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This guy!

Excuse late, I’ve been chasing a chicken ’round and ’round a sheep field.

Occasionally, one of my birds pops through the double fence and finds itself in the field next door. This is bad. They frequently can’t find their way back and, isolated from the flock, they’re very likely to get picked off silently by something carnivorous. So when somebody doesn’t turn up at roll call, that’s where I look first.

Unfortunately, it was Sam – my quickest and nimblest chicken. Bastard ran me ragged.

Worse, we’ve had thunderstorms all day. Every time I ducked under a hawthorn, it pissed down my back. Worse yet, I finally cornered him in a patch of stinging nettles. Yes, I was wearing shorts.

My shins are alive with the sound of music.

So I’ve had a hot bath and a cold gin and I’m off. Stupid rooster. Yes, he’s fine. Wet and sorry for himself, like me.

August 17, 2022 — 7:49 pm
Comments: 5

Go home, grandma – you’re embarrassing me

This is Carolyn Maloney, politician. She was mentioned in a Breitbart article today. I don’t know anything about her, but she’s a Democrat from New York, so hisssss. I’m here to be cruel about her fashion choices.

Why do older female public figures do this look? See it in color. Blonde hair, red lipstick, glommy eyelashes. She doesn’t look like a young woman, she looks like the mummified corpse of a young woman left out in the sun.

I won’t say it’s only Democrat women who do this, but they’re the ones that come to mind: Hillary, Barbara Walters, Nancy (except not blonde).

Maloney is 76. That’s about the median age of my group of friends (why am I always the youngest in my social circle?). A couple of them color their hair. There are some smart dressers and some more casual, but they all look age-appropriate like the tasteful old ladies they are.

Why would a woman seeking power aspire to look like a bimbo, anyway? If I wanted to rule the world, I’d go to my stylist and say, “make me look mean. Like, BIG mean.” Like, pull my gray hair back in a mean ol’ bun and give me a mean ol’ Hugo Boss greatcoat and a riding crop. I want to look like a Bond villain.

I’d vote for that in an old woman.

August 16, 2022 — 7:42 pm
Comments: 10

I made a thing!

Flushed with the success of my terrarium (yes, thank you – it’s looking really good) I decided to try my hand at a moss garden.

I really love moss. We have a lot of it (this being England) and I tried to start a moss garden when we first moved here, but it turned out to be an unusually dry year and I was thwarted before I really began.

I had some moss left over from the terrarium project that I’ve been spritzing on the daily, so I thought I’d give it another shot.

Yes, you’re looking at a fern, a clump of moss and some rocks. It’s art, dammit!

It’s in a nice vintage 3-legged French terra cotta pot I snagged off Etsy, though, so if the garden fails, I have a nifty fruit bowl.

August 15, 2022 — 7:04 pm
Comments: 4

HOW many canada geese?

No, not that many canada geese. THIS many canada geese. And more. That field is about a mile long and it was geese the whole way.

Yeah, I know, these things don’t translate well to snapshots. The original picture was nearly twice this size, but WordPress automatically scaled it down and it doesn’t appear I can stop it from doing that.


ExpressoBold Dissent555 takes the dick with Clu Galager. I barely remember the name, but he was in a thousand programs, so…fair pick. But I deemed it too late to queue up another Dead Pool. I like for y’all to simmer in your own juices for a few days.

I know…everyone wanted Anne Heche, but that’s going to be a tough one. She has already been declared brain dead, but they’re keeping her on life support for her organs. As if.

So, new Dead Pool next Friday and have a great weekend!

August 12, 2022 — 7:10 pm
Comments: 12


Still hot as blazes here. I mean, for England. High eighties every day, but we’ve had fairly low humidity so it hasn’t been too unpleasant. Nice breath of wind by the harbor (pictured).

The real problem is, we haven’t had any rain in weeks and weeks and weeks.


Sorry…I was hanging back waiting for the Garland presser. What the hell was that? I feel like I’ve been rick-rolled.

I’m going for a gin.

August 11, 2022 — 7:30 pm
Comments: 16

Help wanted



The job advertisement at right has been on the IRS site since February, but it bubbled up into the Twittersphere today and got so much attention it’s fallen over or been taken down.

It’s for special agents in their Criminal Enforcement Division, so presumably a small part of their workforce.

But why do they need their own law enforcement agents? Why not pass enforcement matters over to existing law enforcement agencies?


Don’t worry – they can’t possibly hire 87,000 of these. Where would they find 87,000 fit Americans willing to work 50 hours a week for $50K? As IRS employees?


August 10, 2022 — 7:22 pm
Comments: 9


Also from this weekend’s village fete, this little slice of Americana. I’ve never understood why the front forks don’t just snap. I guess all the weight is at the back.

I’ve been stuck in a Zoom meeting all evening. Yes, we still do those. Everybody’s decided they’d rather debate in their skivvies of an evening than drag themselves to the office for a morning meeting. And who can blame them?

So, anything happen in the United Banana Republic of America today?

p.s. I feel honor bound to state for the record that Uncle B did *not* inherit the cross-dressing gene.

August 9, 2022 — 7:44 pm
Comments: 8

I got all excited :(

We saw this logo on a van on the way into a village fair this weekend. Turns out, it had nothing to do with mustelids.

It was two young men dressed as cleaning ladies who made a campy fuss dusting off the tea area. Don’t ask me, I just live here.

I don’t think it was any kind of progressive gender bending, just an English thing. The English have the cross-dressing gene bad.

August 8, 2022 — 7:08 pm
Comments: 9

Oh, that’s nice

It turns out the Classic Editor is a plugin. Download it, install it and…screen goes blank and error message above appears.


It’s funny – nothing actually seemed to be broken. I did get an email, and it said the WordPress Automatic Updater was the culprit. Weird this flaw presented itself the exact moment I enabled Classic Editor.

Eh. I disabled Automatic Updater on spec. I’m not in a huge hurry to update anything else. And I got my Classic Editor back! Thank you, commenters.

I ain’t touching anything else today. Enjoy the vintage comments in the sidebar and have a good weekend, all!

August 5, 2022 — 6:18 pm
Comments: 10

Coo-coo pants!

Argh! My blog, it is broken!

I updated to the newest WordPress (mistake!) and now the latest posts dingus in the sidebar shows random posts.

Check it out! Refresh the page for more blasts from the past!

This is bad news because I built this blog 15 years ago using a potent combination of ignorance and brute force, and I have NO idea how it works.

Worse, the new version totally changed my post editor thingie. IT LOOKS DIFFERENT, Y’ALL! I was kicking around the web trying to find out how to change it back, and it turns out they made this change in 2019.

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve updated my WordPress.

Given what happened when I did, do you wonder why? 


August 4, 2022 — 6:27 pm
Comments: 9