Amazing!
This is Uncle B’s Cereus Peruvianus, also known as the Peruvian Apple Cactus or Night Blooming Cactus. He bought it in the Eighties. Then it broke in half and he repotted it. This is the top half, which will very soon have grown too big for the greenhouse (then what he’s going to do, I have no idea).
And in all those forty years, this is the very first time it’s flowered. He’s so excited.
I mean, I guess that’s a flower bud. The Wikipedia article says it both flowers and fruits, and that doesn’t look like the fruit.
Alternatively, it might be a tiny pod person.
August 20, 2024 — 7:24 pm
Comments: 9
When he was small
This isn’t a memorial post. Albert is still very much with us.
I witnessed the very moment he fell out of his shell. Onto his back, naturally, waving his feet in the air. He was always twice the size of the other chicks. In group photos, he’s way in the back, sticking up like a q-tip.
He eats, he sleeps on the perch at night and he cock-a-doodle-doos with the rest of them. I won’t give up until he does.
When I put let him out into the garden now, he loosens up until he seems quite normal. Sometimes he falls over when he hops up even a little way. Sometimes he has these odd fits where he puts his head down and walks backwards for a few steps.
Years ago, I had a little hen that had those fits, too. After much searching online, I found someone else with a backward-walking hen. They said it was a nutritional deficiency.
So I put vitamins in Albert’s water, but I don’t think he likes the taste. First thing he does when I let him out is go over to the communal water and drink for about ten minutes.
Sadly, I can’t give him that much time out. I have to give the other two cockerels some time in the garden, too. They’re a year older than he is and there aren’t many Summer days left in any of their little lives.
August 19, 2024 — 6:41 pm
Comments: 3
I ate my first fig
I didn’t care for it. It tasted nothing like Fig Newtons.
We have an elderly neighbor who sometimes calls upon us to wrangle technology for her. She has a large and attentive family, but when they aren’t available, we’ll do. We had to sort a DVD player for her.
We’re building up a karmic reserve. Ain’t no large and attentive family for us when we go gaga.
Once years ago she grew all sorts of things in her garden, but now all she has are those things that survive and produce after years of neglect. We get paid in things like figs, artichokes and walnuts.
Have a good weekend. Don’t eat anything I wouldn’t eat!
August 16, 2024 — 7:04 pm
Comments: 8
I bought another thing
I bought a sun hat made of paper. It looks like a regular straw sun hat, but weirdly floppy.
It’s hard to see how it’s made. It like little tubules of paper rolled and then woven. Seems strong. Perfectly comfortable.
I made a joke about not getting it wet, but the man who sold it says that’s not an issue and you can crush it in your suitcase and it springs back to form. Probably because it was mostly formless to begin with.
August 15, 2024 — 6:52 pm
Comments: 9
I bought a thing
You’ve probably figured it out, but I was stumped. It’s a dandelion puller.
Works a treat on soil. You dig the prongs into the earth and rock it back. I have a whole bunch of thistles popping out of my sad, brown excuse for a lawn and it did for them. Sadly, it’s useless for pulling weeds out of brick work, which is what I particularly hoped it would tackle.
One of the pleasures of country shows, there’s always at least one guy selling reclaimed old garden tools. The forks and shovels are too heavy for me, but the small tools are beautiful and feel wonderful in the hand.
August 14, 2024 — 8:02 pm
Comments: 12
Oh no!
Yesterday, James Lileks published his last column for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. I know this because Iowahawk tweeted it. (The two men congratulate each other for being funny in the thread).
This is confusing, though, because the internet tells me Lileks’ column stopped in 2007 after a round of budget cuts at the paper and I can’t seem to find the rest of the story.
Whatever. I used to read him a lot, but I admit I lost track of him over the years. Happy to say, his website is still there. He’s actually kept it somewhat updated, including his blog the Bleat and the Institute of Official Cheer.
I could (and probably will) wile away the afternoon with the Gallery of Regrettable Food (updated for 2024!). I’m quite sure my grandma made some of those dishes.
August 13, 2024 — 3:39 pm
Comments: 7
Loved it.
It’s the only two minutes of the Olympics I watched. You’ll be hard pressed to find a version of it on YouTube that doesn’t have a huge, bouncing watermark or breaks halfway through to ask you to subscribe to their channel. People obviously trying to glom onto this silly cow’s fifteen minutes. And the official Olympic channel doesn’t feature it for some reason (snicker).
I’m sure most people would argue that break-dancing shouldn’t be in the Olympics, but it isn’t the silliest Olympic sport. And if you watched clips from the proper entrants (which I did trying to find our friend Raygun), it’s kind of mesmerizing and athletic as hell.
Here’s a guy who takes it seriously and tries to explain why she was so awful. If you care. Just a small rabbit hole I fell down this afternoon.
A rare hot Summer’s day here and I’m trying not to move too much.
August 12, 2024 — 7:17 pm
Comments: 9
Say what now?
I’ve slept to a white noise machine my whole adult life. Probably longer. My dad taught me old style – tuning the TV to an off channel. Doubles as a night light!
I was happy with that until that one night I had a terrible vivid dream I was sitting in a rowboat with Margaret Thatcher watching Panama burn. I remember the firelight glittering in her hairspray. Turns out, it was 1989 and the channel was running a broadcast about the US invasion of Panama.
Then I got a fancy audio gadget that sat on the bedside table and made whatever kind of hiss I asked it for. I liked it well enough, but it wasn’t suitable for married weasels.
For years now, I’ve used a tablet, earbuds and Rainy Mood. I’ve gotten good at turning over without losing me ears. It has the added advantage that my alarm plays through the headset in the morning and doesn’t wake Uncle B.
But for months now, the tablet chimed quietly in the wee hours for unknown reasons. A small sound, but often enough to wake me. Sometimes happens twice in a night. Never anything on screen to tell me why. I finally got the idea to turn on notification history so I could find out what program was doing it.
Sonofa bitch. My alarm app has an upcoming alarm notification (see above, now turned off). That’s right – my alarm woke me up to tell me it was going to wake me up in a few hours. Who wants this?
Uh-oh – here comes the cat. Gotta go. Have a good weekend!
August 9, 2024 — 5:45 pm
Comments: 9
help am stuck under cat
please send st bernard, brandy.
August 8, 2024 — 6:38 pm
Comments: 6
Srs bsnss
The Summer Fete season is nearing the end for 2024 and I haven’t posted about it once. It’s the same every year. That’s part of the charm, but it makes for lousy content.
This weekend, I petted the same two donkeys that I petted last year and the year before. Nice beasts, but you know. Limited replayability.
I do get a kick out of the judging at this one every year. They take it so seriously. If you can’t read that, it says “Great cake and flavour but quite messy finish. What a shame.”
Silver cups for the winners, so there are stakes. I’m sure there were plenty of noses out of joint in the aftermath.
The sad truth is, Summer is almost over. I just hosted a Zoom meeting and we set the date of the next meeting for September. It’s almost September, y’all.
It would help if we hadn’t had such a cold last three months. Hottest year on record, everyone.
August 6, 2024 — 6:50 pm
Comments: 4