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Surprise! Not a chicken picture…

This one was an idea by reader OU_Gryphon. I can almost never pull off other people’s ideas (boy, that was really helpful in my career as an illustrator), but this was too easy. I love easy.

‘Nother day spent dozing and chicken rassling. I worried maybe Mapp was egg bound instead of broody, so I soaked her in a bucket of warm soapy water for half an hour. You know that expression, “mad as a wet hen”? Wow. Yeah. No shit.

Still broody. Still no egg. I’ll keep dunking her until morale improves.

Owing to England being an explicitly for-reals Christian nation, this is a national four day weekend, starting today. We have a whole bagful of hot cross buns in there. And…I dunno…Jew on a Stick.

Have a good Easter, everybody!


Comment from Mark Matis
Time: April 22, 2011, 9:12 pm

Hopefully Mapp’s isn’t one of those cross, hot buns in that bag…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2011, 9:23 pm

No, she’s a hot, cross chicken. Totally different thing.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: April 22, 2011, 9:25 pm

Hey SWeas – Why dintcha tell us that yesterday was Her Royal Highness’ birthday? Had to pick that up from http://www.smalldeadanimals.com/

God Save the Queen! And no, I’m not talking about Sir Elton John…

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2011, 9:31 pm

I had no idea. It’s kind of like George Washington — they don’t actually celebrate her birthday on her birthday.

Though I have no idea when they celebrate it, either.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: April 22, 2011, 10:21 pm

??? The Badger didn’t tell you??? He isn’t trying to get rid of you, perchance?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2011, 10:44 pm

You may have noticed, he’s not much of a monarchist.

Comment from Allen
Time: April 22, 2011, 10:56 pm

Is that the Oliver Cromwell sort of “not much of a monarchist” or some milder version?

I didn’t know you soaked chickens to get them to drop egg so to speak.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 22, 2011, 11:05 pm

Warm water with or without stuff in it. Steam. A warm, damp enclosure. Olive oil up the flumhole. Castor oil down the beak.

I get the impression these things sort themselves out on their own, or they don’t. But people don’t like to be helpless bystanders.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: April 23, 2011, 12:38 am

Well, I guess as long as he’s not much of a monarchist, you needn’t worry about him using any of Henry VIII’s solutions to his problems…

Comment from Frit
Time: April 23, 2011, 2:12 am

Hey Stoaty, you sure between you and Mapp you’re not trying to invent a fresh laid soft boiled egg? (teasing)

Good luck with all your chooks, and Happy BunBun day. πŸ™‚

Comment from Oceania
Time: April 23, 2011, 2:25 am


Comment from OU_Gryphon
Time: April 23, 2011, 2:31 am

Thanks, Stoaty! You can expect 47% more stalking now!

Comment from Elphaba
Time: April 23, 2011, 4:18 am

Stoaty, hens stop laying eggs when they go broody. If Mapp is sitting on a false egg and making a racket when anything comes near, she’s probably trying to hatch the damn thing. In which case, you’ll just have to put up with her until the mood passes. I have several hens who do this every spring. If you keep kicking her out of the nest, it’ll help her get through the phase a little faster and she’ll resume laying again. For god’s sake, don’t give her any more sitz baths! LMAO

Comment from David Gillies
Time: April 23, 2011, 10:40 am

Here in Costa Rica, which is a straight-up, no holds barred Roman Catholic country, Holy Week is like the opening scenes of 28 Days Later. It’s coming up on five a.m., and this is the first time I have heard any traffic noise from the motorway in two days. If a tumbleweed blew down the road you’d think, “huh, figures.”

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2011, 10:43 am

I’m no chicken butt expert, Elphaba, but it feels like there’s an egg behind her vent. On the other hand, she’s managing to crap.

Eh, I’ll go turn her out into the sunshine. Beee-YOOtiful here. Has been for a week.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2011, 11:22 am

p.s. I’m tempted to give Lucia a sitz bath now — it worked so well clearing up Mapp’s case of poo bum. She looks fabulous this morning.

Comment from Mark Matis
Time: April 23, 2011, 12:14 pm

Ya gonna use the approach that Our Betters take when giving sitz baths? Fill the pot with warm water, place the subject in it, and then turn on the flame?

Comment from Lt. Col. Batguano
Time: April 23, 2011, 3:16 pm

There is already a recent take on the Herr Doktor Merkwurdigeliebe,
Her Stoatliness’ version is very FDR-esque (with the wheelchair and whatnot) and yet very reminiscent of a Goat Boy from SNL.

Perforated Jew on a piece of timber. Is it a weekend carpentry project gone horribly awry? Is it an investment opportunity in the guilt peddling market? It could be both. His dad and JC did not get along well. No worries though,give the mensch a few days he’ll be right as rain, jumping on a pogo stick, arguing with Yent’l Mom, grandstanding with moneychangers, lobbying the cheesemakers, and the meek, the meek who never get anything and now are in for a nice windfall.

Dan Barker wrote a brilliant piece on reconciling all 169 verses referring to the Cruci-Fiction in the synoptic Gospels. Adding nothing and ignoring nothing, do tell what happened, where, who participated, etc. It reads about as quickly as Jack-the-Ripper theories. Oh what a fool is Man who cannot make a worm but makes gods by the millions.

This blog started so well with all the mustelid goodness, graphic art-tardardation and now it’s gone to chikin poo and 2 kinds of oil on two ends of a clucker.
Everyone experiences burnout and fatigue to some extent. Try a warm facial poultice of prairie dog entrails and a DVD of bodybuilding mongooses waxing up a Miata and roughing up a coypu.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2011, 8:15 pm

You must not have been here the year my cat ran away, Batguano. My blog was nothing but blubbering about kittehs, post after post.

Comment from JuliaM
Time: April 23, 2011, 8:16 pm

O/T: Since I know you are a taxidermy fan:


Have a good Easter!

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 23, 2011, 10:06 pm

I don’t know Dimension X, Julia, but there was a woman taxidermist who did some fabulously weird work. Forget her name. Squirrels with holes in their sides revealing geared machinery; that kind of thing.

Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2011, 2:38 pm

Guinea pigs don’t like baths either, but they are due for some butt washing.

Happy Easter Badger household and assorted beasts!

Comment from porknbean
Time: April 24, 2011, 2:44 pm

Speaking of pigs, if you gave one a bath and lathered it up with Dove or Dial, would it still smell like a farm? Would a little Secret under the pits help?

Just wondering, for a friend.


Comment from Lt. Col. Batguano
Time: April 24, 2011, 3:48 pm

Damian Weasel, I remember the tabby ingrate now. Cats always make me think of arrows, a match made in heaven, kat-kabobs if you will. All the cat people I accidentally met were in complete denial about feral cats’ influence on songbirds, or general nature of cats.
Then there are cats who never cross the threshold and why should they, really? they are already fed, entertained, served and spoiled by their human host and staffer.

Well, may your chooks live to be in their 70s and abundantly nourish you with their delicious free-range eggs. Does anyone around fancy Coturnix (aka Japanese) quail? I am confident that lubricating quail chute is an unthinkable scenario. They love some snowpeas and earthworm salad.
Coturnix lay the only sort of egg that may be eaten raw with no concerns of salmonella.
When I was a free range wee suckling drinking an egg was a delicacy and we sure as shooting did not brag to supervisory adult about finding one in the hedges… hen, Muscovy duck or goose, it all went down the hatch, embryo or not.
Quail eggs cost a fortune at the local Whole Foods. I am seriously going to have me a quail colony once I can. By far more elegant and neat birds than meat pigeons, although I think highly of squab and classic red brick dovecotes in the style of General Washington.

Comment from Oceania
Time: April 25, 2011, 7:33 am

Chicken eggs are great for teaching developmental biology. One can peel the tops off and watch things grow.

They are also fantastic for producing and refining viral particles. Sort of ‘do it yourself’ bioweapons programme in your own back yard. πŸ™‚

Comment from Uncle Monkey
Time: April 25, 2011, 7:47 pm

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Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 25, 2011, 10:28 pm

ASCII art…niiiiiiiice.

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