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Pathetic loser asshole who couldn’t get laid or keep a minimum wage job

pathetic loserHEL-LO! People! We have GOT to stop turning these jerkwads into rock stars.

This useless punk walked into a mall and murdered eight of his betters because he got a little taste of adulthood and he wasn’t up to it. He wasn’t man enough to live with it, either. So he took the one snap-your-fingers path to instant tabloid celebrity. Why, even a loser like him can do it!

He left a note that COULD NOT HAVE BEEN more explicit: “I’m going out in style” — “I’m going to be famous.” It worked, too. Congrats, d00d, you’re the snootch-flashing Paris Hilton of underachievers.

If you’re tired of this shit, we’re collectively going to need a lot less COMPASSION and a lot more RIDICULE. They aren’t troubled into it. Or bullied into it. Nothing “drives them” to do these things but an awareness of their own inadequacy and a desire to get a badass headshot at the top of the Drudge Report.

Losers, not monsters. This is a twenty year old man who couldn’t keep a fast food job or a girl friend. Monster is a huge promotion for this ass. Monsters are scary and powerful. They make movies about monsters. Pimply ex-fry-cooks…not so much.

It doesn’t matter for this dweeb — he did the future McDonald’s customers and mall cops of Omaha a favor and took himself out, too. Do it for the other losers. You know they’re out there. Show them your contempt for what this moron chose to do. We can’t keep making mass murder an attractive exit strategy for weenies.

And use simple language. Remember, they’re losers.


Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 6, 2007, 10:28 am

Could we leave Paris’ flange out of this? All it’s ever done is bring joy to people; it never gunned down any civilians. As far as I know.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 6, 2007, 10:38 am

crying girls

Well, *I’m* not confident Paris’ bidness doesn’t have a body count.

Oh, this is perfect. Girls crying outside the scene of the crime. There’s an iconic (read: cliche) image.

And it’s ever so not likely a loser recently dumped by his girlfriend might love the idea of making a few of them snooty pretty girls at the mall cry or anything.

Some days, I just want to start slappin’ and slappin’ and never stop.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 6, 2007, 10:41 am

Didn’t they find an STD infection report on Paris’ hooha (sp?)?

In any case, I’m glad the li’l loser did himself in rather than forcing some decent and honorable law enforcement officer to blow the kids skull open and then have to live with the residual guilt the rest of his life.

Comment from Farmer Joe
Time: December 6, 2007, 12:35 pm

I don’t know that changing how we label these dorks is going to change much of anything. Seems to me that if someone is going to go postal, probably the actual killing is much higher on the list of motivations than any possible posthumous fame.

I agree with you that the banality of evil should be recognized as such, though.

Comment from Dawn
Time: December 6, 2007, 12:58 pm

EMO POS Brat. He’s frowning in his yearbook photo?
He probably couldn’t keep a girlfriend because he looks like one. He wanted to go out in style? Sounds like a closet fag.
Merry Christmas.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 6, 2007, 1:08 pm

I don’t agree, Joe. I think these guys *do* do it for the fame. This one flat-out said so.

Actually, that’s slightly to the side of the point. I think they believe they’ve accomplished something spectacular and deserve to be famous for it. After all, how many other people have done what they’ve done? And look at all the news cameras!

Same for many serial killers. Did you watch the statement the BTK killer gave at his sentencing hearing? I’m not the only one who observed that it sounded like an acceptance speech at the Oscars. This guy CLEARLY thought he’d done something wonderful and special. He was pleased as he could be.

By calling them predators and monsters, we feed this aggrandized view they have of themselves. You know, Lone Wolf Stalking Sheep. When, really, they’re people who are so damaged and inadequate that they can’t relate to other people in any kind of normal way.

(That’s the spirit, Dawn!)

Comment from porknbean
Time: December 6, 2007, 3:33 pm

I’m not the only one who observed that it sounded like an acceptance speech at the Oscars. This guy CLEARLY thought he’d done something wonderful and special. He was pleased as he could be.

Infantilized. He made a doodee and was proud to share it.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 6, 2007, 7:31 pm

Pathetic dickhead
Extending his wiener with a gun
Little piece of shit.

Merry Christmas,prick.
May not a single teardrop
Water your passing.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 6, 2007, 7:32 pm

Miscounted. Ah, well. He wasn’t worth a serious effort anyway.

Comment from Farmer Joe
Time: December 6, 2007, 10:08 pm

Eh, maybe. I dunno. I tend to believe these guys are legends in their own minds long before they do anything. Whatever. I agree they’re pathetic losers.

Comment from geoff
Time: December 7, 2007, 1:23 am


That’s certainly worth stealing.

Comment from eddiebear
Time: December 7, 2007, 2:27 am

Given that this guy, like the Va Tech killer and the Columbine losers, were emo/dateless wonders, I have come to the conclusion that I was right in getting laid in my high school days.

But I digress.

Fuck this dude. He should get none of the attention he craves.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 7, 2007, 9:41 am

Yes it is, geoff. I stole it from Ace.

Comment from Lokki
Time: December 7, 2007, 10:09 am

Asshole killer boy
buried in an grave unmarked
except by piss-stains

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: December 7, 2007, 12:17 pm

Emo piece of shits
winter grave gets a big zit:
Earth rejects him too.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: December 7, 2007, 12:27 pm

In that photo, he looks like one of the players from Slap Shot. That, however, doesn’t come close to mitigating his shittiness.

Comment from jwpaine
Time: December 7, 2007, 1:15 pm

Oh, God! I saw that “Pathetic loser asshole….” headline and was afraid to scroll down to look at the photo.

No, no particular reason.

…And stop looking at me that way!!!

Comment from Pupster
Time: December 7, 2007, 2:34 pm

He looks like Weird Al, only gayer.

If there is any justice in the after-life, he will spend eternity suffering the pain and feeling the fear he caused x 1000.

Comment from The Mayor
Time: December 7, 2007, 10:25 pm

The title of your post may win you the *Post Title of the Year* award.

Good title, good post, dead-on right.

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