sweasel.com

Which one are you?

Weasel got the table? No way.

Sounds like moonin’ time to me.

With a rich, juicy, full-throated raspberry thrown in for effect.

And I can’t sleep – again.

And then she woke up and it was just a dream…

You reached 4am from the dark side, McGoo? That’s rough. Long about eleven in the evening, I start getting those “we’re all going to dieeeeeee!” thoughts and it just goes downhill from there. Drinking fixes that nicely.

Oh, good! I suspected the Table assignment was “artistic license” but was too horrified to quite dismiss it. Besides, the idea of anybody mooning their employer pleases me too much to let go. Its so much more creative and dramatic than a letter. Never did it myself. Wish I had, though….

(sigh)Opportunities lost.

Looks like I slept from about 4 to 7. That’s not too bad. I should’ve used meds or gone to Denny’s for some healthy Goth-baiting and Moon’s over my Hammy.

I mooned my boss once but only because he mooned me first.

Spouse-mooning doesn’t count.

Unless its not your own spouse you moon.

Bend, and hold your breath,
To achieve that Winter hue.
A lovely blue moon.

Some do not approve
Of baring butts in public.
It’s just so … cheeky.

I wonder if God
Had moons in mind when He said,
“Turn the other cheek”?

I just got done meeting with a real estate agent, who put me in touch with a handyman, who’s coming tomorrow to talk about hauling away all my LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL JUNK.

My sphincter’s so tight you could strip wires with it…

Will there be a ceremony?

A wire stripping ceremony using the rectum? Pass.

Oh, yes, Gibby. It’s an American Midwestern custom, like anvil-shooting or (I think) Ramp eating.

I knew a gal many years back that tried to strip a piece of 10-3 Romex and couldn’t sit down for a week. Years later, after she married, she gave birth to triplets.

Here I am making jokes, and Weasel is probably in serious mourning as I speak, watching silently as faceless strangers take all her Stuff. Just the thought of having one’s Stuff touched, handled, and then casually taken away is kinda stressing me out, too. I think Thorazine is called for in cases like this. No half-measures. No prisoners.

Not yet, McGoo. Not yet. He’s going to give me a call after church. Yep — my rag picker’s a church-goin’ man.

Given the magnitude of the operation, this is going to be a phased withdrawal. Garage first, then basement. Then I’ll have some place to PUT stuff.

But for now, I am slow-cooking a pot roast in prune juice. Please not to be asking me how I developed this recipe.

Pot roast? In prune juice? I won’t ask, ’cause I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

On the other hand, Sweasel, ya can’t just throw that out there. You know how nosy we minions are.

On the third hand, I’d love to have a garage to put Stuff in. I’m about one gene splice away from a pack rat myself. 🙂

I went to allrecipes.com and typed in roast and prune juice in the ingredient search and nothing came up. There were only five recipes (out of millions) that even use prune juice at all. Your recipe sounds oddly odd. Do tell…..

Oh! Well…it’s just…every once in a while, in the supermarket, I’ll think, “wouldn’t it be great to poop like a wild goose?” Because, that’s one thing I don’t poop like. So I buy prune juice. But then I think, “you know, there aren’t many times it’s convenient to poop like a wild goose.” So the stuff just sits in my ‘fridge. And then I go to cook a potroast and I think, “do I have any fruit juice to cook this in?” And bingo — prune juice.

You’re not moving UK-wards until february ’08, right Weasel? It’s a good job, because according to this guy, our non-buddhist friends are going to do something in january.
To wit:
‘^ … You bloody fucked up asshole … the Quran is the most positive book in the entire world !!!!! It goes to show that it is from ALLAH …. Man you guys are fucking stupid … You dont know that we really have infiltrated all and we will kill all you kafir sons of bitches one by one once we come to power … repent for your sins or suffer the wrath Of Allah on day of judgement…. You keep on saying that we are an icon of embarrasment and ridicule … wait till jan of next year … ooohhh there will be fireworks … then you will TRULY see how far we have penetrated , how much we know , how intelligent we are ,how much influence we have and how deeply we have you cornered… which is more than you can ever imagine …. ISLAM will rule all !!! ALLAHUAKBAR … bring damnation to all the infidels who see through their fucking balls ….hahahah next years gonna be great .. death to the UK !!!!’

I hope that’s just a literal thing and they’re going to put on a nice fireworks display. That’d be super. I love fireworks.

Aw, isn’t that sweet? I love fireworks!

Ah-ha! Pot roast in prune juice! I wish I knew what that signified.

Hemorrhoids? Are you in a – ahem – delicate situation, Weas?

Is it for the Table People? Kind of a charity meal that at the same time enhances regularity?

Fireworks? I love fireworks, too!

I love the aerial displays most. The Allah’s Rectum Burst, The Infidels Revenge (with 3 reports), Mohammed’s Diarrhea, and the Towelhead Chasers!

Last year I saw a “Premature Homocider” go off and it was the best of the show! I hope they have one this year.

Even the little tiny fireworks – like the Martyrs Winky’s- and the Idiots Brains is ok.

Ooooh. I just read that they’ll have a special display:

“Wanking Muhammad”!

They say you can hear it moan two counties away.

Well, I figured out why Weasel is doing Roast Beef with Prune Juice. She’s going into competition with these folks:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-11-10-holiday-sodas_N.htm

Now, that is embarrassing. I have a whole fridge full of Jones soda, which I like to think of as “pretentious hippie soda.” Like so many pretentious hippie products, they are tastier than their bigger competitors.

But the label distinctly says “product of Canada.” Are Seattle companies running Canuckian sweatshops or something?

Haven’t the foggiest clue, Weas. But you knew that.

But if you drink Jones soda and haven’t died or turned into anything unnatural then I’ll have to try it.

I lost faith in life, the universe, and everything else when Fosters of Australia opened a brewery in Cannuckistan back in the 80’s (I think). The resulting product was undrinkable for years. Tasted like dishwater.

I was deeply chagrined. Fosters (in steel cans, dammit!) used to be my favorite.

It’s funny about the steel cans. I have absolutely no idea why container materials make a difference, but they do. Coke in glass bottles almost vanished from the UK a couple of decades ago but has started to make a bit of a return. For some reason it tastes completely different out of glass – far nicer.

Dunno about beer, though. Hate the stuff. Leave it to the Weasel, in fact, so she can look all tough and hairy-arsed.

I have other vices of a liquid kind…

God, I miss coke in glass. The big fuckers – the 16-oz’ers.

Its arguably the second-finest way to take your morning caffeine.

Yeah, agreed. Nothing beats a coffee enema.

No, no…the little 6-ouncers were the most powerful! My grandmother had the drug store deliver them by the case; the fridge door was full of them. She called them “dopes” — no doubt a holdover from the days they had cocaine in them.

Remember, just before they stopped packaging them in glass, for a year or two they made a HUGE 32 ounce glass bottle? It was Coke bottle shaped and everything! Get out of bed with the scunge mouth and up-end one of those, ice cold…burns so good!

Now that was good, Badger.

Yes! The burn! That wonderful Coca-Cola burn!

That whole-bottle down-the-hatch, don’t stop to breath, glub-glub caffeine+sugar RUSH in the morning! Whamo! All eight cylinders of the mind BLASTED into fiery simultaneous motion by rapid oxidation of caffeine and sugar with a humongous rev’ing I’M AWAKE AND AM RIGHT HERE! sound!

Better’n sex. And only 50 cents.

I remember when a six ouncer, in a glass bottle, was a nickel. Had real sugar in it, too. Yum. And a metal top you had to pop off.

Heh, put your dopes in a poke and tote ’em home. East Tennessee-isms. Makes me pine for the hills.

I remember the 6’s and (I think) the 32’s. Yes! I do. I do remember them.

But the 16’s are what stick in my mind. Coke used to sell an 8-pack, a full gallon of coke.

When ya finished a whole 16’er off, you kinda BULGED. And there was a really big gassy burp somewhere in your future history, for sure. Big enough to vocalize entire sentences around, if you were of a mind to.

So Gibby, where was the allah-nutbar spewing that monkey spank from? Did you get to cuss it back?

A great mixture of humanoid firecrackers and real Coke™
…but roasted prune juiced up roast? Ermmmm….
Then again, maybe a nice roasted enema for the jihadis would
rid them of some of their compacted shit and cause a drastic
attitude change. Heh

Oh! Hey! And remember when “recycling” meant washing Coke bottles real good AND USING THOSE SUCKERS AGAIN? Yeah, that’s energy saving, planet-hugging, cost effective recycling, bitches.

But, noooooo! You young whippersnappers love Gaia, but not enough to DRINK AFTER SOMEBODY ELSE.

Pussies.

Hell, I used to carry the Coke empties out to the car to be returned (and RE-USED!) when Mom went grocery shopping. I hated doing that. I always dropped (and broke) one, and had to clean up the eff’ing glass.

Remember the white band around the wide part of a glass coke bottle? Where it rubs against the adjacent bottle?

You’d get those on even factory-fresh cokes because the bottles were RE-USED!

Hah! Funny memory. The checkout clerk would just ASK how many empties you returned – they wouldn’t go back in the back and check because everyone was presumed to be honest back then.

And remember the heavy lip of the bottle and the lethal chunks that were often chipped off it? First thing you’d do after popping the top was run your hand around the edge and make sure it wasn’t slicingly damaged. And there were forever rumors of clean, sterilized mice found crumpled in the bottom of a bottle of Coke.

There was a Coca Cola bottling plant in Nashville between my home and my school in the late ’60s. I was fascinated by it; traffic always jammed up there on the way in and I sat and watched the bottles go ’round the conveyor belts. One morning as I watched the factory do its thing, the radio announced the death of…either Hendrix or Joplin. Both, I think, on different days in the same spot. I was ten.

All fond memories. Also, remember how thick the bottle bottom was? Hence the expression coke-bottle glasses or lenses.

I visited Nashville when I was in school. I remember the Parthenon duplicate there. Beautiful.

porkn, it’s from http://prophetmohammed-comments.blogspot.com/

I post under the charming nickname ‘infidelsalwayswin.’

The only times I’ve ever had Coke from a glass bottle were on holiday in Europe. I’m not sure when they stopped putting Coke in glass bottles in Britain, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was before my childhood. The eighties basically.
So, I can’t offer an opinion as to whether Coke tastes different out of different, uh recepticles. All I do know is that – and this may put me on the CIA’s Most Wanted List – I can’t drink it. It’s far too sugary and sickly for me. Also, it makes me teeth feel funny. Like I’ve-just-lost-a-layer-of-enamel funny, which is misleading because it’s not really that funny. I suppose that’s true of all carbonated drinks, which is why I don’t drink any of ’em.
Are any of you old enough to remember when Coke use to have, well, coke in it? I heard they still use E. coca leaves in the manufacture of Coke, except they’ve been de-cocainised. Personally I think they should leave the coke in. It wouldn’t be harmful, addictive or anything, what with there only being trace amounts, and’d just really push Coke into the realm of ‘energy drink’. Plus sales’d go through the roof with teenagers buying it by the crate load to try to get high off.
I wonder what they do with all of that cocaine after they’ve extracted it from the coca leaves? Probably chop and snort it at board meetings.

The Parthenon was where the stoners hung out, McGoo. So, ummm…I spent a good deal of time there. There’s a monument to one of my relatives in that park. For those who haven’t had the pleasure: in pink, blue and beige cement. Tasteful? It’s got Nashville written all over it!

Across the street is the Old Colony Cleaners (somebody was forever stealing the ‘y’ off the sign) and next door is a Krispy Kreme donuts with a glass back wall, so you could see the donuts travel down the conveyors and get squirted with fillings and slathered with frosting by machines. At two in the morning, if you were a stoner, this was a real treat.

I don’t think there’s been coke in Coke since the 19th Century, Gibby. I have read that when it first came out, people were really worried about that dangerous drug that had been added: caffeine.

Stoners, eh? Well – a man always returns to his buds – er, I mean roots, so they say. But I’ve rolled a – er, I mean turned over a new leaf.

Hey! Those Parthenon colors were supposedly picked to match the original Greek marble, and mucho development work went into the shades and textures to get it just right.

Ditto, on the cocaine issue. I doubt anyone is alive (and kicking, anyway) who actually had ‘cained coca cola.

I really wonder what it tasted like? Did it numb the tongue and gums like most of the powdered ‘caines do?

So you’re saying that none of you is hundreds of years old? Pfft.

Well, the Erythroxylum coca seedlings that I’ve got are too teeny to chew on so far, but unless I’ve misunderstood it, a leaf from a mature bush plus a bit of bicarbonate of soda (to liberate the cocaine, ecgonine, benzoylecgonine, all of the other unpronouncable alkaloids, and to erode your teeth) gives a noticable ‘coke-rush’ a numbed mouth and a ‘look at me ma, I’m dee king o’ dee world!’ feeling. The first time, and provided you’ve been sober for a while at least. I’m not sure how that translates into non-de-cocainised Coca-Cola, though I suspect it’d be nothing more than a cup of coffee-type effect.

Gibby, it’s got corn syrup instead of sugar. That’s why it’s awful. Someone (lauraw?) mentioned that around Passover, the stores with lots of Jewish customers sell real Coke with actual sugar…something to do with Passover dietary restrictions…so you could look into that. Or order some Dublin Dr. Pepper, made with pure cane sugar, from the Dr. Pepper factory in Dublin, Texas.

Or just don’t drink coke*, which is probably a much better bet.

*in Texas, all soft drinks are called “coke.”

btw, Dr. Pepper definitely tastes different out of plastic as opposed to glass or aluminum. Plastic is slightly water-soluble, so it affects the taste.

Yep. What Mrs. Peel said.

Cool. Well, I still think I’ll stick to water. I’d have to go to London (which is about 5-6 hours away) to find any kosher grocery stores probably. Maybe there’re some in Manchester. Still a few hours away.
Dr. Pepper is pretty sickly-sweet too. In an almondy sort of way. I think I’m just more of a savoury-type person overall. Though if it was a hot day, a big class of Coke wil lots of ice to dilute it a bit would go down great.
By the way, is it just me or does opium smoke/vapour sort of, sort of smell like what root beer tastes like? Root beer is rare here. It used to be part of the fixed menu at McDonalds when it first came to Britain, but they dropped it after a few years.
Root beer is sort of sickly sweet too, but having a drink that tastes how opium vapour smells earns you a lot of forgiveness if you’re a softdrink.
Bet none of you (apart from Badger) have ever had Dandelion and Burdock…

Dandelion, yes. Burdock, no.

I was not impressed with the dandelion – but I was very young.

…and – yes – opium smells very slightly like rootbeer, but more medicine-like, and thicker, richer.

I love that smell. Opium, and nitro-methane+alcohol are my two favorite chemical smells.

I suppose it’d bring down a wall of derision on my badgery head if I admitted I prefer Pepsi?

Depends. How do you keep it lit in the pipe?

I can no longer drink ‘sodas’ or ‘pop’. Gave them up before I had chirrens. Several years after, I had me one and the caffeine had me bouncing off the walls.

According to wiki, Dandelion & Burdock tastes like Sarsaparilla drink, so I guess if you’ve had that, you’ve pretty much had D&B. Wait, is root beer made out of sarsaparilla? Uh, in that case, wiki is a goddamn liar; they don’t taste the same.
Anyway, yeah opium – what an intoxicating smell. Lierally. It beat the shit out of weed in terms of evocative, excited-making smells for me. Which, when you think about it is sort of rational since strong weed smells like a combination of body odour, rotting meat and something that I wouldn’t want to lower the tone of delightful, highbrow conversation (about fine cuisine, illicit drugs, religious zealotry, fireworks and carbonated softdrinks) by mentioning.

I always thought that was the whole point, PnB?

But you’re no-doubt setting a good example for the kids – which they will ignore completely.

But pick up one cigarette and they’ll have ’em lit and stuffed into their cute little gobs faster than you can say nicotine withdrawal.

Root beer was made from Sassafras – not sarsaparilla (at least AFAIK).

Then some asshole discovered that Sassafras is a cancer-causer.

You left out Mooning haiku, Gibby. I’m miffed.

Dr.Pepper – prune juice.
For real. Heh…

Yeah. I wonder how the Weasel Pot Roast came out?

Did she take in any for the Table People?

I think Pepsi tastes better than Coke (corn syrup Coke, anyway), but I don’t drink any soft drinks anymore, except for the occasional ginger ale. So my opinion probably isn’t worth much.

I finally figured out that I like whichever one I’m drinking at the time. I did the Pepsi challenge and – yes – they taste different. But they are both ok. I’m not real big on soft drinks anyway. But I’d pay a bunch to taste genuine opiated Coca-Cola. The Real, real thing.

BTW: did someone delete Lokki?

Oh, god! The Filter…..!

One of the things I used to like as a kid was the classic combination of drinking an RC Cola while eating a Moon Pie. You can only find Royal Crown in the south though. These days I mostly drink herbal iced teas.

I’m learning so much today.
Apperently there’s an annual Royal Crown Cola and Moon Pie festival in Tennessee.
Sorry about the haiku McGoo, I overlooked it.
And yeah – what happened to Lokki?

Speaking of iced tea – I have a question for Aunt Weasel or Uncle Badger. Has the concept of iced tea been embraced England yet? Back in the late 80’s my parents and I made a trip there and stayed a week or so in Cambridge. My mom would order iced tea in restaurants and the servers often acted like they never heard of such a thing and some seemed horrified by the idea. Heck, any iced beverages outside of the Americanized fast-food joints seemed be a dicey prospect in fact.

Ugh! Mercifully, not, Mr Yorl.

You do see it in supermarkets, which half-heartedly offer some vile, pee-coloured beverage with a Liptons label on it. But, no, for the most part, iced tea remains something Americans do to a good, honest drink, no doubt having failed to develop the taste for it made with Boston sea water.

(koff)

You can get iced tea in supermarkets and so on, but it’s, bizarrely, sort of rare in cafes, restaurants and whatnot. At least where I live. Which isn’t saying much since I live in a remote village in the middle of nowhere.

I always thought that was the whole point, PnB?

But you’re no-doubt setting a good example for the kids – which they will ignore completely.

Not really. Never had the jitters like that before. Unpleasant feeling.

The kids will buy soda when they are with their friends, not a problem. But, unless it a bday or holiday, I won’t waste the money on it.

No worries on the smoking bit. And if I found they were putting ciggies in their gobs, I would put my foot up their other end.

Hee! I suspect it’s a climate thing Uncle Badger. Cold drinks don’t have as much of an appeal in a colder, clammier country. In the hot, muggy south and the dry oven of the west nothing goes down the hatch quite like a nice iced tea 🙂 Iced coffee is really starting to catch on too.

PnB, – you have to get used to vibrating through your day. Like martinis or scotch, its a learned vice. As for the kids and ciggies – keep an eye on ’em – and their friends. I’m told that breaking a heroin habit is easier than quiting nicotine. I can’t personally testify about Horse, but quiting cig’s is really, really tough if you have the (wrong) genes for it. Been there. Done that.

Enas, I was going to say the same thing about cold drinks in a cool climate. I guess that’s why the Brits don’t like their beer really cold, either.

Dr.Pepper w/peanuts or corn nuts in the bottle. That was
lunch in sr.high school. Oh, and Dreamsicles for dessert.

This ‘cold drinks for a hot climate’ thing has always had me puzzled. The British learned their tea habit in India and when, as a kid, I craved cold fizzy glop, my parents used to shake their heads and insist that a cup of tea was more refreshing.

I thought then (as I do now) that they were wrong. But not as wrong as I used to. A hot cup of tea can work wonders in the summer.

On the odd occasion that we actually get one, of course.

Meanwhile, I make Uncle B save the leftover, cold tea from the pot so I can have proper ICED TEA. Best cold beverage in the world, and the world’s biggest tea drinkers don’t drink it.

Badger,

I have this little notebook thingy I use to keep my worries organized. I hate disorganized worries – don’t you? Each morning I look in it to see if there’s anything I need to worry about that day.

(FYI: I had no worries today. Nice. But tomorrow I have to go to the barber. I’m getting scruffy.)

I just made an entry: “Monday, July 7th, 2008 – drink a cup of British hot tea at 2PM sharp to see if it refreshes in the heat like Badger’s parents said.”

I don’t doubt your parent’s wisdom, but – well – We shall see.

My dad feels that way about strong, hot, black coffee. That’s what they gave him in the army and it stuck. Not what I consider a thirst-quenching beverage, but there you go.

Just remember, Weas, some desert-dwellers (or is it mountain – dwellers?) consider a nice goatskin full of fermented Yak milk refreshing, too.

I consider coffee a pleasant, harmless, recreational drug – not a drink. Black coffee is for mainliners, not cream n’ sugar dilettantes like me.

Oh, hang on McGoo – I think my parents were largely wrong, too…

Oh, and yak-butter in tea is the Tibetan thing. Strange people… Must be the lack of oxygen.

But as for coffee? Ugh! I like the brew a lot, but it tastes far too thick to be thirst-quenching for me.

I wish I hadn’t come late to the party again.

Black coffee is for mainliners

I bought one of those euroweenie pod coffee maker thingys so I could make super strong black crema coffee at home. I’m not a morning person. I would inject the stuff if I could.

I also love the taste of black coffee, though. It’s gotta be hot, can’t stand the taste of iced coffee.

In the summer, I start my day with an unsweetened iced tea. Without the sugar it’s a lot more crisp and refreshing.

Still on vacation, Dawn?

Nope. Can’t erase a Worry, Badger. I’ll let you know how it goes next July. But you’re probably right. I will take data.

Yep. Tibetan air is too thin for good thinking. I should live with the Dutch – down as low as it gets. Lots of extra O2 down there below sea level.

Bet that’s why they’re so smart. Look at all the good cheese they invented.

I know the substance you’re referring to, Mesa. Ought to be illegal.

My brother used to make that hot, black, high-octane espresso stuff for me when I visited him. Two of those and I would turn into a whole-body blur for an hour or so. The vibrations got so bad I couldn’t even read. My eyeballs were self-oscillating in their li’l skull sockets.

Hi, Dawn.

Drink coffee?

I take my coffee hot, freshly ground and viscous. If you can see the bottom of the cup, then it’s not stong enough.
As far as the Netherlands thing goes: Oh yeah, only smart people build their countries below sea level…
Just kidding, I love Holland, even if it is the most liberal place in what is the most liberal place in the world, Europe.

I came to the party late and the topic seemed all talked out.
I am back from DC, but my Internet habits are being somewhat criticized because I have been goofing off so much. I just can’t seem to get motivated to get back to work.
(Hey Babe – I am goofing off right now – so there!)
coffee….blech! Can’t stand the stuff.

Cry havoc and moon him, Dawn!

Moon him without mercy!

That’ll teach ’em!

Cry havoc, madam!
Let drop the trousers of war!
Damn the Winter’s chill!

There was once a Dawn’s husband – twas mooned.
He was mooned until he quite swooned!
“So! You’ve had quite enough,”
“Of my undies and stuff?”
“My net habits will not be impugned!”