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But my husband doesn’t even know I’m the Dovahkiin

Yes, yes…that’s a giant humanoid lizard in banded leather gauntlets shoveling a snowberry crostata into a brick oven. And why not?

The folks who brought us the wildly popular game Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim decided their nice little game of dragon-slaying, zombie-stomping, vampire-staking and empire-conquering really needed to be…a little more like real life. Their latest add-on fixes that.

Now you can buy property, build a house, get married and have kids. You think I jest?

New Objectives and Interactions – Guard your home from unwanted visitors like marauding kidnappers, armed bandits, and skeever infestations. Turn almost any follower into your personal steward to improve and protect your home. Or if you require more help, hire a personal bard or carriage driver to ease the burdens of home ownership.

– Transform your house into a home with Hearthfire’s all-new adoption system. Adopt children and discover new ways to interact with your family. Play games with the kids, allow them to have pets and gain new bonuses from having a family.

Oh, doesn’t that sound like a little slice of Hades? One minute, I’m in Markarth repeatedly beating an apostate priest to death with a rusty mace while a Daedric prince repeatedly resurrects him, and the next, I’m all, like, “hi, Honey — I’m home!” It’s like Second Life with horned helmets and beheadings.

Well, for £3.49 ($4.99 American) I might just have to buy it so I can abuse my kids.

Steve pinky swears he didn’t break Steve’s Rule — he picked Alex Karras fair and square while they were both still breathing. Dang it, I just put his third dick in the mail. I’m’onna have to come up with some kind of virtual dick for this guy; he’s killing me for postage. Yes, friends, Steve has now won his fourth dick. Congratulation, Steve. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM STEVE.

Meet you back here Friday, 6WBT, for Round 39!


Comment from Tim
Time: October 10, 2012, 10:18 pm

I’d buy Hearthfire. If only it was available on the PS3. 🙁

Comment from Armybrat
Time: October 11, 2012, 12:03 am

4 time winner? So……..we’re all good Steve, right?! RIGHT?!!!!!!

Comment from Mitchell TAFKAEY
Time: October 11, 2012, 12:12 am

Time to put Steve on the Group W bench…

Comment from Mcgyver
Time: October 11, 2012, 12:42 am

Steve needs to start choosing more, uhm, “appropriate” choices, so to speak.

Comment from PatAZ
Time: October 11, 2012, 1:34 am

Time to hit Vegas, Steve.

Comment from JeffS
Time: October 11, 2012, 5:36 am

Steve — may I call you Steve? Thank you. Here are some suggestions, in no particular order, of the best (worst?) choices for the Dead Pool. I’ll hold back, just for you, so go ahead!

Hugo Chavez
Jimmy Carter
Harry Reid
Fidel Castro
Nancy Pelosi
Robert Mugabe

And so on.

The world thanks you.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 11, 2012, 1:15 pm

Hmph. I just checked. If your character is a Khajiit, you don’t get to adopt kittens. Boo. A lizard baby might be cool, too.

Oh, wait…I wonder if you could adopt that little boy who did the voodoo ritual to call up the Dark Brotherhood and kill his teacher? He was pretty cool.

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: October 11, 2012, 1:34 pm


Um – hey, Steve – for whatever I might have, in some passing manner, incidental to whatever else was going on, have given you any slightest cause for resentment or even some sort of an awkward moment, or some such – I do deeply and sincerely apologize, m’kay?…

With that out of the way – maybe you’d also consider choosing Redpants Insaney Janey Fonda for this next round? Just a thought…

Sweasey, on the whole “family/kids” thing: Consider carefully – rug rats can be cool beans on occasion, and mostly they’ll eventually grow up to be useful individuals, but they are also more than a wee bit of bother, ‘specially since there are often rules against stuff like drowning or drawing and quartering if/when the “growing-up” processes aren’t running too well…

If you decide to go ahead anyway, my (now adult, thankfully) son, who is a straight-ahead gamer freak (I’m not any kind of gamer, on- or off-line, meself), sez don’t let ’em have any really “exotic” pets – you’d definitely come to regret that! Some may think baby skeevers are actually kinda cute, but nits make lice, if you catch the drift…

Comment from mojo
Time: October 11, 2012, 4:00 pm

Steve’s middle name is Azarael.

Comment from surly
Time: October 11, 2012, 8:15 pm

I went for Dawnguard but haven’t ponied up for Hearthfire yet. Seems there are community mods for home building covering the same ground.

Comment from AliceH
Time: October 11, 2012, 9:18 pm

Meh. Another computer game post I don’t understand.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 11, 2012, 10:08 pm

Yeah, I bought Dawnguard, but I haven’t moseyed on over to the content yet. I haven’t decided which team I want to play for.

Oh, AliceH, the chooks are a mess. Still molting. Miserable. Hating the cold and wet. Pecking on me and each other.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 11, 2012, 10:10 pm

Oh, and surly? You need to do some more artwork. That evil chicken is brilliant.

Also, more Zazzle.

(Yes, okay, me too. I’m woefully neglectful and I could totally use the money)

Comment from surly
Time: October 12, 2012, 9:23 pm

Yes, I am a lazy bastard. More Zazzle stuff would be good. I finally ordered some “Guild of Mustelids” bumper stickers from myself. 🙂

Comment from my site
Time: October 13, 2012, 5:03 pm

Now I am going to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming yet
again to read further news.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 13, 2012, 11:11 pm

Okay, Dawnguard looks pretty cool so far. I am now at the decision point, though.

So…what’ll it be? Shall I be a vampire or a slayer?

Comment from Redd
Time: October 14, 2012, 12:19 am


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