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Wherein Stoaty flunks being an American


We’ve got turkey and roast potatoes and hot dinner rolls and candied sweet potatoes and…shit. I was SO SURE Thanksgiving was the THIRD Thursday in November.



Comes to something when my mother-in-law rings us up to say she’s been watching the telly and she’s pretty sure we’ve got the date wrong. Well, dammit, no limey bluehair’s gonna to tell ME when Thanksgiving is. It’s my favorite holiday, and I’ll celebrate it any day I like.

Anyway, the turkey won’t keep for a week.

What’s that? OF COURSE I passed my written driver’s test! I got 100% of the multiple choice questions and 58 out of a possible 75 points for that supremely pointless ‘hazard perception’ section (44 is passing). Now I have to start prepping for the real test — the one where I actually drive a car. Um…yay?

Afterward, Uncle B took me out for a Big Mac as a special Thanksgiving Day treat. I still lumme some special sauce, so maybe I’m an American after all.


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 19, 2009, 4:37 pm

Some weasels will do anything to get two lots of turkey.

Next week? Either a frozen turkey dinner, or a cold turkey sammich.

Tomorrow? Indigestion.

Comment from tawny
Time: November 19, 2009, 4:54 pm

So if you have two turkey dinners in November, will you be having turkey for Christmas too? Or would that be a drumstick too far? πŸ™‚

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:08 pm

OK, freeze the white meat for sammiches, use the rest for soup stock, and buy a second (and third) turkey (like I did πŸ™‚ )

Hey, I needed the room in my chest freezer! (for more turkeys)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:14 pm

It’s a turkey breast roll. And I have NO problem eating it a week early. We can have delicious ham sammiches next week or something.

Uncle B was the first person to point out to me that Americans have two turkey holidays in quick succession (and then usually don’t eat the stuff again for a year), tawny. We usually do have turkey for Christmas, but he’s been eyeballing this flock of geese they drive to the farmer’s market every week.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:22 pm

I’ve been debating a duck or a goose this year. Probably from walmart, I’m too busy taking care of my folks to actually drive down to the flyway with the 12 guage….


Comment from David Gillies
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:28 pm

The one that always throws me is when you have five Thursdays in November (like 2006 or 2007).

I’m making my infamous sausage stuffing this year as usual.

Comment from Sockless Joe
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:29 pm

In my neck of the woods Christmas is a ham holiday, though of course I’m aware that some like turkey or goose. (I’ve never actually eaten goose despite the fact that we Pennsyltuckians have a minor holiday premised on the idea of eating goose.)

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:29 pm

Goose is an attractive option, tawny. Trouble is, it’s not much use cold (and neither is duck) and, as we all know, Gawd only invented Christmas so that we could have cold turkey sammiches for tea.

So if we had a goose, that’d mean turkey, too.

And that would be greedy wouldn’t it?

And you can stop that sniggering at the back πŸ˜‰

Comment from Red
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:31 pm

Double Turkey + Big Mac and fries? Yeah, You’re “American-ness” is showing.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:33 pm

UB, You could always do the trifecta and order a TurDucen for Christmas……


Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:34 pm

National goose day, eh? I like it!

Goose was the traditional Christmas meal here (well, OK, so was roast beef) and the farmers used to drive their flocks of geese from the country to the cities.

Now, geese feets wear out when you make ’em walk a hundred miles.

So one year, some bright spark had the idea of making them walk through tar, so they got a free pair of shoes.

Thoughtful, wasn’t it?

Comment from Janna
Time: November 19, 2009, 5:41 pm

I just have whatever someone else cooks.

Sheesh, set the kitchen on fire ONE time, and nobody wants you to help them cook.

It’s not like I burned it all the way down…I just blackened it up some…uh, sort of.

I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.

Comment from tawny
Time: November 19, 2009, 6:22 pm

Uncle B – cold duck is delicious with some hoi sin sauce in a wrap such as they sell in the Eat chain or Boots. Try one you may change your mind about the Christmas fare.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 19, 2009, 6:36 pm

That’s a good thought, tawny! I love hoi sin sauce, though I’ve had trouble finding The Right One….

Love duck, too… though Her Ladyship is a little less keen on it.

Just opened the bottle of fizz I’d stashed away for ‘Thanksgiving’. Ha! We’re calling it ‘Hurray! Weasel Passed Her Test Day’ instead.

Save the bottle for next week? Now that’s just not the way of the mustelid πŸ˜‰

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: November 19, 2009, 7:10 pm

Talked to someone whose family has started rotating the Thanksgiving Dinner between the siblings. This year, the only brother has elected to go to a Chinese Buffet, angering everyone else in the family. I say go with it, it may start a new tradition. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!

And how are McDonalds fries in England? Any differences? Is the ketchup bland like in Germany? Us Yanks need to know.

Comment from BuckNutty
Time: November 19, 2009, 7:16 pm

Congratulations on the driving test!, but turkey roll? That’s just gross

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 19, 2009, 7:24 pm

No, no…Mickey D’s is EXACTLY the same in the UK. As is Burger King. KFC, though, is a travesty. Gray chicken, tiny portions and costs a king’s ransom.

What’s wrong with turkey roll, Buck? You’re not thinking pressed turkey or something, are you? This is a turkey breast from our favorite butcher that has been filleted, rolled up and tied with strings.

It’s excellent, and no depressing carcass to deal with in the morning.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 19, 2009, 7:41 pm

Stoatie, KFC is a travesty anywhere you go. i can’t STAND that place. They make me sick to my stomach just thinking about them.

Give me Popeyes any day…..

(Hell, the only GOOD thing about KFC is the parody clip that Mel Gibson did about them…)

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 19, 2009, 8:04 pm

My local KFC on North Main in Providence <sniff, sniff> was *excellent*. Good food, good prices.

I don’t intend anything but praise by this statement: never patronize a KFC that isn’t run by black people.

Comment from Allen
Time: November 19, 2009, 8:04 pm

No carcass to deal with? That would be unfortunate. I put mine out for the coyotes to have a bit of a holiday as well. I love watching coyotes rip that sucker apart, brings out the carnivore in me.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 19, 2009, 8:16 pm

Stoatie – That’s probably why Popeyes is so good.

Comment from Nicole
Time: November 19, 2009, 8:50 pm

We had our work Thanksgiving lunch today, so you are just in keeping with other Americans. πŸ™‚ I managed to only make 1/3 of the meal and my new department actually did me proud and had virtually no storeboughten food on the table. The kids done good this year. 3 turkeys, 2 hams and a turkey breast gave their lives today. Leftovers for dinner tonight. πŸ™‚

And we’ll probably do something similar to fa-ra-ra on the actual day as the mother in law has decided no one needs to cook and clean that day.

I second Scubafreak. KFC is nasty compared to Popeyes.

Comment from BuckNutty
Time: November 19, 2009, 8:55 pm

Ah, I see. I was thinking turkey roll was that chopped up pressed stuff – like canned ham. What you are describing sounds good.

Comment from Gromulin
Time: November 19, 2009, 8:55 pm

One of my brothers (the post-modern, trans-nationalist one) once brought a Tofurky to the family dinner. We thought he was joking at first. It looked like formed spackle.

We spent the rest of the meal poking at it, and deriding him. It’s still a running joke in the family.

Comment from BuckNutty
Time: November 19, 2009, 9:05 pm

Turkey loaf. I think that is what they call the stuff I was thinking of. Like the slices of “turkey” in a TV dinner. You know; part white meat, part dark? That stuff is gross. I’m not sure if it is worse then the tofurkey. Thankfully I’ve never been exposed to that.

Comment from mommer
Time: November 19, 2009, 9:19 pm

My first exhusband, um that doesn’t quite sound right, was from Britain. Grew up on the Isle of Sheppe. Near Minster.

We had to have a big standing rib roast with a big batter pudding and about 3 quarts of gravy. That was just for him. Haha, but not so far from the truth. Brussel sprouts, fried potatoes (as in baked in the drippings of the roast as it cooked) and thankfully lots to drink.

There was other stuff too, like pies and cakes, but mostly I remember that batter pudding.

Comment from mommer
Time: November 19, 2009, 9:22 pm

oh yeah, had to have homemade horseradish. The Thanksgiving menu was easy compared to Xmas.

I’m gonna do a duck for Xmas this year. yum.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 19, 2009, 9:36 pm

Mommers: yeah, I recognize all that. The brussel sprouts are traditional Christmas here (I love them, but…really?! Christmas?). Potatoes ‘fried’ in roast drippings are what B calls “roasties” (we’ve just put the roast potatoes in). And the big batter pudding is a Yorkshire. To be eaten with beef (or sausages, where it becomes “toad in the hole”) and I loves it to BITS. I really, really like eggy, bready things.

Comment from The Dread Pirate Neck Beard
Time: November 19, 2009, 10:17 pm

$0.39/lb (250,000 centieuros/square kilogram or something metric) means turkey & home-made potato bread sammiches for a couple of months! There’s is nothing more delicious than a fistful of cold turkey, 1 glob of mayo, & 2 heafty slices of lightly toasted potato bread hastily crammed into the mouth while shouting, “oh, God! Oh GOD!”

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 19, 2009, 10:56 pm

forget the Brussel Sprouts, and I prefer Potato skins baked with cheese, scallions and bacon bits.

We get lots of Mexican food in our family, seeing as my brother married a woman who used to own a mexican restaraunt, and comes from a HUGE mexican family.

Putting on the feedbag gets pretty intense at his house on the holidays. πŸ™‚

Comment from David Gillies
Time: November 19, 2009, 11:47 pm

Hell, I’m eating Brussels Sprouts tonight. With chicken. I can’t get enough of ’em. They are far and away my favourite brassica. Here’s a treat: steam ’em to almost-doneness, get some thick centre-cut (back) woodsmoked bacon diced into 1/4″ cubes (with some extra fat if needed), fry in a hot pan until almost jumping, throw in a cup of sweet chestnuts with a few grinds of black pepper for a minute, then add the sprouts at the last moment and toss to coat with the bacon grease. Yum!

My mother makes the best Yorkshires in the world. In muffin tins so you get half a dozen mini-puddings. They blow my carbs out of the water but I loves ’em so.

Here in Costa Rica KFC is as gross as in most places but their fries are the best out of all the major chains except Wendy’s.

Comment from Allen
Time: November 20, 2009, 1:05 am

Brussels Sprouts, small green brains. Braiinnns, sorry just calling it like I see it.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 20, 2009, 2:03 am

Actually, they make me think of the aliens in “Mars Attacks”….

Of course, I don’t think that playing “Indian Love Call” is going to help kids clear their plates…. πŸ˜‰

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: November 20, 2009, 7:34 am

I see you’re well on the road to recovery, DG! πŸ˜‰

Shame about Wendy’s. We used to have them in the UK but they folded their tents and went back home. Preferred them to either of ‘the other two’.

Comment from steve
Time: November 20, 2009, 9:20 am

Any time you are feeling a little bit like you wish it were Thanksgiving….

Take 2 500mg L-Tryptophan capsules, pop a tape of some college football game into the VCR, and fall asleep on the couch

Comment from steve
Time: November 20, 2009, 9:27 am

Is it possible that the KFC in Old Blighty is really KFP?

Kentucky Fried Pigeon?

(Feed the birds…tuppence a bag….)

Comment from Dawn
Time: November 20, 2009, 12:19 pm

I just wanted to let Uncle Badger in on a little secret of why Americans only eat turkey twice a year. Every year grocery stores use the noble turkey as a loss leader to get people to buy the rest of their holiday meals in that store, i.e. turkey 28 cents a pound – you do the sterling conversion. So we Americans buy as many as will fit into our freezers = two. The rest of the year it’s just too expensive and the carcass is a lot of mess and waste for poultry that tastes a lot like chicken.

Comment from Dawn
Time: November 20, 2009, 12:28 pm

Oh and we had Thanksgiving last night too. We always have Thanksgiving with our friends the week before real Thanksgiving and then one with family on the actual day. And a work party and school dinner makes three and four. I guess you can never give too much thanks. Probably the real reason we don’t eat turkey again for a year.

Turkey sandwiches on white with mayo and whole berry cranberry sauce! Heaven on sliced bread.

Comment from Enas Yorl
Time: November 20, 2009, 12:54 pm

Oh noes! Disaster hath struck Aunty Weasel! Someone either on your side of the pond or ours was somewhat less than entirely gentle with the handling of the Bangerz ‘n’ Beanz parcel during its voyage and the seal was popped. I’m afraid they have quite spoilt themselves. πŸ™ I was so looking forward to lunch today.

Thanks for the effort and the kind note y’all put in with it though. I really do appreciate it.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2009, 1:42 pm

I just had a turkey on white with mayo and cranberry sauce, Dawn. It was deeeeelicious!

After all that, Enas! That sucks! It’s probably got more calories than you’re allowed in a week, but we’ll send you a spotted dick, if you like. Call it a consolation dick.

Comment from Mrs. Compton
Time: November 20, 2009, 3:14 pm

Congratulations on the exam!!!

We had tofurkey one year (youngest tried out the veg thing for a couple of years!) and my gawd was that thing vile. she wouldn’t even eat it.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 20, 2009, 6:16 pm

so may I assume that her Weaselness is mobile?

Comment from Can’t hark my cry
Time: November 20, 2009, 6:27 pm

Tofurkey (and similar errors) makes no sense. If you think it is wrong to eat animals, why would you go out of your way to eat something that tastes and/or looks like an animal? Just a way of not having to live with the actual consequences of your choices. . .

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: November 20, 2009, 6:34 pm

Oh, no, Scoob. My American license is still good here for a week, but after that, I’m busted. I still have the practical exam to go through. The driving part. Which is notoriously hard.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: November 20, 2009, 6:39 pm

Bummer. I was looking forward to pics of a certain stoat, with her fur and a nice scarf flapping in the breeze on the coastal highway…..

BTW, not to be gross, but you might want to avoid anti-wrinkle cream at the local stores for the time being…. πŸ™


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