Hey, morons!
I was going to post something triumphalist about today’s elections, but it occurs to me that the counts won’t be final for a while. And New Jersey is currently looking like a squeaker.
So why not another attempt to pick the pockets of my pretend internet friends? Yes, that’s right — new crap in my store! I got around to embiggening the Moronosphere News Network logo.
But, wait! There’s a twist! These designs are customizable to include the URL of your very own Moronblog! Just hit the “customize” button in the product information and type in your thang.
That’s right — I’m targeting you at your weakest point: your overweening vanity! WIN!
So whether you regard Ace as your blog’s baby daddy or not, I don’t care. Shit, I don’t care if you never heard of blogging. I’m just trying to con you out of a little scratch here.
But for chrissakes, morons — don’t forget to re-size and re-center the text after you change it, m’kay? I won’t have you getting moron all over my nice designs.
ADDENDUM: Uncle B is getting itchy about the Dead Pool. The prizes, I mean. We promptly mailed out all three and haven’t heard if any of them got there. Enas? Mongo? Princess B? If canned goods aren’t getting past Customs, we’ll have to re-think. (But a magazine surely would be okay).
November 3, 2009 — 9:08 pm
Comments: 25
Mourning in America
Thanks to AliceH from D-Pud for kicking my tail, I’ve finally got a production version of Zombie Reagan up on the Zazzle site. Two Reagan shirt/mug variants and a bumper sticker. More to come.
Sadly, the product AliceH particularly wanted — Zombie Reagan postage stamps for mailing those critical government forms — is not to be. Violation of the postal guidelines:
• Result: Not Approved
• Policy Violations:o Design incorporates the name or likeness of a current or former world leader or politician, or a local, regional, national or international leader, religious figurehead, or politician.
I was hoping the undead version wouldn’t count.
Anyhoo, thanks to Alice (and Ace!) I’m well on my way to a cool twenty bucks!
October 28, 2009 — 6:54 pm
Comments: 27
Unserious people
I’ve got my numbers right, haven’t I? We’re ten months in, and I know the fundraiser tally is correct. As for the number of times he’s met with General McChrystal — there was a briefing back when Obama took office, and then he scraped up half an hour during his craptacular Olympics bid. Did I miss anything?
This is about the level of artwork you can expect from me for a while. I busted the pen to my Wacom tablet. Actually, Damien busted it three years ago, when he was a wee baby psychotic, and I’ve been holding it together with hope and chewing gum ever since. It finally gave up the ghost last night.
I have a spare. Somewhere. I was using it when I first got here, before the rest of my stuff arrived, so it definitely made it. Tragically, finding it will require…housecleaning.
October 21, 2009 — 4:41 pm
Comments: 9
…and the winner is…
And the winner of the Iowahawk Endowment for the Arts $33.18 Steel Cage Art Death Match is…
Racist Pixel by US Citizen of Traction Control. Congratulations, dude — I know that’s the one *I* voted for.
But Iowahawk was kind enough to single out this ‘umble weasel (and John Manders — dammit, I wish I’d thought of a Big Daddy Roth hommage) for the Imaginary Certificate of Special Artistic Merit, which includes the Jack H. Squat Memorial Monetary Stipend.
Gosh, that’s the largest single paycheck I’ve gotten since November!
It was honor enough making the front page of one of my favorite writists. I was all, like, ZOMG! ZOMG!!!! SQUEEEEEEEE!
Wow. I had no idea I could make that noise.
October 12, 2009 — 6:25 pm
Comments: 17
Can we talk?
Hooray! We’ve reached Phase 2!
I’m thinking about…gently monetizing this blog. Nothing too exciting. Flog a few t-shirts. Run a couple of contextual ads. I dunno. At this stage, I’m just…buy-curious.
I hesitate to do this, because it’s ugly and stupid. Ugly all over my nice, clean monochrome artard blog. Stupid, because nobody is really making money. Ace gets precisely 200 times my daily traffic, and he still rattles the tip-jar when he wants to take a field trip.
But…what the hell. I spend way too much time here to make an actual living doing real work. And I’ve been unemployed for almost a year now; small change from the back of the couch would be a windfall (pennies a day is all it takes to keep a weasel in booze and spotted dick).
The one thing I won’t do is put up a tip jar. Beg pardon to those of you who have them, but that concept (from a user’s point of view) creeps me out somehow. It’s like telling your friends they owe you beer money because you’re so cool to hang out with.
Anyhow, I’m not rushing anything. But I figured I’d better say something before I start, because it means lots of screwing around with the site’s code. Guaranteed fuckupage. So if you turn up here and everything’s busted, close your eyes and think of Stoaty.
Good weekend, all!
October 9, 2009 — 6:30 pm
Comments: 57
Wot fink?
Iowahawk, of whom I am a huge fan-grrl, is having an art contest. At stake is a generous arts grant of thirty three dollar and eighteen cents.
These moneys, they am not good here. Our moneys are pretty color and they has a picture of a old lady in a sparkly hat.
Still…art contest. How can a weasel resist?
Okay, mine isn’t quite finished, but here’s the current draft. Yes, the full sized one is color. The contest doesn’t close until Sunday, so I have time to get this just right.
It’s imitative of the moving style of Gig and Keane and their richly evocative pity kitties. I suppose you could call it a Pity President.
In the first draft, he was licking his sore paw. But somehow, painting the presidential tongue was kind of. I don’t know. You know?
Wot fink?
September 28, 2009 — 6:28 pm
Comments: 41
A little light housekeeping
I was once a very conscientious little weasel. I scanned my logs and followed up people who linked to me. I checked out the blogs of my commenters. I read my way down my blogroll religiously. Now I no longer sit behind a desk eight to ten hours a day, surfing the ‘tubes and siphoning away precious resources from my employer, I am not nearly so well read.
Pity. I enjoyed you people.
Anyhow, there are some new commenters since the last time I updated my (pain-in-the-ass to update) blogroll. To reiterate the standing offer — anybody wants a link, just say the word. Here or in email or whatever. You don’t have to be a regular or anything. As long as your blog isn’t a grossly obvious topical mismatch, I will
give you that sweet, sweet linkage.
That’s just the kind of craven suckup I am.
September 10, 2009 — 5:54 pm
Comments: 31
Rumbled.
Well, that’s just swell. Using his awesome Google-fu, my nephew has discovered my blog. That means I can’t say bad words any more. Like shit. Or nipple. Or pillock. It’s a fambly friendly weasel from now on.
So, we took the gang out to our favorite chish and fips shop on Tuesday. I was twiddling the silverware waiting for our order (as you do) and I discovered my knife and fork were moderately magnetized. We went around the table, and all of our silverware was magnetized. Can any Professor Smartypants out there tell me why? Something to do with industrial dishwashers, perhaps?
It was fucking fascinating, is all I can say.
Have a good weekend, everyone!
September 4, 2009 — 5:45 pm
Comments: 23
Noticia, por favor. Danke.
Also, I have added Stronger Than Death to the Moronosphere links. For one thing, they had the good taste to sidebar Zombie Reagan. For another, I think they asked before and I plumb forgot.
Weasels! What are they like?
August 25, 2009 — 8:09 pm
Comments: 3
Ummm…about yesterday
Did you miss me? Um, yesterday. When I didn’t post. No really, I didn’t. First time I’ve missed a weekday since I moved the blog to its own URL.
Oh, well. What happened was, we finally had the neighbors over for booze and munchies. And after we drank them under the table and they wobbled home, we stayed up burning stuff in the chimenea and looking at the stars until the wee hours.
We hadn’t done that before. We’re well away from a city of any size and have next to nothing in the way of light pollution. It’s almost as dark here as where I grew up in Possum Testicle, Tennessee. I had hoped to make a whole night of it for the peak of the Perseids, but — of course! — it was overcast on the 12th/13th.
Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a sky like that! Milky Way and everything. And then I spent today being hungover. It’s an all-day job, that.
The cars? They were just sitting in the parking lot of the supermarket. Must have been on their way to a classic car meet of some kind. Lots of that around here.
Did you know the Model T had wooden wheels? Very cool.
August 19, 2009 — 6:10 pm
Comments: 12