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Legends of Olde Englande

gorilla suit

Oh, aye. When a man in a Santa-hatted gorilla suit playing a drum kit salutes you with a banana stump, sure an’ it’s goin’ to be a long Winter and hard.

Yeah. These people are weird.

I’m having trouble finding my rhythm; stand by for adjustments. I was always a morning poster ’til now, but I need every ounce of daylight to do house-y things. After which there’s Tea Time then Nap Time then Booze Time. My cup runneth over.

Tomorrow morning, the neighbors behind are cutting down a line of trees in their garden to get rid of the rooks — who are, I admit, very noisey. But it’s a shit thing to do. In December. Corvids are extremely fucking clever animals, and rooks are social and attached to their trees. I’m going to miss the bastards; I hope they take up residence in nearby trees, owned by somebody less keen.

On a happier note, the same neighbors told us there’s a stoat living under their back porch. A stoat, in case you haven’t Googled, is what the Brits call a proper, full-sized weasel.



Comment from Joan of Argghh!
Time: December 9, 2008, 9:08 pm

Stoats and gorilla suits and drums, oh my!

It’s not like you can see that at the local suburban mall here.


Comment from MCPO Airdale
Time: December 9, 2008, 9:16 pm

Nap time, tea time and booze time?! Too full a schedule for me. . . I’m retired!

Comment from wendyworn
Time: December 9, 2008, 9:26 pm

nap time, tea time and booze time sounds heavenly! Especially the nap time! Live it up while you can before you have to punch a clock again. I am so jealous!!!!!!

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 9, 2008, 9:36 pm

The Badger isn’t best pleased by this tree-felling. The rooks are noisy but, damnit, they have a right to be here, too (maybe more of a right – and no I am not a bloody hippy!).

Anyway… anyway… poor old rooks. I used to stumble out in the mornings and they’d pretend to be alarmed and caw at me – so (of course) I’d caw back.

We’d keep ourselves amused for ages.

The good news is there are trees in the field at the back, but… how do you rebuild your home in a few hours of daylight when some imbecile with a chainsaw hacks it down in minutes?

Worried about this neighbourhood now. A damned stoat moves in and the next thing I know my neighbours are telling me they have one living in their garden, too.

It could be a plot.

Comment from Sarah D.
Time: December 9, 2008, 10:58 pm

I bet if you check, that stoat has a Made in America tag.

It is definitely a plot.

Comment from GrannyJ
Time: December 10, 2008, 12:00 am

My experience, too — Brits are W*E*I*R*D.

Comment from MCPO Airdale
Time: December 10, 2008, 12:12 am

Importing stoats without the proper license?!? Tsk! Tsk!

Comment from TimB52
Time: December 10, 2008, 1:36 am


Seeing that gorilla reminds me of the time I was in a big shopping mall in Gothenburg, Sweden circa December 1994. Turned a corner and I swear on a weasel’s eyes, there was Michael Jackson lip-syncing Billie Jean and moonwalking on a little stage amidst a bunch-o-Swedes in the middle of the mall.

True story.

Comment from Lipstick
Time: December 10, 2008, 2:08 am

Once one stoat arrives, well you know how it is — there goes the neighborhood!


Comment from geoff
Time: December 10, 2008, 4:01 am

Don’t want to sound like one-note geoff, but it seems to me (as I sit here sipping my Fuller’s ESB) that that’s not a photograph of a pub.

Just saying.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: December 10, 2008, 6:10 am

I’ll give you all the photos you like of the OUTSIDE of pubs, geoff. But it’s, like, $5 for a pint of beer in a pub. It’s not exactly cheap to drink at home, but you’d have to be wealthy beyond all measure to support proper alcoholic habits in your local.

Since the smoking ban, they’re losing something like thirty pubs a week in the UK, too. Very sad.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 10, 2008, 9:59 am

Train a motion sensitive camera on the porch and capture a photo of the little devil. Or will that make you wind up in gaol??

Comment from Mrs. Peel
Time: December 10, 2008, 10:05 am

Speaking of British words, and as a follow-up to the “rubber” thing I mentioned earlier, the other day, a dude at work had a pack of cigarettes under his chair. (The cigs turned out not to be his.) I ALMOST said, “Hey, are those your fags under the chair?” Not trying to be funny, not trying to be offensive – that was just the first thing that popped into my mind. Good job I didn’t say anything. Could have been a bit of a sticky wicket, eh wot wot?

Comment from Muslihoon
Time: December 10, 2008, 12:04 pm

Last week, making an already depressing day more depressing for most students, a student presented an article on the closure of English pubs. Quite depressing.

He said some of the factors were the smoking ban, and now the ability to buy stuff cheaper at the market than at the pub.

Comment from geoff
Time: December 10, 2008, 12:10 pm

Since the smoking ban, they’re losing something like thirty pubs a week in the UK, too.

Oh that’s just freakin’ great. I had assumed that if I lived a virtuous life, when I died I would transcend this sorry existence and find myself on an eternal pub crawl. Guess I can abandon virtue now.

We’ve been making vague plans to get to the UK sometime in the next few years. This makes it imperative.

And $5/pint? That’s a pretty common price in the States, too. Not a very powerful deterrent.

Comment from steve
Time: December 10, 2008, 12:41 pm

Now this is somewhat off the general Topic O’ the Day…

Still, I still find it passing strange that someone sould willingly move form the land of Pepsi and pork rinds to the land of dank weather and bad dental hygiene…

And yet, perhaps there are reasons beyond the simple proffered excuses!


Comment from scubafreak
Time: December 10, 2008, 12:52 pm

Word of advice, stoatie. If the guy in the monkey suit comes over nd introduces himself as Bonobo, RUN!!!!

Comment from Jill
Time: December 10, 2008, 1:24 pm

What are the disadvantages to having your wicket be sticky?

Just askin’.

“And hello…I’m Bonobo…of Ubu2u…”

Comment from scubafreak
Time: December 10, 2008, 1:38 pm

Jill, google the bonobo, you’ll find even more reason to laugh…. 😉

Comment from scubafreak
Time: December 10, 2008, 2:35 pm

Here ya go, UB:


Comment from Jill
Time: December 10, 2008, 4:50 pm

Can I just say that I once dressed up in a gorilla suit and Santa hat to deliver a banana cake to my then-boyfriend on his December 25th birthday? Well, I did. I was 19 or 20.

Right after that he got himself a new girlfriend.
One that dressed up in lingerie and ballet slippers instead of gorilla suits.

Comment from scubafreak
Time: December 10, 2008, 4:58 pm

OMG, Jill is Sarah Silverman? 😉

(just kidding)

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: December 10, 2008, 5:18 pm

Yeah, we were having a party, Scubafreak 😉

The pub thing is very sad, though, having said that, I’ve never been a pub kinda badger. But Muslihoon’s college project is about right. The rot began when they imposed tough drink-driving laws (and they are about to get tougher, still). That hit the small, olde worlde country pubs, which you had to drive to get to.

A lot of those switched to offering meals and some became very notable restaurants as a result but, of course, not all of them were able to make that transition.

This latest hit has been down to the nannying neo-puritans in the socialist government doing three things: raising tax on alcohol, effectively restricting live music (they’ve imposed tough licensing ‘safety’ rules on that) and the aforementioned smoking ban.

Harder to assess is the effect of competition from supermarket sales (it astounded her Ladyship when she first came over here and saw how freely booze is sold next to the baked beans).

It’s true you can buy a six pack of Olde Wife-Beater for a lot less than it costs in the Frog and Halfpenny, but people go to pubs for the company and the atmosphere.

We were in a rather posh town on the coast today and even in the high st. of this prosperous town, two of the pubs had closed.

Oh dear, her Ladyship has just wandered in with an armful of cat. I seem to be on head-stroking duties…

Comment from Jill
Time: December 10, 2008, 5:47 pm

Of course booze is next to baked beans.
And right before catsup…all things being alphabatetical.

Comment from dfbaskwill
Time: December 10, 2008, 7:21 pm

“Now this is somewhat off the general Topic O’ the Day…”

Now I’m really confused! Wouldn’t an actual topic of the day to deviate from be frowned upon around these parts! -insert smilie here-

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