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Bad day, defined

Okay, compared to this guy (man, that croc is an evil looking bastard, isn’t he? Photo via NZ Herald), my day was a dawdle. But I had to deliver the coup de grâce to an injured squirrel on my morning commute, and that’s never an auspicious sign. How come road-injured squirrels always lie in one spot jerking and flipping out like that wounded Daryl Hannah replicant thing in Blade Runner? Horrible.

I dug out the old work laptop I use to test programs, plugged in the wifi dingus…and discovered I don’t have admin privileges on that machine. So I put it on the network and called the Helpdesk. It hasn’t been on the company net in a couple of years, so it’s all screwed up for updates. Turns out, that model was “retired” a while back and I was supposed to turn it in. I thought for a moment it was going to get confiscated, but someone dutifully picked it up for a re-image. I should have it back tomorrow.

Somehow making IS complicit in the circumvention of their own rules pleases me.

I wrote the above sentence about forty five minutes ago, then Damien came in and laid a large, fine woodrat at my feet. Pity it wasn’t dead. It jumped up, shrieked, ran across my feet and disappeared under the radiator in the livingroom. We could see it dashing back and forth underneath, the perfect cat-tease. Every time Damien hooked a paw in its direction, it would let out another squeak. Rodents don’t squeak like squeak toys. They squeak like forks raked across dinner plates. You hear it with your molars.

I held a cardboard box against the radiator with my knees, got a bamboo back-scratcher in one hand, an empty paper towel roll in the other, and tried to spook it toward captivity and ultimate freedom. But it was not to be. It leapt over my backscratcher and holed up under a big armchair, behind a pile of old comics. It’s quiet now.

Damien is curled up in front of the chair, placid as the Buddha. Fuck it. I’m going to drink. I’m not offing two adorable rodents today. Death is going to have to sort itself out this time. I just wish it wouldn’t do that whole “red in tooth and claw” thing on the wall-to-wall carpets.


Comment from S. Weasel
Time: April 30, 2007, 7:50 pm

I opened the front door a couple of hours ago and took my bamboo backscratcher to the huddled furball under the cushion behind the chair. I hoped he made it outside, and I guess he did. Full moon tonight, or very near. I just went out for a last cat check and found Damien playing in the side yard with our guest rodent (I assume).

Still didn’t have a mark on him, but he seemed pretty addled. I brought Damien in. He’s pissed, but he’ll get over it.

Killed one, saved one. Maybe. A karmic wash today.

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: April 30, 2007, 9:02 pm

Um….you should have a good, beefy slug or two of Old Forgetful and go to bed, Weasel. Best to put this day behind you.

Not to be presumptious or anything, but your day sucked. It started out bad and got worse. I’m sorry for you.

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: April 30, 2007, 9:21 pm

I always ignore IT’s rules. For instance, when I started work full-time, they took frickin’ FOREVER to set up my user account and email. (Prior to the new policies, during my co-op tours, this process took 20 minutes. Now it takes 2 weeks. Figures.) So I had someone else log me in and cracked their web-based email filter so I could have email (which I needed for work purposes [seriously]). Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Hope you’re sleeping well. I need to turn in myself. No rodent death today, but I did stay at work for about 11 hours (if you count the 1.5 hours’ worth of driving to an offsite meeting and back as “work,” which I intend to on my timesheet).

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: May 1, 2007, 5:36 am

Yes, our IS has improved over the years, but they’re still some of the least computer literate people in the company. We’re always two or three versions behind on everything, and our web filtering is so capricious and weird, it’s useless. I got the big red hand surfing a kiosk company the other day.

Turns out, Outside Mouse was a totally different animal than Inside Mouse. I came downstairs later last night and found Damien lazily trapping our guest in a corner. He still looked unmarked. I threw a tea towel over him and got him outside. He struggled mightily, but Weasel conquers all.

So that’s one rodent killed, two rodents saved. I’m up a rodent. I have rodent offsets!

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: May 1, 2007, 6:29 am

I am hopeful that the balance of the universe has been restored.

Note that you got up this morning already 1-up on Rodent Offsets, your cat is probably smugly pleased at getting to pester a rat all night (inside, too!), and when you get to work your LT will probably be ready (courtesy of IS) to circumvent IS rules (courtesy of IS).

Yesterday was the universe’s way of preparing you for today’s successes. Today is yours. Wallow in it.

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: May 1, 2007, 12:57 pm

Still no word from Weasel.
I’m terrified.

Comment from Gnus
Time: May 1, 2007, 1:39 pm

Have faith. Weasels are tough. Although the IS fu is strong.

Or maybe the date to cash in rodent offsets is past or something.

Say, you’ve probably already been through this nurturing process for minions. Any details you can share? Not that I’m worried or anything…

Comment from whitishrabbit
Time: May 1, 2007, 3:59 pm

The Tuesday Weasel is up. If he were in crisis, I’m sure he’d put like, Friday’s weasel up there. A sort of secret mustelid crisis morse code. 😉

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: May 1, 2007, 4:49 pm

Wabbit….I assumed the Weasel-of-the-day was one of those automatic things. Y’know – so’s to not trouble his ponderous and massive intellect with trivialities of the blogsphere. No?

Yeah – I know about the “false Friday” signal. Kinda like the batsignal or sumpin. We’re all supposed to immediately….react….um…and, uh….post stuff. Kinda. I guess. And worry a lot.

Gnus: (Is that “sung” spelled bassackwards? Who sang you? And why? And was it harmonious?)–

The first duty of a new minion is to buy Weasel a wardriving antenna and long-range PCMCIA card (better make it two) so he can continue to entertain us. We all did it already, but were cheated one by one by the Nigerian WiFi Corp, who took our money and spent it on rude things best not discussed in polite company. Don’t buy it from NiWiFiCo.

Hope that helps. Welcome to Weasels – if I may be so presumptious in his absence! Don’t step on anything furry.

Comment from Gnus
Time: May 1, 2007, 6:20 pm

Sung? Could be, I suppose. Actually it’s intended to be a play on news. Like daily news… A gnu is an ungainly sort of beast, as am I, so it fits. Heh. Or not.

Harmonious? Not even close.

Too late on the NiWiFi. In a preemptive strike, Dr. Obungu offered to provide equipment as needed. So I took him up on it. Weasel’s antenna and card are on the way, as we speak. Dr. Obungu promised.

And just wait until I get my cut of the $20MM.

Comment from SteamBoat McGoo
Time: May 1, 2007, 8:13 pm

hey! Obungu was the same guy who scammed me.

Said he was kin to Limfoma Mbwebwe.

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