainted with Islam only requires a little effort, and those of you who are guided will profit greatly. And peace be upon he who follows the Guidance.
Kennedy assassination? Noam Chomsky? Kyoto treaty and the people of Africa? Separation of church and state? Fuct if bin Laden wrote that. Got to be Adam “Pearlman” Gadahn, that little wiggler. It’s just the sort of mish-mash of vague leftist bullshit a teenager would absorb growing up in California in the Nineties.
September 8, 2007 — 6:29 am
Comments: 23
Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Gummibärchen!
It’s a beautiful language, isn’t it? That means “happy birthday, gummy bears!” unless the internet is lying to me, which it hardly ever does. Although, it turns out there’s, like, a trillion ways to say “happy birthday”, depending on what dialect of Germanium you speak. Anyhow, gummy bears turn eighty five this month. Wee!
Gummies are made by the Haribo company, which is derived from Hans Riegel, Bonn.
The very first Haribo gummy bear was created in 1922. A bit taller and thinner than today’s bear, it was modeled after the dancing bear. (From the Middle Ages through the last century, street performers kept brown bears, forcing them to entertain crowds by pulling on a chain attached to a ring in their nose.) Some three decades later, the popular dancing bear became a bit smaller and thicker, resembling a teddy bear. Today’s version entered the market in the late 1960s.
A cheerful people. Production was suspended during the war, when demand for sweets was low and Hans Riegal was a prisoner of war. I would have thought the latter fact more of an obstacle.
Something must be controversial in Gummibärchenwelt, because the Wikipedia page is barred from change by newbies (a safeguard they don’t provide obscure, uncontroversial figures like George Bush). Perhaps someone disputes the claim that gummies produce bezoars and bowel obstructions. Or perhaps it’s the fascinating gummy fact that isn’t there. Wait for it. Wait for it…
Gummy bears are a pork product! Yes, it’s true! The Germanians render pigs into sweeties! That’s where the distinctive gumminess comes from. I hate the damn things, myself, but now that I know the act of eating them is haram…
Postscript: the British Jelly Baby is even older, though I don’t know which unclean animal they’re made of. They were created by Bassett’s in 1919 to celebrate the end of the Great War; they were called “Peace Babies.” Production had to be suspended during WWII for lack of raw materials.
Don’t you love irony? I know I do!
Jelly Babies are subjected to ghastly High School science experiments in the UK. Behold: the Screaming Jelly Baby.
August 16, 2007 — 10:16 am
Comments: 34
Today’s smart young weasel is on the move!
Dammit, nobody told me liquor stores will just give you cardboard boxes if you ask them. It’s taken me ten years to drink enough cheap booze to move house.
Yes, that’s right — after ten years of desperate scheming, Weasel is finally moving to England, land of socialized medicine, Benny Hill and Mr Brain’s Pork Faggots.
A dozen years ago, I and my Beloved (who is a Brit, but an otherwise unobjectionable person) worked out that we could combine our two unimpressive piles of crap into one huge, spectacular mountain of crap.
We never dreamed that happy day would be this long in coming, but everything is complicated when you’re older. You have to embezzle funds slowly or some nosey git in Accounting is bound to notice something. Plus, there are taxes to dodge and elderly parents to smother. Honestly, you have no idea.
I hadn’t mentioned it because we’ve come close before, only to have the deal fall through. Buying real estate in Britain is tricksy business. But I’ve decided if we don’t get this house, I’m going to fly over, rampage through the estate agent’s office with a tomahawk, burn the house to the ground and spend the rest of my life incarcerated, preferably in Broadmoor, where so many of my heroes have lived.
So, see, I’ll be moving to England in any case.
Join me, won’t you? It’ll be fun. In a “watching a train wreck” sort of way. This will be a fantastically complicated process, with the buying and selling and renting of properties, with visa applications and quarantines and immigration authorities, with packing, giving, throwing and otherwise getting rid of a lifetime’s accumulations (anybody need a quart of nitric acid?). Everything must be done in a specific order with military precision or tragedy ensues.
And I’m sure to need more boxes…
August 6, 2007 — 5:36 pm
Comments: 34