But…dude…
He’s loving himself some mop metaphors this week. Here’s one incarnation:
I’m busy and Nancy is busy with our mop cleaning up somebody else’s mess — we don’t want somebody sitting back saying, ‘you’re not holding the mop the right way,”’ Obama had said last week. “Why don’t you grab a mop, why don’t you help clean up… ‘You’re not mopping fast enough… That’s a socialist mop,’ He told the crowd: Grab a mop — let’s get to work.
You know, if I had come up with the idea of our president wielding that mop, I’m pretty sure that would actually, for reals be straight-up racist. Or race stereotyping, anyhow, which is much the same thing. I’m guessing the idea didn’t hit a nerve with him because he hasn’t touched a whole lot of mops in his privileged life.
Which reminds me…dude was raised by an elderly white couple in Hawaii. When he starts dropping his g’s and saying “y’all” and “folks” and sech, you know you’re listening to Reverend Wright.
October 26, 2009 — 9:15 am
Comments: 21
Meghan McCain’s feckless mammaries shatter the internet
Okay, so I’m a week late. Lighten up, it’s Friday!
Good weekend, everyone!
October 23, 2009 — 4:19 pm
Comments: 22
Really? REALLY?!
So the Obama administration doesn’t think Fox is a real news organization. Okay. You want to conflate editorial with news and pick a fight, eh. It’s a point of view.
Then he invites Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow and Maureen Dowd over for an intimate chat?! GAH! That pegs my WhatTheFuckometer to twelve. Twelve, I tell you!
Is there ANY sense in which that was a smart move? Even if it helps keep all the attendees on side — seriously, was he likely to lose Olbermann or Dowd? — it totally screws that journalistic integrity thing they’re always banging on about. Sure, we thought the lot were lying leftist ratbags all along, but now they’ve gone and done something that looks bad. Will they have to go negative to clear their names, or will they wear their sellout proudly?
And what about all the lying leftist ratbags who weren’t invited? Will they really be more positive after this? Or less, from bruised feelings and journalistic chops?
And Fox — how high can their ratings go, anyway? Even the lefties will have to watch now, to be sure there isn’t stuff the other guys are afraid to touch.
Somebody’s been steaming up the Potomac with tankers full of industrial grade stupid, I tells you.
October 22, 2009 — 7:25 pm
Comments: 16
We want you to eat it. Just eat it.
She never disappoints, our most elegantest first lady, does she? Michelle, honey — ENOUGH WITH THE BIKER LEATHER AND CARDIGANS. See, this is what happens when you tell somebody everything she does is fabulous. She’ll be wearing her panties outside her slacks next. You watch.
Obama also managed a spot-on imitation of kids whining about eating their vegetables.
“I don’t wanna eat it. I don’t like it. It tastes bad. I don’t want it,” the first lady said in her best nasal whine.
Then she added: “We don’t want to hear the whining. We want you to eat it. Just eat it.”
OMG, that’s, like, spot on.
Snark aside, she’s a much better natural politician than her husband. I watched her on the campaign trail; she was very comfortable working a room. She connected with people in a way he doesn’t.
Him, he can’t order a fucking waffle without making it sound like Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech. Once that gets boring, he’s got nothing.
So, yes, on the whole, I’m content for Michelle to spend her time lofting a hula-hoop in those ugly-ass sweater combos.
— 5:33 pm
Comments: 21
Unserious people
I’ve got my numbers right, haven’t I? We’re ten months in, and I know the fundraiser tally is correct. As for the number of times he’s met with General McChrystal — there was a briefing back when Obama took office, and then he scraped up half an hour during his craptacular Olympics bid. Did I miss anything?
This is about the level of artwork you can expect from me for a while. I busted the pen to my Wacom tablet. Actually, Damien busted it three years ago, when he was a wee baby psychotic, and I’ve been holding it together with hope and chewing gum ever since. It finally gave up the ghost last night.
I have a spare. Somewhere. I was using it when I first got here, before the rest of my stuff arrived, so it definitely made it. Tragically, finding it will require…housecleaning.
October 21, 2009 — 4:41 pm
Comments: 9
Return of the big baby
I continue to be well and truly gobsmacked by the quantum of stupid radiating out of this White House. Even if you believe Fox News is the font of all faux-journalistic evil, calling them out publicly is the dumbest possible approach. It diminishes the office of the president while it elevates Fox. When Helen Thomas tells you to grow a pair and stop abetting your enemies, you’re doing something extra special in the annals of whining.
And — best of all — this puts all the other news outlets in a really, really awkward spot. The White House has ordered them not to pay attention to stories sourced by Fox. Flat out ordered them. In front of the cameras and everything.
Now what? They want to obey. They hate Fox and love Obama with equal passion. The White House has made it cear that it won’t take the slightest criticism without retaliation, so they have to butter his bottom to get sweet, sweet access. And Fox breaks all the stories the MSM hates to cover.
On the other hand, some of the stories Fox has been breaking are undeniably news. Journalists have made such a big fucking deal out of being independent whistleblowers. A bulwark against the power of the state. An extra-Constitutional fourth branch of government. The Dissenters.
Watchoo gonna do now, boys?
October 20, 2009 — 1:00 pm
Comments: 27
Wrong tree. Am I barking up one?
I’ve had requests to put poor old Zombie Reagan on stuff since I first posted him. Sadly, the original drawing is quite small. It would come out about an inch and a half wide printed at 300 dpi.
I have serious finaldraftophobia. If I’m too pleased with a rough idea, I will always fumble the final, for-reals version. So, rather than trying to redraw this illustration, I thought I’d try going back to the official portrait and do a Photoshop job. Fortunately, the photo is available quite large, and I doubt there are any copyright issues with presidential portraits.
The question is, is this creepier than it is funny? I can’t make up my mind. I haven’t invested a whole lot of time in it yet, and before I labor to overlay cobwebs and strings of executive beef jerky, I’d like a second opinion or ten.
You know that “line” people talk about? I can never see the damned thing for myself.
October 19, 2009 — 6:38 pm
Comments: 41
‘Tis the season…
I’m sure you’ve heard of Guy Fawkes Night in the UK, which is celebrated on November 5 with fireworks and the burning of Fawkes in effigy (or, more traditionally, the Pope in effigy, since the conspirators were Catholic). It commemorates the foiling of a plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament.
Which doesn’t look like such a very bad idea these days.
But I digress.
The holiday is a bit different in Sussex. There is a GIGANTIC November 5 celebration in Lewes, a kind of Mardi Gras with more fire, less nudity. Most of the major towns in the county (and parts of Kent) have bonfire societies which come to march through the town for the big one.
In return, each of the towns and villages has its own Bonfire Night and everyone comes to march in their celebrations, too. So they have to stagger them. Between late September and November 5, there’s a bonfire somewhere in the county pretty much every weekend.
And very pagan-y affairs they are, too. There are elaborate and spooky costumes, and torches and fireworks, and they pull the guy (the various guys, which are effigies of people in the news. I believe Dubya got immolated a time or two) through the town. At the end, there’s a HUGE bonfire (usually made of hundreds of wood pallets) and they blow up the Guy and several kzillions of pounds (in weight and/or money) of fireworks.
The first big one is tomorrow night, in Hastings. I don’t think we’ll go this year, but we’ve gone before. It’s most impressive. Last year, they saw it in France and sent out the lifeboats.
Oh, and the tiny village of Icklesham insists on defying local custom and having theirs on November 5 each year, so none of the other villages will show up or advertise for them. Go Icklesham!
October 16, 2009 — 8:31 pm
Comments: 18
Very small and very slow…
This little dude. I caught him nomming the last of the spinach last week.
We just got in, so I got nothing today. Had to visit some business associates of Uncle B’s from right t’other side of Canterbury. Yes, that Canterbury. The cathedral’s still there, but pretty much all the rest of the medieval town got bombed flat in dubya-dubya eye-eye. That bad Mister Hitler hit the town deliberately, so I hear, to demoralize the Brits. How the fuck he consistently managed to miss the HUGE cathedral in the middle of town is a mystery.
Oh, about a mile from home, I saw two shiny red orbs by the side of the road. And then the great gray woggly ass of a badger disappearing into the undergrowth. First one I’ve ever seen in the wild.
But now…bath, booze and bed!
October 15, 2009 — 6:52 pm
Comments: 20
World’s cleanest rat…
Check it out! My second score for the Havahart mousetrap (yes, yes…we have the mouse-crushing kind too, but I don’t much like spattering them all over the foodal areas). Man, it’s got to be that time of year. I’m bailing livestock out of this house right and left.
Charlotte had three confirmed kills yesterday. Uncle B swears when he went out to the greenhouse late last night, he caught her out on the path sucking a mouse dry like some kind of Countess Chocula. You may recall, she had dental issues and they pulled her chewing teeth last year, so there’s not much else she can do, poor girl.
I’m guessing he won’t be giving her smoochies for a while.
Oh, and did I tell you about the rat? Big ol’ woodrat kind of thing poked his head out of a hole in the kitchen wall weeks ago. We plugged the hole and didn’t see him again for a while, but there are plenty more holes. Something hollowed out a loaf of bread I left on the counter. And this morning, it looks like the little fucker has stolen a whole, brand new bar of hand soap that we kept next to the kitchen sink.
I wouldn’t mind so much, but it’s the second one this week.
October 14, 2009 — 7:48 pm
Comments: 15