Everything is coming up Workforce Update 28
Oh. OH! Can I have a meme? I swear I’ll take care of it. I’ll feed it and take it for walks. Just this once, pleeeease?
It seems someone used the microwave to warm up people shit in Brighton (it’s hard to beat the headline Poo Found in Brighton Council Microwave).
The council being the council, they wrapped the appliance in crime scene tape and stuck a note to it. And left it there for a week.
An update sent round to all members of staff, titled Workforce Update 28, said: “The microwave in the canteen has unfortunately been used to heat excrement and cannot be made hygienic or safe to use.
“Please do not use. We will have it disconnected and removed.
“This kind of behaviour is totally unacceptable and we will not be replacing the microwave.”
Staff has taken to referring to the whole incident as Workforce Update 28. Which is the meme I want. It’s my meme, and I want it.
Unfortunately, I haven’t pinned down the situation where this phrase would be appropriate. Which of life’s many vicissitudes corresponds to “someone has heated a bowl of shit in the communal microwave”?
July 31, 2012 — 9:53 pm
Comments: 46
Yeah, that guy
Y’all know Rick Locke. You know, the Temporary Duty guy.
Dude is writing a sequel, but he absolutely refuses to finish it without more oxygen. (I know, I know…these creative types and their needs.)
Go. Check it out. Say something nice to him. Give him a money. Give him several moneys.
Don’t make me go all Jerry Lewis up in here.
June 27, 2012 — 7:49 am
Comments: 18
Look! Kitten!
Good lord! Is that the time? I haven’t done a blog post yet.
Hm. How about a kitten picture. Everyone loves kittens.
There. Now, if I can only not do that weird thing where I type out my stream of consciousness into the text box, I might just get away with this.
Hehheh. Friends are trying to get us to take this kitten. Well, a kitten; this one was suggested. He’s a handsome rascal, but no. If I’m going to make Charlotte hate my guts again, I’m not doing it for anything less than that ginger tom I’ve always wanted. Or a savannah. Or a snow leopard, that’s the ticket.
June 25, 2012 — 10:41 pm
Comments: 32
More on moron
NEWSFLASH! Meghan McCain’s new book is out! And it’s stupid!
This book might be for you also if you’re interested in McCain’s thoughts on theology: “God for me is found everywhere; in my family, in the desert, in first kisses, in smiles, in laughter, in friendship, in cheesecake, in red wine, and above all else in love.” Or her thoughts on Little Rock, Ark.: “This place sucks.” Or on strippers: “Strippers. Strippers. Strippers. What is a proper trip to Vegas without strippers?” She adds that she feels “incredibly conflicted” about the sex industry but that the strippers she met on the trip — Daisy, Jessica, and G-Cup Bitch — were “happy and well adjusted.”
When you title your book ‘America, You Sexy Bitch’, you’re pretty much hanging a “dumb, with a chance of strippers” sign around its neck before abandoning it at the bus station.
O, why do I love ragging on Meghan McCain so much? Let me count the ways. Sufficient to make her block me on Twitter, anyhoo.
I thought about buying this reeking pile of literature just for laffs, but the Kindle version is over twenty bucks.
Shit, y’all, I could almost get a box of Premium saltines for that!
June 12, 2012 — 8:36 pm
Comments: 27
…his brain is squirming like a toad…
So, am I as’posed to say I’m being silent, or am I just as’posed to shut-the-hell up for a day?
Ha! Kidding! Ace is pushing June 8 as a day of blogger silence (or, rather, a day for pestering your Congresscritter instead of posting) on account of the above nutcake — convicted bomber, perjuror, drug dealer, Demo activist and all-around nasty piece of work Brett Kimberlin.
Unfortunately, Kimberlin is also a persistent and energetic jailhouse lawyer (and worse) who has lately dedicated himself to making the lives of conservative bloggers miserable. Follow the above link to learn more.
This may not be the party line on this one, but I don’t think this is a political issue. Not really. I think this guy is a classic sociopath first and a Democrat on a roll of the dice.
That’s not a good thing.
June 8, 2012 — 10:46 pm
Comments: 35
Dear Mr Myfartstink
I opened your stupid Russian dating spam because you made me laugh. There’s a lesson in there, and if you weren’t a spammer, you might be capable of learning it.
Changing the subject…how much do you think the Christian tradition has made the West more susceptible to the Anthropogenic Global Warming hypothesis?
You know, original sin (humans are a cancer on the planet), mortification of the flesh (turning down the thermostat, not eating meat, riding a bike or walking). Penance (recycling).
Oh, I know lefties aren’t usually religious, but these sorts of ideas work their way down into the bones of a culture. I’m just wondering if the Chinese or the Indians will find it easier to walk away from the theory when the evidence doesn’t pan out.
I think about these things. It’s why I walk into telephone poles.
March 20, 2012 — 10:58 pm
Comments: 16
Dog’s breakfast
The artwork isn’t mine. It’s one of the first page links on an image search of “dog’s breakfast.” Tineye turned up too many versions to attribute it properly.
Anyhoo — bit of a random link roundup for week’s end. I don’t remember where any of this came from; it’s just some tabs currently open on my browser.
You know that thing about how there are more people alive today than have ever lived? Nope. Not even close. Also, per the BBC’s handy calculator, I am the 3,029,753,026th living person born on this earth and the 76,672,989,525th ever to have lived.
I feel special.
In the Summer of 1896, railroad employee William George Crush decided to boost the fortunes of the sagging Missouri, Kansas & Texas Railway Company by staging a head-on collision between two of the company’s obsolete trains. For spectators. Like a monster truck rally. It didn’t work out so great, but then it didn’t work out as badly as it could have, either. Also, Scott Joplin wrote a song for the occasion.
No, it is not called sunday-SUNDAY-SUNDAY!
Speaking of train wrecks, Dr Seuss tried his hand at an adult book. Seldom in the field of artistic endeavor has nudity been less salacious.
And speaking of art, this guy put an ant colony in his scanner and scanned it once a week for five years. I’m a sucker for time lapse.
Oh! Reader Can’t hark my cry alerted me to this one: Lizzie Borden’s lawyer’s diary has been donated to the Fall River Historical Society. Sounds interesting if not completely revelatory. They’ll put it online eventually.
Finally, in a related matter, murdrum was a fine levied on the local Saxon population when a Norman was murdered by persons unknown. The distinction was between murder, which is done in secret, and homicide, which I guess you did in front of your mom and everybody. Do you know, there’s still more than a touch of the Saxon/Norman divide in England? The invader didn’t interbreed with the invaded much.
There, that should keep the bastards busy for a while. Good weekend, folks!
March 9, 2012 — 10:58 pm
Comments: 15
Seven naughty nurses and a waitress
Abe Books sent ’round a cute bit about romance book covers (and the sheer weight of nurses involved), in honor of Valentine’s Day.
Long-time readers may recall this is our anniversary.
The third for Uncle B and moi. Our favorite nice restaurant went out of business, so we’re going to get Chinese takeout and watch something on the box. We did chill down a nice bottle of Mumm we’ve been saving, though, so that’s okay.
But it’s also our anniversary — five years to the day since sweasel.com went live.
Happy anniversary! Smoochies! (But no champagne for you; my upload speeds aren’t up to it).
February 14, 2012 — 5:06 pm
Comments: 36
Look! This bear has a very long tongue!
Oh, god — this is what I’m reduced to. I am so unplugged, disengaged and utterly bored with everything, this stupid bear is the best I could do today.
Jesus.
Oh, I started to P’shop Obama sticking his hand in a hornet’s nest (forcing Catholics to pay for birth control is one of the most hilariously stupid political gaffes ever, innit?), but I got as far as Googling “hornet’s nest” and promptly lost the will to ‘shop.
I think I have a nasty case of The Februarys.
February 9, 2012 — 11:28 pm
Comments: 40
Kung Hei Fat Choi ever’body!
No, no…not another Skyrim post (although, yes — that’s me! Standing in front of the latest dragon I murdelated in Skyrim!) Today is Chinese New Year (though, I suppose, properly it’s the beginning of Chinese New Year, as they celebrate it for, like, two weeks).
It’s the Year of the Dragon, an especially auspicious year in the Chinese calendar. Let us hope so, as 2012 hasn’t exactly been a little slice of heaven so far.
We’re celebrating by picking up some Chinese takeout. Our favorite chinko is half an hour away and gas is around $8 a gallon here, so this is not a treat we get often. Kung Hei Fat Choi!
I had a peep into the political blogs earlier. Eh. All the candidates still running are unacceptable and my favorite blogs are standing around in a circle kicking each other in the balls about it.
Mmmmm…no thanks. Tap on the door when we’ve picked our final Impossibly Flawed Candidate, and I’ll swing into action trying to shoe-horn his sorry ass into the Oval Office. It’s all Dead Pools and chicken blogging until then!
Um, yay.
January 23, 2012 — 7:19 pm
Comments: 25