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Say, I haven’t posted about our little food scandal, have I? A month ago, somebody tested some supermarket hamburgers (who does this?) and found they were up to 35% horse meat. It was Tesco’s, one of our more downmarket chains, so everyone pretty much yukked it up.

Then they started testing more stuff. Horse turned up in a LOT more places, anywhere there was beef. Or, rather, “beef” — some products were 100% horse.

And then pork turned up where it shouldn’t oughta, and the Muslims and Jews turned green.

It’s touched Waitrose, our most upmarket chain. It caught Burger King out, and they had to run an apology ad in the paper. Oh, this one has legs (yeah, that’s been the best part — the jokes).

The problem isn’t horsemeat, of course, which is eaten on purpose in many places on the continent. The problem is they didn’t know what the hell was in our food.

Me, I eat a lot of dodgy cafe burgers and value-priced chili, so I’ve undoubtedly consumed my share. Luckily for me, I’m not a bit squeamish about what I eat — unless I see it being made. If you want to know more — and why would you? — Richard North is your man.

p.s. Speaking of DNA and dodgy burgers…yes, I’m calling the Dead Pool for Davem123. I’ll be astonished if that perpburger tests as somebody else. See you here Friday 6 WBT.


Comment from Mark
Time: February 14, 2013, 12:09 am

Google-image “My Lidl Pony.”

Comment from Nina
Time: February 14, 2013, 12:28 am

Ugh. Emily’s gonna love this one. 🙂

Comment from Oceania
Time: February 14, 2013, 12:31 am

Hmmmmm meat in Europe? Nyet!


Comment from AltBBrown
Time: February 14, 2013, 12:33 am

If it tasted the same, can’t imagine the big deal. It’s not like they found pieces of hoof or shoe nails in it.
Although those drive-thru burger joints hold a special place in my heart with memories of after-last-call munchies, I’ve never considered going there for a good, healthy meal.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: February 14, 2013, 12:41 am

When they start finding human DNA in the meat, _that’s_ when I’d get worried. But — lots of people disappear without a trace, so…

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: February 14, 2013, 1:06 am

Where’s the dude who was waxing poetic about staring back at a vat of cow eyeballs, when you need him?

Comment from Skandia Recluse
Time: February 14, 2013, 1:10 am

“The problem is they didn’t know what the hell was in our food.”

Now, see, that can’t happen here in the good ol US of A ‘cuz we have government food inspectors. (Unless that sequester thingy kicks in and then all the food inspectors will be laid off for two weeks, so no food shipments for two weeks. But Michelle says we need to lose some weight so its all good.)

..and it’s not like the government food inspectors could be bribed or anything. It’s all union labor anyway, so ya, no, it could never happen here.

Comment from Subotai Bahadur
Time: February 14, 2013, 1:15 am

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: February 14, 2013, 12:41 am

Just wondering, but what are the odds that if human DNA was found in the meat in Britain [or any EU country for that matter]; that a) any government body would admit it, and b) that the information would not be suppressed?


Subotai Bahadur

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: February 14, 2013, 1:27 am

Subotai The Cynical!
Although Soylent Green has crossed my mind @ KFC or while trying the more disgusting McRib or McCrabcake.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: February 14, 2013, 1:42 am

A horse is a horse, of course, of course
And no one would chew up a horse, of course
That is of course unless the horse is
In something that you’re being fed!

Comment from Jeff Gauch
Time: February 14, 2013, 1:50 am

An audit system that only looks at paperwork only ensures that the people being audited know how to fill out the paperwork properly, not that the program is being operated the way the paperwork says.

I’m guessing there’s been a bit of a run on meat grinders in Merry Ol’? I mean the tagline writes itself: “Control how much horse you eat, grind your own!”

Comment from tomfrompv
Time: February 14, 2013, 1:50 am

So, who DID decide to ask? And who paid for the DNA test? You see, this might have been going on for decades. I’ve been eating meat for decades and learned about DNA in elementary school. But never thought once to ask whether there was some “horse” in my burger.

What motivated this guy to look for horse in HIS burger?

Comment from AliceH
Time: February 14, 2013, 2:00 am

I forget where I came across this, but over time, a number of “Atkins” dieters who counted their carbs meticulously found they were not losing weight as expected, so, independently of each other, they were sending so-called “low-carb” products off to labs to have them tested at their own expense. Surprise surprise, the test results (as reported on some forum or other) showed not just higher carbs than on the labels, but widely variable results for the same products.

So, yeah. Desperate dieters do this sort of thing – it’s not just something from a Seinfeld episode.

Comment from Davem123
Time: February 14, 2013, 3:16 am

My daughter said it would be inappropriate to make an Ash Wednesday joke in re Dorner, so I’ll simply gratefully acknowledge the dick that will soon cross the pond.

Comment from JeffS
Time: February 14, 2013, 3:47 am

Yep, I’m pretty sure that there’s a great tail behind the horse meat mystery.


Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: February 14, 2013, 5:22 am

Re: Dorner

There are some great jokes about that guy… Starting Ash Wednesday early, “bet he never would have thought he’d get fired by the LAPD twice…” and my personal contribution “What’s black and crazy and fits in an ashtray?”

Comment from MIke C.
Time: February 14, 2013, 8:50 am

I’ve (knowingly) eaten horse, donkey and dog – not bad.

And Oceania? If you liked the Olympic Arms letter to New York, see what they said yesterday to the Fraternal Order of Police. An epic “Fuck Off!” In terms of sales, it’s not going to hurt their business, as they have a 2 year backlog of orders anyway. But they can look foreward to having the IRS, DHS, BATFE and God alone knows how many other alphabet soup agencies crawling up their asses in short order, I imagine. LaRue Tactical started this, Magpul has promised to leave CO, and with this sort of news being platered all over every gun-related website on the globe, I rather image these companies are just the start. Me, I have no particular desire to own an AR (my Mini-14 is just fine), but if it was even possible, I’d go down to my local Olympic Arms dealer and put in an order today. Unfortunately, they’re not even taking orders anymore.

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: February 14, 2013, 3:09 pm

Sweas, your Valentine card from Zazzle was a hit!
BTW, happy V-Day (or Hallmark Day)!!

Comment from mojo
Time: February 14, 2013, 3:13 pm

“Protein is protein”, as they said in survival class.

Comment from AltBBrown
Time: February 14, 2013, 3:25 pm

A lil’ more gun stuff from Cowboy Barry:

Comment from mojo
Time: February 14, 2013, 4:03 pm

My favorite was Barrett telling LAPD that he’d get around to servicing their brok .50s – someday. Maybe.

Comment from Wolfus Aurelius
Time: February 14, 2013, 5:20 pm

I guess it’s up to me to quote Rodney Dangerfield from “Caddyshack”: “Hey, this steak’s so fresh it’s still got marks where the jockey was kickin’ it!”

Comment from mojo
Time: February 14, 2013, 6:02 pm

“How’s the whiskey?”
“This horse needs to have it’s kidneys checked.”

Comment from tomfrompv
Time: February 14, 2013, 9:29 pm

The beauty of this story is the globality of it. Its not just the Brits who like their horse.

For example, the Swiss don’t seem to mind a little pony either. Yahoo reports “While Swiss consumers do eat horsemeat on occasion, they are extremely sensitive about the origin of their meat products”

WOW! So the upscale, holier-than-thou Swiss eat HORSE. And to boot, they’re nativists! They won’t eat horse from other countries. Too damn snooty to eat French horse, probably.

So whats the whole point of the EU if horsemeat can’t cross national boundaries?

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: February 14, 2013, 11:40 pm

Aren’t the Swiss just French people who bathe?

Comment from Justin Credible
Time: February 15, 2013, 1:13 am

Someone asked at work about the difference between horsemeat and donkey. The explanation:

They taste almost the same, but donkey has a little more kick to it.

Comment from Oh Hell
Time: February 15, 2013, 2:02 am

I worked at the livestock auction many years ago and, believe me, you don’t want to see the cows that go away to be burgers….

Comment from Veeshir
Time: February 15, 2013, 2:38 am

The problem is they didn’t know what the hell was in our food.

Steyn a few years ago said they police everything but crime in Britain.

A new dead pool? Cool, I wanted to change my pick.

Comment from Grey Ice
Time: February 15, 2013, 5:56 am

Try preparing your own meat sometime. After a few times, you won’t really mind where Burger King or McDonald’s is getting the meat.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: February 15, 2013, 11:31 am

Comment from Grey Ice
Time: February 15, 2013, 5:56 am

My ex father-in-law woke me up one Christmas morning, handed me a rifle and said “Let’s get your Christmas present”. He walked me to the stable where a steer named ‘T-Bone’ was tied up. “There it is”, he says, “take care of it so we can set to butcherin'”.

I had to shoot a steer between the eyes on Christmas morning. I’m going to hell for that, for sure. Spent the rest of the morning gutting and butchering the carcass.

My ex brother-in-law shows up while my ex-FIL is holding the disarticulated anus to keep crap from spewing all over, while I was tying twine around it to keep it closed up. The BIL turned green, ran for the house, and we didn’t see him until the afternoon. Can’t say either of us missed him.

I will say – it was the best damn beef I had ever eaten in my life. It took me a long, _long_ time before I could stomach Safeway hamburger again.

Now I live in the Philippines – where every meal is an adventure and most protein sources are a mystery 😉

Comment from Feynmangroupie
Time: February 16, 2013, 7:10 am


That was a beautiful story. Reminds me of when I worked on a farm as a youngin’ and had to restrain calves, while the farmer chopped off their testicles. He thought it was hilarious to throw them at me, a 13 yr old girl.

I would think your experience would only be hell-worthy if you had started butchering the steer before you killed. That would definitely be worrisome.

Comment from Timothy S. Carlson
Time: February 16, 2013, 6:30 pm

My ex-FIL used to put rubber bands around the testicles of the steers – it would cut off the blood flow and they would dry up and fall off.

*shudders, reflexively grabs crotch*

He was a strange old bird.

BTW: I didn’t say it was a _clean_ shot between the eyes…

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