web analytics

The miracle of bacon


Wednesday afternoon, ’bout a quarter to four
I heard a knocking on my front door.
Run to the door just as fast as I can
Standing in the doorway is the bacon man.

Hallelujah, it’s the Oscar Mayer bacon man.

My neighbors went to the States and brought me the Miracle of Bacon. How they got it back — “in a cooler” they said — eh, it’ll be fine.

They also brought me saltines and paper towels. Truly, I am blessed.

p.s. that’s paint under my fingernails, not filth. Wednesday is Art Day.


Comment from The Neon Madman
Time: November 29, 2017, 9:58 pm

Mmm mmm, bacon. The real stuff. Make it last as long as you can, ma’am.

Comment from bikeboy
Time: November 29, 2017, 10:06 pm

I trust that lettuce, tomatoes, mayo and bread can all be locally sourced?

Suddenly I’m feeling some hunger pangs…

Comment from gromulin
Time: November 29, 2017, 10:09 pm

If’n the bacon ain’t grey, it’s still good. No paper towels? Huh?

Unrelated – You just KNOW that Geraldo has to be in the dugout, or on-deck, for team Perv. Can’t wait for that one to break!

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: November 29, 2017, 10:13 pm

So, now we get to the important question.

Chewy or crispy?

I boiled it once at a civil war re-enactment because (though they had different bacon than today) they were reputed to have eaten boiled bacon.
Possibly they didn’t have the necessary cook-wear to fry it properly (also, you cannot use a period tin cup to FRY anything so don’t do that either).

From this experience I give you these words of wisdom.

– it’s icky and chewy in a way bacon should never be chewy even if you think you like it chewy.

Oh, the other question – what does “naturally hardwood smoked” mean?
“Naturally we smoked it with hard wood”?
“We smoked it with natural hard wood”?
“Bacon is naturally smoky flavor right off the oinker”

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: November 29, 2017, 10:22 pm

Huh, I was supposed to cook more it AFTER I boiled it?

pull the other one!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 29, 2017, 10:41 pm

They serve a dish called boiled bacon here, but it’s definitely some kind of ham. It’s not bad, but it’s the sort of pork thing you slow cook and eat like a pork roast.

Bacon. Why can’t foreigners understand thee?

Comment from ExpressoBold
Time: November 29, 2017, 11:09 pm

3 pound packages.
Thick sliced.
$17.98 if you want the Wright’s Smoked or Double-Smoked (2X24oz) thick sliced.
America! Hell Yeah!
Prince Harry, you Øbama crazed nut! Wrong path, Son….

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 30, 2017, 1:09 am

I admit I am biased but I honestly believe that a real American Breakfast with eggs, hash browns, toast, and extra bacon is the bestest breakfast in the whole wide world… along with perhaps adding blueberry pancakes with real maple syrup if you are a bit hungryish.

I concede that some substitutions and additions can be made but that’s what they are- variations on the theme.

I was traveling in an international tourist destination recently, and the hotel was trying to cater to the major nationalities of the visitor groups. There were baked beans for the Brits, sausages and dark bread for Germans, pastries and yogurt for the Frenchies, ham, bread and cappuccino for the Itals, and even Cup-Noodles for the heathen Chinese. People generally stayed close to their roots at breakfast time except for the American bacon. Everybody was loving that sweet, sweet tray of bacon.

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: November 30, 2017, 1:52 am

What wonderful gifts! What splendid neighbors!

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: November 30, 2017, 2:00 am

I…actually would have been all over the pastry and fruit. That’s an ideal breakfast to me. I actually like bacon best on cheeseburgers or in quesadillas.

Comment from Armybrat
Time: November 30, 2017, 2:06 am

The hotel the husband works at contracts rooms to Lufthansa. The flight crew regularly take back coolers of lobster and bacon. It’s funny to watch the crew wait for their van. 2o+ people each with a small roller bag and usually about 15 coolers at least the size of the bags.

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: November 30, 2017, 2:46 am

No rolls of paper towels either? Arghhh. I am ashamed at how spoiled I am; I buy paper towels by the case, and toilet tissue too.

When Son was stationed in Scotland (1992-96) he was stunned to discover he couldn’t buy zip-lock plastic bags. So I mailed them to him. Also was surprised that cellophane tape didn’t come in a little plastic case with built-in cutter.

Comment from Niña
Time: November 30, 2017, 3:48 am

They have paper towels in ol’ Blighty, but the roll is considerably shorter than the superior American rolls.

Comment from Bob
Time: November 30, 2017, 6:01 am

Congrats on the real bacon. Over here, our son is visiting and he prefers sausage so the Mrs. bought sausage instead. It’s a temporary condition, so I will suffer through it. Anyway, I saw this on the innertubes and thought I’d share it over here:
Eagles Proudly Soar, but Weasels don’t get sucked into Jet Engines.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: November 30, 2017, 11:28 am

Don’t they call paper towels “kitchen roll” and toilet paper “bog roll”?

Two nations divided by a common language indeed…

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: November 30, 2017, 2:28 pm

I’ll need to pick up some ex-pig meat this weekend. . . .

Comment from peacelovewoodstock
Time: November 30, 2017, 4:13 pm

There is not much that is better than fresh pork belly, sliced into about 1/2″ thick slabs and grilled.

Comment from thefritz
Time: November 30, 2017, 4:24 pm

Some Veg,

Your All-American breakfast is spot on, ‘cept I substitute toast with a perfectly toasted English muffin topped with marmalade. Oh, and a nice cup of dark roast Joe or two….

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 30, 2017, 5:56 pm

You are correct, Mrs P. And the kitchen roll, as you say, is substantially shorter and thinner (and I really liked those American select-a-size ones where you can tear off half a sheet). We buy the cheapest ones for the kitchen, but even the premium stuff isn’t so good.

Also, they bought the brand name Bounty, produced an inferior paper towel with it, then renamed it Plenty (but the logo is otherwise the same). What’s the point of buying a name and then changing it?

That reminds me, Bob — I really miss country sausage, too. They have all kinds of sausage here (and some very nice ones), but nothing with exactly that combination of spices.

Ah. Awesome. I now have the “Tennessee Pride” sausage jingle going through my head…

Comment from Ric Fan
Time: November 30, 2017, 6:17 pm


Very cool acct. I never heard of google arts & culture before. Links to all the digital collections around the world and they have previews. They cover art, architecture, fashion, photography, music, film — everything. Hell, I bet they even cover bacon.

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: November 30, 2017, 8:08 pm


proof that God really loves…uh…some of us.

Comment from lauraw
Time: November 30, 2017, 9:44 pm

Great American bacon is trivially easy to make at home. And it is much better than the storebought stuff. One week cure in the fridge followed by a quick smoke or bake. And then you will have pounds and pounds of the best slab bacon in your deep freeze, yours to enjoy for a long time.

Only slightly unusual things you need to obtain are a good thick piece of hog belly, and Prague powder #1, aka Instacure #1 (a 6% sodium nitrite and 94% table salt blend). Can be easily found at a butcher or online hobby site.

I can’t imagine you have anything better to do with your time. I certainly don’t.

Comment from AliceH
Time: November 30, 2017, 9:54 pm

It’s pretty simple to make American style pork sausage starting from ground pork and adding your own seasoning. There must be a gazillion recipes on the internet using varying amounts of sage, fennel seed, garlic, thyme, black pepper, nutmeg, salt, etc… After mixing pork and seasonings, and making into patties, you can freeze them for later.

There’s even a recipe to make Tennessee Pride sausage. (Can’t link, but it’s under geniuskitchen.com)

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: December 1, 2017, 4:41 pm

Wait, we’re not supposed to want to know how the sausage gets made.

Keebler sausage elves right?

Write a comment

(as if I cared)

(yeah. I'm going to write)

(oooo! you have a website?)

Beware: more than one link in a comment is apt to earn you a trip to the spam filter, where you will remain -- cold, frightened and alone -- until I remember to clean the trap. But, hey, without Akismet, we'd be up to our asses in...well, ass porn, mostly.

<< carry me back to ol' virginny