Saturday? I overslept!
Last Weekend Weasel of the year, and I nearly forgot. Okay, I did remember last night…but by that time, I was sprawled in front of a big fire with a glass of cava balanced on my stomach full of a boozy joie de vivre. Photoshop? I don’t think so…
December 29, 2007 — 1:46 pm
Comments: 28
Happy Boxing Day!
Happy Boxing Day, everyone! I was all excited until Uncle Badger told me Boxing Day doesn’t mean what I thought it did.
Huh. That’s what he thinks.
December 26, 2007 — 7:21 pm
Comments: 13
Meh. Math.
December 21, 2007 — 11:50 pm
Comments: 19
But I don’t wanna marry Kevin!
So I had this dream. I dreamed there was this ratfaced dude with long, limp brown hair and they were like, “right. This is Kevin. You’re going to marry him.”
And I’m like, “wait…what?!”
And they go, “you promised you’d move to England and get married, didn’t you?”
And I’m like, “uhhh…yes. I guess.”
And they go, “well, the regular guy can’t make it, so you’ll have to marry Kevin.”
And I wail, “but I don’t wanna marry Kevin!”
That’s going to be my personal catchphrase for a while. You’d appreciate the power of this dream more fully if you had any idea how many suicidally stupid things I’ve done in my life because I felt like I’d promised somebody something.
And don’t get me going on the irresistible power of the dare!
Okay, so this here is what I laughingly call my studio. Actually, it was a proper artist’s studio for years, but then I raised three baby squirrels to robust adulthood in it. Squirrels are a genetically-engineered cross between rats and psychotic trapeze artists.
It was my task this weekend to pull out everything I want from this great tottery pile of squirrel-tainted weasel poo so the Garbage Fairies can come over the holidays and whisk the rest away to Santa’s Landfill. This was what it looked like on Friday. I took one look and wailed, “but I don’t wanna marry Kevin!”
But I learned something, going through my old drawings and other artwork. I learned that, if I work hard and put my mind to it, I sure can suck. I also learned that ammonia dissolves india ink — good to know when you find a big crusty pool of dried ink with squirrel tracks radiating outwards in all directions on a hardwood floor. This happens to everyone some day, and now you’ll be prepared. You’re welcome. Also, I found many hidden caches of inky peanuts and dessicated broccoli, so you’ll be relieved to know I’ll be okay in the lean times, thanks to my beloved psychotic trapeze rats. Fare thee well, boys — wherever thou mightst be!
Wait! How long do gray squirrels live in the wild? Never mind…
December 18, 2007 — 7:09 pm
Comments: 12
Smack! Ah!
Chicken fried bacon! With cream gravy dipping sauce. Once again, you can thank jw for this. The “chicken fried” construction — for the sake of you Johnny Foreigners out there — means ‘dipped in batter and deep fried.’ Yeah, you can KEEP your fagotty deep-fried Mars bars!
What’s that? Only posting a Weekend Weasel on Friday is cheating? Geez, okay:
Another sex manual stolen from Tokyo Damage Report.
Look, I know you guys will figure this out for yourselves…but…never, ever, EVER, EVEREVEREVEREVERRRRR say anything in this book to a woman. ‘K?
December 14, 2007 — 7:17 pm
Comments: 34
Smut week continues on sweasel.com
It snew! Yes, the big storm racing across America reached a Weasel this noon. I flew home at a cumulative speed of 6.25 miles an hour (wot a beaut of a traffic jam!) and…continued putting things into boxes.
So here’s a link to somebody else’s shit! Tokyo Damage Report has been on my reading list since before I read blogs, even. The proprietor is a messed-up American dude in Tokyo who comments on…bands and porno, mostly. This is where I first heard about tentacle porn and used panty vending machines — without the knowledge of which, my life would be immeasurably poorer. Yet, despite the subject matter, his posts are somehow never in the slightest prurient or even smutty.
But the site can be hard to follow. Whenever he gets jammed up in the structure of his own site, he shifts everything around and opens entirely new pages in different places. No blogging software, either; it’s all free-form and bewildering. Sometimes interesting links go here to die.
The photograph above comes from what purports to be a Japanese sex manual from the 1960s. I think. The description got severed from the page scans and I can’t seem to find it again. Anyhow, here’s the book. Sure, it starts off innocently enough, making hand-holding as complex as docking the shuttle to the international space station, but it gets pretty hot after that.
Click at least as far as the nice lady in the leotard making vague gestures at an artist’s mannequin from across the room. That’s oral sex! It looks so wholesome.
December 13, 2007 — 7:44 pm
Comments: 32
How to make an alien fossil computer mouse
A helpful video. I’m not sure why it takes thirty minutes to explain how to do this — I bet I could cut it down to a few snappy stills and some text — but I don’t really know as I haven’t watched it. No vids from work, you see.
The blog, DailyDIY looks like it’s worth keeping half an eye on, anyhow. It seems to involve a lot of knitting and gluing shit to other shit. Hooray!
It’s amazing what you learn looking for photographs of adorable fluffy rodents.
On a less felicitous note, I learned what a vaginal plug is and how to examine lady mice for them. I’d warn you not to Google it, but what’s the point?
December 10, 2007 — 3:21 pm
Comments: 39
There are a lot of places I COULD have gone with this graphic
You know, jw has a website of his own to feed. I’m so flattered when he saves the good stuff for me.
December 7, 2007 — 6:40 pm
Comments: 53
Boston has a innernets
Found among some papers tonight. No, this isn’t irony or anything. This is THE IN-TER-NET, coming to Massachusetts. Doot-de-doodly-doo!
Actually, I’d been on THE IN-TER-NET for almost a decade when I signed onto this service, but this really was a breakthrough for price and ubiquity of coverage. I think this was the mid-Nineties. The Usenet days. The Web existed, but it was still excruciatingly lame and boring and non-interactive.
The deal with Usenet, you could post under any name you liked, but your IP address was always in the header for everybody to see. That’s what made AOL such a popular trollhaven when it hit the ‘net: no matter who you were or where you posted from in the world, the IP address just resolved to plain old AOL.com. All AOL users looked alike. They could trash talk anonymously.
These people, this USAinternet thing, had dialup numbers in cities all over the country. When I posted from work (yeah…I had a dedicated outside phone line for data transfer…sweet), I dialled a local number and my IP resolved to something like powernet.boston.ma.com. And from home it was powernet.providence.ri.com.
Well, lots of ISPs used these same phone lines, I noticed. So, for the modest price of a long-distance phone call, I could make strange troll-y messages look, to anyone who paid attention, like they came from…whoever on Usenet happened to be irritating me at the moment.
Yeah. Hm. They don’t call me “weasel” for my silky fur and jaunty whiskers.
December 5, 2007 — 7:38 pm
Comments: 9
Spaminated. Enspamnified. All spambled up.
Heh. Check out the #1 blog in the TTLB ecosystem: Grandfather Clocks Blog. “Whoa!” thinks Weasel, “with 58,541 hits to Michelle Malkin’s paltry 6,139, that site has to be a real hotbed of hot beds.”
It is, in fact, a boring site selling grandfather clocks. How they gamed the incoming links, I do not know.
I have a hate/hate relationship with TTLB. The rating system broke days after I started up this site, so I was a Jaunty Plague Bacillus or an Irregularly-Shaped Mole on your Ass or whatever it was for two months. And now it arbitrarily adds and removes links from me in a random way, irrespective of, you know, people linking to me and stuff.
I know, I know: all the cool kids pretend they don’t care about traffic. But it’s like that goddamned bear is messing with me or something.
December 3, 2007 — 5:44 pm
Comments: 24