Meghan McCain’s feckless mammaries shatter the internet
Okay, so I’m a week late. Lighten up, it’s Friday!
Good weekend, everyone!
October 23, 2009 — 4:19 pm
Comments: 22
Really? REALLY?!
So the Obama administration doesn’t think Fox is a real news organization. Okay. You want to conflate editorial with news and pick a fight, eh. It’s a point of view.
Then he invites Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow and Maureen Dowd over for an intimate chat?! GAH! That pegs my WhatTheFuckometer to twelve. Twelve, I tell you!
Is there ANY sense in which that was a smart move? Even if it helps keep all the attendees on side — seriously, was he likely to lose Olbermann or Dowd? — it totally screws that journalistic integrity thing they’re always banging on about. Sure, we thought the lot were lying leftist ratbags all along, but now they’ve gone and done something that looks bad. Will they have to go negative to clear their names, or will they wear their sellout proudly?
And what about all the lying leftist ratbags who weren’t invited? Will they really be more positive after this? Or less, from bruised feelings and journalistic chops?
And Fox — how high can their ratings go, anyway? Even the lefties will have to watch now, to be sure there isn’t stuff the other guys are afraid to touch.
Somebody’s been steaming up the Potomac with tankers full of industrial grade stupid, I tells you.
October 22, 2009 — 7:25 pm
Comments: 16
We want you to eat it. Just eat it.
She never disappoints, our most elegantest first lady, does she? Michelle, honey — ENOUGH WITH THE BIKER LEATHER AND CARDIGANS. See, this is what happens when you tell somebody everything she does is fabulous. She’ll be wearing her panties outside her slacks next. You watch.
Obama also managed a spot-on imitation of kids whining about eating their vegetables.
“I don’t wanna eat it. I don’t like it. It tastes bad. I don’t want it,” the first lady said in her best nasal whine.
Then she added: “We don’t want to hear the whining. We want you to eat it. Just eat it.”
OMG, that’s, like, spot on.
Snark aside, she’s a much better natural politician than her husband. I watched her on the campaign trail; she was very comfortable working a room. She connected with people in a way he doesn’t.
Him, he can’t order a fucking waffle without making it sound like Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech. Once that gets boring, he’s got nothing.
So, yes, on the whole, I’m content for Michelle to spend her time lofting a hula-hoop in those ugly-ass sweater combos.
— 5:33 pm
Comments: 21
Unserious people
I’ve got my numbers right, haven’t I? We’re ten months in, and I know the fundraiser tally is correct. As for the number of times he’s met with General McChrystal — there was a briefing back when Obama took office, and then he scraped up half an hour during his craptacular Olympics bid. Did I miss anything?
This is about the level of artwork you can expect from me for a while. I busted the pen to my Wacom tablet. Actually, Damien busted it three years ago, when he was a wee baby psychotic, and I’ve been holding it together with hope and chewing gum ever since. It finally gave up the ghost last night.
I have a spare. Somewhere. I was using it when I first got here, before the rest of my stuff arrived, so it definitely made it. Tragically, finding it will require…housecleaning.
October 21, 2009 — 4:41 pm
Comments: 9
Return of the big baby
I continue to be well and truly gobsmacked by the quantum of stupid radiating out of this White House. Even if you believe Fox News is the font of all faux-journalistic evil, calling them out publicly is the dumbest possible approach. It diminishes the office of the president while it elevates Fox. When Helen Thomas tells you to grow a pair and stop abetting your enemies, you’re doing something extra special in the annals of whining.
And — best of all — this puts all the other news outlets in a really, really awkward spot. The White House has ordered them not to pay attention to stories sourced by Fox. Flat out ordered them. In front of the cameras and everything.
Now what? They want to obey. They hate Fox and love Obama with equal passion. The White House has made it cear that it won’t take the slightest criticism without retaliation, so they have to butter his bottom to get sweet, sweet access. And Fox breaks all the stories the MSM hates to cover.
On the other hand, some of the stories Fox has been breaking are undeniably news. Journalists have made such a big fucking deal out of being independent whistleblowers. A bulwark against the power of the state. An extra-Constitutional fourth branch of government. The Dissenters.
Watchoo gonna do now, boys?
October 20, 2009 — 1:00 pm
Comments: 27
Wrong tree. Am I barking up one?
I’ve had requests to put poor old Zombie Reagan on stuff since I first posted him. Sadly, the original drawing is quite small. It would come out about an inch and a half wide printed at 300 dpi.
I have serious finaldraftophobia. If I’m too pleased with a rough idea, I will always fumble the final, for-reals version. So, rather than trying to redraw this illustration, I thought I’d try going back to the official portrait and do a Photoshop job. Fortunately, the photo is available quite large, and I doubt there are any copyright issues with presidential portraits.
The question is, is this creepier than it is funny? I can’t make up my mind. I haven’t invested a whole lot of time in it yet, and before I labor to overlay cobwebs and strings of executive beef jerky, I’d like a second opinion or ten.
You know that “line” people talk about? I can never see the damned thing for myself.
October 19, 2009 — 6:38 pm
Comments: 41
Happy birthday, Mag-on!
Today is Baroness Thatcher’s 84th birthday.
Baroness. What a kick-ass title. I’d totally rather be a Baroness than some weenus Princess.
The chattering classes (including, sadly, the current useless pimple who heads the Tory Party) have convinced themselves that everyone hates Maggie as much as they do. So I’m hoping to convince them to package her up when she goes and send her off to the States. You can wall her bones up in the Capitol building (next to poor old Smithson, walled up in the castle) to ward off pussies.
October 13, 2009 — 4:49 pm
Comments: 28
…and the winner is…
And the winner of the Iowahawk Endowment for the Arts $33.18 Steel Cage Art Death Match is…
Racist Pixel by US Citizen of Traction Control. Congratulations, dude — I know that’s the one *I* voted for.
But Iowahawk was kind enough to single out this ‘umble weasel (and John Manders — dammit, I wish I’d thought of a Big Daddy Roth hommage) for the Imaginary Certificate of Special Artistic Merit, which includes the Jack H. Squat Memorial Monetary Stipend.
Gosh, that’s the largest single paycheck I’ve gotten since November!
It was honor enough making the front page of one of my favorite writists. I was all, like, ZOMG! ZOMG!!!! SQUEEEEEEEE!
Wow. I had no idea I could make that noise.
October 12, 2009 — 6:25 pm
Comments: 17
Gots to start somewhere…
Ordinarily, my MO would be to spend a week or two twiddling around with the graphics and layout and stuff, but I can’t resist jumping on the dogpile and taking craven advantage of Dear Leader’s latest humiliation….ummm…triumph…ahhhh….well-deserved award. So, here’s my test storefront and this links directly to my first shirt idea.
DON’T buy something to do me a favor, you wonderful bastards. I’ve turned the commission way, way down — as far as it’ll go — while I work out the kinks. I’d get pennies. I’m not doing this one for me, I’m doing it for Dear Leader.
DO, please…if you get a chance…go over and poke the buttons and pull the levers and let me know what you think of Zazzle and the interface and the range of products they’ve got. It’s all very rough at the moment, but that’s okay — the store template has customizable CSS, so I can really screw it up if I put my mind to it.
Oh, and my shirt idea. If you have suggestions, I can make changes. I want to get it right. It’s not every day that Obama gets accolades just for teh Awesome.
Oh, wait…yes it is!
October 11, 2009 — 3:19 pm
Comments: 44
Okay, now the guy is SERIOUSLY starting to piss me off…
He’s getting the most unhealthy, undemocratic, fawning, sycophantic, suck-up media treatment in the history of the Oval Office, and he’s whining about the ONE media outlet that takes shots at him.
WORSE, he thinks it’s appropriate to slap back.
The take-no-prisoners turn has come as a surprise to some in the press, considering the largely favorable coverage that candidate Obama received last fall and given the President’s vows to lower the rhetorical temperature in Washington and not pay attention to cable hyperbole. Instead, the White House blog now issues regular denunciations of the Administration’s critics, including a recent post that announced “Fox lies” and suggested that the cable network was unpatriotic for criticizing Obama’s 2016 Olympics effort.
YOOHOO! Princess? You are the President of the United States. You are the most powerful single individual on the planet Earth. You are Godzilla; our puny bullets are like unto stinging flies, okay? You got that?
When you yelp, you break the spell. Talking back makes you smaller.
October 8, 2009 — 7:31 pm
Comments: 30