Bad elf
Poundland is the British equivalent of the Dollar Store. Not a place that greatly appeals, but they won our undying custom after the 2017 Elf on the Shelf incident.
In the runup to Christmas, they tweeted a series of photographs of an elf on the shelf doing…things. Naughty things. Double entendre things.
And some very sour pusses indeed complained to the ASA – the Advertising Standards Authority. And they have now sent a formal complaint to Poundland, a thing they were not obliged to do. Especially since, as it turned out, it wasn’t 84 people with a credible complaint, it was 23. Poundland’s formal answer is here.
So how naughty was the Poundland elf? Welllll…this is the image that drew the most fire. But he was a pretty naughty elf, indeed.
From the response, it looks like the idea didn’t come from an agency, but from somebody inside the organization. That makes it even better, somehow. I promise you, they made thousands of friends for every enemy. Britons love their smut.
February 8, 2018 — 10:29 pm
Comments: 10
So eager to please!
I have intensely vivid dreams, sometimes. I did last night. I won’t bore you with them.
My mother, she insisted on telling me her dreams in great detail in the mornings. Oh, this was grim. When I tried to cut her off, she’d say, “no, no — here’s where it gets interesting!”
It never did. Other people’s dreams never do.
I have a theory about dreams. I think your brain rehearses all sorts of arbitrary imagery and rehearses arbitrary emotions simultaneously. So you get random scenarios jammed up with with random (sometimes profound) feelings.
The shovel that makes you feel guilty. The fish that frightens you. We won’t even touch inappropriately lusty dreams. These can feel hugely meaningful, and aren’t. That’s my theory, anyway. Ahem.
Anyway, at the dramatic conclusion of my final dream, I turned to my boss (an actual boss from many years ago) and shouted, “you have the aesthetic sensibilities of a sea monkey!” Which I think is rather good. “Brine shrimp” would probably be better, but hey. I was unconscious.
A friend of mine got taken in by that Sea Monkey ad. A very, very stupid friend. He must have got the temperature wrong or something, because all he got was a sad plastic castle full of smelly water. If you’ve ever wondered, here’s what healthy brine shrimp look like at five weeks old.
February 7, 2018 — 9:23 pm
Comments: 10
O, Canada!
So the image above came up in my Twitter feed. While it is obviously Trudeau entertaining a unicorn hand-puppet, the tweet that went with identified it as the Gender Identity Unicorn.
Sadly, it’s not, though I’m suspicious of the rainbow-colored horn. It is Gary of Gary’s Hug Club, a club started by a puppeteer who…solicits hugs. Yes, he hugged it.
As did Margaret Atwood (scroll down), that dessicated old bore (I’m still salty I had to read so much of her feminist shite in High School). She’s been all over British radio this week talking about…I don’t know. Her twat or something.
In the course of my researches, I rediscovered Small Dead Animals — remember? It’s a really splendid Canadian blog that I used to love back in the day. That is, back in the day when I had a corporate gig and read a bajillion blogs every day.
Oh, also I found this butter sculpture of Justin Trudeau hugging two baby pandas. Because of course I did.
February 6, 2018 — 8:20 pm
Comments: 11
Oh, Monday!
Well, my day started with thundersnow and went downhill from there. First snow of the year, and it came down like a bastard for about two hours. Then the sun came up and the temps rose and it all melted away. It was pretty while it lasted, but no fun on a bike.
Oh, and a badger crossed my path. An actual one. He ran up the driveway and disappeared in a bush. This was pretty cool to see, but not great news if you keep cats and chickens.
I’d like to point out that I have now seen a badger and a weasel out my front door. That sounds like the start of a really odd English blues song.
Then I had two meetings today. Two. I moved to Olde Englande to get away from this piffle.
How was your day?
February 5, 2018 — 9:49 pm
Comments: 10
State of the Union 2018
I didn’t watch the SOTU. I never do. My spleen won’t take it, no matter who’s in office.
I caught the pictures of Nancy’s face, though — holy shit! Who was THAT performance supposed to appeal to?
p.s. Wow, just noticed how overcontrasty this picture is. I think my new toy needs a bit of adjustment.
January 31, 2018 — 9:32 pm
Comments: 8
Nah. Probably not.
Y’all know it’s not going to be like this, right? They’re going to break our hearts. They always do.
They’re going to release the memo, and it’s going to be a big, fluffy nothingburger and fries and all the cool kids will laugh at us. Again.
Please, events — prove me wrong!
January 30, 2018 — 9:19 pm
Comments: 19
Enter title here
Yes, of course I went with Peruvian shower rat. I like rats.
Only, somebody in the YouTube comments said you soap up the rat and he just goes nuts trying to wash it off.
So, not so cute. Still…
Eh. I don’t handle Mondays so good.
January 29, 2018 — 9:25 pm
Comments: 9
It ain’t art
…but I sure am having fun!
I really like this thing as a monitor, just for tootling around the web. I’d like it even better if it was touch screen, but I suspect that’s what the expensive ones are for.
Have a good weekend, y’all!
January 26, 2018 — 10:03 pm
Comments: 7
I am now officially cooler than all y’all
Oh my god, you guys — I have wanted one of these since…since it was invented. That’s maybe 20 years ago now. It’s a monitor, but you draw directly on it.
Maybe that doesn’t sound all that keen, but it solves the big problem with computer tablet: you can look at your hand, or you can look at the monitor, but you can’t look at both at once. That makes it extremely hard to draw. Or write legibly.
As with other tablets, the main brand is Wacom and their monitor version is the Cintiq. And that sucker, in its 20″ form, is almost £2,000.
Enter the Chinese. I’ve bought a cheap knockoff — for all I know, made in the same factory as the Cintiq — for less than a quarter of the price. And it came with a snazzy glove. Well, part of one.
It came this morning. I was going to use it as a second monitor, but I’m awfully tempted to use it as my only monitor. It is Just That Good.
My main concern is going blind. No, really…I’m sitting with my nose practically pressed against the screen. And I’m loving it. My optomowotsit told me that my eyes weren’t deteriorating, they were just…stuck in the peasant lace-makers position from all the close work I do.
p.s. That is not my computer. It is not my hand. I stole them from here, and added my chicken. Because that’s the kind of thing you can do really fast WHEN YOU HAVE AN AWESOME MONITOR TABLET!!!
January 25, 2018 — 7:23 pm
Comments: 18
This is how I spent my evening!
Oh, how we laughed! Self employment taxes have to be filed here by January 31. I won’t owe anything — I don’t make enough — but I still have to go through this dreary ritual.
Actually, not true. I should owe a bit to National Insurance. It told me I did while I was working through the forms. Then I got all done and they didn’t ask me for any money.
I feel like I’m waiting for a trap to spring…
January 24, 2018 — 10:33 pm
Comments: 5