Ruin’t
As I cycled into work yesterday, I saw a young fox dead on the shoulder. Poor thing. I took a pic with my phone and thought, “I’ll post about that later.”
And then I got home and thought, “what the HELL is the matter with me that I would CONSIDER posting a picture of roadkill to my blog?!”
My brain is ruin’t.
So look at my coffee cup instead. I got it on Ebay. If you don’t recognize the logo, it’s Traitor’s Gate. Meaning this object is from the House of Commons.
I will be devastated if it turns out there’s a gift shop they sell these in, because I do so want to believe somebody pinched this from the canteen.
p.s. Don’t even ask what I think about the Meghan and Harry thing. I’m only physically capable of so much cringe before I sprain something.
March 9, 2021 — 8:48 pm
Comments: 6
No, I didn’t turn the tap on
If you look in the shiny chrome spout, you can see me! Real small! Taking the picture!
Do you remember the old Ebay reflection thing? Some years ago, people started to notice Ebay listings of shiny things – things like kettles and glasses and televisions – often showed the reflection of the photographer. Buck nekkid.
These got published on lists of “accidental” nudity, but it happened so regularly that the Internet ultimately decided it was a kink.
Seriously, who lists a second hand kettle for sale? And then takes a picture of it in the nude?
I won’t link to specifics, but if you do an images search of ebay photo nude reflection you can see lots tiny images of ugly naked people reflected in cheap tat. Because I’m sure you want to do that.
It’s the weekend! w00t!
March 5, 2021 — 8:26 pm
Comments: 7
Be a dear and pick me up a carton of egg
As far as I can tell, this is a real product. At least, it’s branded from a real farm, but a one-egg carton isn’t listed with their products. Their hens look happy anyway, don’t they?
Psych! Chickens never look happy. They can’t help it. They have glare-y eyes and the corners of their beaks turn down. They look perpetually furious.
Anyhoo – rejoice! It is the first three-egg day of 2021 for my little flock. I only have one girl who laid all through the Winter, and these only lay two or three a week at the height of Summer.
Three hens, three eggs. It’s a big deal. That means Spring for real.
March 4, 2021 — 6:57 pm
Comments: 11
I have sat the ass right out of my jeans
I bent over to pick up a chicken yesterday (as you do) and felt the backside of my jeans vanish. Not merely rip at the seam, but…well, look at it. Have you ever seen denim run like pantyhose? Extraordinary.
I bought two pairs of jeans from the nice Pakistani man at the local market just before lockdown and I’ve worn one while the other was in the laundry every day since. Pakistani denim, I guess. Huh.
I think I have been sitting too much.
Today, they announced the furlough scheme is extended until September. I don’t know if that means I won’t be allowed to work until then, but I will seriously climb a tree and throw nuts at people if they try to keep me locked up another six months.
March 3, 2021 — 5:51 pm
Comments: 9
This, but unironically
Somebody mentioned “that blog where they translate Chinese tattoos” on some social media thing the other day and I thought, “I remember that place! It was hilarious.” So I went and re-read the whole thing right back to 2004 because what the hell else am I going to do with the long February nights?
Hanzi Smatter. Looks like he hasn’t been active for a couple of years, which is a pity. I’m sure there’s plenty more to translate.
Anyway, don’t bother. This here is the best one in the whole lot (see illustration above, who knew my Photoshop had Chinese fonts?). It means “toilet goblin” and some petite young woman had it permanently branded on her wrist.
That’s it. That’s the tattoo for me!
Just kidding. I don’t have any ink. My body is a holy temple.
To Beelzebub.
March 2, 2021 — 7:14 pm
Comments: 8
We escaped!
First warm and sunny day of 2021, and oh how good it was to feel sun on my face. March might still have an ass-kicking stored up for us, but Winter has definitely turned the corner. They’ve turned the ewes into the field behind us and the lambs will be popping around on the banks soon.
Hang on, folks! We’re almost there!
February 26, 2021 — 6:34 pm
Comments: 12
I ain’t even mad
Lookee who tried to pull a fast one, Steve. Nice try, Steve.
What do you guys even know about Ferlinghetti, anyhoo? I remember my mother talking about this guy.
Never mind. I didn’t have anything to post about tonight anyway. So thanks, Steve. Dead Pool 141 still stands!
February 25, 2021 — 8:04 pm
Comments: 20
Rejoice! There’s a new blue!
Okay, but it’s kind of a big deal. Blue is a rare color in nature, and stable blue pigments even rarer. For a long time, all we had were ground up semi-precious stones like Lapis, which is why they saved it for the Virgin Mary’s robes. You probably knew that.
Even now, many blue pigments – the cobalts, for example – are expensive and a bit toxic. Cerulean is a cobalt color and very expensive and I have to have one tube on hand, because it is exactly the slightly lemony blue of the sky at the horizon. I still have the same tube from art school because I don’t paint landscapes very often.
This new one is called YinMn Blue but it is not, as it sounds, Chinese. It was discovered by two guys at Oregon State University twelve years ago. They were looking for novel electronic components. The name is from the three elements that make it up: Yttrium (Y), Indium (In), and Magnesium (Mn).
In the improbable event you find this at all interesting, there’s a good article on it here.
It looks like a good blue. Strong and opaque, but not overwhelming when mixed with other colors. I was once traumatized by a tragic pthalocyanine raw pigment spill. It stained me and everything I touched a vivid blue.
Sad to inform you that BullDawgGuy has won the pool with Rush Limbaugh. Fare thee well, Rush.
February 16, 2021 — 7:44 pm
Comments: 19
Dead Pool Round 140: Happy New Year! edition
Happy Year of the Ox, everyone. Yep, today is Chinese New Year. I nicked the image off Wikimedia so goodness knows what the text says. Gibberish, if I’m lucky.
Catnip wins round 139 with George P. Schultz, who served three Republican administrations, most notably as Reagan’s Secretary of State. His middle name was Pratt.
This amuses me.
We used to pass through the town of Pratt’s Bottom on the way from London to Sussex. I always wanted to stop for tea in Pratt’s Bottom.
This is win #3 for catnip. Hurrah!
Right. Ready?
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.
February 12, 2021 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 59
I’m wrapped a little too tight for this
I had to play host to a Zoom lecture tonight. I’ve never done that before, but the speaker has done a lot of it and told me not to worry, to turn over hosting to him once he started speaking.
Bad. No. That’s not how you do it. Once I gave him hosting, I had no controls at all. I couldn’t mute or kick anyone or let in latecomers in, and he was too absorbed in his subject to do it (and I don’t think he knew how).
Chaos ensued. It was a very small chaos, to be sure, but I was braced the whole time for a bigger chaos.
There were several loud and unmuted. There was that guy who didn’t know his camera was on and strolled around his house the whole time. There was one with no name, no camera and no mic that I was sure would turn out to be a wrong ‘un.
But we got it sorted in the end and, more the point, absolutely no penis pictures were thrust upon my elderly employers. Whew.
I need gin.
DING-DING-DING. We have a dickwinner. Catnip takes it with George P. Schultz. I think we have time to squeeze a DEAD POOL in tomorrow! You know when, you know where!
February 11, 2021 — 9:11 pm
Comments: 11