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Peace at last

diane wildenstein

Alec Wildenstein died last month. He was the husband of famous side-show freak Jocelyn Wildenstein AKA the Bride of Wildenstein AKA the Tiger Lady.

The Wildenstein family is worth about $10 billion, give or take a billion, acquired through several generations of shady art trading. The bulk of their collection is hidden in a former nuclear bunker in upstate New York. A French art critic was once allowed in and reported that it contained “a Fra Angelico, two Botticellis, eight Rembrandts, as many Rubens, three rare Velázquezes, nine El Grecos, five Tintorettos . . . four Titians, 12 Poussins and 79 Fragonards”. Shoot, I didn’t know there were 79 Fragonards.

Alec and Jocelyn were married in 1978, within a year of their first meeting, at a lion hunt. (That thing I just did there? That’s called ‘foreshadowing’). They had a reasonably successful marriage for a reasonably long time…for insanely rich people. Most of their time was spent at their 66,000-acre estate in Kenya. After about twenty years, however, Alec got de restless leg syndrome.

Jocelyn had a few facial tuneups, which staved off the inevitable for a while. Until the day she came home unexpectedly to find him in bed with a 19-year-old Russian model. He pulled a gun and everyone got arrested. Alec closed Jocelyn’s bank accounts next day and instructed the staff not to feed her — which was a problem, she said later, as she did not know how to make toast. The judge awarded her millions, and recommended she use some of it to buy a microwave. I don’t think a microwave makes very good toast.

Back she goes to the cosmetic surgeon. If looking good won’t do it, how about if he transformed her into one of Alec’s beloved big cats?

Ow. No.

Shock, horror…bitter divorce…more surgery…blah blah blah. They did eventually get back together in 2000, at least for a while. Despite her face and everything. There must’ve been something to their marriage beyond joint custody of the monkey.

Anyhow, prostate cancer got him in February. Rest in peace.

I hope she’s learned to make toast. I hope she stops doing that to herself. You, get yourself over to AwfulPlasticSurgery.com and spend an afternoon contemplating the face your mama gave you.


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: March 13, 2008, 2:28 pm


Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: March 13, 2008, 3:38 pm

Hey! Just passin’ through. Is that the lady that had her face stuck to a toilet seat for two years? They had to peel the toilet ring off her lips with dynamite or sumpin.

Comment from BTM
Time: March 13, 2008, 3:46 pm

“I do believe in spooks. I do! I do! I do! I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do! I do! I do! I do!”
-Cowardly Lion from Wizard of Oz

Pretty much sums it up.

Comment from Pupster
Time: March 13, 2008, 4:13 pm

HE got caught and HE pulled a gun?

That takes some chutzpa.

Comment from Pupster
Time: March 13, 2008, 4:16 pm

And on a more personal note…is there to be no cutting and pasting on S.Weasel? I tried to copy part of your post, couldn’t; I tried to paste my comment from elswhere, couldn’t. Is it just me?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 4:19 pm

Yeah, Pups…he claimed he thought Jocelyn and her two bodyguards were burglars. Um-hm.

I haven’t changed anything with regards to cut and paste. I just tried it. I’m thinking of upgrading my WordPress this weekend, just for shits.

So, are you off hi-atus, then?

Comment from Pupster
Time: March 13, 2008, 4:30 pm

My work ‘puter is fritzy.

I’m not hiatus-ed from reading and commenting, I just can’t seem to write anything longer than a paragraph without the overwhelming urge to fracture my finger bones, one at a time, with a pickle-hammer.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 4:32 pm

Heh, BTM. Didn’t even bother to type a link back to your site in the space provided? What kind of link ho are YOU? 🙂

Comment from BTM
Time: March 13, 2008, 5:12 pm


Pardon my ignorance, not sure how to do that 😛 I’m just a dumb lawyer who is somewhat new to this whole blogging thing. I’ll remember to fill that space in from now on 🙂

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 5:23 pm

Oh! Just make sure, as you paddle around the blogosphere, you fill in that “website” blank. Then, if you say something impossibly clever, people will want to go visit your site.

It’s going to happen to me some day. I know it!

Comment from bmac
Time: March 13, 2008, 5:42 pm

Or, on the flip side, if you say something impossibly clever, they’ll want to go visit your site, and discover all your impossible cleverness is relegated to short comments.

Comment from bmac
Time: March 13, 2008, 5:43 pm

Happens to me all the time….

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 5:49 pm

Heh. Yeah. The shorter the sample, the better I do. I was a regular vaudeville act on IRC, back in the day.

I’ve just been paddling around awfulplasticsurgery.com. As much as I enjoy seeing movie stars look like shit, I think whoever picks those is whack. Some of it is bad plastic surgery, yeah. But a lot of it, I can’t see what they’re talking about. And most of the “after” pictures can be put down to age, lighting, angle, and “before” pictures that were heavily ‘shopped.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 6:29 pm

Oh! Hey! I demand smoochies! I gave blood today.

At least I didn’t give platelets. Have you ever done that? It takes about 45 minutes. They suck all the blood out of you, steal your platelets, and push the fluids back in.

You know that old action movie cliché, where the dying hero gasps, “so…cold…” It’s like that. Your lips go cold. You start to shake. They throw a blanket over you when that happens.

But, hey — free juice and cookies!

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: March 13, 2008, 6:31 pm

Pity the poor recipient.

Weasel blud!!!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 6:33 pm

You kidding? That stuff’s 40 proof!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 6:41 pm

I didn’t eat my cookies in the lounge area like I was supposed to. I brought them home.

Mmmm…vodka and Oreos!

Comment from BTM
Time: March 13, 2008, 6:44 pm

Hey, don’t you know you can get paid for giving that stuff? Just go to the most seedy part of the town you live in, there is probably a tattoo parlor and a cheap liqour store close by. You will see a plasma “donation” center where they pay alcoholics and college students like 50 bucks to donate their plasma. Its a great deal. Plus, its easier to get drunk after you have donated.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 13, 2008, 6:50 pm

They do that still? I thought they gave up paying for blood a thousand years ago…!

I thought about selling sperm samples, but Uncle B bit me.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: March 13, 2008, 8:13 pm

It’s always bugged me that I can’t give blood (I’m too small). I would do the plasma thing, but it’s one thing to have your blood removed. It’s another thing to have it removed, centrifuged, and put back in minus the plasma. That’s just asking for an infection, that is.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: March 14, 2008, 7:06 am

They might let you donate if you got really fat. Bonus: all the donuts you can eat!

Comment from Anonymous
Time: March 20, 2012, 5:37 am

He married a very young Russian model in 2000. I dont think he got back with the lionness.

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