web analytics

ROUND FIVE: finally!

deadpoolFinally! It took five months for that last poor bastard to die, but Sockless Joe wins it with good ol’ Al Haig. Joe seemed as happy as a man with two dicks.

Right! The rules:

1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity at all, though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of.

2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, you have to turn up and pick again. Poaching happens!

3. Your first choice is the one that sticks. Choose wisely!

4. The new DeadPool begins the Friday after the next honoree kicks the bucket.

5. You can play for bragging rights alone, but if you want the fabulous prize, you have to trust me with a mailing address. Packages go by slow boat and typically take eight to ten weeks and arrive looking hungover.

And the fabulous prize? Naturally, it’s a double helping of Aunty’s spotted dick! They’re microwavable!

Yeah, I ate the one in the bowl. I bought a bunch of it and, when nobody died, I figured I’d better learn to love dick. Not bad, actually.

So, step up! Strangers, first-timers and noobs welcome. If I can lure you guys with dick jokes, I don’t know what the world is coming to.

February 26, 2010 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 254

Barack Obama, Sooper Genius

Ed Morrissey picked this as his Obamateurism of the day, so it’s not like it isn’t getting attention. But I’m so utterly, breath-takingly stonking gobsmacked, I just have to repost it. Video here.

When I was young, just got out of college, I had to buy auto insurance. I had a beat-up old car. And I won’t name the name of the insurance company, but there was a company — let’s call it Acme Insurance in Illinois. And I was paying my premiums every month. After about six months I got rear-ended and I called up Acme and said, I’d like to see if I can get my car repaired, and they laughed at me over the phone because really this was set up not to actually provide insurance; what it was set up was to meet the legal requirements. But it really wasn’t serious insurance.

Now, it’s one thing if you’ve got an old beat-up car that you can’t get fixed. It’s another thing if your kid is sick, or you’ve got breast cancer.

The President of the United States doesn’t know the difference between liability insurance and collision coverage? He doesn’t know that liability coverage is the only kind that is legally required? He doesn’t know that comprehensive insurance would have been a LOT more expensive — more than a beat up old car is worth? He doesn’t know if the other guy rear-ended him, he had a claim on the other guy’s insurance?

And to this day he obviously doesn’t know it. He (generously, he thinks) declines to name the insurance company, because he thinks they were wrong to laugh at him. He is incapable of processing a basic, grownup point of information I’d expect any kid on his own for the first time to grasp right away.

This guy really was an affirmative action hire, wasn’t he?

— 2:21 pm
Comments: 35