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Wot fink?


Iowahawk, of whom I am a huge fan-grrl, is having an art contest. At stake is a generous arts grant of thirty three dollar and eighteen cents.

These moneys, they am not good here. Our moneys are pretty color and they has a picture of a old lady in a sparkly hat.

Still…art contest. How can a weasel resist?

Okay, mine isn’t quite finished, but here’s the current draft. Yes, the full sized one is color. The contest doesn’t close until Sunday, so I have time to get this just right.

It’s imitative of the moving style of Gig and Keane and their richly evocative pity kitties. I suppose you could call it a Pity President.

In the first draft, he was licking his sore paw. But somehow, painting the presidential tongue was kind of. I don’t know. You know?

Wot fink? 





Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2009, 6:37 pm


This is the general idea. In case your parents weren’t sadistic, child-hating bastards that put these goddamned prints up on your wall when you were a wee, impressionable slip of a weasel.

This one is was called Cleo. 




Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2009, 6:46 pm

To be perfectly fair to my sadistic, child-hating parents, I’m pretty sure I bought the set of four Gig prints for myself out of an ad in a comic book. With a dollar twenty-five I scraped together, possibly by raiding my mother’s purse.

God, it’s no wonder I have to fight the impulse to morph into Mad Cat Lady every damn day of my life.

Comment from Allen
Time: September 28, 2009, 7:05 pm

Maybe just a touch more sad and lost looking. A downturn to the mouth maybe? If Iowahawk won’t give you the grant, I will. In shiny new pennies.

Oh, and maybe a joint hanging out of his mouth?

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: September 28, 2009, 7:12 pm

Eyes need work but yeah I can see where you’re going. Its either that or the “can you draw x? Sign up for our art course” Obama.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2009, 7:15 pm

Binky! Draw Binky, Win a Prize!

Actually, the Famous Artists School gave some fairly good, serious instruction…albeit by mail.

I used to work with a draughtsman who sat at a huge oak desk of pre-War vintage that we called Binky. The desk, not the artist. Last time we moved offices, I could’ve had Binky. But I knew he would never make the trip across the Atlantic.

Those things cost THOUSANDS to buy.

Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: September 28, 2009, 7:18 pm

I love everything Weasel does. More please? A Chesire cat, next, with that unchanging smile? More of Obama as iconic cat art!?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2009, 7:29 pm

Oh, man…if I had Flash on this machine, I could make his eyes ping-pong like the Felix clock πŸ™‚

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 28, 2009, 7:56 pm

Here’s an Idea. You could do representations of the kittehs I fostered (the early ones, before I got them cleaned up and properly fed) all around his feet with the big googly eyes. heighten the pity party to the max….


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:05 pm

I couldn’t stand it, Scoob. I’m getting the kitteh jones real bad lately. Uncle B has to grab a fistful of the back of my shirt whenever we pass a Free Kittens sign.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:18 pm

UB won’t let you have another kitteh? Thats MEAN!!! I say you should make him eat Ultra-Spicy Chorezo sausage every night for a month until he relents……

As my childhood taught me, you can NEVER have TOO MANY kittehs (as long as you can take proper care of them…..)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:21 pm

Uncle B would be down with it. Charlotte, our current cat, hates other cats with a flamey hate of hatred and flaminess.

She went from a loving, sweet creature to a snarling, hissing bad-ass within minutes of Damien appearing in my kitchen. And she didn’t forgive me until six months after he disappeared, two years and a bit later.

Comment from wendyworn
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:24 pm

Please dont kill the messenger.

but iowahawks rules say, “The only guideline is that your art must promote unswerving blind allegiance to me, and all that I represent.”

now dont all flame me but not sure that big kitty eyed obama represents iowahawk.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:29 pm

Good lord! There were RULES?!

See, that explains why I could never get a government grant.

(S’okay, Wendy — he’s accepted other artworks centered around The One. Like the NEA, Iowahawk’s definition of art is infinitely flexible).

Comment from wendyworn
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:32 pm

Phew! I just didnt want you to be disqualified on a technicality! I really thinnk you deserve that $33.18!

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:32 pm

AH…. Much is now revealed. Charlotte is a control freak, and has you securely within the palm of her paw.

A VERY inconvenient situation indeed……..

My big problem is that Princess (my eldest dog) tries to adopt any kittens I bring in. The slobber on their fur from her misguided attempts at bathing is HORRIBLE!!!

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:35 pm

It’s the truth. Scubafreak. That little black and white scrap of near-death-experience, Charlotte, grew-up into a very complicated but exceptionally loveable cat.

It would be like cutting the solid ground from beneath her little feet if we made her share.

Comment from BuckNutty
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:57 pm

My parents put one of those Felix clocks in my room. It freaked me out every night.

You will win Weasel. You are the best.

My only suggestion; make his ears a Lot bigger.

Comment from Deathknyte
Time: September 28, 2009, 8:59 pm

He looks like an alien/black person crossbreed.

Comment from The Dread Pirate Neck Beard
Time: September 28, 2009, 9:03 pm

Man, if I can’t come up with that paintin’ of Soetoro with a drug dealer’s wiener in his mouth by Sunday, I’m a goner.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 28, 2009, 10:01 pm

Too bad you can’t work NuclearKitteh into it…. πŸ˜‰

Comment from Andrea Harris
Time: September 28, 2009, 10:43 pm

Your cat sounds like my cat. The only other cat she ever got along with was her brother, but he expired at the age of about two, alas. As far as Xena is concerned all other cats are The Enemy.

Comment from Scott Jacobs
Time: September 29, 2009, 2:26 am

Jesus-fucking-Christ, that image is going to haunt my nightmares for YEARS…

I’m sending you my God Damn therapy bill…

Comment from iamfelix
Time: September 29, 2009, 2:40 am

I just left iowahawk’s place & rushed here, thinking, “This is a job for STOATY!!!” but I see you have it well in hand. You rule.

Comment from David Gillies
Time: September 29, 2009, 3:19 am

Fuck me. I was just off to bed, it being oh-one-hundred here and work beckoning. Would that I had stupefacients at hand sufficient to overpower the image of Sad Obama™ that is now embedded in my pre-frontal cortex like a grenade fragment.

By the Hammer of Grabthar, I shall be avenged!

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: September 29, 2009, 9:01 am

Can I haz sympathy (and Universal Health Care, and Olympics, and Cap and Trade and car copmpanies, and banks and….)

Comment from Red State Witch
Time: September 29, 2009, 10:51 am

Mr. Gillies:

It’s “Grabthar’s Hammer”, not “Hammer of Grabthar”.

See, e.g., “Galaxy Quest” and “Strunk & White – The Elements of Style.”

Just sayin’.

Stoaty, the big-eyed Obama reminds me of The Fly, as in: “Help meeeeeeeeeee!”

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: September 29, 2009, 12:21 pm

Looks like he’s been momentarily exposed to hard vacuum. Poor bastard.

Comment from Will
Time: September 29, 2009, 12:24 pm

i wroted u an helth billz, but i flubt it.

being prez iz hard, i canz go bak to campayningz pleez?

(Yeah, he definitely needs more pouting down in the lower half of the face.)

Comment from weirdsister
Time: September 29, 2009, 2:47 pm

*Note to self…swallow that coffee AFTER you’re done looking at the Weasel Times!* Coffee in the sinuses ees no so good…

However, you rock, Stoatie! I hope you win the worthless American monies.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: September 29, 2009, 3:22 pm

I’m with Allen: More pitifulnessitude.

And, say–What about a Sermon On The Mount take-off? You could call it “Suffer the Little Children”.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: September 29, 2009, 3:26 pm

Yeah my mom has a course from them at round 1960 and I learned a lot from that stuff. Really good course, really.

The tough part to capture is how Gig and Keane got a sort of winsome “well I’ll be okay anyway” expression, the kind of smile a starving child gives when he’s trying to be brave.

Comment from Christopher Taylor
Time: September 29, 2009, 3:27 pm

And I like this, but I think I’d vote for “racist pixel” just to put a thumb in the eye of the modern art critic/gallery tards.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: September 29, 2009, 3:54 pm

Okay, I incorporated all the critiques and sent off my entry. You’re right — pitifuller is better! Also, the bigger ears were a help.

Comment from mommer
Time: September 29, 2009, 4:29 pm

hmmmmn, I like it but I think it needs him to be doing that little FU finger/just scratching my face thing he does during debates.

btw, I loved those sad kitten pictures when I was a kid. I even saved up my baby sitting/ironing money to buy some note cards and sationary. I wish I still had some. Sigh. Funny how nostalgia gets you by the boo boo sometimes.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 29, 2009, 4:37 pm

Scotty, scotty scotty…… ‘Quatermass and the pit’ was just a movie. Nuclearkitteh isn’t going to hover over your home and turn your neighborhood to evil overnight……

Unless you live in Detroit…. πŸ˜‰

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: September 29, 2009, 5:05 pm

Hmm, maybe a broken teleprompter in the background?

Comment from docitburnswhenipost
Time: October 1, 2009, 6:04 pm

My mom painted a copy of a sad-eyed puppy in an alley; now I know who to blame. Unfortunately I’ve inherited none of her artistic ability. Probably safer that way. otherwise I’d be making things like oh, Piss Obama or TOTUS reflecting in the mirror as Obama. Or the mirror reflecting an empty suit. Or Keith Olbermann as a tot in a sailor suit sucking on a lollipop emblazoned with the “O” logo and holding a bunch of balloons with caricatures of BHO’s head.

Damn. Maybe I should take an enrichment course in drawing at a local community college. Lord knows I could use the thirty-three bucks. *reads* Doubt I could get up to speed by Sunday, though.

Comment from Skandia
Time: October 3, 2009, 12:05 am

Needs a caption..a hand lettered sign on cardboard that reads something like :

“Will read speeches for food.”
“Will do voice overs for food.”

Comment from PeggyU
Time: October 4, 2009, 4:38 pm

Yeah, I would second the suggestion on the ear enlargement. Other than that, it is perfect. πŸ™‚ Where will you spend all your winnings?

Comment from Veeshir
Time: October 6, 2009, 7:27 pm

Love the pshop.
That’s great.

Comment from HoundOfDoom
Time: October 12, 2009, 11:35 am

ROFL on the art. Wonder how he’s look with a *spit* Nobel Prize *spit* and a teleprompter somewhere in there.

Weas, you are the artistic muse of the intertubes.

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