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Art Crime

art crime

Hey, y’all, I’m in an all-day meeting in the Boston office today. The good news is, my old Mazda dealership can fit me in. The bad news: the Weaselmobile is currently due for about $1,200 in routine maintenance. Yay!

I’ll leave you with this. Oklahoma County Commissioner Brent Rinehart decided the best way to reach voters in his district was to mail them his own personal comic book. The article calls it “edgy”. I call it “a huge steaming pile of loose monkeyshit” — which is, come to think of it, what “edgy” usually means.

It would be a lot more fun if these vile, psychotic drawings were his own, but he actually hired somebody to draw them. Somebody who, presumably, got paid. (Somebody named Shane Suiters, who may or may not be a tattoo artist. Lots of stuff bounced up when I Googled his name, but nothing I felt confident enough to print. Try it! It’s fun!).

Sadly…yes. You guessed: Brent is a Republican. Though really mostly what he is is a nutter. He’s had conflicts with fellow Republicans on the board, at least one of whom has played the “I urge him to get help” card.

You can (and I encourage you to) download the whole masterpiece here (3 megs, .pdf). Now, don’t tear the place up while I’m gone. And somebody please remember to let the dog out at least once today. That wasn’t fun to come home to, last time.


Comment from JuliaM
Time: August 7, 2008, 8:11 am

“..mail them his own personal comic book..”

Oh, my..! Our nutcase politicians are, well, just routinely, pedestrianly, boringly nutty.

I guess everything really is bigger and better in America ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from Nigel
Time: August 7, 2008, 10:28 am

Comic books?

The dude is sending out comic books to reach the voters?

What? His consituents are too stupid to read?

And the artwork? Sheesh…looks like he hired the cartoonist for the local junior high fishwrap.

Of course the worst thing is the content. So…he’s trying to sell that God has him there to protect the people from the abomination of homosexuality?

At least he is humble about it.

Comment from Lemur King
Time: August 7, 2008, 10:47 am

Being christian for many years it took me until recently to shake off the mindset that it’s ok to judge people. A lot of folks say “It’s ok to judge the sin but not the people” as if that makes it ok. Problem is, as humans we can’t do that. It slops over. And we wonder why the world hates us? We’re some of the nastiest judgmental unloving people around (as an aggregate).

Doesn’t mean I don’t think the Folsom Street posters are OTT, but cripes, gays and lesbians are by and large darned nice people, no more or less so the hetero population.

My point? That guys like this one and comic books like this aren’t really helping a thing – they are making it much worse. Gay marriage? I’m not for the “marriage” part but call it a “civil union” and I say go ahead, you’re adults.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 7, 2008, 11:19 am

My sense is that some people play up the issue to get support, a cynical ploy that could work well. Others, who believe there’s such a problem with homosexuals, are simply loony and see things because they want to see them.

The biggest threat to marriage isn’t same-sex marriage but rather immorality (particularly adultery). A gay friend found it the height of hypocrisy how black churches campaign tirelessly against same-sex marriage while facing the divorce rates and out-of-wedlock births they do.

Frankly, as a Christian, I believe the Christian thing to do is to reach out to all people with love, teach our values and standards, love and help them even if they don’t listen, but to focus first and foremost on one’s own self. How can we gloat in our righteousness when we have so much to refine each one in oneself? Our salvation comes not in another’s righteous life or their salvation but only through our own.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: August 7, 2008, 12:53 pm

Hey weas, I know you said you’ve tried Badger Ale, but have you tried this? Fursty Ferret – ‘Ale Full of Character’. The label has got ferrets drinking from a barrel and standing around (presumably swaying slowly) and stuff. I’ve got a bottle in the fridge. It looks like this one except it’s thinner and I think it’s made by the same people who make the Badger Ale. In fact I know it is because it’s got their label on the bottle and advertised on their website.

Dear god, those drawings are bad. My school exercise books are full of drawings of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles as they were called here), Sonic the Hedgehog and Bart Simpson which are better than that.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 7, 2008, 1:15 pm

The people of Pakistan couldn’t make up their minds if it was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. Saw both all the time.

I think it depended on whether the merchandise came from the US or not.

I read the comic. If I were a Liberal, I wouldn’t worry about his crazy politics. I’d pass a Constitutional amendment (or make a court decree) that such horrible art be punishable by death if inflicted on the public.

(If I got that comic, I wouldn’t vote for him based on it. It would turn me against him. And I actually agree with the sherriff.)

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: August 7, 2008, 1:31 pm

Her Maj has gone all corporate on us today and is ‘in a meeting’ (though what on earth weasels have to discuss is quite beyond me,) so… I’ll jump in just to say, concerning Fursty Ferret, she has, literally, been there, done that and got the T-shirt. I know ‘cos I bought it for her.

I can’t remember what she made of the beer, though. Maybe when she gets out of her meeting she’ll tell us? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Comment from Jill
Time: August 7, 2008, 1:34 pm

Gets out of her meeting = sobers up? ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from Allen
Time: August 7, 2008, 1:56 pm

Dear Voter, I am sending you this comic book I came up with to prove to you how full bore crazy I really am. Please don’t forget to vote.

Srsly Fricken’ Crazy Commisioner.

I’m sure the voters will take his little piece into account. Then again maybe he’s going for an insanity plea in his upcoming trial. Crafty… ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 7, 2008, 1:57 pm

Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles

WTF? They were ninja turtles. Why the name change?

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 7, 2008, 2:06 pm

Because non-Americans don’t know what ninjas are.

Seriously. You rarely see ninjas in Pakistani media. It’s more of a Japanese and American thing.

Comment from Gibby Haynes
Time: August 7, 2008, 2:13 pm

Why the name change?

Well, I think British – and 50% of Pakistani by the sounds of it – kids could be trusted to know enough about genetics to know what mutation is, but not enough about far-eastern martial arts to know what a ninja is. I bet there were far nuttier non-English translations. The Japanese was probably something like ‘Super Happy Fun Green Strong Ninja Men of Victorious Happy Times’ or something.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 7, 2008, 2:51 pm

It all goes to prove that Samuel Clemmons (that’s Mark Twain for those not familiar with the man) was correct.

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.
– Mark Twain in Eruption

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 7, 2008, 3:22 pm

kids could be trusted to know enough about genetics to know what mutation is, but not enough about far-eastern martial arts to know what a ninja is.

That is called a ‘teachable moment’ unless the powers that be don’t want the ickle snookums to expand their knowledge of ‘violence’.

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 7, 2008, 3:32 pm

My opinion of the comic is that the artisanship is so offensive to the eye that one doesn’t want to read any of it.
There are better ways to express one’s position on social issues than to appear perverted oneself.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 7, 2008, 5:16 pm

brain lady

Had an asshole of a day. Dropped my car off for a service. In addition to the $700 60K service I signed up for, they found $700 worth of miscellaneous stuff wrong (not counting the $700 timing belt I’m not going for this time). This is a dealership I’ve used for a thousand years, though, so I trust that I really need all that shit.

They gave me a loaner. I have to go back to Boston tomorrow for my car. But first — dental appointment in the morning.

But I don’t care! IT’S DRINKING TIME! Speaking of which, Gibby, I gave Fursty Ferret two and a half drunken weasels. My bottle was skunked.

Comment from Allen
Time: August 7, 2008, 7:06 pm

It would seem our comic genius might be having a little trouble with the IRS.


His next masterpiece will probably be on Satan and the IRS. Well, come to think of it the IRS and Satan do kind of go together.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: August 7, 2008, 7:18 pm

Allen. They do sem to have similar goals and methods, don’t they?

Comment from Allen
Time: August 7, 2008, 7:32 pm

Scubafreak, yeah they do. I had a bit of a runin with them a few years ago. You know you’re in deep doo when you call up and they put you on hold…

Then a person says, “Hello, my name is Mr. Beelzebub and I have been assigned your case.”

They thought I owed them money, turns out they owed me. Do not make Satan mad, he’s very grouchy.

Comment from wendyworn
Time: August 7, 2008, 11:31 pm

Satan can kiss my ass.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 8, 2008, 1:28 am

I am very disappointed: as an artist, the cartoonist should have had a better idea of what gay men looked like. His depictions look like aliens or something.

Apropos to nothing: Edinbraaaaaaaaaaaaa!
(Content warning: foul language)

Comment from wendyworn
Time: August 8, 2008, 1:39 am

I dont know Musli, mabye he just wants to be gay. If you go left to right you have all the gay stereotypes, (I dont know the first one, glasses and maybe parachute pants with a muscle shirt?), satan, greek guy (always known for sexual liberties), obviously peter pan, and then a princess. I guess a picture IS worth a thousand words.

oh, and the video is great. I always knew that was the words to that song.

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 8, 2008, 2:17 am

Very true wendy, first dude looks like Harry Potter and he gave him ‘wood’.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2008, 4:59 am

I think the Peter Pan guy must be poor old Randy Constan. I note that his face is completely hidden by his sign, but his stick is HUGE.

Make of that what you will.

Comment from Allen
Time: August 8, 2008, 10:25 am

Weasel, there must be some back story that I missed about Randy. Should I even ask?

Oh criminey, I have to ask after visiting that site and seeing one of the music selections was called “The Tink Tink Song”

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 8, 2008, 10:35 am

Ironically, Randy Constan is straight. The strangest, gayest-looking and queer-est dressing straight man ever. (He even uses “boi”.)

Unless he’s a gay man who happened to like someone who’d be better off on one of Rosetta BBF pages and proposed to her and will marry her.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2008, 10:36 am

Oh, he was a big internet supastar some years ago. One of the first. He is apparently totally for real — at least, nobody’s ever caught him breaking character. Been on TV and everything.

He’s also into programming, Jesus and jazz. He’s a pretty good jazz guitarist, if you like that sort of thing. And I don’t.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2008, 10:39 am

He’s also in his fifties, by the way. So whatever crazyjuice he has for breakfast, it makes him look fabulous.

What scares me is I knew all this off the top of my head.

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 8, 2008, 10:46 am

On his outfits page, he reveals that he really doesn’t like requests to make and pose in “grrl” outfits: he’d rather do “boi” outfits. Unfortunately, for some of his “boi” outfits, one can’t tell if it’s a boi or a grrl.

He’s an interesting person, for sure. And 53, as you mentioned. Amazing looks/body for 53.

Comment from Dave in Texas
Time: August 8, 2008, 10:58 am

Why do you people know these things?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2008, 10:59 am

So we can share them with you, Dave. Would you like to see more sparkly things, Dave?

Comment from Allen
Time: August 8, 2008, 11:16 am

That’s some strange stuff. Did he go on TV in his outfit? I’m wondering if my info quota is already overrun, but what the hell it’s Friday. I have all weekend to talk myself off the ledge.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2008, 11:31 am

Ya. I think there might be a frame grab somewhere on his site.

That’s right, Allen. You need to go back and look at his site. Look at it real good, Allen.

Comment from Allen
Time: August 8, 2008, 11:50 am

Oh my, I just had to look more. Well I thought I would share, I’m good that way.


The Mad Hatter, Randy, and the other woman, who has the whole Terminator eyes thing going for her.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2008, 12:10 pm

Oh. Ohhhhh. Savor it.

And check out the art on the walls at Randy’s house.

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 8, 2008, 12:53 pm

There is something wrong with Randy besides wearing/enjoying tights. How do you know he isn’t gay?

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: August 8, 2008, 1:14 pm

According to him, he built his first website to attract a girlfriend. And he’s got one now. <shrug>

Comment from Allen
Time: August 8, 2008, 1:28 pm

I bet the wedding pictures were kind of nifty. Yes I noticed the art. I would have at least thought he would have a Degas print. Ya know the whole Dancers thing.

Speaking of which I did a little search on that… and found “you too can have a portable dance pole in your own home…” Oh, good grief. I wont inflict it on you directly but it can be found at xpoleamerica.com. Is it cocktail hour yet?

Comment from porknbean
Time: August 8, 2008, 2:25 pm

So the kid I work with who talks like a ‘Valley girl’- ‘Look PnB at my new belt. It has studs in it. Like, it is so kewl, I LOVE it.’- , says he won’t eat donuts because he doesn’t want to get fat, says he throws up sometimes to feel better, twirls his hair like a girl, does the whole wrist crimp, says he has a girlfriend (who I have heard thinks he is annoying but is afraid to break up with him because she doesn’t want to hurt him) could quite possible be straight even though we all think he is in denial?

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: August 8, 2008, 6:42 pm

PnB: They’re called queer-acting straight metrosexuals. Their sole purpose in life is to confuse the heck out of everyone.

I have known a number of effeminate-acting men who are straight. A gay friend I knew, knew and fell madly in love with a guy he called Pretty Boy: he looked and acted gay, but was quite straight.

Interestingly enough, I have known two guys who claimed to be straight but hesitant to get into a relationship. Within a few years, they realize they’re gay.

It used to be that being gay or straight was less about whom one slept with and more about one’s culture. I see it the other way: with the rise and spread of metrosexuality, one’s sexual preference can only be determined by which sex one prefers to sleep with, and less about mannerisms and behavior and culture and friends and walking around well-built and shirtless. (I also thought only gay men got tramp stamps…until I saw a neighborhood guy walking around shirtless, and he has a tramp stamp; if it weren’t for the fact I know some of his friends and so know a bit about him, I’d assume from his build, ego, arrogance, and tramp stamp that he was gay, but he’s most definitely straight.)

Of course…recently I found a guy on Facebook that I knew about 15 years ago. Back then, he was short and scrawny. He also had a reputation for sleeping around with lots of girls. Now, in California, his build was perfect. He looked like a wonderful, tan, sculpted Greek god. I noticed a pattern in the events he attended: guys built similarly, dressed so as to flaunt their bodies, some of whom were very friendly with each other (making out). Once I saw an album of him attending the White Party, I realized what I had suspected: he was gay. No straight guy goes to the White Party.

So I learned that sometimes the “signs” are right. (Nevertheless, I never assume a person’s sexuality until there’s some form of indisputable confirmation.)

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