Ah, old friend
That’s it. Two more blogging days until the election, and I’m out of juice — have a recycled classic!
Yeah, I’ve just been browsing all my old Obama P’shops. Even though I never really nailed him, it occurs to me what a very easy target he was, after all. Remember the handwringing about how to caricature our first black president without Going There? Turns out, if it weren’t for his excellent tan, he really looks more like a nerdy white guy.
It’s dawning on me that I might have to draw Romney for a few years. I can’t draw Romney! I can’t! I’m not good with likenesses, and he doesn’t have much ‘hook’ to hang them on.
It’ll be four to eight years of Guy Smiley P’shops, I warn you now!
November 2, 2012 — 11:53 pm
Comments: 10
Brrrr…
Because he asked nicely (and because I couldn’t think of anything else to post today), I did the Barack Obama/Valerie Jarrett mashup for reader Caliban. And it’s giving me the willies. Please make it stop looking at me.
Spitting image of an old friend of mine from art school. Yeah, he looked like a drag artist, too.
November 1, 2012 — 10:52 pm
Comments: 37
About that AP survey…?
Did y’all see the brouhaha last week about an AP poll that supposedly found 51% of Americans are prejudiced against black people? That really weirded me out, because…well, among other things, they’re not counting black people as Americans?
So I tracked down the actual survey (.pdf file). It’s a joint product of the University of Michigan, Stanford University and the University of Chicago. Here’s the first question:
“Irish, Italians, Jews, and other minorities overcame prejudice and worked their way up. Blacks should do the same without special favors.”
If you agree with that, you’re scored as a racist.
Let that sink in a minute.
If you think black people are just as smart and capable as Irish, Italians and Jews, you’re a racist. Phwaw. Ready? Question two:
“Generations of slavery have created conditions that make it difficult for Blacks to work their way out of the lower class.”
Disagree with that, and you’re a racist. So if you think someone’s prospects are not blighted by something horrible that happened to his great-great-great grandparents, there’s just no other explanation for it: you’re a racist, sugar! The next three questions are pretty much variations on the “hard work = get ahead” theme from the first question. Here’s question six:
“Some people say that Black leaders have been trying to push too fast. Others feel that they haven’t pushed fast enough. What do you think?”
Yup. If you think the likes of Jesse Jackson and Louis Farrakhan aren’t doing black people any favors — racist! The next two questions are how much racism is there in the US, and how much of that is the fault of black people. Then they move onto complete voodoo.
On a computer screen, they show a quick flash of a black man’s face or a white man’s face, followed by a Chinese character. Then you’re asked if the Chinese character is pleasant or unpleasant. They do this 24 times. If you don’t like the squiggle you see after a glimpse of a dusky gob, you’re Bull Connor, baby!
Totally not making that up. It’s called Affect Misattribution Procedure (AMP). Because — science, you inbred hillbilly!
That’s it. That’s the whole thing. That’s how they come to the conclusion a whopping 51% of Americans are racists.
Is this the new, official, mainstream (Associated Press) definition of racism? Thinking black people are as smart as anybody else? And only 51% agree that they are? And those 51% are the bad guys? I really am having trouble processing this.
And, after all that, I still don’t know if the AP is only counting white people as Americans.
October 30, 2012 — 10:26 pm
Comments: 43
This is what happens when you put Greens in charge
Okay, so Brighton and Hove Town Council are thinking of scrapping ‘Mr’ and ‘Mrs’ in official paperwork. The reason? It’s complicated.
No, no…the reason isn’t complicated. Gender is complicated. We’ve moved beyond straight, gay and transgender into a category called genderqueer. No, really — that’s a thing. It’s apparently gender’s Undecided column.
I suspect the ordinance unlikely to go through, even in Brighton (the South coast’s gay capital; it’s always been a little…queer in Brighton). But it’s been proposed (yes, by a Green party councilor). Oh, and tax forms have already scrapped Mr, Mrs and Miss in favor of the gender-neutral Mx.
Here’s the thing. I just really don’t want to think about your issues any more. Do whatever you like, and as long as you aren’t hurting anybody, I’m okay with it. But please stop demanding that I think about your genitals and your sex life so much, okay?
All of you. Not just the extra bent people — the straight people, too. I don’t want mental pictures of ANYbody else’s stuff any more, okay? Just. Ew. Deal with it yourselves.
The picture? Generic picture of Brighton Pier. I was laughing about this the other day – have you noticed no online news story is ever published without a picture, even if they have to rustle up something stupid? Like, “Fox Steals Picnic Basket” runs with a picture of a fox and the caption “file photo of a fox.” Oh, hey. Good to know.
But in this case? You’ll thank me for not picking one from the ‘genderqueer’ images search.
Okay. Here. Tomorrow. Six sharp. Round 41 of the Dead Pool. Be here or be genderqueer! Unless you already are, in which case…bummer, Mx.
October 25, 2012 — 11:05 pm
Comments: 22
Big Bird, binders and bayonets
You know what really puzzles me? In 2008, the Obama people knew instinctively to sell him as an upbeat, nonpartisan, nice, inspirational guy. And in 2012, the same team thinks the country is hungering for President Sarcastic Jerk.
No, actually, a LOT of things puzzle me about these guys. The whole Obama crew. I mean, the randomness of so many things this administration has done.
Like, really cracking down on pot smokers — even in states that have legalized medical marijuana. Or these drone strikes, some of which make even bloodthirsty me a little uneasy about ‘peripheral damage.’
He hasn’t governed as a boilerplate liberal. I can’t decide if the thread that connects all these things is an insatiable will to exercise power over others, or just a weakness of central leadership, so all the agencies wander off and do their own thing.
p.s. Oh. Hey. Help a weasel out. Did I get enough zeroes in 16 trillion? I kept adding three and taking away three. I’m so freaking innumerate, and Google search isn’t helped by the fact Brits don’t use “billions.”
October 23, 2012 — 9:21 pm
Comments: 24
See your Romnesia, raise you Barackoli
Eat your Barackoli, America!
Nah, just goofing. Stupid idea. And you know what? I didn’t even get there first.
Let me know how the last debate goes. I’ll be tucked up in my little weaselly bed, snoring and farting.
October 22, 2012 — 10:11 pm
Comments: 26
Jinx!
Had trouble coming up with something to post about tonight, so I had a stiff vodka. Now I still can’t think of anything to post about, but I feel a whole lot better about that.
Not that there isn’t stuff going on. I’ve been watching the Romney polling threads today with awe. I think we may finally be seeing that preference cascade Ace is always talking about.
But I don’t want to jinx it by being too triumphal this far from the goal. As my old mother used to say, there’s many a slip ‘twixt the cup and the lip.
You wouldn’t think there would be many opportunities to slip just getting a glass to your mouth, but Mother was fond of the occasional stiff vodka herself.
Okay, Dead Pool tomorrow. Six pm Weasel Blog Time. Be here!
We’re playing for dick again. I’m pondering alternatives — preferably alternatives that allow me to continue making stupid and gratuitous spotted dick jokes.
I’ve got enough dick to cover my losses so far, though I am still three dicks behind. Thank you for your patience. The game isn’t fun without real prizes, but I do get behind packing them up.
Don’t worry; I won’t lose track. I have all your emails in a folder called “dicks”.
See? How could I ever give this up?
October 18, 2012 — 10:39 pm
Comments: 23
Binder full of weasel
Wow. That binder kerfuffle. That’s just all different kinds of stupid, huh?
By the way, go to do a Google search of “binder” and “binder full of women” is already the first suggestion.
October 17, 2012 — 8:48 pm
Comments: 18
Give ’em hell, Paul
Heh. I probably shouldn’t have gone with this. I don’t actually expect Ryan to slaughter Biden. Joe is, no kidding, a pretty decent debater. When he pays attention and keeps his shit together, he can pull off a damn good genial and statesman-like imposture.
And Ryan could come off as an abrasive smartass. Worst case, it might look like cocky puppy versus wise silver fox.
Well. Let’s hope for better. It’ll be in the wee hours my time, so I won’t know until morning. (Ah, I see Ace is managing expectations).
Remember — here. Tomorrow. Six of the clock Weasel Blog Time.
Dead Pool Round 39!!!
October 11, 2012 — 9:55 pm
Comments: 19
Big Bird for president!
If you want President Big Bird big and in color, you can have President Big Bird big and in color.
October 9, 2012 — 3:58 pm
Comments: 18