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Seven reasons a layman can be sure global warming is complete bullshit


It can be tough for a non-scientist to tease apart the arguments of scientists. To make truly informed decisions, you’d have to throw it all over and become one yourself. No thanks — there’s math involved! Instead, let me share a few reasons you can be pret-ty daggoned sure anthropogenic global warming AKA climate change is complete shite without a glance at the science.

7 Surprise! The “cure” is ALLLLLLL the things hippies have been trying to get us to do for decades: biff our cars and ride bikes, save the rainforest, go vegetarian — organic vegetarian (home-grown, or at least local), recycle, reject consumerism and, like, get back to the land and shit, man. What a lucky coincidence for hippies!

6 Globally, the “cure” involves sucking billions out of the economy and handing it over to government. Yay! What a lucky coincidence for governments!

5 Burning wood for heat — thereby releasing a bunch of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere — is now considered a net REDUCER of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Ha! For this to be even remotely true, all firewood would have to come from lands newly turned over for purpose-grown forests. Boolsheet. Hippies just like woodstoves.

4Al Gore. Seriously — Al Gore. That’s some big fat clue right there, folks.

3 Nobody can think of a single good thing that would follow from higher average temps or CO2 levels. There was this article I read — see, plants love CO2, so it was all about how carbon dioxide is making poison ivy loads more poisonous. That’s really the only thing that comes to this writer’s mind when he thinks “plants love CO2”? Change makes some things better; an honest discussion includes those, too.

2 As Glenn Reynolds famously put it: I’ll believe it’s a crisis when the people who say it’s a crisis start acting like it’s a crisis. Downsizing their mansions. Selling beachfront properties now, before they sink beneath the waves. Riding bikes to work — or at least not so much flying their personal jets to the 7-11 for a pack of Kools.

Numero uno But the main reason you can be sure global warmening isn’t happening? IT’S GETTING COLDER!!!!!!!


Comment from Gromulin
Time: July 7, 2009, 7:41 pm

The best explanation I’ve heard is that Anthropogenic Global Warming is the question that the post-modern, trans-national left has had the answer to for nearly half a century. They have had the cart for a long time, now they think they have a horse strong enough to pull it.

Comment from Steamboat McGoo
Time: July 7, 2009, 7:45 pm

On the nose, Stoaty and gromulin.

On. The. Nose.

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 7, 2009, 7:46 pm

Exactly, Gromulin. What a great way to put it.

Comment from armybrat
Time: July 7, 2009, 7:54 pm

I’m ground zero for the year without a summer. We’re still wearing long sleeve shirts and light jackets in beantown. Oh yeah….and it rained again today….just like it has every.damn.day that I’ve had off for the last 3 months. Before it rained every day it snowed…every.damn.day that I’ve had off since the start of this year.

Pingback from A Wise Weasel | Autumn People
Time: July 7, 2009, 7:55 pm

[…] Go check it out. It’s a short list and well worth the time. I think it should be passed around and tatooed on foreheads backwards so people can read it every time they look in the mirror. […]

Comment from Sockless Joe
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:02 pm

It’s been rainy and cool in Pennsylvania so far this summer -scarcely used the air conditioning, though my relatives in Kansas lost a couple hundred cattle to the heat a few weeks ago, so I’m a mixed bag on the anecdotal evidence front.

Comment from Uncle Badger
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:06 pm

Beautifully put, Gromulin!

What first alerted me to the possibility that AGW was a crock, was the almost perfect fit of the ‘remedy’ with what the Left has been proposing for the past 50 years as its solution to ‘everything else’

What I find truly terrifying is the ease with which this nonsense has become the received wisdom de nos jours.

It must have been just like this back in the 17th Century when everyone just knew Old Grannie Weasel was a witch.

Comment from scubafreak
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:09 pm

I’ve been saying that for years. Unfortunately, human nature dictates that once people buy into the idea and identity that goes with it, the only way that they will change their minds is for the movement to discredit itself.

BTW, I’ve spent many an enjoyable evening online getting hippies and pseudo-druids in a lather to ban dihydrogen monoxide. Great fun. I HIGHLY recommend it. 😉

Hydrogen Oxide works too…….

Pingback from S Weasel Nails Another One « Looquat I Found
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:09 pm

[…] I found. You go and read. […]

Comment from apotheosis
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:20 pm

My ex-wife was the kind who just couldn’t function if there wasn’t a crisis in her life. Drama was like her oxygen, and the more apocalyptic the terms in which the crisis was framed, the better.

Some people are just like that, I guess.

Comment from Phineas
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:33 pm

I’ll buy banning water as long as it’s the fad bottled stuff

Comment from Phineas
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:43 pm

Post-hippies are all for banning smoking cigarettes too(Native American tobacco smokers will of course be exempt since it’s part of our rite of nature), as it’s kills 50 bzillion people each hour… but let’s legalize weed..we can make rope from it too(so we can build better sailing ships when we go back to living in a pre-white European American Continent world(Spanish don’t count as white because we we say so)

Comment from Dawn
Time: July 7, 2009, 9:48 pm

Global warming is BS – Is that why they are trying to call it climate change now?
And you are absolutely right about the woodstove theory. Where I live the population is equal parts hippy, Ted Nugent survivalist, and mormon.

Comment from MCPO Airdale
Time: July 7, 2009, 10:40 pm

Ma’dam, If you weren’t spoken for, I’d snap you up in a moment!

Comment from David Gillies
Time: July 7, 2009, 11:54 pm

The weather’s been a piece of shit here for three straight years. I did NOT move to the tropics for this. Global warming? Pah! It gets down to 17 or 18 °C at night, and it’s barely cracked 30 °C by day for as long as I can remember. That is freakin’ cold! It was an absolutely by-the-book La Niña event (perhaps a bit deeper than in recent times). We’re just trending neutral right now (midway through the Pacific Decadal Oscillation so with luck next year will be what I signed up for: melanoma-inducing sunshine on Xmas Day.)

Here’s a fun thing to do if you are remotely statistically inclined: grab Atlantic hurricane frequency data off somewhere like NOAA at Woods Hole. Bin annual frequency and draw a histogram. Superimpose a Poisson distribution with whatever mean the data reveal. They are a scary-good fit. What that means to someone in the know is that hurricane frequency is a single-variable random process, like the time between calls in a call-centre or raindrops falling on a window – so year-on-year prediction is futile. Plot the time series, and no trend is distinguishable from the null hypothesis at a 1 or 2% confidence interval (i.e. hurricanes are not getting more frequent). Weight by intensity – no trend. You don’t need to be an atmospheric physicist to do this. A-level maths is fine. But a halfway-decent scientific/engineering education does help. The main thing it equips you with outside your narrow speciality like designing a double-balanced mixer or not broiling your patient in the CAT scanner is a much more sensitive bullshit detector. It’s no coincidence that the dumbing-down of the population is completely driven by the Left. A stupid people is an easily-cowed people. “The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

OK, too much politics. Back to jam-making!

Comment from scubafreak
Time: July 8, 2009, 1:21 am

Phineas, you would be amazed at how many ardent enviros fall hook, line and sinker for banning water. It’s a sad comment on todays education system, a lack that I have come to consider quite deliberate……

Comment from scubafreak
Time: July 8, 2009, 1:30 am

LOL, looks like the Times of London was uncomfortable with Manbearpigs references to ‘nazis’, so they edited the speach to remove the offending (and possibly discrediting) term…..

http ://hotair.com/archives/2009/07/07/gore-fighting-global-warming-is-like-fighting-nazis/



Comment from Roman Wolf
Time: July 8, 2009, 2:25 am

But but Weasel! All my professors believe in global warming! It must be true! I mean, people become academics because of a radiant love of all mankind and the truth! It couldn’t be that some academics are dishonest because of ideology, power, or grant money. They’re perfect souls…like the Spanish Inquisition.

As an aside to the education thing, I’m skeptical of Global Warming in spite of my education, not because of it. To be honest, my parents probably could of done a better job homeschooling me than the current public(in the American sense, not the British) education regime did.

Comment from Jakeman
Time: July 8, 2009, 6:07 am

Weasey, this is pure home-canned goodness with an extra helping of awesome sauce.

I lobbed out the #2 Glenn Reynolds quote in a nonpolitical-website comment the other day and, whoa, did I unleash the Al Gore hounds. One in particular responded something to the effect of: “OMGZ! HOW COME HE IS ALWAYS THE MAGNET FOR YOU WINGERS??!! YOU’LL BE SORRY WHEN ALL OF OUR BUILDINGS ARE UNDERWATER, ETC. ETC.”

Which underscored something for me: A lot of AGW nitwits accept that, even if you take the leap that global warming is happening, there’s really not a damn thing anyone can do about it no matter how many treaties and bills their lib-caped crusaders sign. But the bikes/hybrids/yadda yadda makes them feel holier-than-thou as Rome burns, or floods and drownds ev’rything.

Comment from surly ermine
Time: July 8, 2009, 7:12 am

Frankly, polar bears scare the hell outta me. I was starting to feel safer listening to all the ice melting business. The only fate better than drowning the bastards would be smothering them under piles of my consumerism like empty water bottles and disposable diapers. Oh yeah, and I dump half of those water bottles down the sink! HA!

I do enjoy my Tom’s Hippie deodorant though. Then again I’ll buy anything with hops in it.

Comment from gnus
Time: July 8, 2009, 11:15 am

I’m with Surly. Polar bears are wicked mean. They hunt us. The more polar bears that drown the better.

Sweasel, I was told there would be no maths. You should ban Mr. Gilles for violations of the Geneva Accords or something. Poison? Meanies? I rest my case.

Comment from Oldcat
Time: July 8, 2009, 12:29 pm

I may live within 15 minutes driving time from the coast, but I’m at a higher altitude above sea level than I was in Ohio, or Chicago.

The risk that a bunch of liberals who spent millions on a house by the beach drown is one I’m willing to take.

Comment from Malcolm Kirkpatrick
Time: July 8, 2009, 12:33 pm

The flying saucer believers retreated into a position akin to Gore’s neuroscience speculations. When the science (and common sense: c’mon, does this look like intelligence to you, to travel from a distant star, sneak around conducting botched dissections on cattle and having sex with unstable Earth women?) turned against them, they claimed that the persistence of the belief must indicate something deep about human psychology. In other words, change the subject and hope no one notices.

Comment from JuliaM
Time: July 8, 2009, 2:37 pm

Excellent post!

Pingback from Climate Change Koolaid — Winds Of Jihad By SheikYerMami
Time: July 9, 2009, 1:03 am

[…]  S. Weasel has some entertaining thoughts on Al Gore here and here. […]

Pingback from Al “Jethro Bodine” Gore expounds on…god, who even knows » Cold Fury
Time: July 9, 2009, 9:26 am

[…] argument about Manbearpig rages on. Stoaty knows what’s going on here as well as we do, and goes on to list 7 reasons why global wormening is a crock — a collectivist pig in a poke, a […]

Comment from Rich Rostrom
Time: July 9, 2009, 3:20 pm

#0 reason AGW is a crock: the rampant screaming alarmism practiced by its acolytes. For instance, this Sports Illustrated cover (then-Florida Marlins pitcher Dontrelle Willis standing on the mound in Dolphins Stadium thigh-deep in water, as a warning of what “global warming” could do to sports).

For this to happen sea level would have to rise over 10 meters – and the maximum sea level rise predicted by the IPCC is less than 1 meter.

Can you say “deliberate effort to generate panic”?

It is far more likely that live attendance at sporting events will stop to eliminate targets for terrorist attack. But you won’t see SI depicting the World Series in an empty stadium.

It is more likely that sporting events will be tweaked to accommodate Islamist demands. But SI won’t show us a college football game with cheerleaders in burkas.


Comment from Unsupervised
Time: July 9, 2009, 9:11 pm

OK. It’s time for someone to say it.
We wouldn’t be having all this global climate change problem if they just used Linux instead of W1nd0w$.
(you can excise Linux and replace it with Mac OS-XLVII or whatever).

Pingback from Sarah Et Cetera » Free for All Friday 29
Time: July 10, 2009, 7:14 am

[…] Seven reasons global warming is total bullshit. As far as I’m concerned, debate was over when The Goracle dropped motherfucking Godwin’s law. […]

Comment from Jessica
Time: July 12, 2009, 7:23 pm

OK, you know I’m not getting involved in this because I am one of those liberals….. But you do know that when someone looks at you, they see a Hippie, right?? *GRIN*

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: July 12, 2009, 8:16 pm

Of course! I was raised by a pack of wild hippies. That makes me the perfect spy.

I used to love going to the Whole Foods at University Heights in jeans and a t-shirt and waiting to see how long before anyone registered that it was an NRA t-shirt.

Comment from Brigette
Time: July 14, 2009, 2:45 am

Too funny. The horrified looks you must’ve gotten!

Comment from Woody
Time: October 8, 2009, 5:09 pm

I tried to put it in perspective here.


Not nearly as entertaining or snarky as your stuff, but there’s something about pie charts…

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