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Yes, please! Whorify my baby!

Oh. Ow. Geez. I’m not big on heavy-handed government regulation, but don’t you think it’s high time we had a taste-based licensing scheme for Photoshop?

Otherwise, we might end up with people doing this.

Or this.

Or even this.

‘Nuff said.


Comment from Oldcat
Time: July 11, 2012, 10:54 pm

I don’t know if it is in bad taste, but the shot on the right looks more like a wax figure than anything human.

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: July 11, 2012, 11:43 pm

Mr C. worries about all the people I erase from our vacation pictures. He thinks I’ve killed them….

sure wish I had known how to Photoshop in my first marriage.

What’s even more chilling is these children made up for their pageants. They LOOK like those photos with the layers and layers of make up and the provocative clothing!!! OMG. Toddlers and Tiaras is just all sorts of wrong. Gotta hand it to them tho, they show moms who just won’t go the glitz route, they want to keep their children natural. I just hope they’ll continue to have pageants to go to since the glitz pageants are the money makers.

Comment from Clifford Skridlow
Time: July 11, 2012, 11:52 pm

Digitized mortuary make-up.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: July 11, 2012, 11:53 pm

Was that third link supposed to lead somewhere? Although I’ll admit to being a bit embarrassed at following any of the links. . .really, those are just sad, so sad. . .

Comment from Redd
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:05 am

Didn’t they dress up/phototouch young women and kids as fairies for photograph in 19th Cen. UK? I thought that was C.S. Lewis’ little perversion?

Comment from steve
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:12 am

We seem to have crashed “Or even this”.

They have been Weasel-anched!

Comment from Randy Rager
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:12 am

As an occasional portrait photographer, I absolutely hate hate hate HATE WITH THE FIERY BURNING HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUPERNOVAS when clients ask me to remove their facial blemishes in post.

Not only no, but fuck no. If you want your portrait painted, hire a painter and leave me the fuck alone.

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:18 am

Redd, I believe you are thinking of Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll–Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass); he was an enthusiastic photographer, and young girls–sometimes nude–were among his subjects. The fairy photographs were a whole different issue–a fraud by two girls in the early 20th century (Sweas, didn’t you blog about that at some point?) C.S. Lewis (the Chronicles of Narnia) was mid-twentieth century and not particularly known as a photographer.

Comment from Oldcat
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:33 am

Randy –

Just remove the entire face with the blemish. its easier, and gets the point across.

Comment from Oldcat
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:34 am

The Cottingley Fairies were two girls photographing faires traced from a book and glued on paper stands.

It was good enough to fool Conan Doyle.

Comment from Jeff Gauch
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:46 am

Man, those pics went into the Uncanny Valley like Wile E. Coyote.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:47 am

For a second there, I thought that they were doing a before and after shot from Toddlers and Tiaras……

Which is even worse, in my opinion…

Comment from Bruno Braun
Time: July 12, 2012, 12:58 am

Oh, hells noes.

Comment from Argentium G. Tiger
Time: July 12, 2012, 2:03 am

Jeff: Exactly what I was thinking. This takes them from human to “creepy human facsimile”.


God damn it, they’re kids. People should LET them be kids.

Stoaty: To answer your question. No. No no no. No more regulation. Government isn’t the solution, government is the problem. If you catch yourself saying, “There aughta be a law,” hie thee hence to the nearest booze-store, buy a LOT of it, and start drinking heavily until the urge for government intervention passes.

Comment from sandman will resist
Time: July 12, 2012, 3:13 am

Creepier than I can name for doing that to a kid. Any kid, anywhere. Repulsive, repellant.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: July 12, 2012, 5:44 am


Chickaboomer has a Youtube Video of one of Ernest Borgnine’s last interviews. they asked him what the secret to longevity is. His answer?



Comment from Sonny Seidup
Time: July 12, 2012, 6:24 am

And as Ernest discovered, when you get so old you forget to masturbate, you die…

Comment from Nina
Time: July 12, 2012, 9:56 am

I know someone who does that to her kid. Kid’s a teen now, but it’s not any better

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 12, 2012, 10:05 am

Sorry about the dead link. Fixed now.

Comment from Mike James
Time: July 12, 2012, 11:35 am

The first link got me sort of mildly pissed off, I could see the second one being embraced by mothers with a reinforced “tacky” chromosome, but the last one goes beyond retouching, beyond tacky or infuriating or bizarre, and just leaves me sort of…flat, I guess. The kids in the final link (please god let it be the final link) look like illustrations of kids, not photographs.

It’s a free country, I am sometimes sorry to say.

Comment from surly
Time: July 12, 2012, 2:17 pm

Covering zits is one thing, removing any trace of texture or pores becomes plastic.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 12, 2012, 3:30 pm

Can I just say what a reduction to seek out someone who really knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know methods to carry a problem to light and make it important. Extra individuals need to learn this and perceive this side of the story. I cant imagine youre no more well-liked since you undoubtedly have the gift.

Um, thanks. I guess.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: July 12, 2012, 3:41 pm

I see your OMG and raise you five:


Women are sooooo competitive. I finally came to the realization that women don’t dress to attract men; they dress to out-beautiful other women.

NOTE: One beautiful friend of mine politely suggested to me that women DO dress for men… but they aren’t trying to attract men like me


Comment from sandman says; this part varies at times.
Time: July 12, 2012, 4:18 pm

Jeebus, when you look at this low-grade kiddie pron it looks like they even “whitened the eyes” so the kid looks like there is no one home. The corneas are even clean and shiny, like a new hubcap.
That is some sick shiite and whoever came up with this nonsense (and kiddie pageants) should be hung from a moving train and caught on one of those poles they catch mailbags with without stopping the train. If one run doesn’t do the job, repeat until the person is a sack of goo. What an ass, whoever that person might be.
There are some sickass folks walking this earth.


Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: July 12, 2012, 5:20 pm

What has been seen…..

I should have known not to follow those links. I’m not sure how I will ever repay you.

Comment from Bob Mulroy
Time: July 12, 2012, 5:26 pm


That was Lewis Caroll you’re thinking of. He photographed young girls nude, including young Alice Riddell. He was also unduly affectionate to her and had to be admonished about it.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 12, 2012, 6:24 pm

I don’t mind the faeries one, that’s kind of cute and not creepy like the eerie inhumanly airbrushed versions of children.

Comment from Formerly known as Skeptic
Time: July 12, 2012, 6:26 pm

Stoaty, I ran across this advert earlier today and had to look it up again after I saw this post. http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/sexy-star-advertisements-gallery-1.26950

To my eye this looked so incredibly over-photoshopped and fake (especially the guy) that I couldn’t believe it. Not as bad as what you posted, but this is a full-fledged ad campaign for a major name!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 12, 2012, 7:18 pm

Oh, FKaSkeptic…all you gotta do is type “bad photoshops” into Google and you can wile away many happy hour staring at appalling ‘shops from all kinds of major campaigns. Vogue is a repeat offender. I love the ones where they’ve chopped the lady’s waist so thin you couldn’t fit a spin through in.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: July 12, 2012, 7:27 pm

I can’t help but think of Foxworthy’s wish for a counterpart to “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” where guys can send their wives to “slut ’em up a little” here. That would be handy, though.

Comment from Davem123
Time: July 12, 2012, 7:50 pm

I just have to get some clarification from Nina on one point:

“Comment from Nina
Time: July 12, 2012, 9:56 am

I know someone who does that to her kid. Kid’s a teen now, but it’s not any better”

Were you not aware that the two prior posts has somehow changed the topic to masturbation, or were you reporting a sex crime?

Comment from David Gillies
Time: July 12, 2012, 8:21 pm

There’s a thing in William Gibson’s Neuromancer where people have their consciousness blocked so they can basically be high-end sex toys. They’re called Meat Puppets. This is what meat puppets look like. Horrible Little Miss Sunshine vibe there.

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: July 12, 2012, 9:34 pm

This is what you get when you let parents choose how to raise their children. I’m certain the UN will be happy to intervene.

Comment from Crabby Old Bat
Time: July 12, 2012, 9:49 pm

The photos remind me of the old American Girl catalog, when you could submit a photo of a child and get a doll made in her likeness. The retouched photos do NOT look like living human beings. I have to say that the fairy photos, however, would be VERY popular with a couple of my nieces. They dress like fairies all the time – to be inserted into a fairy world where their image was “to scale” would tickle them no end.

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: July 13, 2012, 12:26 am

The whorified little girl images are… disturbing.

However, you-can-be-a-fairy thing is just tacky but cute. Little girls like that sort of thing. No harm, no foul.

Comment from Mcgyver
Time: July 13, 2012, 4:57 am

Mrs. Mcgyver (Giggles) is off to the Rocky Mountain School of Photograpy http://www.rmsp.com/-y5A where she is to learn lot’s of stuff but hopefully none of this freaky-deaky Uncanny Valley stuff. She does food photos mostly, so…

I’ll warn her ’bout this — Mcgyver, Out

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