Know Your Mustelid!
Honestly, some people couldn’t tell a marten from a weasel if you hit them in the face with one.
HOQUIAM, Wash. – Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.
The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker answered, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched him in the nose and fled.
And with the news that Mrs Weiner is pregnant, the Weinergate scandal is officially No Longer Fun for me.
Oh, not because I have a soft spot for motherhood (the failure to reproduce myself is my gift to the gene pool. You’re welcome).
It’s because — for people as ambitious and calculating as I take the Weiners to be — the suddenness and enormity of what just happened to Huma Abedin is…staggering. It makes cold sweat bead along my hairline, empathetically.
FAR harder to endure than if she’d married him for love (I cynically assume she didn’t).
Of course, I always had a sneaking sympathy for Lady MacBeth, too.
June 8, 2011 — 11:14 pm
Comments: 36
Moar Weiner
This isn’t an insightful observation; I just noticed what a big ol’ head the congressman has. Still, you have to give it to him — the man has taken care of himself. Nice pecs.
Sorry to be a bore, but I’m still loving this scandal. The man who launched a career with dirty tricks has deep-sixed it with dirty pics.
Dirty dick pics.
Teehee.
If you’re starting to feel a teensy bit sorry for this Weiner, watch the CBS interview this lying shitbag did just a few days ago. Or read this transcript (warning: .pdf) of his FaceBook chats with that Las Vegas lady (who knew liberal sex talk included so much politics?).
This is one self-immolation we can all enjoy guilt free.
June 7, 2011 — 10:17 pm
Comments: 65
Wee wilting Weiner
O #Weinergate, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways!
Andrew Breitbart says he was contacted (a week before Anthony Weiner’s gray crotchshot hit the innertubes) by a woman who claimed to have traded rude snapshots with the wee Congressman. That’s why rumors of scandal pre-dated the scandal (leading many to suspect a set-up). Looks like he intends to dribble the pics out slooooowly at BigJournalism and BigGovernment.
The ones that aren’t too rude to print, he says. For all we know, the super nasty ones are of the lady, but I’m happy to let that stench waft around indiscriminately.
If you can spare the time, nine minutes and nine seconds of Weiner being a screaming, sarcastic dick in his capacity as progressive hero. Sure, it’s painful to watch, but when it’s over, you’ll find yourself enjoying the droop of Weiner as much as I do.
Will I ever tire of Weiner jokes? Ask the blue tits on my fat balls. Ask Aunty’s Spotted Dick. The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.
No, wait…that’s fart jokes.
June 6, 2011 — 2:12 pm
Comments: 18
Coupla goodies for e-readies
Press release here, hat tip What’s Up With That, and all the wunnerful, wunnerful freebies here.
Oh, and thanks to my Kindle, I’ve gotten back into long-form journalism, so this was an especially lucky find: Longreads.com. Dedicated to collecting, sifting through and recommending the best in long-form journalism.
To read these puppies, here’s what I do: call up the article, switch it to printer version (if available), print to .pdf (I recommend the free version of CutePDF Writer), save the result in my documents folder, leave it on sort by date and manually move any new files my Kindle whenever I synch.
To read a .pdf on Kindle, it helps to switch to landscape view.
June 5, 2011 — 4:02 pm
Comments: 15
Round 16: you can slow down a bit, Mister Reaper
Tawny takes it with Jeff Conaway — to become the second double dick recipient in the history of the Dead Pool (steve is the other). Let’s hope this round lasts long enough to update the sidebar; it’s, like, three rounds behind.
Right! Here we go:
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of.
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay?
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you don’t want the fabulous prize, you’re too smart to be a regular. It takes me forever to put them in the mail, packages go by slow boat, typically take minimum eight to ten weeks and lose the will to live along the way.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The fabulous prize? Sweasel dot com’s unofficial sponsor, Aunty’s Spotted Dick! Mmmmm…it’s dickalicious!
June 3, 2011 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 130
A pretty much spoiler-free review of Temporary Duty
I had a schizophrenic experience reading Ric Locke’s Temporary Duty. As I read it through, a little voice kept telling me, “oh, now, a proper editor from a publishing house would so make him change that.”
And then this other voice would say, “yes, but do YOU think he should change it?”
Like, the pacing is uneven. Wait, no it’s not — it’s logarithmic. The set-up and introductory part runs long (background stuff about the ship’s engineering and the aliens’ language and that — I like that flavor of sci fi, so I wasn’t put off). Then it picks up when they get moving. And then it picks up some more. And then it moves really fast to the end.
There are two protagonists, and I found it difficult to tell them apart for a long time. An editor would surely insist he pick one and make us identify with him from the start.
But I have to wonder how much of that I noticed because I was reading it for somebody, instead of just reading it.
I liked it. It was very Andre Norton-y — with a touch of the Chronicles of Gor and a pinch of the Waltons.
I hesitated to describe it that way to Ric. Critics are so snobby about good old-fashioned Norton-style space adventure, but I’m a great fan. Happily, it seems he is, too.
Oh, and dude was definitely in the Navy.
So who won the schizophrenic contest? Well, Voice #1 would’ve made him smooth it over until it was exactly like every other scifi book of its type I’ve ever read. Voice #2 thought that would be a damn shame.
New Dead Pool tomorrow, 6pm WBT. You’ve read about dicks in the news all week, now win one of your very own!
June 2, 2011 — 9:40 pm
Comments: 39
e-bollocks
I love my Kindle, but dang Amazon is making it hard to buy exactly the sort of book I like.
F’rexample, I love me some non-fiction crime and police books. I hate fictional murder mysteries and police procedurals.
You know how you tell the difference between true and fictional crime online? In fiction, the synopsis has adjectives. You know, “irascible police Inspector Slab Hardcheese” or “spunky detective Dick Trouble.” That’s it. That’s the only way. You’d think there’d be a fiction tag or or a subcategory something, but no.
To be fair, that’s been a gripe of mine for years — I belonged to a crime-themed book club for a while that made not the slightest distinction between true and fiction — but Kindle is worse, since only a tiny percent published books are available as e-books.
There seem to be three classes of book available for Kindle: really old (and often pretty lame, outside the classics) for free. Current titles, for the same money as a real book (yeah. Not going there). And a handful of desirable titles for small money that I really have to work to find.
Dear publishers: I can buy a used copy of your out-of-print book from Amazon UK for a penny (the seller makes his money on the shipping and handling and you make nuffink at all), or you can re-publish your back catalogue for $.99 a title and squeeze a little more juice out of that useless pulp. Choose wisely.
In that middle, desirable category — our own Ric Locke has Amazon-published a sci fi title. I read it (I’m mama’s little shit-hot proofreader, me). I promised him a real-live book review with, like, descriptions and shit…but for now, the short version is: I liked it.
And the picture? Why, it’s my new Eco-Nique Natural Hemp Kindle snuggy. I know, I know, but it’s so gosh-darned…snuggy.
June 1, 2011 — 10:21 pm
Comments: 53
Too easy? Too obvious?
Newlywed New York congressman Anthony Weiner tried to private message a picture of his crotch to a 21-year-old Seattle co-ed. He made a one-character error that sent the link to all of his Twitter followers.
At least, that’s the way Bill Ockham explained it.
Rep. Weiner first said he didn’t know the girl. Then he said his account was hacked. Now, he’s calling it a “prank.”
He’s really not all that interested in talking about it.
No law enforcement agency has been called in. No suspects have been named (except in the leftwing blogosphere). Weiner has lawyered up and isn’t taking questions.
The only out I can see is if it’s actually an intern manning his Twitter account for him. But why he wouldn’t just admit it and drop the flunky in the shit, I do not know.
And if he’s going to invent said Mystery Intern, he’d better do it right quick.
Anyhow, I reckon Rep. Weiner could use some cheering up about now. I’m thinking of sending him a two-pack of Aunty’s Spotted Dick.
I’m thoughtful like that.
May 31, 2011 — 8:29 pm
Comments: 35
I know a game designer with ex-girlfriend issues…
You’re going to think I’m just saying this, but I always knew I’d wake up one day in a straight jacket on one of Saturn’s moons.
Played all the way through Dead Space 2 this weekend. Ten and a half hours at weenie level (I should’ve played at normal difficulty; the gameplay was a little easier than Dead Space, I think). Now I have the pleasure of going back through and killing the scary monsters so I can wander around and look at stuff.
Gorgeous. Here’s the website of one of the guys who worked on the backgrounds. And here’s five minutes of gameplay from a young man with a slight indefinable accent who screams like a little girl.
Happy Memorial Day! It’s a public holiday here, too — Whitsun.
Yeah, I know. WTF?
May 30, 2011 — 9:16 pm
Comments: 8
Probably not what the Chairman had in mind…
Character buffing just took a turn for the weird. According to this article in the Guardian, China forces prisoners to play online games like World of Warcraft to amass gold, which is then traded for non-pretend money.
China traded £1.2 billion ($1.9B) in monopoly money in 2008. That’s 100,000 people who farm gold as a full-time job (presumably not counting the afore-mentioned prisoners). They can make more money selling a virtual commodity than a real one.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what income disparity can do on an international scale. While it lasts.
Me, I bought Dead Space 2 a couple of weeks ago, but promised myself I’d play through Dead Space (1) all the way at regular difficulty before I touched the new game. Finished the final boss fight earlier today, so it’s Adiós Weasel for a while.
New Dead Pool next Friday, 6pm WBT. With the demise of Jeff Conaway, Tawny joins steve on the short list of double dick recipients. Congratulations! And, ummm…nobody sit next to those two, m’kay? Have a good weekend, everyone!
May 27, 2011 — 9:00 pm
Comments: 15