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Who knows what lardassery lurks in the heart of the bailout?

Click to belargen. No, there is no color, but you have to see the large version to appreciate all the tiny shoulder hairs illuminated by backlight that I painstakingly drew before I realized they wouldn’t show up at regular posting size. I almost published an earlier version, which included a glimpse of Congress’ little icecream-covered winkie. I figured it was too dark to see and it would be my little joke. Then I saw the graphic on an LCD panel, and there it was — winking at me! I’ve got to get rid of that old CRT I use at home.

So, how about that bailout, huh? The soundbite of Nancy Pelosi describing Barney Frank as the “maestro” of the new, improved (now with extra EXTRA pork!) bailout plan made my skull implode, and then fold in on itself and vanish in a flash of supernatural fire, like the house at the end of Poltergeist.

So I did the only thing I know to do when confronted by my own powerlessness in the face of a terrible injustice: I drew a picture of the people who made me mad as a big ugly naked fat guy with a tiny winky and hairy shoulders. Take that you stupid, stinky doody-heads!

Yeah. Everything I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, too.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 10:23 am

Wasted a bit of time this morning looking for a picture of the house imploding at the end of Poltergeist, for the benefit of anyone who missed the end because the roast was ready and he really should get the dinner up and the whole movie up to that point was so very stupid (pronouncing it ‘styoopid’). I feel sure there’s at least one out there.

But I did find some fun things to play with this morning. I always run into fun things when I do images searches, because people name their pictures such odd things.

Here’s Spinners Top 20 Worst Song Lyrics Ever. Followed by readers’ choice of the same. I agree with Readers’ #13 — “Guilty feet have got no rhythm” cracks me up every time. Oh, no, Boss — I gots de guilty feets! (Yeah, that was racist. Might as well, right?).

I once read someone giving Morrison a hard time about using “squirming like a toad” — because it was just there to rhymewith “road.” I thought that was pretty unfair. For one thing, if we disqualified all lyrics that used particular words simply because they rhyme, we’d wipe out about 80% of the song catalogue.

And for another — I’m no fan of the Doors — but I always thought “there’s a killer on the road/his brain is squirming like a toad” was a pretty darn good couplet. There isn’t a lot of psycho killer poetry out there.

Comment from Farmer Joe
Time: October 6, 2008, 10:30 am


Comment from Randy Rager
Time: October 6, 2008, 11:17 am

My eyes. They bleed.

Comment from porknbean
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:15 pm

You should have given that fat boy, Barney Frank’s fat head.

Comment from mesablue
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:22 pm


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:25 pm

No, no, mesa…I took an oath. I only use my Artard Powers for good.

And possibly pornography. Or blackmail. Depends on how hard up I get for money after I quit my job.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:29 pm

I thought that oath was to only use your powers for keeps?

Comment from mesablue
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:32 pm

Lord spare us if you ever turn your genius towards evil.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:37 pm

Is there a twilighty zone time-reversal going on with the comments from 12:22 to 12:32?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:39 pm

I don’t know McGoo. That’s very fuckin’ weird. I didn’t touch them and they were in the right order a minute ago.

And “chikin”…isn’t that the word they found carved in a tree at the abandoned colony of Roanoke?

Comment from mesablue
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:46 pm

Heh, just having fun playing with the comment edit thingy.

It could certainly make for some interesting comment threads.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:49 pm

Well, it times out after fifteen minutes. So it’s the rare conversation here when comments happen inside the window. In other words, there aren’t many topics that you could go back and edit your remarks and make the remarks that come after look insane or dirty or anything.

Anyway, most people here look insane or dirty just fine all by themselves.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:49 pm

Mesa! Now that was creative! Ya had me goin’ – thats’ for sure.

*McG makes notes to himself to use this later*

Comment from Allen
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:58 pm

Given the state of things lately I’ve decided what I want to do when I grow up: Rodeo Clown School!

They can’t even be embarrassed about it. Hey, let’s fight over how much of the American peoples’ money we can give away. They’ll love us for it.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 12:58 pm

I am now the #2 Google hit for “barney frank teeth”!!

Not really what I had in mind when I started this thing, but what the hell. Attention is attention, right?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 1:00 pm

That is stuff is seriously dangerous, Allen. It’s the most manly thing you can do with lipstick on.

Why do cowboys live so long, anyway? They drink, smoke and have generally broken every bone in their bodies at least once. And yet, there are lots of leathered old dudes around.

Comment from Allen
Time: October 6, 2008, 1:05 pm

I might go to one just for the sheer fun of it. They’re putting one on in April up north in Bishop. I mean how cool would that be saying, “I went to Rodeo Clown School.”

Now that would make for a memorable statement on a resume.

Hey, did I ever mention my pack horse was a wild mustang? He does fine as a pack dude, but with a trail saddle. Yee…Ahhh, oof, that hurt. I don’t bounce so well anymore.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 6, 2008, 1:08 pm

Why do cowboys live so long, anyway?

‘Cause they do the animals?

Comment from mesablue
Time: October 6, 2008, 1:39 pm

Why do cowboys live so long, anyway?

They have a lot of “alone” time up on the mountain?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 1:50 pm

Whoa! How the hell did THIS happen? I’m going to have to reconsider calling SNL “Still Not Funny” if they keep this up:

Nicked from Ace. (I also like it because it’s not on YouTube, so I can watch it from work).

Comment from porknbean
Time: October 6, 2008, 2:04 pm

Heh. You can see the trouble the gal playing ‘Blinky’ (Pelosi) is having keeping her peepers wide.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 2:48 pm

Well, sure, PnB. I bet her eyeballs were cracklin’ dry by the end.

I just got a spam from an individual names ERYDAYVIEBARF. Not surprisingly Mister or Miss ERYDAYVIEBARF is in to all things oral. Including oral hygeine.

Comment from Allen
Time: October 6, 2008, 2:52 pm

Jeebus, nearly 8% on the S&P 500. Thankfully, the government is here to help us out. Congress, stop helping! You don’t know squat about anything, except corruption. That you’re most excellent at. OK, I feel a little better now.

I’m gonna let it settle for a while, but I’ll be back in the market near term.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: October 6, 2008, 3:36 pm

You nailed it! (And what is the difference between a stoat and a weasel?)

Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: October 6, 2008, 3:46 pm


suddenly, lunch seems, I dunno, kinda unimportant.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 4:24 pm

A stoat is what Americans call a weasel (and we both call an ermine in her lovely white Winter coat). A weasel in the UK is what we call a least weasel in the US — a very teeny weasel without the black tail tip.

America is also blessed with mustela frenata, the American longtailed weasel, which is like a stoat with a longer tail.

Comment from John Maszka
Time: October 6, 2008, 4:34 pm

This bailout is just one more example of the indivisible handjob stroking irresponsible CEOs and CFOs with billions so that they can run the American economy even further into the ground. So much for Keynesian economics. If the goal is to stimulate the economy, why not give the money directly to the American taxpayers? We could do twice as much good for the economy by giving half as much money directly to hardworking American taxpayers. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush administration.

Comment from Lemur King
Time: October 6, 2008, 5:05 pm

Just tuned in. Great horney toadies! Nice work, Weas.

I mean… it would be if… if… if… it weren’t so effin’ true. The look you captured is priceless.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 5:22 pm

Whoa…check it out. Mazka’s link is to his book on B&N (there’s only one copy left on Amazon, FYI). I have a feeling I wouldn’t agree with it, but I’m so pissed with the lot of ’em in DC at the moment, I can’t bear to stick up for my side.

Comment from porknbean
Time: October 6, 2008, 5:30 pm

I’m pissed to at the whole lot of ’em in DC too, but the big shit belongs squarely with the democrats. They caused it, they exacerbated it, and now they totally are in control of it with our money bailing out their friends and contributors.
Ball-less republicans, too effing afraid of being called racists, should have called in the FBI when they found out what Raines, and Frank were doing. Oh no, Fannie and Freddie are solid, how dare you racists imply anything untoward is happening.


Comment from Gnus
Time: October 6, 2008, 6:14 pm

For those with kittehs, here’s the final solution for that odor problem…

No need to thank me. It’s all part of my response to the politics of today — look for weird stuff on the intertubesnet thingy.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 6:18 pm


Comment from XBradTC
Time: October 6, 2008, 7:33 pm

I said early on it was critical to pass the bailout, but folks managed to convince the House Reps to fight against is (I know, the Dems are to blame there as well, but I EXPECT them to be stupid). So, the market tanks, the Congress rushes to pass a bill, but now it is all porked up, and late to boot. Time was of the essence, and we wasted it. We shall pay a heavy penalty for that.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 7:35 pm

Who knows? We can never know what would have happened if we’d done that other thing.

It’s the promise of history.

Comment from XBradTC
Time: October 6, 2008, 7:54 pm

I know, weas,(meaning, I KNOW, not I agree) that’s why I was saying we needed to pass the bailout. And I can’t remember if I said it here or at Ace’s, but I promised that taking longer to pass v2.0 wasn’t going to make for a better bill. ACORN was never going to pass, and neither was the free pass on Paulson being the sole judge. But now look what we have. Pork, and slow response. In the week and half we fiddled, we let the ripples extend to Europe and that’s gonna come back and bite us in the fanny like a ferret with sharp, sharp teeth.

Comment from XBradTC
Time: October 6, 2008, 7:54 pm

Hell, now I want ice cream.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 6, 2008, 8:00 pm

We all scream for icecream.

Comment from Allen
Time: October 6, 2008, 8:32 pm

Icecream, pshaw. I don’t just want pork either, I want pork fat. Pork fat rules.

Hmmm, come to think of it I want every member of Congress force fed chitlins. Here, eat this ya bastards. OK, I guess I’m still a little pissed.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: October 6, 2008, 9:35 pm

Hey Stoatie. Did you catch the Navy-Chair Force game saturday? The Navy came to Colorado in STYLE this year… 🙂


Comment from jwpaine
Time: October 6, 2008, 9:59 pm

Kinda OT, but it just dawned on me how truly tragic it would be to leave a cake out in the rain, and I wanted to share my chagrin.

/thanks. I’m done now

Comment from LemurKing
Time: October 6, 2008, 10:11 pm

MMMmmmm. Pork fat.

Reminds me… need to make some of that bacon-fat mayo this coming weekend and report on it.

Mmmmm. Pork fat.

I wonder if they have bacon-flavored ice-cream?

Comment from Allen
Time: October 7, 2008, 1:43 am

Porkhawks, serious bad visuals.

On the upside, I’m working on my ladyfriend how going to Rodeo Clown School is a good thing.

This might be a bit uphill. 🙂

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: October 7, 2008, 4:51 am

Not to worry, jw. I have the recipe. But it takes a long time to bake it.

Which reminds me; I’ve had this little ditty going around in my head for days. Identify it (without peeking) and win …um … well, you win.

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
‘Bout the flappin’ fish and the girls I’ve loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it’s all true
I swear by my tattoo

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 7, 2008, 7:49 am

Ugh. I hope you guys watched that SNL video, because it was really good…and it has been taken down now. Michelle Malkin thinks it’s because the couple at the end and, of course, George Soros are real people.

Real people with a taste for activism and billions and billions of dollars.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 7, 2008, 7:55 am

Michelle’s got a transcript and some screenshots up. I just noticed the title under George Soros is “Multi Billion Dollar Hedge Fund Manager – Owner, Democratic Party.”

Man, that whole thing was a big ol’ delicious slice of ‘winger pie! (Even the swipes at Bush are funny and entirely deserved). The question isn’t why it was taken off the air, it’s how it ever got on the air in the first place.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 7, 2008, 8:09 am

This is a kind of a neat short article on army ants. Specifically, on how army ants use their bodies to plug holes in the path, so other ants can run over them to forage for food, thereby increasing productivity by as much as 30%.

Yes, Science News for Kids. What?

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: October 7, 2008, 8:59 am

It was a funny skit, and I did notice the “Owner, Democratic Party” bit and was surprised that that actually aired. I didn’t think the guy doing Bush did a very good impression, though. He isn’t twitchy and jumpy.

Comment from apotheosis
Time: October 7, 2008, 10:06 am

Proof that despite the perceived hivemind tendencies of socialists, they’re more advanced than army ants: they’ve learned to throw other people’s bodies into the holes and walk over them instead.

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