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There are no turtles in England


I’ve posted about this before. They have tortoises (land shellies) but not turtles (water shellies).

Every once in a while, you hear a horrible story about someone ‘rescuing’ a wild tortoise by dropping it in the nearest pond.

I mention this now because I took a nap after work this afternoon and had a vivid and curiously didactic dream about the difference between turtles and tortoises. Also, because I thought I’d be posting a new Dead Pool this evening, but Chuck Manson seems to be clinging on.

Oh, well. Everyone have a great weekend. Except you, Manson. Because fuck that guy, am I right?


Comment from Mitchell
Time: November 17, 2017, 9:03 pm

Damn right, fuck that guy. There’s dick on the line here.

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: November 17, 2017, 9:27 pm

I do hope you win the dick, Mitchell, but week after next at the soonest. A long, lingering, painful demise would be most suitable for that evil puke.

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: November 17, 2017, 10:06 pm

…that guy”

But NOT with a tortoise – that would be cruel and unusual for the tortoise.

Or a turtle either.

But, just maybe, we could borrow this guy for a while, and let him headbutt and nibble Manson until the glorious day of his passing unto his final punishment, err, reward, errrrrr punishment.


Comment from Ric Fan
Time: November 17, 2017, 10:30 pm

Ugh. I heard turtle soup was very popular in Victorian England. They would bring the big sea turtles back from some southseas island and nail their fin to the decks of the ships so they wouldnt roam about.

Comment from Pupster
Time: November 17, 2017, 10:34 pm

I had to google didactic.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 17, 2017, 10:52 pm

Silly weasel… the only tortoises in the UK are imported.

In fact the importation is now tremendously restricted (if not actually prohibited) because they used to literally crate-up the poor little buggers by the thousands in the Greek islands and ship them over, with massive mortality rates on the way.

Even if they got here alive, their survival rate was low as many couldn’t make it through hibernation (far too cold outside – most kept them asleep in a shoebox stuffed with newspaper in a cupboard).

What used to be common household pets here are now quite rare.

Comment from QuasiModo
Time: November 17, 2017, 11:29 pm

Holden: You’re in a desert, walking along in the sand when…
Leon: Is this the test now?
Holden: Yes. You’re in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and see a…
Leon: What one? (It was a timid interruption, hardly audible.)
Holden: What?
Leon: What desert?
Holden: Doesn’t make any difference what desert… its completely hypothetical.
Leon: But how come I’d be there?
Holden: Maybe you’re fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself…who knows. So you look down and see a tortoise. It’s crawling toward you…
Leon: A tortoise. What’s that?
Holden: Know what a turtle is?
Leon: Of course.
Holden: Same thing.
Leon: I never seen a turtle.

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: November 18, 2017, 1:34 am

Stick him up on a fence post, where he’ll be as useful as Hillery Clinton.

Comment from gebrauchshund
Time: November 18, 2017, 7:45 am

Maybe a really tall fencepost. Go all “Vlad the Impaler” n’ shit…wait, you were talking about Manson, right?

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: November 18, 2017, 12:32 pm

Whenever I see a picture of Manson, I think it should be legal to lock people up just for having crazy eye.

Comment from Some Vegetable
Time: November 18, 2017, 3:00 pm

Yes, we have no turtles
No turtles in the UK!
We have weasels and badgers
And lots of strange cadgers
But yes, we have no turtles
No turtles in the UK!

I’ll be here all weekend! Be sure to tip your waitress! Try the tortoise soup!

Comment from Nina
Time: November 18, 2017, 9:47 pm

So who’s it going to be? Manson or Cassidy first?!

Comment from Uncle Al
Time: November 18, 2017, 9:56 pm

RIP Malcolm Young of AC/DC. Dementia.

Comment from Niña
Time: November 19, 2017, 5:53 am

64. That’s too young!

Comment from Deborah HH
Time: November 19, 2017, 4:26 pm

Hello Everyone. Seems like the last few weeks have been running sideways, upside down, or something (maybe it was just me). Cheers to you all and hopes for better weeks to come.
Best Wishes, Deborah

P.S. One bit of good news—My application to the Daughters of the American Revolution was approved. 🙂

Comment from AliceH
Time: November 19, 2017, 6:32 pm

Congrats, DeborahHH!

Comment from J.S.Bridges
Time: November 20, 2017, 3:03 pm

Good News of the day: Just one week past his 83rd chronological-anniversary of corporeal existence, the horrifically-eeevilll p.o.s. Charles Manson (real-name – apparently – at birth [to a prostitute] in Cincinnati, OH, No-Name Maddox) has turned-toes and croaked his last…

As was stated previously: Damn right, fuck that guy.

Congrats to Mitchell – yes?…

Comment from Durnedyankee
Time: November 20, 2017, 8:53 pm

So if Preznit Mugabe suddenly dies in a mysterious tank main-gun related accident while hunting springbok whoever picks him still wins right?

Cuz I expect he’s going to, uh, mysteriously die in a hunting accident while falling out of a window while drinking Drano and landing on an exploding bomb quietly in his sleep any time now.

Good that No-Name Charlie went before him, he’ll be able to splain the Helter Skelter plan to Mugabe in the infernal regions.

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