This isn’t a Photoshop, either
This old snapshot is Kim Jong-il and Kim Jong-un, having what probably passes for fun in a psycho dictator family. Geez, talk about your awkward family photos.
Right. I’m going to queue up the Dead Pool to autopost for tomorrow. Which means — I’ll see you on Boxing Day! Have a fan-fucking-tabulous Christmas, everyone!
Except that Tiny Tim guy. He really pisses me off.
December 22, 2011 — 10:33 pm
Comments: 33
Not exactly “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf”
Uncle B says, “what are you going to post about tonight?” And I’m, like, “pff! I dunno. I’ve posted Kim Jong-il twice. Maybe I’ll just make it Kim Jong-il Week!”
So there you have it. That’s where posts come from.
It’s the Holidays. I’m going to be a complete waste of skin from now until after the New Year.
That’s my solemn promise to you.
December 21, 2011 — 10:44 pm
Comments: 20
Snf, snf…you smell something?
Aw, did you see this? Dear Leader may not get the waxwork embalming treatment. Apparently, it costs about $300,000 to fly in the Soviets for the full plastination dealio, so they might bury him like a common mortal. The Norks are a bit skint at the moment.
Oh, but hey — good news! I got to use the Photoshop “plastic wrap” filter for the first (and undoubtedly last) time.
Speaking of Photoshop, Adobe is turning the crank something fierce. For several years now, they’ve been overpricing individual software products (~$600 each), hoping to force users into “suites” of programs (to the tune of about $1,500 a suite).
Now, they’ve changed their upgrade policy, just in time for Christmas. Used to be, you were allowed to upgrade at a discount for three releases. Now, they’ve announced you have to buy every release or fall off the upgrade ladder. Because what they’re really trying to do is get everyone on a subscription, so we pay every month for the privilege of using their software.
However you slice it, it’ll be a steady $600 a year or so to have the latest and greatest Photoshop. Weasel, out 🙁
December 20, 2011 — 9:45 pm
Comments: 32
Kim Jong-dead
I did not do this. This is not my work. God help me, it might even be real. Tineye found 129 copies of this, and not one (that I could find) with an explanation.
No Photoshop of mine could top this, so I didn’t try.
The two official DPRK sites I know of (here and here) haven’t caught up with the news yet. That probably means screaming chaos behind the scenes for the foreseeable. They’re worth a look anyway — always a zany, madcap romp through the Wonderland of the East.
I’m pretty sure this chubby young man isn’t sleeping too soundly tonight. Kim Jong-un was never officially named heir, he’s the youngest of the three sons, and Kim’s brother-in-law is apparently a contender, too.
If you’ll recall, it took three years for Kim Jong-il to consolidate his power, and even then, his dead father Kim Il-sung remained president. And still is.
My, my…what an interesting year.
December 19, 2011 — 8:27 pm
Comments: 32
ATTENTION…!
With Kim Jong Il, she’s just won the Dead Pool. Twice.
In a row.
New Dead Pool next Friday. The ante-penultimate day before Christmas.
Be here. If Mrs Peel spares us.
— 10:36 am
Comments: 33
ROUND 24: well, that was quick
Mrs Peel wins the lightning round with Christopher Hitchens. And now Hitch knows for sure the answer to the big question. Or, rather, if he was right, he doesn’t know anything at all. If you know what I mean.
Are y’all ready for some CHRISTMAS DICK?
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
What do we want? Aunty’s dick! When do we want it? When somebody on the list dies!
December 16, 2011 — 6:08 pm
Comments: 140
STOP THE PRESSES!
I really did stop the presses on a magazine once. Well, I spotted the error. The editor made the decision to stop the presses. (No kidding — a period was missing on the end of a sentence in a footnote. Engineers are sooo anal retentive)
Anyhoo, that means the new Dead Pool will be up today, 6pm WBT.
About seven hours from now.
Be here, or be someplace else!
— 10:46 am
Comments: 15
A very Amazon Christmas (again)
Welp, that’s it. That’s my Christmas shopping done. And I did it all without moving from this spot.
Do you have any idea how screwed I would be without Amazon? Can’t drive, foreign country, unhelpful spouse. Unhelpful in the sense that he doesn’t want anything. If it’s short of a Ferrari, he’s already bought it for himself.
I’m reduced to trawling the fearsome backwaters of Amazon. Occasionally, I score a hit (the electric butter dish I got him for his birthday has worked a treat), but it’s usually the Festival of Socks and Underpants.
Fortunately, he loves him some socks and underpants.
December 14, 2011 — 11:36 pm
Comments: 42
So, Chelsea Clinton made her TV debut last night
The best part of Chelsea Clinton’s TV performance on MSNBC last night was this savage review in the Washington Post today. See, this is what happens when you forcibly hold journalists at arms length for twenty years: they bust out nasty.
I love a mean review. Of anything. A professional word guy being savagely rude about someone else’s work somehow scratches an itch for me. This is the money quote everyone’s running with:
Either we’re spoiled by TV’s unlimited population of giant personalities or this woman is one of the most boring people of her era.
Ow. Only…speaking as someone with crippling stage fright, I have a strong suspicion what we’re really looking at is a serious case of Xanax Face.
December 13, 2011 — 8:48 pm
Comments: 50
They’re doomed now
Got a long email from my big brother today. I have one of Those Brothers (haven’t you?).
Turns out, he’s been hanging with one of the Occupy crowds. Well, he was a full-time resident, but his tent blew away (perfecto!), so he’s strictly a day patient now. I’d love to post the email; it’s hilarious. All about shutting down Bank of America and free cheese danish.
I did an images search looking for pictures of him, without any luck. He’s not camera-shy, so I’m guessing he has a full-time minder in charge of For God’s Sake Keeping That Loopy Old Bozo Away from the Media.
He was particularly chuffed about the marching. The marching and the cheese danish. If they let him wear a special hat to march, while eating free cheese danish, it would probably be the most awesome thing in his whole life, ever.
Oh, there’s no harm in him at all. My mother was the first to call him Baby Huey, which is so perfectly, hilariously apt, I can’t tell you.
Also, when your mother thinks up mean junk to call you, that there’s a bad sign.
December 12, 2011 — 10:42 pm
Comments: 32