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Ye olde Franke and Beans

Uncle B has been working hard lately and I’ve been watching him do it, so today we took a break, broke out the Weaselmobile and drove to Bodiam Castle, which is this stunning 14th Century semi-ruin along the River Rother.

It’s got everything you want in a Medieval castle: a big square sandstone thing with round towers on the corners and square towers in the walls, with gatehouses, crenellations, portculliseses, murder holes, machicolations and a big giant moat full of carp and fornicating ducks (well, they were certainly fornicating today).

It had a cameo role in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (as the establishing shot of “Swamp Castle“) and I caught Uncle B humming “Brave Sir Robin” under his breath in tune with the crumhorn music once or twice.

The castle wasn’t lived in for long and was deliberately ruined (or “slighted“) after the Civil War (theirs, not ours, duh) to keep it from being used as a fort again. Then good old Mad Jack Fuller bought it in 1829 and started excavating and shoring it up. Which they’re still doing.

The lady in the long linen cape and jingle bells (god, I hope she works there) told us that workmen on the sewer lines found a complete medieval pot and a piece of wood with a nail in it, just this morning.

The whole thing is covered in incised graffiti — mostly from the 19th Century, when it was an early tourist attraction. But I’m guessing this handsome meat and two veg, carved on the wall outside the guardtower loo, is a bit older.

What? Yes, I went to a beautiful 13th Century castle on a lovely Fall day, and all’s I brought you was some crude penis graffiti. Geez, learn to use Google, why don’t you?


Comment from Scubafreak
Time: October 20, 2010, 10:44 pm

LOL… An original William Wallace era balls and chain, eh? Well, at least the Ducks were in keeping with the spirit of the whole thing.

It would be nice having actual castles to tour. The only one we have around here is Bishops castle down south of Pueblo, and BLM keeps trying to confiscate and demolish that place…….

I go down there about once a year to test my nerve on the high ironworks that the Bishop family has built. lets just say, it ISN’T built for someone as large as I am….


Pingback from Tweets that mention S. Weasel — Topsy.com
Time: October 20, 2010, 10:49 pm

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Koopy, Stoaty Weasel. Stoaty Weasel said: Ye olde antient penis graffiti http://bit.ly/bsqibH […]

Comment from S. Weasel
Time: October 20, 2010, 10:51 pm

Balls and chain. Yes. I spent a few minutes at the Urban Dictionary looking for genital synonyms. I quit when I realized there were 107 pages of hits.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: October 20, 2010, 10:55 pm

LOL… Sorry, too many evenings watching ‘TRIPPING THE RIFT’ when i was a bit younger. Watching Choad chasing 6 of 9 around was always good for a laugh….

Comment from cobrakai99
Time: October 21, 2010, 12:52 am

One day all of this will be yours.

Comment from Allen
Time: October 21, 2010, 1:11 am

I’m quite happy with using Googol, in fact I can see it from my house.

I started to write it down, but then entropy caught up with me.

Comment from Sporadic Small Arms Fire
Time: October 21, 2010, 2:14 am

The Ancyency and Backwardnesse are Britishmens Sole Remoynynge Cloym to Foym. That, and being oftentimes outwitted by Ze Smellie Francaises.

Why, it seems just like the day before yesterday Lord Cornhollis surrendered the red-coated men in tights to General Washington. If only the rest of monarchists were as clever or situationally aware, they’d be better off as our 53rd state. “Ye Oulde Gannet Guano Isles State”.

This seems like a documentary.

Comment from Sporadic Small Arms Fire
Time: October 21, 2010, 2:26 am

Piece of wood with a nail in it?? must have been welshed from the IXth Legion spare chariot part depot, but the druids had no faith in that new-fangled high tech wizardry. Prolly tossed it aside when it failed to summon gods or sommat.

Fokken Loymes, eh.

Comment from Scubafreak
Time: October 21, 2010, 3:10 am

LOL… Sometimes I think I contribute to at least 30% of Stoatie’s need to imbibe at the end of the day…..

I just seem to have a talent…. 😉

Comment from Nina from GCP
Time: October 21, 2010, 4:31 am

Well, actually, I’m not at all disappointed, Stoaty…penis graffiti is exactly what I expect from you, and indeed is one reason why I keep coming back day after day.


Comment from Elphaba
Time: October 21, 2010, 4:43 am

Did they catapult any cows over the castle wall while you were there? Very, very cool!!!

Also, it occurs to me…after a meal of “meat and two veg,” one has ….wait for it! spotted dick for dessert. England…a gastronimical fright, I mean, delight!

Bad, bad, naughty Zoot! (yeah, E. has had a few too many glasses of wine..or, maybe just ENOUGH.)


(P.S. I do realize that the Swamp Castle is not the same as the Castle Anthrax…but it does make me chuckle)

Comment from SCOTTtheBADGER
Time: October 21, 2010, 5:25 am

Stoat websites, where the women wave thier panties on sticks, and carve naughty bits on the walls. Sigh. Well, at least there some Badgers here to set a higher moral tone.

Comment from steve
Time: October 21, 2010, 12:14 pm

So….that meat and two veg runeic carving is what, exactly?

The 14th century’s version of Brett Farvre e-mailing a pic of his junk?


Comment from Lord Cornhollis
Time: October 21, 2010, 12:41 pm

It was not a surrender!! Le Comte de Grasse personally assured me that these are the mortgage papers for the sale of timeshare in the village of Yorktown, where the level of personal taxation is decidedly preferable to that of liege to the Hanoverians.

Comment from FHB
Time: October 21, 2010, 4:41 pm

You sure that wasn’t some sort of sign for the forlorn? “Get IT here!” I think the Romans used to do that sort of thing. Maybe it was, like the roads and the baths, something incredibly civilized that hung on for a bit.

Comment from Randy Rager
Time: October 21, 2010, 5:35 pm


Bears a strong resemblance to the subject matter of your previous post.

Comment from Steve Skubinna
Time: October 22, 2010, 8:50 pm

Now that is totally Terry Pratchettesque.

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