Recycling: I do it for Al
Heh. I’d forgotten this graphic until somebody Stumbleupon’d it. I’m guessing it turns up on Google with some combination of “Al Gore” and “poetry”.
Oh, I do hope so.
Reposted in honor of the Copenhagen summit. I wonder if they scheduled this thing knowing every American who heard “December 7” automatically thought, “a date that will live in infamy.”
Me, I’m busy cleaning house today. You know how your mother used to complain that she had to clear up before the maid came? I can top that — I’m tidying for the county rat-catcher. We’ve got uninvited guests and it’s a government service here.
I don’t want him stepping in the door and saying, “Ah. I can see your problem, ma’am. You’re a pair of filthy, disgusting slobs.”
December 7, 2009 — 4:56 pm
Comments: 25
Stuff hippies like
I confess: in the States, I shopped at Whole Foods sometimes. The organic thing is a total crock of shit, but they sell beautifully chosen food — and a lot of exotic things I couldn’t get in my regular Stop ‘n’ Shop run. Sometimes I’m willing to pay through the nose for that.
Here, I scratch that same itch at painfully quaint specialty stores. Where I bought this stuff today — fancy, multicolored, fru-fru, popping corn. Zaramama was the Incan goddess of maize (for reals — I just looked it up).
Whenever a food or cosmetic is associated with an Incan deity, slap a hand over your pocket quick — a hippie is surely trying to steal your wallet.
I’m recently reconnecting with popcorn. My dad — who is super health conscious — popped the stuff in shopping bag quantities. With no salt or added fat. It was appallingly healthy and there was lots and lots of it. When I left home, I swore I’d never touch the stuff again.
So I missed out on movie popcorn and the whole “movie popcorn” manufactured scandal. The one where those pinch-faced lefty scolds at the Center for Science in the Public Interest claimed a medium popcorn contains “more fat than a breakfast of bacon and eggs, a Big Mac and fries, and a steak dinner combined.”
Uh huh. That seems pretty implausible, but…whatever. At least you can safely ignore the part where they warn you off cooking it in coconut oil — turns out the stuff is probably pretty good for you. And good for popping corn, because it’s stable at high temperatures.
I have a simpleton’s sullen distrust of the microwave oven, so I pop my corn on the stovetop in a deep iron skillet with a lid. In coconut oil. Then a light spritz of oil to make the salt stick.
Corn pops because of the hard outer shell — the starch inside can super-heat before the shell goes bang. This happens at around 360°F in a delightful crunchy starch esplosion. If you end up with small, chewy popcorn, you cooked it too hot. If you have many unpopped kernels, you didn’t cook it hot enough.
This stuff? I made some a little while ago. Very nice. No unpopped kernels, fluffy and crispy and exceptionally tasty. I looked online, though, and nobody is selling it any cheaper than my shopkeeper. Special occasion popcorn, then.
Good weekend, everyone!
December 4, 2009 — 8:12 pm
Comments: 36
A lefty critique of cap and trade
This is actually a good explanation of the evil economy-raping Enron-inspired resource-suck that is Cap & Trade, but from the lefty perspective. So it accurately portrays the mischief in the system, but in a framework of CO2-phobic, capitalism-hating, bleeding-heart boneheaded hippie shit.
Notice the expression “climate justice” in there. You’ll hear those words again in future. It’s our old friend redistribution of wealth dressed up in her new environmentalist togs.
Anyhow, this is worth ten minutes of your time, if you want a quick rundown of where the holes are. Annie Leonard, the narrator, is better known for a similar film called The Story of Stuff, which is chock-full of so much stupid I’m surprised it can drag its stupid ass out of its stupid bed in the morning.
Edit: my bad. I just watched it again. She doesn’t use the expression “climate justice” in this one. She says “pay back ecological debt.” Man, all the new names for old concepts…I get so confused.
December 3, 2009 — 8:26 pm
Comments: 24
Toiletpaper Week continues on sweasel.com
That’s him. That’s the little freak on my toilet paper.
I actually started the evening trying to find out why Bounty paper towels are called Plenty here. Turns out, Proctor and Gamble sold Bounty to SCA, a Swedish company, who decided to rebrand it. But, frankly, it looks EXACTLY the same, except it says “Plenty.”
Oh, and it’s two inches shorter. Because kitchen roll is smaller than paper towels.
Anyhow, it turn out SCA also owns Velvet, our house TP. And they’re in the process of rebranding that, for some reason. Let’s hope they get rid of Buttwipe Boy in the process.
SCA bought up Charmin in the deal, too. Which Uncle B says was a serious mistake, as — for some damn reason — Charmin clogged toilets up and down this green and pleasant land.
And that’s where I found this, which is some kind of promotional dealie for Charmin that’s, like, all New York City and pee jokes. Don’t get it.
I know. Lame post. I’m all bummed because I was set to watch the first online live famous brain dissection tonight, but either the server’s down or jammed or they’re blocking the UK.
No, really.
December 2, 2009 — 7:08 pm
Comments: 25
Save a tree — wipe your ass with a hippie
It’s obvious the media made up a whole batch of warmist stories for the run-up to the Copenhagen summit, and they’re by-god going to run them — Climategate be damned. The New Scientist has an article hilariously titled Five eco-crimes we commit every day.
Eco-crimes. Gosh, that sounds super science-y.
Anyhow, it’s a list of things that produce more CO2 than you think (you do think about how much CO2 you’re pumping out, don’t you?). You might’ve knowed it would be a list of everyday things life would be perfectly fucking miserable with less of. New clothes before your old ones have totally worn out. Doing the laundry. Letting food go to waste. Coffee (dear sweet Jesus…coffee).
And, yes. Toilet paper.
It seems long fibers from freshly cut trees are needed to make soft bog-roll. As paper is recycled, the fibers get shorter and harsher. One hundred percent recycled TP is probably like burnishing your asshole with a windowscreen, but…hey. Polar bears, dude.
Polar.
Bears.
Hooray! Greenpeace gives us a guide to environmentalist-approved toilet paper, including a handy .pdf you can print out and carry with you. In case of shock toilet-paper-buying opportunities, I guess.
Incidentally, if Greenpeace is accurately describing the situation — if Kimberly-Clark really was needlessly cutting down old-growth forests to make toilet paper — then I guess I’m glad they got nagged into stopping. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to find they had been harvesting trees in a responsible way on the advice of wise forest managers. And indian shamans.
If I had to play who-do-you-trust between Big Business and Big Eco…meh.
December 1, 2009 — 7:22 pm
Comments: 42
Bo-ring
We didn’t do JACK today but go through Uncle B’s shit trying to get his paperwork ready for the bookkeeper. We’re refinancing Badger House and nobody’s lending just now. It ain’t easy making your net look tiny to the tax man and huge to the bank man. When your accountant is honest.
Also, Uncle B stores paperwork the way I imagine a giant hamster would. And his last bookkeeper vanished with half the papers we need. And his fiscal year starts (confusingly) in September, because that’s when he started working. Oh, also I’m completely innumerate.
On the whole, self-employment is a LOT less fun than unemployment. Pray he never figures that out.
November 30, 2009 — 9:03 pm
Comments: 20
We knew him when…
Goodness me, what a handsome lad! But who’s that banana holding him?
Why, it’s Christopher Taylor. Who has, apparently, published hisself a book.
So I guess when he’s not putting together thumping great blog essays, he amuses himself by writing novels.
Huh. I’m sensing a pattern here.
November 28, 2009 — 5:36 pm
Comments: 21
I hasn’t found that job yet :(
Okay, I may have altered the sub-head a bit.
I don’t have much to say for myself this fine post-Thanksgiving Friday night, so join me in trawling old WWII posters looking to steal stuff for inspiration.
Here’s Northwestern University‘s collection. And this guy’s Flickr set is excellent.
There are a few surprises. Like this one, which seems to be calling for racial harmony. And I didn’t realize they got this explicitly religious (hoo! That would make a modern ACLU guy’s cranium esplode).
MAN those people laid guilt trips on each other. “My daddy’s not coming home because you took the bus to the movies” sort of thing. Plus a lot of useless nannying. Eat your vegetables. Don’t start forest fires (yeah. Smokey was ALL OVER dubya-dubya eye-eye. Go figure).
Somebody told me once — don’t know if it’s true — that loose lips didn’t actually sink any ships at all. Still, it’s fun to revisit an era when you could express patriotism in totally non-ironic terms.
Good weekend, everyone!
November 27, 2009 — 7:21 pm
Comments: 15
Happy Thanksgiving!
We’re having duck for Thanksgiving! Because I’m a idiot!
Also, today is my first anniversary of being an immigrant. That was a happy coincidence, falling over the finish line just in time for Thanksgiving.
I am thankful for many things today. I’m especially thankful for Michelle Obama’s eyebrows. Because, somehow, hundreds of people doing a Google Images search for that rude picture of Michelle are clicking on my snark about her eyebrows instead.
Eat too much turkey, drink too much beer, watch too much foo’ball and get into a fight with Uncle Bill for me, everyone!
November 26, 2009 — 5:52 pm
Comments: 25
Talk about something else for a freaking second
My taste in music is…what’s the next stop after “eclectic”? Psychotic? Retarded?
Lots and lots of banjo music. Not all of it bluegrass. I have Chinese folk songs that sound like an alleycat with his balls clamped in a bench vise. I have klezmer. Played on the dobro. I own an album called Music to Strip By, which I bought for no other reason than I found it musically intriguing.
Point is, taking a music recommendation from me is often an exercise in x-treme suck.
But try it just this once. I’ve been listening to Pomplamoose lately, which is two kids shluffing around a shabby apartment in their pj’s making music. It’s fun to listen to, but it’s even more fun to watch — which you can do, thanks to their YouTube channel. They manage to put out a really rich sound, which they do almost entirely with conventional instruments. Surprisingly few electronics or post effects.
Watch for free, or download from their MySpace page (tracks are either a buck or free, though the free download thingie is junk). They’re also on iTunes, but I hate that shit — once you download the iTunes app, it stays resident forever.
Here — start with their cover of Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies and see if it’s not more fun to listen to than an cat with his balls in a vise.
November 25, 2009 — 8:23 pm
Comments: 31