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Pucker up, Vicar

So we got a notice in our box to come help decorate the church for Christmas. It asked us to bring, “holly, ivy and evergreen fronds.”

Uncle B says, “did you notice what’s missing?”
And I’m, like, “no.
And he says, “mistletoe.”

Mistletoe: not welcome in the Church of England. It was a big Druid thing, so the church is not cool with it.

Except York Minster, where the Dean hangs a sprig of mistletoe above the altar on noon, Christmas Eve.

Because, England.


Comment from Redd
Time: December 14, 2012, 12:08 am

Ha! Just looking at your photo makes me imagine a green piney smell.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 14, 2012, 12:19 am

In case fellow infidels are wondering, no, the larger of the two mustelids will not be helping decorate the church, though he will attend the carol service (with his claws crossed behind his back at certain points in the ceremony).

Theologically, he’s more on the side of the mistletoe fans.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 14, 2012, 12:28 am

Don’t look at me like that. I’m only a church lady because I love that old building.

It’s not that old for around here, where it’s not unusual to have 12th Century elements in a village church, but it’s many hundreds of years old, anyhow.

Comment from Gromulin
Time: December 14, 2012, 12:29 am

I’ve been walking around with a sprig of mistletoe hanging from my belt buckle. So far, no luck.

Comment from little, little
Time: December 14, 2012, 12:36 am

Always love shooting sprigs of mistletoe out of the treetops, but moreso the osculatory (sp) delights that ensue, but never in any inappropriate, or readily identifiably inappropriate fashion, which, of course, can only be identified by the participants… I THINK!

Comment from Redd
Time: December 14, 2012, 1:08 am

One thing I love about the Brits is that at least once a week they air a new documentary on the Romans.

Comment from lauraw
Time: December 14, 2012, 1:41 am

Try again: http://youtu.be/gCgV-FnEcGQ

Comment from Nina
Time: December 14, 2012, 2:15 am

I’ve been to York Minster! I climbed to the top of the tower for an extra £XX!

But I wasn’t there for Christmas, so no mistletoe for me. Funny that after all these years the CoE still bears that grudge against the Druids. 🙂

Comment from Sporadic Small Arms Fire
Time: December 14, 2012, 2:44 am

The Brits sure seem fixated on the best administrators they ever had (Romans) like a spinster about a lad who kissed her and squeezed her boob. It was during Harold Macmillan administration.

To quote Reg,

REG: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
XERXES: Brought peace.

I reck’n that the mistletoe hangup is relatively minor. That wretched Arch-Bishop of Canterbury (Rowan Royt Reverrend Mr. Bean of Mordorshire) will soon instruct his flock to comport with sharia law, and you begrudge the local vicar some gooey sticky twigs.
He looks like some creature from Jim Henson’s shop and I wonder whether there are some rural fly-fishing leagues who name some variation of outlandish caterpillar “the Rowaneyebrowes” or summat.

The caricature of its former self that is the skansen of Britannia is really past the point of no return. After Chief Officer Barnes retired to that great Lee-Enfield Metford proving grounds up above, the Brits mope around watching Beeb fakementaries abour Romans and that’s as close as the most of the accursed degenerate lot shall ever come to seeing any discipline or physical fitness or readiness to pick hardware and stand firm and resolute.


Comment from Statler & Waldorf, Barristers to The Crown
Time: December 14, 2012, 3:22 am

Uncle Badger Time: December 14, 2012, 12:19 am
>> … the larger of the two mustelids…

One seldom has a good clear view of the entire critter as it scurries around the muddy turnip patch.

Might you be referring to the one clad in tweed and shod in wellies, the one who talks funny?

Badgers are really adopted into the Mustelid order. Instead of exsanguinating bunnies, raiding nests and Xeroxing their naughty pudendae, they are mostly content with nightcrawlers and worm pies.
“weasel war dance” 191,000 google hits
“badger war dance” … good luck with that.

Comment from little, little
Time: December 14, 2012, 3:43 am

Heard today at the check out counter: “Strip down, facing me.” Unfortunately, in reference to the credit card.

Comment from Deborah
Time: December 14, 2012, 6:02 am

I used to live in a little Texas town where the local Boy Scout troop harvested pick-up loads of mistletoe in early December, and sold it in zip-lock baggies (the snack size, for $1) in front of the grocery store. Of course I bought some (you would have, too), and then I laughed hysterically all the way home at the thought of our scouts selling weed in baggies.

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: December 14, 2012, 7:22 am

Here in Wisconsin, we Badgers are Lutheran, for the Bach, if nothing else.
Lutherans own liturgical music.

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: December 14, 2012, 7:29 am

I was at Walgreen Drug today, buying a Milky Way bar, and saw something that proves that we have reached the end of civilization. You can buy a singing Lady GaGa electric toothbrush.

Comment from Oceania
Time: December 14, 2012, 9:40 am

I’m bored!

I’m thinking of doing something bad – where is the Bammster?

Comment from Oceania
Time: December 14, 2012, 10:29 am


Come out and plaaaay!

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: December 14, 2012, 11:44 am

Cousin Badger, give this one a listen to, and let me know if it makes your muzzle as soggy as it does mine.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: December 14, 2012, 2:02 pm

“Mistletoe, bah ! It’s all fun and games till somebody gets hurt.”


Comment from orabidoo
Time: December 14, 2012, 4:22 pm

Lutherans, eh. In order to achieve muzzle soggines, they are wholesale importers of Hmong, Somalis and other failed but rapidly breeding prototypes.
I am an avid collector of Bach recordings, but if i were to import any new blood i’d stick with Rhodesian farmers, German craftsmen, etc.
Rhodesian ridgebacks so to speak instead of magpies. But, to each their own.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: December 14, 2012, 7:16 pm

LauraW – Love that video. Surely those are photoshops?

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 14, 2012, 8:01 pm

I’ve been to York Minster!

I sang in it when I was in my school choir. Before my plums dropped.

Christmas is sexy in York Minster. And cold. But mostly sexy.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: December 14, 2012, 8:55 pm

York Minster is pretty cool, although the surrounding area is pitched so relentlessly at tourists looking for a surfeit of twee as to be nauseating. You half expect things to break into a suspiciously well-choreographed extravaganza at any moment.

Comment from Nina
Time: December 15, 2012, 4:19 pm

True, but for this colonial, all the old buildings were awesome!

Comment from Redd
Time: December 16, 2012, 2:59 pm

BBC Four – A Very English Winter: The Unthanks
Rachel and Becky Unthank explore England’s hidden winter customs and dance traditions

Oh, I can’t wait. Is this where you Brits get naked in the snow and dance around an old tree wearing antlers??

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 16, 2012, 5:13 pm

Don’t be silly; it almost never snows here.

Comment from Redd
Time: December 18, 2012, 4:32 pm

Stoaty, you should design an Advent Calender for chickens. Each little door would reveal a chicken treat – or at least a graphic rendition of one. Can you come up with 24 things a chicken would like? You could make millions!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 18, 2012, 6:33 pm

Oh, that’s an excellent idea, Redd! I hope I remember next year.

Well, not FOR the chickens, OF the chickens. Twenty-four chicken graphics leading up to Christmas (and hope nobody drops a horrible current event in the middle of it).

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