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But my husband doesn’t even know I’m the Dovahkiin

Yes, yes…that’s a giant humanoid lizard in banded leather gauntlets shoveling a snowberry crostata into a brick oven. And why not?

The folks who brought us the wildly popular game Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim decided their nice little game of dragon-slaying, zombie-stomping, vampire-staking and empire-conquering really needed to be…a little more like real life. Their latest add-on fixes that.

Now you can buy property, build a house, get married and have kids. You think I jest?

New Objectives and Interactions – Guard your home from unwanted visitors like marauding kidnappers, armed bandits, and skeever infestations. Turn almost any follower into your personal steward to improve and protect your home. Or if you require more help, hire a personal bard or carriage driver to ease the burdens of home ownership.

– Transform your house into a home with Hearthfire’s all-new adoption system. Adopt children and discover new ways to interact with your family. Play games with the kids, allow them to have pets and gain new bonuses from having a family.

Oh, doesn’t that sound like a little slice of Hades? One minute, I’m in Markarth repeatedly beating an apostate priest to death with a rusty mace while a Daedric prince repeatedly resurrects him, and the next, I’m all, like, “hi, Honey — I’m home!” It’s like Second Life with horned helmets and beheadings.

Well, for £3.49 ($4.99 American) I might just have to buy it so I can abuse my kids.

Steve pinky swears he didn’t break Steve’s Rule — he picked Alex Karras fair and square while they were both still breathing. Dang it, I just put his third dick in the mail. I’m’onna have to come up with some kind of virtual dick for this guy; he’s killing me for postage. Yes, friends, Steve has now won his fourth dick. Congratulation, Steve. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM STEVE.

Meet you back here Friday, 6WBT, for Round 39!

October 10, 2012 — 9:29 pm
Comments: 17